October 17, 2004
OPERATION GUARDIAN GUERRILLA UPDATE
Having launched a unilateral attack on Clark County, Ohio, The Guardian now finds itself facing an unexpected uprising from insurgents loyal to their tyrannical president.
The Guardian's campaign of liberation, led by an unprecedented shock and awe letter assault, has become bogged down in a quagmire of hostile e-mails and online mockery. Instead of the flowers they'd anticipated, The Guardian's soldiers are being targeted by the very people they believed they were helping.
As well, factional rulers, power-seeking warlords, and fundamentalist militias from outside the region have since joined the brave Clark County resistance. Springfield looms as another Stalingrad.
Fears that weapons of mass destruction would be deployed against the invaders have so far proved groundless, although rumours persist of an alleged postcard-powered Doomsday Device. The device is said to be capable of transmitting fatal images to massed Guardian forces within 45 seconds.
"All Guardian journalists will feel the wrath of postcard vengeance!" a resistance spokesman urged on a website opposed to the imperialist takeover. "Images of the Hatted One shall be upon them! Blog is great!"
Posted by Tim Blair at October 17, 2004 03:51 AM
Tim, you truly are diabolical. . . . I think I love you.
This is what happens when a newspaper chooses to act unilaterally. They obviously didn't possess a plan for this unexpected turnaround.
[shows everyone his inbox filled with spam from 'The Guardian'] Is this the democracy you bring us?!
Now, just like terrorists/insurgents, we need to find other grievences we don't really give a damn about, but use them anyway to convince those with self-guilt that our fight is right.
THE BONES OF THE GUARDIAN INVADERS WILL BE BLEACHED WHITE IN THE SUN LIKE ROLLED-UP NEWSPAPERS THAT ACCUMULATE ON THE SIDEWALK IN SUMMER WHEN YOU FORGET TO TELL THE PAPERBOY YOU ARE GOING ON VACATION SO HE KEEPS THROWING THEM THERE AND THEY KEEP PILING UP AND LOOKING LIKE A BUNCH OF BLEACHED BONES OF GUARDIAN INVADERS! ULULULULULU!
Just sent John LeCarre a Doomsday Device. Hope he enjoys it!
I think I'll follow Robert Fisk's example and stock up on rolls and rolls of toilet paper.
This could be a long war.
I'm just worried about the influx of... not suicide bombers. What would you call Puce? A wordicide bomber? The influx of those into the region.
Just a thought: In a related article, giving viewers a "brief guide to Clark County", The Guardian describes the OSU football team as "the Ohio Buckeyes football team". As any American football fan will tell you it is The (capitalized) Ohio State Buckeyes. The distinction may seem minor, but I ASSURE you anybody that follows football in that state will instantly recognize the difference. I can only hope that one of these concerned world citizens tries to insert that in their letter as a way of "connecting" with the voter. It will undoubtedly have the reverse intended effect.
Nashville, TN, USA
The Guardian Information Minister was quoted as saying, "The infidel letters are not at the mailroom, they are dying in the post!"
Never really appreciated the idea behind the German 'schadenfreude' before. But first with Latham and the ALP taking it in the shorts and now the Guardian being mail bombed. Oh joy!
I've liberated 100 Clark County registered voters with undeclared party affiliation. I've sent numerous Doomsday Devices. Will keep going until the Guardian sues for peace.
To second Mr. Durham:
Ohio University (Bobcats, Mid-American Conference, in Athens) and Ohio State University (Buckeyes, Big Ten, in Columbus) are completely separate institutions over 100 kilometers apart. Not keeping them straight is a matter certain to raise scorn.
Ha! Kerry pulled the same sports boner when he called Lambeau Field (home of the Green Bay Packers) "Lambert Field".
Is this a case of Kerry being a Euroweenie, or the Euroweenies following the lead of Senator John "Flip Flop" Kerry?
Enquiring minds want to know!
This thread has been linked from Instapundit. Put on your best pajamas, everyone!
There are some nice military-themed e-cards here.
My favorite is still Samia Rahman's "I can understand how perplexed you must feel." Oh, no, Mr. Kindly British Leftist! Even your vast wisdom and compassion is unable to fully grasp the extent of my American perplexitude! You're saying you're from another country?
Do they address you Aussies with the some condescending contempt?
The Guardian describes the OSU football team as "the Ohio Buckeyes football team"...It will undoubtedly have the reverse intended effect.
I dunno -- it's still better than Kerry managed.
Wow...no wonder I've suddenly spiked in hits yet again since Tim linked me this morning...
Woo. What a ride. :)
Aussies and Americans are treated with equal condescension and contempt. Both nationalities are seen as being immature, out of control, excessively boisterous, a bit uncivilized, and of course as being unwise and unsophisticated and badly in need of supervision by their superiors.
Would somebody please explain in non-snarky, non-sarcastic, straightforward English what this is all about? What's with you bloggers? You're getting too hip for the room, I think!
Please tell me: What happened? What is the dispute? What's going on?
You might be less Mystified if you could just figure out how the hotlinks work.
Go here and you will find your answer
Part of the message I emailed to Guardian writer Jonathan Freedland:
"You CAN have a vote. Just apply for statehood, like Texas did. We may not be as enthusiastic with your application, I can't see the UK contributing nearly what Texas has, but there's no harm in asking. I'm sure we would consider it."
