Tim Blair

If you really wanted to be mean and nasty, you could send them toothbrushes.

With instructions.

Spotted a typo, Tim - isn't it George Moonbat?

Try not to chose "Matt Wells". He interviewed me here in Midland Texas last year...and I found him to be mostly even handed in his reporting.

Ooh, this will be fun. I've always wanted to adopt my very own pasty-faced, humorless Eurolefty and transform them into a full blooded pistol packin', free market lovin' Jacksonian. It'll be just like those movies where they take the mousy little girl and turn her into the prom queen by taking off her glasses and letting down her hair.

"The American election is having far more of an impact on our lives than even elections in our own country," Katz said.

Um, stop outsourcing your government to Brussels? Pathetic.

Blog-fight! Blog-fight!

Now all the kids will swarm around from every other part of the playground, waiting to see who will lose, and thus who will get humiliated. I'd hate to be that little pussy riding home on the schoolbus.

Um, if the Guardian has blog, I meant to say. Does it?

Here's my letter. Sent it to three randomly-picked ones:

Greetings from America.

As a reporter, you are charged with an awesome responsibility. Your individual stories can and do make a difference, especially in these chaotic times. That is why I am writing to you - to urge you to exercise your independent intellect and native reason, and ignore the ideologically blinkered special interests who depend upon your ignorance and obediance.

I am part of a project that is reaching out to reporters in what our project director has termed "one of the most marginal newspapers in one of the most marginal media cultures on earth." I urge you to think carefully before writing anything that is reflexively, dogmatically and irrationally anti-American, anti-capitalist or anti-Western civilization, or anything slavishly and ignorantly worshipful about Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky or any French intellectual.

You may think that an individual reporter such as yourself is unimportant, but that is not so. Your stories, combined with the stories of your fellow reporters, can make a difference! So please, free yourself of the dissent-crushing oppression of your superiors and peers, break free of the hive mind that has imprisoned you, and use your brain.

Thank you.

From Operation Clark County click the "Letters from three Prominent Britons" link (if you dare). Then read three hideous screeds by John LeCarré, Antonia Fraser, and Richard Dawkins. Each fairly drips with condescension.

"Dear Clark County voter, Give us back the America we loved. Yours sincerely, John Le Carré" Since when have Britons loved America all that much? Yankee baiting is the national sport in Britain and has been ever since I first visited in 1977.

What an absolutely hideous, boorish, and presumptuous intrusion into the affairs of the American people. Go away!

Dave S.,

While I do find your letter most informative I prefer the more simple approach. For instance...

To: Grauniad
cc: Jonathon Freedland

Dear Sir:

Fuck off and die.

Sincerely,

America

Somewhat off-topic:

Remaining credability of the DNC: nil.

Here's my letter

Hi Polly,

I know that it may seems a bit early but, like Christmas and bar room drunks, elections are on you before you know it. More importantly I don’t think you fully understand the global responsibility your ballot will carry; I have followed with great admiration you columns about health and education and the plight of the poor. But I earnestly feel it is time you set these concerns about children, the old and the poor and the vulnerable and aside and considered where the your responsibilities really lie. My flat mate for instance is thinking about the local elections next year here in Minneapolis and thinks that, perhaps, if Blair could be skewered before then, it might help her uncle get elected. But the injustice of it all is that she can’t vote in the UK. So to right this wrong I think that it would only be fair if you gave your vote to her. She’d like you to vote for UKIP – let me know if you have a candidate standing in your constuency – if not let me have a list of other candidates and we’ll see who we can agree on.

Anyway while I’m here I thought you’d appreciate a few other words of advice; I’ve noticed that you haven’t written much on the pros and cons of a south pacific currency union recently – could we have a column on it? Next week at the latest? Of course you’re going to need to sharpen up a bit before then, you know all the prejudices someone from the guardian writing about finance suffers from. So why dont you pop into spec savers and get yourself a pair of those natty square glasses you see all the analysts on TV wearing. You might also want to enroll in a night school on a graph drawing course. Otherwise let me know if you need any editorial help with the first draft.

I’ll be in touch later with suggestions for Christmas presents this year but otherwise let me know if you need help with any of the above.

Your caring and concerned mentor

Giles

PS –why don’t you cook a nice chicken and mushroom pie for dinner tonight.

Golly, I've been to Clark County and spent the first 22 years of my life in Ohio, in a place even more "marginal" than Clark County. One might want to clue in the Guardian editors that swaying voters in a locality evenly divided in party registrations is pointless, as Clark County's aggregate vote is of no importance. What matters is the statewide vote tally in the winner-take-all selection of electors for the electoral college. Only two states, Nebraska and Maine, assign one elector for the highest polling candidate in each congressional district and assign two electoral votes for the statewide winner.

I'm sure the electors of Clark County will be duly impressed at being pestered by Guardian readers. How about we give Clark County a seat on the UN Security Council instead? France, China or Russia's seat will do. Maybe they could draw straws.

