August 11, 2004


Hey, Phillip Adams! Alan Ramsey! And all the rest of you gullible

You’d better move quickly, before these are all sold out!

Posted by Tim Blair at August 11, 2004 11:36 AM

That's not a real plastic doll! It's made of meat!

Posted by: EvilPundit at August 11, 2004 at 12:12 PM

I've just done a google news search on "plastic turkey", the two most recent claims are by Granma, the official Cuban propaganda paper, in an article castigating american lies! (it also praises Michael Moore).

The other one is by Al Jazeera which claims that Bush is going to launch terror attacks before the election so that he can win, in an interesting twist of Plastic Turkey mythology they claim that Bush walked "around with a “plastic turkey” in front of a carefully screened audience of rabid Republicans".

Personally the two articles make me glad we are fighting Jihadis rather than commies because the commie prose style is atrocious.

Posted by: Ross at August 11, 2004 at 12:14 PM

The figure comes complete with a turkey dinner platter similar to the centerpiece he carried while visiting our troops on Thanksgiving day 2003.

Made of plastic. Ha. It's actually a masterpiece of subtle innuendo, able to be read either as a gushing endorsement or an ambiguous jibe. Very clever.

So why is it that an anonymous American action figure blurb writer is both wittier and more adroit than our national literary living treasures? Why, damn it?

Posted by: Andrew D. at August 11, 2004 at 12:16 PM

I'm confused. Is that a real plastic turkey or a plastic real turkey?

Posted by: Jorge at August 11, 2004 at 12:16 PM

I was just thinking, it’s been so long since Tim did an entry on plastic turkeys & I came here to wax plaintive—& saw the above entry & realized even before visiting any of the URLS—

so much depends / upon // a plastic / turkey // glazed with glaze / stuff // beside the right / POTUS

Welcome back, o Quetzalcoatl of dinner ornaments, o plucked serpent adored of G.O.B.B.L.E., o mascot of the Fake Flying Plastic Turkey Band!

And don’t be a stranger now, ya hear?

Posted by: ForNow at August 11, 2004 at 12:40 PM

Well, Jorge, it's being held by a real plastic action figure. I'd vote for real plastic turkey. But what would I know, being a rabid member of the VRWC?

Posted by: The Real JeffS at August 11, 2004 at 12:50 PM

Phillip Adams did wear the Mao Cap and it wasn't plastic.

Posted by: gubbaboy at August 11, 2004 at 01:37 PM

Newcomers should read all the plastic turkey threads, at least those from the Unforgettable Month—December 2003

Dec. 5, 2003
Dec. 10, 2003 - SHE DON'T GET NO RESPECT
Dec. 14, 2003 - HISTORIC MOMENT
Dec. 25, 2003 - IT'S ALL ABOUT TURKEYS

March 10, 2004 - JOHN F(AKE) KERRY

Posted by: ForNow at August 11, 2004 at 02:04 PM


Posted by: ilibcc at August 11, 2004 at 02:16 PM

Son, we's Amurrikins. As this picture from Peking shows, we can sell anybody anything!

Posted by: richard mcenroe at August 11, 2004 at 02:18 PM

Surely the only turkey worth commemorating is the one that bit Georgie on the cock.

Posted by: karl at August 11, 2004 at 02:27 PM

you've been obsessing for 9 months now. that's quite an effort - congratulations!

"regardless of how the visit was perceived politically, it will become a piece of our nation's history"

that's gold.

Posted by: chico o'farrill at August 11, 2004 at 02:33 PM

richard mcenroe: I wouldn't get too cocky until those t-shirts become more popular in China than Che Guevara t-shirts are in the US. So far the commies are winning the t-shirt war.

Mr President, we must not allow a t-shirt gap!

Posted by: Jorge at August 11, 2004 at 02:40 PM

Actually it’s been fun tracking the lib/leftist obsession with the plastic turkey, a deflector of attention from Bush’s important speech in London, his Thanksgiving Day boosting of troops’ morale in Baghdad (a la FDR in Casablanca, google it), & his Thanksgiving Day reassurance of Iraqis of whom 1,000 marched in Baghdad against terrorism the next day & 10,000 (said Al Jazeerah) to 20,000 (said Walid Phares) a week later as well as Iraqis in other cities (said wire services). This ornomythic deflector & distractor was framed as an instant classic symbol by the leftist press of the White House’s media manipulation.

Why should we let the left forget it? And why not have fun (see

Posted by: ForNow at August 11, 2004 at 03:07 PM

Jorge — Yes, but 90% of the kids wearing the Che t-shirts couldn't tell you who he is.

EVERYBODY knows Uncle...

Posted by: richard mcenroe at August 11, 2004 at 03:20 PM

A few months ago Ramsey was predicting Mark Latham was going to run down Howard like a Mack truck. Today, as this grab below shows, it seems Ramsey's rig has run out of juice. He's just a fraud who should have taken redundancy from the SMH when it was offered a month or so ago.