That is all, carry on.
Amphipolis if the UK asks for statehood, let's make it conditional, and split up the Brits and the Scots. Then we'll have a better split of electoral votes. I don't know about Wales. But then the Graudain staff can vote directly. Heck, Kerry can move to London and run for Governor!!!
But blood pudding has got to go. No argument!
Steven, I just looked at that plot on your web site. A most fascinating analysis! Thanks for posting it.
Hey, The Real JeffS : it's BLACK pudding, not "blood pudding". Although I agree with you about the Scots and the Welsh. And if you guys can keep sending the IRA all those dollars without which they wouldn't have wreaked havoc on the UK for the past thirty years, then hell, maybe we fag Brits might learn what turrism is all about.
Pip pip !
I sent the Guardian writers e-mail after downloading the file from shapeofdays:
First time I sent them Jeff Harrell's post, then I sent them yours, Tim, and then I added the following (hoping that the irony isn't lost on them):
You know, it's too bad you didn't try to meddle in the Afghan election - it was the first in their 5,000+ year history, and you could have played a role in this historic event. We've been doing these silly presidential elections since 1788 - ever since we kicked your ancestors' derrieres back to where they belonged. By my calculation, that makes this our 55th presidential election, with scores of elections at other levels of government. What's so special about meddling in this one?
Hey, I have an idea - Iraq, as you may have heard, is also having an historic election this January (my sincere thanks to the blokes in your country who helped). It will be pretty historic too. Why don't you go bother the Iraqis? We'll try to do this thing again without your assistance, thank you very much.
That's enough! You're just being silly!
Mr Burton is a funny guy. We all now know there is no such thing as terrorism.
I'm OK with admitting two or three British states. After all, New England has six.
On a more serious note, here's a letter from Iraq that _should_ be sent to Americans everywhere...
Dave, I stand corrected. BLACK pudding, right!
In compensation, you can keep the black pudding. And as a bonus, if the UK enters the United States, the IRA would then be attacking the United States. As you know, we have a sound policy about terrorism.
1776- Americans revolting from British guardian imperialists win the War of Independence with France's(??) help.
2004- Americans revolted by imperialistic Guardian Brits win the War of Interdependence with Aussie(!!) help.
A modern-day Patrick Henry, Tim Blair will go down in American history, having said: "They lie like dogs!" and "let's launch..."
Yay! you rock. where's that tipjar...
A modern-day Patrick Henry, Tim Blair will go down in American history, having said: "They lie like dogs!" and "let's launch..."
Are you sure that Tim didn't say "let's lunch with expensive wine...."?
Thank you for your concern. Yes, it is a good life here in my trailer, I read your letter on my computer while supping on an Elvis tray. You are quite the admirer of John "Lurch" Kerry.
So, you are quite concerned that Iraq has become almost as violent as the crowd at a British soccer match... Pity
Yes, maybe we did overreact a touch to 9-11, we don't understand British sensibilities of a genuinely world threatening tragedy, like the auto crash and death of a jet-setting royal.
We do understand that you fellows can get quite cranky, quite possibly due to the toothaches brought on by rotten teeth and lack of proper dental hygiene.
In closing, we hope that the peace loving European Union (Greater France) is willing to rush to your aid and provide all you need when your New Best Friends in the East End proceed with their fatwa in Trafalgar Square
An American very happy that we wrote that little Declaration of Independance.
Well I've sent the Guardian an e-mail and the postcard. But I won't say "reporting for duty." That line's been spoiled.
I wonder how the number of deaths caused by the IRA insurgents over the last 30 years compares with the 9-11 toll. Does anyone know?
Ah no, there's one pudding that is even worse. Suet Pudding. Gah!
And here's my missive to our over the pond budz.
Understand you've made the decision the folks over here in the good
ol' U.S. of A. need your help in guiding our fingers on Nov.02.2004.
Well why don't you all just come on over for a little pie fest. We'll
even throw in some ice cream free. This will give you all a taste of
down home hospitality.
Then after you've been served up your pie and icecream we have a very
special treat for you. It's an old time tradition thats not been used
some time now. We'd like to honor you with the same kind of send off we
used to use for politicians, rapscallions and snake oil sellers. You'll
get the ride of your life out of town , bound to a rail road tie (used
one) after you've been donned in the latest of tar and feathers.
I'm sure hoping that you are in the receipt of many more home spun
emails as mine. I'd hate the think I'm the only 'murikan whose extended
an invite to you all.
Sincerely (of course)
I say we invite a French and/or German newspaper to launch the same kind of campaign on British elections. And cite The Guardian as a precedent.
OK, Real JeffS, let's make that:
A modern-day Marquis de Lafayette, Tim Blair will go down in American history for having said: "They lie like dogs!" and "Let's launch with expensive wine..."
History is fungible
Oh I do like your idear.
There's nothing the limeys' love more than the great unwashed (armpits) froggies.
Awww, Real JeffS, you just have no appreciation of the true culinary delights. Never mind, your loss.
As to the UK applying for statehood. Now why in heck's name would we want to ruin a good thing ?
And Amphipolis, I said "turrism", not "terrorism', whatever that is.