My letter to various worthies at the Guardian:

"Were I to receive a letter from a clapped-out novelist telling me how to vote, I'd thank him for his interest, refer him to 1776, and ask my begonias to review his ideas.
If I wanted an opinion from a pissant, I could likely get one closer than the UK.

Sincerely,

Richard A. Aubrey, Jr.
535 Mark Drive
Flushing, MI 48433
USA

There can be no greater illustration of the obtuseness and myopia of the "learned" Left in England, and by extension the Continent, than the Guardian’s “help the idiot American voter determine who to vote for” outreach campaign now under way entitled “Operation Clark County.” Granted that in comparison to the previous European outreach programs of Fascism, Communism and the Nazi’s, this latest attempt to influence world events is pretty mild. It is, in any case, instructional as it reveals a curious inability to grasp the reality of current events. It is as if all Americans do not know the Bush is the most vilified American President in living memory and that he has been accused of virtually every abomination on the books. In spite of this, the election is a toss up. More confounding to the EuroLeft is that Kerry is a poster person for an EU technocrat. He’s like Bill Clinton without the taint of being from Arkansas. Surely, the Guardian reasons, if earnest well-meaning EuroLeftists make the case, one more time, those dolt Americans will come to their senses and Kerry will win by a landslide. Here is the obtuse and myopic part. EuroLeftists do not realize that if Kerry is elected it will not effect the end or the extensive reordering all post WWII alliances as their time has come and gone. If Europe cannot ensnare America in transnational, post-sovereign, technocratic governance what chance to they have against an ascendant India and China that are just beginning to flex their muscles? I would say none. The verdict of the demographers is in, the native European population will implode across the board which means hello Islam. The Economist rightly points out that the EU is falling further and further behind Asia and the US in a number of critical areas. Kerry, if elected, will not, cannot change this trajectory.

Brad Lena
Asheville,
NC, USA
blena@charter.net

I think Tim should start a "No reporter left behind" campaign!

Jorgen

Tim, is it with growing alarm that I consider the potential consequences of what the Guardian has done. They are not providing email addresses as I thought. They would allow for intrusive offensive communications.
Rather in a volatile environment they are inciting people, then providing them with the physical addresses of Clark County voters. The possibility exists that something really nasty could come of this.
I have started my emailing. I will also include a condemnation of the possible risks they are exposing these people to. While anyone can buy these voter lists, the level of anger and violence appearing on the web, towards Americans, is being driven on this occasion by the Guardian. They are not vetting and think that by saying do the right thing and don't pass it on they are escaping responsibilty. The Republicans have already been subjected to violent attacks. Is it the voters of Clark County who will be next.

Here's the URL for the Ohio Republican Party. If you're in the USA, send 'em a check for get out the vote efforts.

http://www.ohiogop.org/

Two words for those readers who think the Grundiad is a serious paper of record; Richard Gott :-)

this is the letter I sent them

hahaha

what a bunch of losers. Makes me proud to be a brit, not.

why don't you silly buggers pull your heads in, those three letters are pathetic, and i do wonder whether breaching the privacy of individuals in this ridiculous attempt to influence a sovereign nation's electoral process won't backfire quickly.

I hope you have taken good legal advice because the US doesn't like spam, and you dishing out personal information should lead to an interesting conversation about regulating the internet - something i am sure we will all thank you for.

G

Giles- your letter made my husband spit his coffee. :)

There used to be comments on the Guardian page.... but they were pretty much telling the Euros to Fuck off and get some dental work done. I guess the guardian couldn't handle the criticism so in the best socialist style "disappeared" them.

There is only one thing to say to the Guardian, quoting an American Officer:
"Nuts"

Dear Tim,

While I think Operation Guardian is a great idea ...

Editors came up with the idea? They lie like dogs!

I have to say, dogs don't lie darn it!

Please, stop maligning our canine friends by comparing them to editors.

Sincerely,

A Guy In Pajamas

maybe he meant they were lazy, my dog lies around all day

I know the Guardian clowns are completely clueless generally, but this is stupid beyond belief.

I'm well award that their arrogant, myopic attitude makes them think this is a good idea, but did they bother to ask an American? Even a leftist could have told them this will backfire.

Americans don't like being told what to do by people still living in countries we DELIBERATELY LEFT.

Oops. "award" = aware

> I have to say, dogs don't lie darn it!

Well, I suppose that they're occasionally answering a different question than the one you asked.

Anyone who has ever shared the responsibility for feeding a dog knows that if you ask the dog if it has been fed, the question that the dog will answer is "Do you want to eat?"

Heh!

I used 14 different email addresses to get 14 different Clark County voter addresses so that none of those idjits could get their addresses. And I know I'm not the only one who did that.

Wouldn't it be flatly illegal for the Guardian to disclose e.g. *British* voter addresses, under EU privacy laws?

My letter contained the following:

Well, in the spirit of the Declaration of Independence I quote:

"Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to
extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred. to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence.