``Last week, when Latham and Tony Abbott did a rare two-step harmony at another Latham book launch, the Liberals' Ross Cameron, the member for the marginal seat of Parramatta, was so impressed by Latham's performance that he remarked in an aside to a press gallery journalist: "If he was like that all the time, Labor would win in a landslide." Latham isn't and Labor won't, but the outcome remains a contest.''

Posted by: Margo's First XVIII at August 11, 2004 at 03:38 PM

Now that Bush has his doll, when's the Kerry 'Nam action hero figure coming out? Accessories could include a play movie cam, three Band-aids, a cap with "CIA Secret Ops" on it, a map of the country, and a map of his boat.

Posted by: c at August 11, 2004 at 03:49 PM

I'm a bit late to the "Bushitler taunted GIs with plastic turkey" meme, but wasn't the turkey he actually posed with for the camers (as opposed to the one fed to the troops)a fake? In that case, the action figure -- since it depicts the Turkey he posed with for the camera -- would be a "real fake" one.

Just wondering, but is the next political action figure going to be Kerry throwing his/someone else's medals/ribbons into the Potomic? Or will it be a two headed Kerry doll -- one head saying one thing, the other head saying the exact opposite (come to think of it, would two heads be enough?)

Posted by: Sean at August 11, 2004 at 04:09 PM

C: Damnit, you beat me to the punch! Oh well, great minds think alike.

Posted by: Sean at August 11, 2004 at 04:12 PM

You could come up with better accessories. I never did play with guy dolls. (Not that I'm saying anyone else here has, either.

Posted by: c at August 11, 2004 at 04:21 PM

End parentheses.

Posted by: c at August 11, 2004 at 04:22 PM

I really can't understand the plastic turkey stuff considering I saw Bush and some NCO's serving it to soldiers that proceeded to eat it.

That said, the plastic we ought to be worrying about is the Plastic Presidential Candidate--John Fake Kerry. :-)

BTW--a GREAT site....kudos to one and all. It's been fun to visit here..


Posted by: Pat at August 11, 2004 at 04:29 PM

I must be a softie. I read the action figure's write up and a feeling of pride in the Commander in Chief welled up inside me.
That's some good marketing.

Posted by: papertiger at August 11, 2004 at 05:00 PM

while you're at the website, check out the Rummy doll

Posted by: STEVE at August 11, 2004 at 05:03 PM

They have a talking Clinton doll. It needs a little something, though. It should have a cigar as an accessory item.

Posted by: Chris Josephson at August 11, 2004 at 05:11 PM


Thanks for that. It hasn't been a good week here. But that actually made me smile.
Oh, I am still eagerly awaiting the vegemite....

Posted by: Major John at August 11, 2004 at 05:47 PM

The Vegemite! Glad you reminded me. It's been delayed by various things, but will likely arrive shortly after I get back to Australia.

The problem has been arranging to send it directly from Australia. I'll most likely end up sending it from licenced importers within the US.

Posted by: tim at August 11, 2004 at 07:18 PM

Two things,
1) Bush finally has a plastic turkey.
2) Kerry-Doll must have a Kung-Fu Grip (tm) and a set of tossable medals for that special occasion.

Oh a third thing,
3)Margo may not be Jewish but it would help the guy if he was, then he can have sex through the sheet and not have to gaze apon Mrs Horror-Head.

Posted by: JakeD at August 11, 2004 at 09:54 PM

Turkeyman: The Movie


The cigar-chomping editor of the Bulletin is yelling at one of his columnists: "Where's that column Blair? Deadline is in five minutes! Give me that column or you're fired!"

Everyone thinks that Tim Blair's colum is chronically late because he spends all his time surfing the web and counting the hits on his blog, but the audience knows better: it's because of the demands of his secret identity: Turkey Man!

After a lot of fights and self-doubt ("To be Turkeyman or not to be Turkeyman, that is the question etc etc"), Turkeyman tracks down the source of all the plastic turkey stories appearing in the commie media -- deep in the bowels of the ABC, it's Philip Adams! And he's wearing a hat.

There's a really really big fight where lots of stuff gets broken and Philip Adams' hat gets torn off and Turkeyman's costume gets torn enough so that you can see his rippling muscles. Anyway, Turkeyman wins and realizes that Adams is wearing one of those rubber mask things. Turkeyman pulls off the mask revealing -- Saddam Hussein!

Turkeyman: "Hah, now we've got you. And we found your WMDs in the Western Desert."
Saddam: "That's impossible! I hid them under my palaces!"
Turkeyman: [just smiles]
Saddam: "Hey! You tricked me!"

The End.
Plus Turkeyman gets the girl.

Cast: Turkeyman/Tim Blair: Eric Bana
Turkeyman's Boss: John Howard
Turkeyman's girlfriend: Kylie Minogue
Saddam Hussein/Philip Adams: Geoffrey Rush

Theme Song:
Turkeyman, Turkeyman,
Does whatever a turkey can
Posts on web, ev'ry day,
Why he does, who can say?
Look Out! Here comes the Turkeyman.