I mean, what is it, this "terrorism" ? Is it a bunch of Iraqis, or Irish (IRA) or Spanish (ETA) or Indonesian (Jamal Islamiyah), or Americans (McVeigh, Waco, etc. Actually, forget Waco, that was the FBI), or Germans (Baader Meinhoff), or Italians (Brigate Rosse), or the Chechens, blowing people to bits ?
Is that "terrorism" ? Is that what you mean by "terrorism" ? Or do you only define it by "furriners" attacking the good 'ole you ess of ay ?
Durn, of course, according to you, there ain't be no such dang blasted thing not no-how no-ways.
Ah well, in that case, it must be something more like BLOWING HALF A MILLION JAPANESE TO ATOMS in 1945.
Ain't that turrism ?
Thank you for the link Mr. Blair. I enjoyed this so much, I actually wrote
a second letter. Keep it up!
No, Mr. Burton. Little old A bombS, you forgot it took dropping the 2nd one for the Japanese to figure out we were serious, aren't acts of terrorism. It was just our way of having the last word in a situation they started. I think it worked out pretty good. The Japanese have a functioning democracy, healthy economy (most of the time), and lo and behold, they're supporting us in this war against the Islamists.
What a great comment thread, started by a hilarious post, and the cherry on top is a Den Beste sighting.
Steven Den Beste? The People love you, man.
"Blog is great!"
Tim, not to be punktlich, but it should read:
"Blog is greater!"
That is the exact translation of "Blogu Akbar!"
Oh yeah, if you want to talk to some American about supporting the IRA, I think you should talk to the 2 DEMOCRAT senators from Mass., Messers Kennedy and Kerry. Most of the financial support for the dirtwad Irish terrorists come from their fair state, which has a huge population of folks from the Emerald Isle.
For the US to join the Commonwealth, would we need to accept the queen as a sovereign? Can we join anyway? This American wants in the club!
I don't know why you should mess with such a good thing, basking in cozy US military protection for some 90 years or so. But hey, we can throw you a few electoral votes.
There were lots of WWII deaths, weren't there? I'm sure glad it ended when it did.
Left this at the really charmingly clueless www.perfect.co.uk.
Ohffly, OHFFLY sorry we don’t have time to read some of your cracking good anti-US diatribes…just here for the American wit, actually. Nothing personal. There’s a good fellow.
It does just ooze irony, doesn’t it, that when my grandfather was a youngish man, before he received his OBE in 1957 — that Great Britain was the world power, with us backward Yanks down around Portugal, military-wise. Portugal, eh-wot! Rather a poor show on our part, one must say!
But you leftist chaps managed to destroy all that in the space of a generation. That Hitler fellow may have been a little brash, one must agree, but all that nonsense about wanting to take over the world? What rot! Here’s Chechoslovakia. No do be quiet. There’s a good fellow.
So it’s deucedly saucy of you chaps to say you want some of that power back, for free. You haven’t earned it, you see. You ancestors did — they earned it in spades. But you sold them out, you rascals. You smelted down their Victoria Crosses to pay for your welfare state. No wonder when we sunny Americans think about real, grey, lifeless HORROR, one can’t escape the fact that 1984 and A CLOCKWORK ORANGE just don’t work without that smashing, smug, superior British accent.
Cheerio, Robin! It is, sadly, the most important work you have ever done! Don’t forget to not have any children — those Muslim families need as much space as quickly as possible!
I just sent one of the killabee postcards to Judith Mackrell of the Guardian, who, like the mackrel by moonlight, doth both shine and stink. Let's go, troops! I see the whites of their eyes!
To second Mr. Durham:
To third Mr Durham:
Ohio State University is in Columbus, and Ohio University is in Athens, which as stated is about 100 kms difference. It's like confusing Londonderry with London.
Folk, folks, folks... You're going about this all wrong. Go ahead and pick one, five, ten, or even all of the people at the Guardian, and write to them. It's WHAT you write, and HOW you write it, that will do the damage.
I've chosen two approaches: Deep sympathy that XXXXXX has to work for such a bunch of idiots, and encouraging them to immigrate to the United States, so they can work for a "real newspaper", like The New York Times or the Boston Globe, and one of "Gosh darn it, you little fellers are just so CUTE when you try to emulate grown-ups". In both cases, I try to be EXTREMELY polite, NEVER criticizing Britain, even expressing admiration of a few of their people and institutions (Maggie Thatcher, the Queen, Fergie, the Loch Ness Monster, the invention of postage stamps, the London subway, Cheddar cheese, etc.). You will get one of two kinds of response - an outpouring of the individual's hatred of CERTAIN British institutions (on one instance, the Guardian), or you'll set someone's blood pressure higher than the Eifel Tower. Either way, the Guardian suffers. I expect to hear of several cardiac patients being rushed from the Guardian to the nearest Public Health hospital, where they'll be allowed to wait in the emergency room a day or two for treatment...
Polly, you missed all the points.
Amphipolis was trying to make quantification (number of victims in the Twin Towers attack, compared with the number of victims of IRA activity in the UK) a criterion of moral sacrificial validity.
It does not take a leap of the imagination to look for greater numbers killed in one, or a few (as in the Allied bombings of Dresden and Stuttgart in WWII), attacks.
And damn if you didn't feel like one wasn't enough.