They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends."

To paraphrase: Stay The Hell Out Of Our Business.

Duane,

Straight On. Remind them of why they don't have a say.

Dammit Tim,

I wanna write to all of the elite opinion makers, cuz they're all such important and learned people. Can't you just post a cut-and-paste mailing list?

Something like this, for example:

jonathan.freedland@guardian.co.uk,clare.dyer@guardian.co.uk,polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk,dan.glaister@guardian.co.uk,ian.katz@guardian.co.uk,isabel.hilton@guardian.co.uk,james.fenton@guardian.co.uk,stephen.brook@guardian.co.uk,simon.tisdall@guardian.co.uk,mail@monbiot.com,jackie.ashley@guardian.co.uk,malcolm.dean@guardian.co.uk,steve.bell@guardian.co.uk,eric.allison@guardian.co.uk,matt.wells@guardian.co.uk,dan.milmo@guardian.co.uk,richard.norton-taylor@guardian.co.uk,alan.travis@guardian.co.uk,conal.urquhart@guardian.co.uk,mberlins@aol.com,mike.hough@guardian.co.uk,audrey.gillan@guardian.co.uk,ewen.macaskill@guardian.co.uk,lee.glendinning@guardian.co.uk,jason.burke@observer.co.uk,michael.billington@guardian.co.uk,david.brindle@guardian.co.uk,lyn.gardner@guardian.co.uk,adrian.searle@guardian.co.uk,owen.gibson@guardian.co.uk,jonathan.jones@guardian.co.uk,claire.cozens@guardian.co.uk,judith.mackrell@guardian.co.uk,jason.deans@guardian.co.uk,dominic.timms@guardian.co.uk,jonathan.glancey@guardian.co.uk,alexis.petrardian.co.uk,john.fordham@guardian.co.uk,andrew.clements@guardian.co.uk,tim.ashley@guardian.co.uk,nancy.banks-smith@guardian.co.uk,editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,books.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,politics.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,editor@mediaguardian.co.uk,football.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,film.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,jobs.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,work.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,education.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,money.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,shopping.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,travel.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,arts.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,editor@societyguardian.co.uk

The fact is that non-US citizens can (and do) vote in US elections, right along with the felons. All you have to do is get a US driver license and you are registered to vote!

Even that may not be necessary. Fly to a sufficiently broad minded place (like San Francisco) and walk up to any polling place. Chances are they'll let you vote if you can come up with an address. It would be discriminatory not to.

P.S. Don't try this in Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, etc. Chances are you'll turn up as an escaped felon on their database. They'll let you vote (on a false ballot) and when you emerge from the voting booth the po-lice will be waiting....

Could take a while to sort out, and you might have to do time for vote fraud. So stick to places like California and Boston....

I got three addresses from the Guardian. I printed out the emails they sent me along with the web page where I signed up. I then wrote a letter to each of the recipients explaining that their personal information was published by a newspaper in the UK in hopes that British subjects could persuade them to vote Kerry. I then mailed them off. I'm curious to see if I get any reaction from the independents whose names the Guardian provided me.

As a side question, what the hell is going on in the UK? Rhetorical question, I suppose. A rabid UK liberal has descended onto my own blog and set up shop. Fortunately his ranting is becoming more obnoxious as he unravels in anger.

Yesterday I walked with my 17-year old son along the beaches of Sandy Hook, New Jersey. Sea breezes were freshening to misty rain; the tide was in. Across the Verrazano Narrows, we could see them yet, two Towers girding Lower Manhattan, vastly out of scale, lacking all distinction other than sheer size, yet urging skyward as though Earth's hold on dreams were weak.

Within an hour or two, some three years back, they fell, and with them thousands perished.
"Those who, in terrible earnest, visit pain, do court annihilation by a Seed, now resting quiet, that shall bloom in Spring."

To the Guardian we say, as Alexander to his coward namesake: "Change your wretched ways, or change your Name."

Just posted the following to Robin Grant's (you know, the chick that thinks she's saving the world by pissing Ohioans off) blog:

I’m an Ohio resident voting for Bush, and I just gotta tell you how much we appreciate your help! Can you add more counties to your list? Try Hamilton County too - I’d love to get one so I can show everyone I know!

Did you see the prize they're offering?:

The prize for the winning entries is 3 nights in Clark County, Ohio. The prize is a return flight to Ohio and accommodation on a room only basis to meet voters and participate in the closing days of the race. The flights depart from London or Manchester on October 26 and return on October 29. The winners shall be solely responsible for all taxes, insurance, transfers, spending money and other expenses (including meals and other personal expenses).

3 Days in Clark County, Ohio is athe grand prize?!?!?

What's second Place? A week in Clark County, Ohio?

Here's a copy of the letter I sent to the politics editor. There's nothing subtle or clever about it, because I'm tired and surly, and besides, I'm just a dumb, redneck, neo-Fascist American.