Is he smart? Listen son,
He writes for the Bulle-ton. Can he post in a thread
Take a look on the web
Hey, there There goes the Turkeyman.

In the chill of night
Turkey story comes out
Like a streak of light
He arrives with a shout

Turkeyman, Turkeyman
Friendly neighborhood Turkeyman
Wealth and fame
He's ignored. Blog hits are his reward.
To him, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a hang up You'll find the Turkey man.

Posted by: Tim Lambert at August 11, 2004 at 09:57 PM

c: You forgot the 3 Purple Hearts to go with the bandaids. After all, they're shoved under our noses about once a nanosecond.

That's what enrages me. He never missed a day of duty, never spent a day in the hospital, but he had 3 of them. My father, who the first time he was wounded spent a month in a hospital and the last resulted in him carrying a piece of German steel in his shoulder the rest of his life, only got two.

Pompous, elitist jerk.

Imperial Keeper

Posted by: Elizabeth at August 12, 2004 at 01:52 AM

C: Better accessories, huh? Well, not that I play with dolls or anything either, but here it goes:

The ribbon/ medal throwing Kerry would come equipped with "swivel wrist action" that would allow the Kerry doll to throw the medals if a lever on the back of the doll was pressed. Also, the doll would come with two sets of medals, "his" and "some other guy's." And of course, his own medals wouldn't fit in his medal throwing hand, and could therefore never be thrown.

As far as the 2+ headed Kerry doll, I would suggest a briefcase full of his legislative accomplishments in his 19+ years in the Senate, but since he doesn't have any...

Posted by: Sean at August 12, 2004 at 02:18 AM

I’m probably crazier for plastic turkey tales than Tim is. He’s been responding to his audience on a legitimate issue regarding a tissue of fowl lies.

Tim, like many here, may never even have heard the old “Spiderman” theme song. The judicious use of m-dashes & other punctuation would have helped indicate the proper phrasing, like so:

Is he smart?—Listen son,
He writes for the Bulle-ton.
Can he post—in a thread?
Take a look—on the web.
Hey there!—!—There goes the Turkeyman.

Posted by: ForNow at August 12, 2004 at 03:16 AM


The three Band-aids were about the PHs. I don't think even Kerry would have tossed "his" medals in protest had they actually been deserved. At some deep level, he must know what a fraud he is. At any rate, many, many thanks to your father for his service and sacrifices.


The Senator Kerry-Ken doll could carry a black briefcase with a few blank papers and the CIA cap souvenir that accessorizes the action figure Kerry. He should wear a tuxedo and topsiders, don't you think?

Posted by: c at August 12, 2004 at 04:47 AM

As far as the 2+ headed Kerry doll, I would suggest a briefcase full of his legislative accomplishments in his 19+ years in the Senate, but since he doesn't have any...

That just leaves more space for that CIA cap. And a gourmet lunch.

Posted by: PW at August 12, 2004 at 05:18 AM

c: You're right, I just figured he'd pin them over the band-aids to let us know he served in Viet Nam.

You're welcome. He was in the 29th Division as a forward artillery observer in WWII. He never talked about it much, unlike Hanoi John. But the people who really do the deeds don't.

Imperial Keeper

Posted by: Elizabeth at August 12, 2004 at 05:27 AM

At my high school reunion a few weeks ago a classmate of mine was telling my wife and I about his tour in Iraq. He was at the Baghdad Airport the day Bush flew in and had been invited to the mess hall where Bush was going to appear. Not knowing anything special was planned he declined and went the the place he was familiar with.

His buddies came back telling him "You won't BELIEVE who we had dinner with!" My classmate is a big Bush fan and to this day he is bummed out about missing out on that.

Anyway, after a bit I asked him about the plastic turkey story and whether he had heard about it. He had, just laughed a bit, and said "Everybody who was there was totally blown away by his visit. They were jazzed." So, apparently, being served a plastic turkey is good for morale.

Posted by: Brent at August 12, 2004 at 08:49 AM

Johnson&Johnson has a line of purple heart band aids. NO really. I'm not JoKing!

Posted by: papertiger at August 12, 2004 at 10:53 AM

Just remember, the Democrats' guy can't even throw a baseball 60 feet, while Our George...

Posted by: richard mcenroe at August 12, 2004 at 03:23 PM

do they have a Dick Cheney doll who tells the Patrick Leahy doll to go fuck himself?

Posted by: steve at August 12, 2004 at 05:26 PM

>richard mcenroe: I wouldn't get too cocky until those t-shirts become more popular in China than Che Guevara t-shirts are in the US. So far the commies are winning the t-shirt war.

I can't say I've done a formal count, but in Paris at least the Stars and Stripes shirts and accessories seem to have a big lead over Che.

Posted by: John Nowak at August 12, 2004 at 05:30 PM

Steve — I broke the string on mine from overuse... you don't want to put it on the shelf next to the Theresa Heinz Kerry doll, though... fishwives ain't in it.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at August 13, 2004 at 01:43 AM