But it does seem that you are in accord with Madeleine Allbright, who saw the half-million or so (estimates vary, down to about three hundred k) people who died in Iraq as a result of the US/UK sanctions and bombing regime over Iraq from '91 to '03.
And yet, in your view, these (Japan '45 and Iraq from '91) are all "worthwhile".
Projected on to current US populations such genocide would mean twenty-five million American deaths.
Putting to one side if we can for a moment the inherent god-given superiority of an American life over all those lower forms of being on the rest of the planet, do you think that if some (hypothetical) state in the future were to say that such devastation heaped upon your country was "worth it", you would leap to its defense so eagerly ?
If you do, what do you say to the victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ?
We are the Blog.
You will be assimilated.
And Amhipolis, you were nearly four years late for WWI, and over two years late for WWII. Which meant that of all the "Allied" nations, in both horrors, you suffered the least number of casualties, deaths or wounded.
Way to go, big man.
Japan went to war with us, not the other way around.
Sorry to have to remind you on that point.
"If you do, what do you say to the victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ?"
Could you please not get ash all over the carpet? It's new. Thanks.
Hey, Burton, they were YOUR fucking wars. We were late to those events the same way a policeman is late the the scene of a murder spree, and for the same reason.
"Amphipolis was trying to make quantification..."
No - just looking for some perspective.
"as a result of the US/UK sanctions"
or as a result of UN corruption?
Let's see, I think this conforms with the Queen's English:
Genocide - the systematic killing or extermination of a whole people or nation
Hiroshima was an act of war, not genocide. Tokyo would have been genocide.
"Putting to one side if we can for a moment the inherent god-given superiority of an American life over all those lower forms of being on the rest of the planet"
Hey, we don't want to participate in your elections. You want to participate in ours.
Bill - You rock. I just had to say that here since you're commenting and I re-read your essays yet again today. :)
"Could you please not get ash all over the carpet? It's new. Thanks."
Ohhhhh Godddddd, you are so f*cking hardddd. Come here big boy, and blow me.
"what do you say to the victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ?"
Pretty much the same thing I would say to the people of Dresden and Tokyo, and Rotterdam and Warsaw, and Leningrad and Stalingrad, and Cologne and Okinawa, and Nanking and Shanghai......
I would mention that the US did not start that war. A bunch of starry-eyed dreamers, philosophizing about the glory of the power of the state, and it's ability to create utopia if we all just shut up and do what we're told, started that war.
I would also mention that we must never forget the 50 million that died so that the planet could learn the lesson that simple liberty of the individual will triumph over the black abyss of appallingly stupid philosophy every time.
Gosh it's good to know that no one is dumb enough any more to fall into that pit of uber-statism, slathered with a generous helping of anti-Semitism, ever again. We are all so much wiser for the experience.
Um, aren't we?
I furthermore say to the victims of Hiroshima and Nagasaki that if it hadn't been for those 250,000 lives there would have been 7 million dead in their place before we acheived the same result, you fatuous, smug, integrity-free imbecile.
My GOD, what a fucking nerve you've got.
"Ohhhhh Godddddd, you are so f*cking hardddd. Come here big boy, and blow me."
And with that, Mr. David Burton has been banned for being an obnoxious asshole.
Hey Andrea? What's shakin', toots?
Yea, the US wanted to just be left alone, but Europe wouldn't cooperate. We had to rescue them twice, and all they do is whine about how late we were. We had nothing to do with WWI until Germany forced us in, and you can thank European appeasers for WWII.
We became a world power because the world needed us to, not because we wanted to. Unlike Europe.
Mr. Burton. Regarding Hiroshima and Nagasaki: We did it. You bet. We felt bad about it afterwards. Not that bad, but a little.
Anyway, it was decades before we even felt a little bad.
They say people and nations are reflected in their deeds.
Look at ours.
We don't want to have to feel bad all over again.
Dear David Burton,
Please write something coherent.
Oh is this Burton chap one bloody mad limey because we are having a laugh at him?
Crispy: he can't -- I've banned his IP. He's been reduced to muttering to his monitor screen or (more likely) downloading "furry" porn.
Holy God. The almighty Bill Whittle advised and extended my remarks?
I am not worthy.... I am not worthy....!!!! :-)
Bill: oh nothing much. Hurricanes, the flu -- the usual.
The Cold War makes it thrice
Andrea? What's that I see on your lapel? A TWISTED SPINSTER pin?! ON YOUR UNIFORM??!
You're worthless and weak. You DO nothing! You ARE nothing? You sit in your room all day and play that sick, disgusting, electric TWANGER!
I Carried an M-16, and you carry that, that, THAT Guitar!!
What do you want to do with your life?!!?!
Aww, I wanted to see what Burton would say to the families of US and British soldiers, plus all the Japanese civilians who would've died from landings on Japan's home islands. The ones that survived the famine that was hitting right around then.
Thanks for banning that jerk, Andrea.
Equating the WWII victories against fascism with terrorism/imperialism is deconstructionism and pure self-hatred. I guess he didn't mind the Germans bombing London, nor the Japanese conquering Singapore and Hong Kong. And that ignores raping Nanking, or the deaths of thousands of Allied prisoners (including British soldiers!) in Japanese camps.
Maybe David Burton can immigrate to some nation where he can practice this sort of thing. The Sudan comes to mind, or possibly North Korea. Best of luck, you twisted prick.