"I recently read about your asinine attempt to influence the results of the upcoming Presidential election. Why anybody would care about the opinion of a know nothing socialist loser from Britain is beyond me, but it certainly is indicative of how desperate the Kerry campaign must be.

Stay the hell out of our business, and have a nice day."

Boy, they really do not get Americans, at all. Now that we've got one Ohio county that will be going 98% Bush, can we get the Guardian to broaden its efforts?

My Letter to the Guardian folks:

Hello!

I hear that many abroad wish they had some control over the power we here in America have built. It is my understanding that rather than modeling themselves along our policies that have built the USA into a super-power, many of you would rather either get a vote in our country or tell our people how to vote. Yep - always better to tell the guy who is succesful what to do than work to become succesful yourself. It does sound much easier than maintaining a democracy for 200 years, paying the taxes necessary to build a strong military while keeping the taxes low enough to grow the largest economy in the world. No huge welfare states for us - but you can have one and get us to do as you say at the same time. Brilliant! Well, as far as you folk on the left of Britain are concerned - we had a dust up between our two countries regarding you getting representation while we pay the taxation. It worked out very well for us last time.

Cheers.

I dropped a line or two to four of the Guardian myrmidons, including this one to the Political editor:

"I see that you Brits really want to participate in the American election. Perhaps you could get together with Puerto Rico and apply for admission together as the 51st state of the Union. Then you could really vote in the next election."

Here's my letter, sent off to all of the reporters:

------------------------------------

Good day.

I am an American citizen, and a registered voter. I see that your paper (The Guardian) has a program to influence the voters of Clark County, OH, in the upcoming Presidential election.

I hope that you realize that this contest displays the appalling degree of ignorance of the US electoral system and an incredible amount of
arrogance and condescension. I suspect that many other Americans have already educated you on this matter, so I won't elaborate. Suffice it to say
that you will merely make a lot of people angry without changing the election outcome.

You should have offered a vote-exchange program. I would be delighted to vote for Tony Blair, or against Chirac. Or for John Howard. And so on.
If you want an "international vote", at least pretend to be democratic, and not stack the deck in your favor. Americans aren't as stupid as European "intellectuals" would have you think.

Clearly, the Guardian can't raise more subscriptions except by cheap and
ineffective gimmicks. Perhaps you should cut a deal with food vendors; I hear the Guardian is in high demand to wrap up fish and chips.

I decided to be helpful and sent various snippets of information about Springfield, Ohio. For example I sent travel info to the travel desk at the Guardian, some local politic news to the political editor and so on.

I hope they enjoy reading about Springfield Ohio. I hope they come to realize that nobody in Springfield gives a crap what the Guardian readers think.

No representation without taxation!

Folks, wrong attitude. Use a more Rovian approach. Try this one:

"Great idea. The only thing that Americans hate more than spam is prigs telling them how to vote. Please. Please. Please. Send some more letters to Clark County, it will go for Bush. Ohio has 87 other counties. Start an Operation Cuyahoga County. Start an Operation Summit County. Start an Operation Portage County. Turn this state toward Bush in a big way. Keep up the good work."

BTW, Cuyahoga County (Cleveland), Summit County (Akron), and Portage County (Kent) are usually pretty democratic. Kent, OH is actually a pretty small place, but they produce some great basketball teams. Hence, the promotion.

Cheers

I was sorry to see that Antonia Fraser was among the English literati telling us how to vote, because I've enjoyed several of her histories. But in her letter she gives a so-so impersonation of Lady Catherine de Bourgh - not so great on affability, but really over the top with the condescension. Fair made me sick, as the Brits say.

Anyway, I'm gathering up all her books which are in my house, and I'm mailing them back to her, via the Guardian - just my little way of saying ``No thanks, lady.''

On the wall of my office is an American flag that my brother gave me. It has printed on it the names of all the emergency personnel murdered at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. They're all dead. They aren't coming back.

John Kerry believes that we should treat terrorism like nuisance crimes such as prostitution and gambling. In other words, the deaths of these men and women are little different than a girl leaning in your car window and asking "Want a date?"

I sent this and two other blog entries.

While this is a pretty comical situation, there are certain serious principles involved here, too.

Have these nobs stopped to think that they are attempting to openly subvert a US election? Are they fully prepared to face the consequences of engaging in such an act of war?

Plenty of room at Guantanamo. You know, maybe they're doing it on purpose! They want to go to Guantanamo, they probably need to see a doctor!

Here's mine:

"Thanks, friends. Your attempt to influence the outcome of our election
-- 228 years after we told y'all we were quite capable of making our own
decisions in that regard, and nearly as long after you accepted that
fact, thus making our two countries friends again -- will almost
certainly help increase our President's margin in a crucial state, thus
making it even harder for his opponent to pull another Florida there.

"I'm sure you and your colleagues are getting angry commentary from my
fellow Americans, but don't take it too hard. If it had been a French
newspaper nobody here would have cared. It's only because of the long
mutual affection for our British cousins that your attempt to meddle
raises hackles at all. If angry feedback bothers you, it could be worse.