Umm, maybe Burton needs to go and partake of some suet pudding. But perhaps it's not quite the season yet. Too bad it's not Boxing day yet.
It might keep him from boxing his monitor!
Wow...Andrea really kicks butt. :)
I'm linking her.
"Ohhhhh Godddddd, you are so f*cking hardddd. Come here big boy, and blow me."
You know, the Brits really are wittier than the rest of us.
This is the blogospheric Boston Tea Party. Canada (at least the one that fought at Juno) salutes you Tim.
Any chance of us seeing that Canada again, Carbuncle? Many of us do miss it so.
Hey Bill. What do I want to do with my life?
I WANNA ROCK!
By the way, for those who are curious: according to his IP address (188.8.131.52), Mr. David Burton, who has been posing as a British Person, is actually a resident of Falls Church, Virginia. At least according to this IP address lookup site he is. (That does not, of course, mean that he is not British, but it is interesting that one who is so filled with disgust at America and Americans should live here.)
I remember a conversation I had with a friend while in college. He was from Japan and had come over to study business (and to play tennis with tall blond women). Anyway, he told me the US had no choice but to drop the A bombs. He was quite learned in military history, and he thought from that perspective, there was no other alternative.
He also told me stories of talks he used to have with members of the older generation who secretly cheered when they heard the bombers over Tokyo. They wanted the US to defeat the oppresive militaristic government/society as soon as possible. I had never heard that perspective before. I was very surprised.
Occam's Carbuncle, I would love to see the Canada that took Juno again as well.
I offer a salute to Canada's fallen and veterans of WWII, and my hopes that your nation recovers from it's illness of socialism gone wild.
This is truly the Mother of All Blogs.
War is terrible. But appeasement is worse. I, for one, don't want to be a slave. Iraqi freedom makes that less likely.
Europeans don't trust the US because they think we are like them. With our power, what would they do? Oh, I guess Napoleon, Hitler, etc. already answered that.
Hello Mr. Blair. Below is a copy of an E-mail I sent the Guardian. I assume they will not like it, but they may be fairer than we both assume.
To make things very clear though, I do not really wish to interfere in the U.S. election, and hope all Americans will vote their cosciences.
"Dear Clark County voter.
I am Canadian and Muslim. I respectfully ask you to consider my point of view if it will aid you in deciding how to vote.
My country is becoming a socialist country and needs a good example of how a free enterprise country runs its affairs.
Nihilistic murderers have taken over one aspect of activism in my religion, and we Muslims are virtually powerless to combat these Jihadists in the short run. We need for someone to decimate these monsters to allow Muslims to practice their religion outside of the influence of fascists and communists.
For both of these reasons, and I hope for reasons that you can find yourself, I ask you to consider voting for George W. Bush on November 3, 2004.
David M. McClory
Toronto, Ontario, Canada"
There is no need to repeat my signature.
"Any chance of seeing that Canada (that fought at Juno) again?" Fraid not. The entire Canadian Forces, top to bottom, could all take seats in the SkyDome in Toronto. All good, honourable people with the same spirit and courage of those who hit the beach that day. But they're sent to sea in rustbuckets and into the sky in aircraft that need a few dozen hours of maintenance for every hour they fly. The army rides around desert battlegrounds all spruced up in forest camouflage and in vehicles with little armor. All this provided by a government with little interest in - but lots of contempt for - all things military, a governement continually elected by Canadians who feel pretty much the same way. Sad, isn't it.
Well, you've always got the Royal Canadian Air Farce.
Howdy everyone. I just expressed myself to the Guardian e-mail list. My letter below. I wonder how they will disect it and ridicule me since I am a Red-neck Texan:)
Howdy to all,
I am just dropping a line from Deep South Texas to thank all of you Brits for your concern about our election. My, over 7,000 requests, and counting, for Clark County voter's addresses to express your opinions on who they should cast their vote for, I will assume your for Kerry. It is heartening to know that our cousins across the pond take such an interest in our private lives. Expressing their unsolicitated opinions into our loved traditions and civic duties is a Godsend. Receiving a letter from a complete stranger will defintely be a positive influence on my fellow citizens in Clark County. I know I would appreciate a total stranger intruding into my home to express their political beliefs and preferences without my consent. Yes, this Guardian Project is a winner. Good luck on your attempt to piss-off my brothers and sisters to the north.
They wanted the US to defeat the oppresive militaristic government/society as soon as possible. I had never heard that perspective before. I was very surprised.
The irony is, of course, that the militaristic government which ruled Japan had been formed after Japan emulated Europeans during its rapid-industralisation.
The navy was modelled along British lines, but the army was modelled along German/Prussian lines - with all the uber-militarism that such a move entailed...
Bill Whittle and Real Jeffs:
We're working on it. One day at a time.
If any of you don't have the time to compose a polite refusal, just sign them up to unsolicited porn mail.
Try for something like "American GIs do British Journalists - HARD!"
Doesn't Burton know that this is an Aussie blog? You know, the guys who entered WWI in 1914 and WWII in 1939, the guys whose soldiers fought on the fields of France and the sand of the Middle East to defend European lives? The country who sent food and clothing to the UK who would have otherwise starved under a German blockade?