"Then again, you are the Guardian, so maybe the anger is unnecessary.
Most of us over here consider reading the Guardian a sad waste of literacy.

"Well anyway, please feel free to pull this same boneheaded stunt in
future elections. Our side may not need the help after this, but who can
be sure?

"Go BUSH!"

Here's the email I sent

To: The Politics Editor.

Dear Sir/Madam,
Thanks awfully for The Guardian’s involvement in the forthcoming U.S. election. I was quite worried for a while that your publishing house would not live up to the ethical standards that I have come to expect of it. Truly a newspaper in a league of its own, when it comes to issues that other media organisations would not dare to touch.

I do hope sincerely that the contribution of your readers, by sending emails to the good citizens of Clark County, Ohio is acknowledged by the majority of Americans. May I suggest that your readers, after sending an email to the people of that county, dispatch a second email to President Bush stating what they have done and which paper has influenced them to perform their deed. I would also suggest that in the contents of the latter email, Mr. John Kerry’s authorisation of your readers actions be noted. It would leave President Bush speechless. Doesn’t that give you something to smile about?

In addition to having a significant impact on Mr. Kerry’s campaign, your innovative use of emails would show other media organisations supporting Mr Kerry’s run for office, how to influence the masses. Credibility is everything and your organisation has once again made a strike for freedom against those that are denied it.

One last thing, did you know that Mr. Kerry was in Vietnam?

Kind Regards

Here's the letter I sent to several Guardian editors:

Date: Thu, 14 Oct 2004 17:47:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Howard Jaeckel" Add to Address Book
To: ian.katz@guardian.co.uk

Dear Mr. Katz:

In the United States, we make our own decisions as to whom to vote for in our elections. We do not subject those decisions to any sort of "global test," and do not take kindly to gratuitous advice offered from across the ocean by total strangers.

That said, I am not entirely displeased with your "Project Clark County." That is because I am confident that your arrogant and presumptuous initiative will end up helping the candidate whom I favor to lead my country, rather than the candidate whom you favor to lead my country.

By the way, I would much appreciate your voting for a candidate who supports Tony Blair, our great friend and steadfast ally, in your next parliamentary election. He is most popular in America.

Sincerely,

Howard F. Jaeckel
New York, NY

My tuppence worth
So, the Guardian is doing it's bit to topple the evil George W Bush.
We've just been through a similiar situation here in Australia where our moral sheepdogs,the elite of mediaworld,have dictated the responsibility of all Australians to elect Mark Latham.It was incredibly successful.I wish you all the best in this endevour to influence another countries democratic process.

I just spent an hour sending the fol: to every contact you provided at the Guardian. Best hour I’ve ever spent. BTW, I’m actually of the opinion that Australia is America’s best ally. Blair is with us – but the majority of Brits fail to see the menace their muslim minority poses, and hence are living in a pre-911 fog.
_____________________________________________

Très français !

“Think about how you would respond if you received a letter from Ohio urging you to vote for Tony Blair - or Michael Howard . . .” Guardian/Operation Clark County

Well, here is a letter from Fayette County, Georgia. Butt out! The notion of a few fringe Brit capitulators spamming America with unwelcome commentary on our pivotal democratic moment is something William Joyce would have enjoyed.

You are acting very French. Unbecoming of our closest ally!

We are grateful that P.M. Tony Blair has been such a steadfast friend in the Global War on Terror. We embrace your Tommys as though they are our own sons – and daughters.

Here’s a turn of phrase on a popular sentiment here: If you – and I mean YOU personally – aren’t with us, BUGGER OFF!

Jeff Cole
Marine Rifleman (In Repose)
Peachtree City

Giles letter so far is the best. Remember, these Guardian twits are expecting to deal with the angry F-U responses. Go for the subtle "Here's a list of things I think you should be doing" approach, starting with resonable suggestions and escalating all the way into full blown invasive nitpicking. Nothing would get the message across better.

Le Carre and Frazer, both brilliant authors who are masters of their craft, using intrigue,politics and history as the background for developing their works of fiction.
However what they write is from their interpretations of life, and by the prolific output of both I would doubt leave their luxouriously appointed garrets long enough to recognise the real world outside their windows-it so much easier to make judgments and comment after the fact- their backing of such an such a character as Kerry shows how far removed from reality they have strayed.
Frazer a cousin of the Queen,her husband is I believe one Harold Pinter, both like Kerry, wealthy elitist socialist extreme leftwinges with no concept of life in the 'trenches and the lot of the 'common man'.
In the light of the knowledge of the millions who died and suffered under the yoke of exreme socialism this century, they lend their names to a man whose very actions can be attributed toward sealing the fate of many in South VietNam and will again today in Iraq. It says little for their undersatnding of humanity

Guantanamo is no threat for the Brits... they go to Cuba on group flights. Sort of Cyprus with a different flavor. Oh, and oppressed citizens who sell their bodies and souls for a lot fewer drachmae.