Clearly not, Quentin. But it's very clear that, no matter his nationality, Burton is an ass.
Well heck, since some are trotting out their Japan/A-bomb stories or shtick, here's mine (my friend's, actually). He was on a speaking tour in Japan, paid for by the Japanese foreign ministry and, I think, a university. He was in Hiroshima at one point, and of course his for. min. guide took him on the requisite tour of the Peace Park and memorial. As they exited, his guide earnestly asked him what he thought about it. "I guess you'll never attack the US again" he replied, fairly deadpan, as his guide struggled to maintain Japanese foreign ministry composure amidst his shock. Pretty much sums it up.
Is Ohio the most fun you can have with your pants on or what?
One more to the Graundian Money Editor.....
Believe me I'm just as frustrated as you by those uninformed American voters.
All their ideological errors in foreign policy started with that free market bullshit. You give the workers a bit of economic freedom and pretty soon they won't take any shit from third world fascists anymore. Gives 'em too much confidence. Worthless class traitors.
I guess state socialism in the UK was permanently fucked once the banks started lending money to wage earners. Lots of them became small businessmen and owners of shares and property I hear. These bloody 10p capitalists bypass the state in too many areas for their own good! How can we limit their options like the good old days? Maybe the Scandinavians have regulations to stymie our ex-comrades because god knows we've tried in Australia with no success. They get a whiff of ambition, a few assets and before you know it they abandon their class and their high fat diets. I blame the demise of Kentucky Fried Rat on that very phenomena.
How is it over there? Except for some tenured academics, the ABC and Fairfax newspapers (our own Guardian) we don't seem to be as much revered as before. I think those redneck right wing bloggers have something to do with it, they're the media opposition these days. There is one particularly virulent bugger here named Tim Blair.
A vulgar Australian (aren't they all) called me a "parasitic scumbag socialist" the other day, but (you would have been proud of me) I came back quick as a flash and said "I may be a parasitic scumbag but I'm no socialist".
Put him in his place!
your new friend Tom
Off topic, but when we are talking about spin there is some relevance.
Channel 9's 'Sunday' show broadcast a short piece on the US presidential elections this am. The 3rd and final debate between Bush and Kerry was mentioned and and the 'Sunday' reporter seemed to get a lot of satisfaction by announcing that 'most' pundits scored Kerry as the winner. Beep! Beep! Bullshit alert!
Sure enough the anchor, what's her name? JanaSomebodyorOther, then announced that Channel9 and 'Sunday' would be screening a John Kerry infomercial next Sunday, and I quote,
"Going Upriver: The Long War of John Kerry, is a profile of Kerry, his generation and courageous dissent. It shows how Kerry went from being a decorated soldier in Vietnam to a leader of the anti-Vietnam War movement. The film, already acclaimed in the US as an inspiring portrait of a potential president, will be shown on Sunday four days before its official cinema release in Australia. A documentary not to be missed, next week on Sunday ... more"
Jesus Wept! How the hell do these media empires survive? We think of them as being informed and up to date on current issues, but they're not really. Either they're ignorant, ill-informed and incompetent or they're blatantly partisan - there can be no other explanation!
I've already emailed Channel 9 protesting the broadcasting of what is clearly a commercial infomercial. Since it is unlikely that they would cancel the fictitious "Going Upriver' I suggested that, in order to be fair, they follow it up with 'Stolen Honor' - not that I'm holding my breath.
Perhaps a mail bomb campaign along the lines of 'Operation Guardian' would be appropriate here?
Power to The People!
I just dropped some postcard bombs and sent the entire e-mail list the full text of the declaration of independence. I haven't decided yet what to do with "my" two Clark County voters.
Keep up the good work, everyone! And remember: La Resistance lives on!
Oooooh! Postcard of Doom. Most excellent.
I'm a Mexican, and I'm convincing three Americans, close friends of mine, to VOTE FOR BUSH. Bwahahahahaha. Two are already convinced and I keep working on the other one. Sooooo, eat your heart out, you bloody lefty limies! hahahaha.
Yea, the US wanted to just be left alone, but Europe wouldn't cooperate. We had to rescue them twice, and all they do is whine about how late we were.
And simultaneously they whine about the pre-emptive war in Iraq. The fucking nerve. I'm oddly reminded of a comment somebody recently made about John Kerry (wish I knew where) after one of the debates: "It's always too early or too late; there's never a good time to enter a war in John Kerry's world." That pretty much seems to be the Left's thinking these days.
Hmm, on second thought, it does make some kind of meta-sense...maybe the Euros are sending veiled hints that the U.S. should start a pre-emptive war or two on them before they can do something stupid again.
The United States military - the ultimate "government solution" that EuroLefties are secretly pining for. Heh.
A most excellent campaign!!! I've e-mailed the addresses to newsgroups, friends and family. I also wrote the Mr. Howard from Australia, says hello.
Some of the auto-replies are priceless!
"Ah well, in that case, it must be something more like BLOWING HALF A MILLION JAPANESE TO ATOMS in 1945.
"Ain't that turrism ?
"Posted by: David Burton"
Half a million? 75,000 died in the initial blasts in each city. About an equal number died afterwards of injuries and radiation sickness. Hate to be picky over 200,000 people, but -- oh, sorry, the UN never bothered about such things. Why should we, eh?