Letter I just sent to about ten people at the Guardian (I hope there weren't too many typos):

Hi!

I just thought you would want to know how much we appreciate the advice of Englishmen when it comes to selecting political leaders in the United States. I thought we made it pretty clear in about 1776 we preferred to decide such matters ourselves.

Perhaps you thought that as times have changed since then, the advice might be more useful now. You should reconsider. We certainly would welcome anything Dame Thatcher has to say on the matter, should her health permit and she be so inclined. (I doubt though it would occur to her to presume such stupidity, and I will definitely raise a glass to her glory and wise leadership later this evening.) And the Honorable Mr. Blair has certainly risen above his effete socialist beginnings and his counsel will always, I imagine, now be welcome here.

But if we wanted suggestions your readers might be capable of providing we could simply ask some famous, drug addled millionaire in Hollywood, or perhaps someone of note in religious circles in, say, Damascus. We, along with men and women of Britain far better than you, are rather busy just now saving your delusional asses from those who would harm you and so we have little time. In addition to this chore, we are distracted with the necessity of earning a living, keeping the sea lanes open and the world's financial systems safe, and incidentally raising our children and protecting yours. We can ill afford to spend time on lunatic ramblings, based on mutant strains of utopian idiocy that are, in the final analysis, the mere intellectual (if such a word may be used for such pap) bastard children of some third rate thinker of the Nineteenth Century who was fashionable for a few decades in Eastern Europe.

May God save the Queen, and bless your Prime Minister; give our regards to the SAS, the Highlanders, and those other proud men and women in Her Majesty's service who can actually differentiate their heads from their backsides; and you socialist ponces from the Guardian can kiss my American ass.

Yours,

Agim Zabeli
American Citizen

I know I really should whip myself into a self-righteously offended patriotic frenzy, quote Paul Revere, and sing "The Battle of New Orleans" Karaoke-style in front of Guardian headquarters, but I just can't stop laughing at the absurdity ...

BRITISH LIBERALS ARE KISSING MY AMERICAN ASS!

BWAHYHHAHAHA HAHAHA GWAHHHAHAH HAA GHAAA HAAH AHAHHAH HAHHA HAAAAAA!

Dickens is spinning in his grave. How he despised the vulgar American cowboys ... now for his contemporaries it's smoochy smoochy on Godzilla's big green booty. HAH! Suckers. LOSERS! BWAHAHAHA HAAAHAHAHA!

In the proud tradition of English Literature, I suggest this occasion be celebrated by a one-act play:

"Annie Got Her Gun"

"Emma's been actin' mighty peculiar after ol' Doc Strangelove gave Annie that newfangled shootin' iron ... Miss Oakley don't seem to mind it none, though. Fact I think she kindly enjoys it."

"... a little lower, there, gal ... Yee haw! That shore hits the spot!"

The Guardian seems to have forgotten they are are depending on two gubmint postal monopolies to carry out their cunning plan. Those letters should hit Springfield, Ohio sometime in mid-November.

Dear Guardian Lackey,

Be comforted that when your country finally turns to Socialism we will influence your elections by sending in CIA agents.

Thanks,
DrScroogeMcduck

"While I appreciate the insights of a pack of sullen, epicene societal dregs squatting in the ruins of every failed social experiment of the last two thousand years, please note that I can get the same perspective over here at greater convenience by passing around a bottle of muscatel to the nice men living under the bridge. Thank you however for your good work in alienating more American voters from John Kerry. Could we ask you to expand your operations to California?"

Here's my message, in 36pt. font, bold:

FUCK OFF YOU LIMP-WRISTED, KNOCK-KNEED, BEDWETTING PUSSIES. WE AMERICANS DON'T NEED ANY GOD DAMNED SCUM FELCHING EURO-WIMPS LIKE YOURSELVES SCREWING AROUND WITH OUR ELECTIONS.

SO FUCK OFF AND MIND YOUR OWN GOD DAMNED BUSINESS.

Sorry for the language, but they deserve it.

The broadsheets want it both ways. While telling Americans how to vote, they are also drumming up the idea that everyone else should be able to as well.

Guardian

Hi,
I'm taking the liberty of writing to you concerning the Guardian's Ohio campaign.
We recently had an election in Australia and, oh boy!, could we have used your help.
The capitalist running dogs here got re-elected with a near record result; by mistake; yet again. I blame it on too much capital owned by too many workers, if we could just keep them in bed sits on a living wage they wouldn't get so uppity. But that's another story and I digress.

Please consider this as if from a friend.
It's possible that rural Ohio voters may have a little trouble relating to the urban progressive Euroleft. Hard to believe I know.
Many of these rural types have a vision for their own lives and react badly to compulsory government created visions. I suspect some of them even own 4x4s and firearms!
I agree... we have to do something about this at Primary School level in the whole Anglosphere. There are great expectations here that the Teachers Union will be able to help in collectivising kids dreams.
But back to Ohio. I do fear that colourless lives in overpopulated Europe are not attractive to many Americans and that this unsophisticated view will lead to lack of respect for our political
assistance. It is going to be next to impossible to ever get these rednecks to understand that we only have their best interests at heart.
Comrades, we have to change our marketing approach on this one before it's too late.

My letter to the entities infesting the Guardian:

Ladies and Gentlemen:

First, allow me to commend you for your deep interest in public affairs, as evidenced by "Operation Clark County". Words do not exist to express the gratitude that we Americans feel at receiving instruction from our elders and betters.

However, I am disappointed that your efforts are (so far) limited to one county in Ohio. You see, I live in Iowa, a state that sounds sort of like Ohio, and which is also a swing state. In fact, Al Gore won Iowa by a very narrow margin (only 4000 votes out of more than 1.2 million cast).

I am hoping that you can help us turn this around, and it seems likely that receiving spam and junk mail from a group of arrogant left wing Europeans promoting the candidacy of John Kerry would be just the thing to help swing Iowa over into the Bush column this time around. I particularly commend to your attention Polk County, Linn County, Black Hawk County and Scott County. All of these were reasonably close in 2000, and all have a large enough population that your efforts could boost turnout by angry Republicans sufficient to swing the election in this state.

Again, thank you for your interest in our civic affairs.

Sincerely,

An American citizen, a registered voter, and a broken glass Republican

Le Carre is a lying hypocrite. Every novel he has writtenthat mentions America and Americans has portrayed them in a bad light. He has always hated and envied America.

I've sent my e-mail, Tim.

Two letters I wrote:

A) Mr Freedland - How does it feel to be running a transatlantic spam campaign, destroying strangers' privacy, and influencing foreign elections? A friend of mine tried the Guardian's little contact-an-Ohio-voter gimmick and was given, by your website, the email and home address of what is most likely a single woman living alone in a Clark County apartment. Has it occurred to you, or whoever was the joker who dreamed up this idiotic scheme, that you may be enabling stalkers?

Not to mention violating the EU's Data Protection Privacy law and aligning yourselves with Nigerian con artists. Do you not find this sort of behavior rather un-progressive?

Then again, as Hitchens points out, the progressive left ceased to be progressive a long time ago, when many on the left began using Kissingerite tropes to oppose American interventions against fascism in the balkans and Iraq.

B) Sir,

Just when I thought the Guardian was determined to unseat Bush, you show your true colors by printing three obviously forged "letters" claiming to give sincere, well-meaning advice to American voters while creating precisely the opposite effect.
("Dear Clark County voter, Give us back the America we loved. Yours sincerely, John Le Carré")

Karl Rove's handiwork is clearly visible in the "letter" from "Richard Dawkins," who outdoes Lord Haw Haw for sneering, condescending nastiness. A special touch is the "Tony Martin" reference, from which ironically-- or rather, intentionally-- small-town Ohioans will draw the exact opposite conclusion from that intended by Lord Daw Daw.

Rovian touches were also evident in the choice of an obscure France-based author of thinly-veiled anti-American pulp fiction as the mouthpiece for this bit of sarcasm:

...please don't feel isolated from the Europe you twice saved.

A cringing Uriah Heap--perfect! Who knew Rove had such powers of literary characterization? Perfectly calculated to have the opposite effect upon Americans living in Ohio, the home of arch-isolationist Robert Taft and the Dayton Accords: bitter reminders of yet another abject refusal by Europeans to act forthrightly and courageously to stop fascist slaughter.

Rove also uses this mouthpiece to re-cycle the canard that "Bush was waging his father's war." As if Bush's father, who refused to overthrow Saddam and abandoned the Shi'a and Kurdish rebellions, was not decisively rejected by his son, who broke ranks with his father and Scowcroft and all the other cynical realpolitikers in finally summoning the will and courage to end Saddam's slaughterhouse!

As to the third Rovian mole, "Lady Fraser," this seems an odd choice, but surely the master judged that any British female would do, given that the only contemporary British woman known to most Ohioans-- she of People's Princess fame-- died years ago, her memorial teddy bears having been diverted recently to Mr Bigley, the latest symbol of Euro-fortitude.

Auntie Antonia offers some more sure-to-backfire "advice": "If you vote for Kerry, you will help to avert a move backwards towards women's suffering. Perfect timing, that: the same week that Ohioans see joyous scenes of Afghan women celebrating their right to vote, run for office, attend school, run businesses-- and all of this due to Bush's war to overthrow the Taliban, a barmy old Englishwoman announces that day is night. Bravo, Karl!