And "turrism" is what Hiroshima and Nagasaki have now. Hiroshima's Peace Park especially is a major tourist destination.
"But it does seem that you are in accord with Madeleine Allbright, who saw the half-million or so (estimates vary, down to about three hundred k) people who died in Iraq as a result of the US/UK sanctions and bombing regime over Iraq from '91 to '03."
Those were UN sanctions. I know all those U- organizations get confusing, but there is a difference. And I'm sure the palaces and mosques Saddam built, the times he boycotted the program and refused to import food and medicine, and the $10 billion he scammed out of the program, didn't account for the life of a single Iraqi child.
The interesting thing about the Hiroshima Peace Park is that it only remembers the Japanese citizens affected by the nuclear blast, it chooses to ignor the Koreans who were living in that city in forced servitude.
Regarding the OSU mistake: When writing to the Guardian, make reference to the great British team "United Manchester" (the real name is "Manchester United"). And make sure to call it a "soccer" (not "football") team.
I tried to get an address of an Clark County Ohio voter, but received a message that all address have been distributed. I guess I'm a typical American (according to David Burton). Too late... again.
Some of the Brits (and Euros)at least serve a useful purpose by providing unintended comic relief. The European Socialist Forum met in London recently. The title of the Telegraph article says it all: "Down with capitalism they chant-then charge L10 for a Che sweatband." (They also sold Che visors.)
The "International Bolshevik Tendency" had a table, too. Mayor Ken Livingston provided L400,000 for the event. Some true socialists disapproved of this. As one said, "He [KL] has been involved in promoting capitalism in the capital."
Falls Church, Virginia? Center for a huge immigration network that assisted people in getting green cards with little or no real documentation. Also a hangout of John Mohammad and Lee Malvo while doing their sniping.
"And if you guys can keep sending the IRA all those dollars without which they wouldn't have wreaked havoc on the UK for the past thirty years, then hell, maybe we fag Brits might learn what turrism is all about."
I suspect people outside of the northeastern part of the US have no idea what you are talking about. Most people don't know that some Irish-Americans (mostly from the Boston area) have donated to the IRA. And it is an outrage. I believe one of the Kennedy girls married a Sien Fien guy. My mother and her friends went to a pub in New Jersey and found out they were having a bash to raise money for the terriorist in Ireland. She and her friends promptly left and never went back. This was in the 1980s. I can't imagine that many Americans condone the actions of the IRA - sad to say, it just wasn't a well known fact that there were Americans in this country giving them money...
Very happening thread.
Rarely does a day pass when I fail to feel grateful to our forefathers for having rebelled against the English and founded a republic.
—Standing Wolf at Lucianne.com
Try for something like "American GIs do British Journalists - HARD!"
Well, there was the BBC reporter in Iraq who fell in love with a FBI agent, resigned her post, and eloped with him. They said that she had embedded herself with the US forces.
… [M]aybe the Euros are sending veiled hints that the U.S. should start a pre-emptive war or two on them before they can do something stupid again.
Didn't we attack the Duchy of Grand Fenwick in 1955?
Eric Jablow — Other way around. Those eurotrash weenies in Grand Fenwick picked a fight with Uncle for the reconstruction bennies. A loosely fictionalized version of this Continental farce, which ranked right up there with the Suez invasion of 56 and the British attempts to liberate Antigua from Great Britain, when they didn't want to be liberated, was published as The Mouse That Roared...
David Burton had a point when he said that a great deal of the funding for the IRA comes from the US. We have Irish clubs here in New England that regularly held fund raisers for those terrorists. We also have organizations here that support islamic terrorists. We are trying to destroy both.
Perhaps he doesn't understand that our president and his prime minister have both said terrorism will not be tolerated. That includes the IRA.
I am proud that the country of my birth is our biggest ally in Iraq. I am disgusted that the country where I grew up (Canada) seems to have an official policy of anti-Americanism (though a large percentage of Canadians share my disgust) and I am especially proud that my adopted country is lead by someone with spine enough to take a stand against people who want to kill my family and yours.
The fact that Mr Burton shares my name and country of origin does not mean that he speaks for all Brits or Burtons!
And if you want horrible food, try a mucky dripping buttie; a Yorkshire deilcacy.
The story of Australia and the US: saving the world from the stupidity, and depravity of Europeans.
Looking to the future:
Suppose somebody discovers a British print shop which will take orders and payment over the 'net.
Suppose, say, ten thousand Americans pony up enough shekels to buy three campaign signs each. Suppose somebody from the campaign for whom the signs are being printed borrows a truck every morning and picks up the day's production and tries to find a spot to put the new signs which is not full of the previous orders' signs.
Problem: Should we do this in favor of the candidate most likely to support Tony Blair's policies, or the one least likely (on the theory that even Brits can be annoyed and vote against him)?
I'm sure there are a couple of American agents in the UK who could tell us about several ridings or boroughs or whatever it is they have over there which might be close and in need of additional help.
How much would ads be in the local paper?
I'll have to think about this some more.
Richard -- why not look at the advertising rates in the Guardian? That would be ironic indeed.
Various British governments, with the support of most of the populace, have appeased Sinn Fein and the I.R.A time and time again.
Clearly, the majority of Britons still haven't learned the lessons of "turrism". They're obviously not as smart as they'd like to believe.
Remember guys, don't just send one letter. Keep up the pressure. The goal is to make this a real bandwidth folly for the Guardian. JPEGS are great, like this one but don't neglect MPEG's and AVI's. Also, you know these literary types are hopeless with html. Don't send a link if you can cut and paste and save them the trouble of clicking on it...
"The goal is to make this a real bandwidth folly for the Guardian."
Why? Why give them the ammunition? Mockery and scorn I can get behind, but denial of service?
I agree with Jim, Richard. Let's not escalate this into an INTERNET war. I made my point with one set of letters, and a post card to LeCarre. That's enough. Several hundred (at least!) did the same thing. That's enough.
In the New Guinea Highlands, you find tribesmen with portrait photos pasted on their foreheads, so that their spirits may recognize them.
In Guardian editorial precincts, the shahmen wear barcodes, yet remain undecipherable. Mayhap they agree with Galbraith: "Nonsense is the best mooring for those battling storms of thought."
Ah. So you're saying I SHOULDN'T have mailed them all that download of Farenhype 9-11?
Just kidding, probably...
Ah yes, ForNow, I remember Standing Wolf from Lucianne.com: he of the imaginary kitty and the Haagen-Dazs diet. Wonder what happened to him? - I miss his postings. Also those of Acuto, Allegra and Laocoon10, who seem to have disappeared too.
``Mucky dripping buttie''......uuuuurrrrgh. I assume tetracyclene will clear it up?
I’m told that Standing Wolf got angry at Bush’s immigration policy & said, “I’m out of here.”
I don’t know what happened with Acuto & Laocoon10. Their posts became less frequent over a long period of time.
For Allegra, go to http://theanchoress.blogspot.com
"And if you want horrible food, try a mucky dripping buttie; a Yorkshire deilcacy."
It can be a bacon buttie, or chicken, or even fish. The soggy and dripping part can be sauce or vinegar, but not grease or butter. I suppose that even in Yorkshire they have to draw the line.
You have great talents. Try to use them for good.
Anti-Com is proud to join the Insurgency. The Redcoats shall pay dearly for their unilateral imperialism. I salute Tim for scattering anti-occupation IEDs (Improvised Educational Discussions) across the information superhighway.
Here's a repaired mailing list minus the one bad addy...
I heard that Old Phone Man & Old Lady stopped posting for pretty much the same reason as Standing Wolf. Do you remember the photos of them & the protest which they started outside the house where Gore’s VP Residence back in November 2000? How those patriotic retirees filled the VP with fear & loathing. Anyway, I think they’re at Free Republic now.
A bit OT, but along the Hiroshima Memorial type line - lots and lots of Japanese tourists go and see the Pearl Harbour Memorial in Honolulu (?sp) but very few visit the US Submarine Memorial next door where they can go on board the USS Swordfih that sank heaps of Jap shipping. Funny isn't it.
Razor - That's "Pearl Harbor." As part of the revolution we 86'd superfluous u's. Please show respect for the patriots who died for the right to spell program without two m's and an e, or maneuver with God knows how many letters.
Don't get me started on the Japanese. Their way of thinking is: "War is bad because we Japanese suffered a lot." There is no navel-gazing. They are blissfully unaware of the Bataan Death March, Rape of Nanking, POW camps, a host of injustices committed in Korea, etc. But the chance to visit the U.S.S. Arizona resting on the sand due to the Japanese fighting spirit, well that's another story...
The Guardian publishes the worst of the letters:
Bury them in spam and hatemail, please...
We are keeping an eye on your efforts through this Blog over at The Swiftvets Forum. We are really enjoying your replies posted here.
Keep up the good work!
I agree with Lilly. Bury The Guardian rag in spam!
Yes, the actions of a liberally biased newspaper clearly reflect the actions of an entire nation.
"GRRRR EVIL REDCOATS!!!"
Grow the fuck up and stop living in the past.
BTW don't think the EVIL IMPERIALIST USA doesn't attempt to influence elections... e.g. Bush saying he wouldn't work with a Labour government in Australia.
You guys are morons. Thanks for embarassing America yet again.
I HATE FREEDOM AND GEORGE W. BUSH LOL
LOL Americans are fat.
LOL British people don't brush their teeth.
LOL But we saved ya'll in Dubya Dubya 2.
LOL BUSH LUKS LEIK A MONKEY.
LOL LETS DOS THEIR COMMIE SERVERS>
Just a heads up Tim, www.somethingawful.com now has a thread that links to this comments section:
The participants here are being discussed in less than eloquent terms such as 'The worst fucking type of internet user' and it's almost certain that comments such as 'I HATE FREEDOM AND GEORGE W. BUSH LOL' are from members of ‘The SA’ as this quasi-fascist collective sometimes likes to call itself
I suggest you kill two birds with one stone. Ban the IP's of anyone trolling this forum who was referred here from SA. Then send these IP's to: email@example.com so that the SA admins can make them pay $9.95 for the privilege of a new account. I have experience with these people firsthand, neglect the opportunity to take offensive action now and this problem will only get worse
Sigh. Thanks, Aussie_Jim. As I am at work I will have to close this thread as well until I can get to my home computer and take care of banning and emailing. I simply don't have time to work on this now.