Sincerely,
[thibaud]

For those with blogs, if posting about this story, you can do as I did and give readers a mailto: link followed by all the email addresses. Using SouthernCross's aggregation, it looks like this (only in an HTML tag, obviously)

a href="mailto: jonathan.freedland@guardian.co.uk, clare.dyer@guardian.co.uk, polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk, dan.glaister@guardian.co.uk, ian.katz@guardian.co.uk, isabel.hilton@guardian.co.uk, james.fenton@guardian.co.uk, stephen.brook@guardian.co.uk, simon.tisdall@guardian.co.uk, mail@monbiot.com, jackie.ashley@guardian.co.uk, malcolm.dean@guardian.co.uk, steve.bell@guardian.co.uk, eric.allison@guardian.co.uk, matt.wells@guardian.co.uk, dan.milmo@guardian.co.uk, richard.norton@guardian.co.uk, taylor@guardian.co.uk, alan.travis@guardian.co.uk, conal.urquhart@guardian.co.uk, mberlins@aol.com, mike.hough@guardian.co.uk, audrey.gillan@guardian.co.uk, ewen.macaskill@guardian.co.uk, lee.glendinning@guardian.co.uk, jason.burke@observer.co.uk, michael.billington@guardian.co.uk, david.brindle@guardian.co.uk, lyn.gardner@guardian.co.uk, adrian.searle@guardian.co.uk, owen.gibson@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.jones@guardian.co.uk, claire.cozens@guardian.co.uk, judith.mackrell@guardian.co.uk, jason.deans@guardian.co.uk, dominic.timms@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.glancey@guardian.co.uk, alexis.petrardian.co.uk, john.fordham@guardian.co.uk, andrew.clements@guardian.co.uk, tim.ashley@guardian.co.uk, nancy.banks@guardian.co.uk, smith@guardian.co.uk, editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, books.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, politics.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@mediaguardian.co.uk, football.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, film.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, jobs.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, work.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, education.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, money.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, shopping.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, travel.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, arts.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@societyguardian.co.uk"

Read that the Clark county list cost them $25. We should really be offering donations so they can afford to buy additional Ohio county lists.

"The prize is a return flight to Ohio and accommodation on a room only basis to meet voters and participate in the closing days of the race. "

I think the Clark County villagers will be meeting the plane actually ... on the tarmac with fiery torches, hoes, crowbars, scythes etc.

I sent them ALL the following:

"Hello, this is John Howard.

I've taken the unusual step of contacting you via MASS SPAM EMAIL to lend you my support in your attempts to piss off as many decent hard-working Americans as possible with you pompous, Euro-sophisticate demands that they should vote the way to tell them to, even though you:

i) are not a US citizen;
ii) don't pay US taxes;
iii) don't enjoy American culture, sports, movies, etc.;
iv) don't sing the American National Anthem,
v) don't support American sports teams; and
vi) don't much like America.

If there's anything that will deliver the state of Ohio to my good friend, President George Bush, this will be it. SO thank you for your support.

John Howard, Prime Minister.

Aw, don't do that, Annalucia. It's not as if you haven't already paid for them. Besides, I'm guessing these were the books she wrote before she met Harold Pinter - who knows, maybe the villain corrupted her. A crisp letter informing her that you no longer intend to buy anything of hers, since she obviously does not wish to profit from the capitalist system, would probably do the trick :).

Brandon - could you add Powesheik to the list? It went red last time, but unfortunately the presence of my beloved alma mater (Grinnell) made it close-ish. I'd love to see the locals' reaction on being spammed by a bunch of Guardian readers. On second thought, I'd head for the hills, since they really do have pitchforks and know how to use them :).

Some of these letters are hilarious!

Actually I would enjoy getting a letter from a Brit trying to convince me to vote for Kerry. I would show it to my friends, scan it and post it on my blog, and certainly have endless fun with it, including my replies and attempts to befriend the sender, of course. Why do the people in Ohio get to have all the fun?

As to dogs and whether or not they lie:

maybe he meant they were lazy, my dog lies around all day
Posted by: ilibcc

I hadn't thought of that. Maybe he could say "they lie like rugs!" Very clear, eh?

Well, I suppose that they're occasionally answering a different question than the one you asked.

Anyone who has ever shared the responsibility for feeding a dog knows that if you ask the dog if it has been fed, the question that the dog will answer is "Do you want to eat?"
Posted by: Andy Freeman

This is very true, but I don't think it's deception so much as misunderstanding. Maybe language lessons are in order?

I sent my letter via the mass link.
George Monbiot replied;

Sorry about the automated reply. I read everything sent to me, apart from spam, but I can reply to only a very small proportion.

This is because I receive a couple of hundred personal messages a day, and if I answered them all properly, I would have no time for anything else.

So I will try to cover the most common questions here:

If you are looking for sources for the information in my articles, I have appended them on my website to all the pieces published since 11th March 2003.

If you would like me to give a talk or an interview, I am afraid the answer is no unless you hear from me - I receive 10 or 12 requests a day, and can meet only a very few of them.

If you want advice, I have tried to answer most of the requests I receive on the Careers Advice page, and through the www.globalrising.org site.

If you want a debate, sorry - I will read the points you make, but will not be able to reply.

If you are sending kind words, then thank you and my special apologies for not writing back.

Sorry again for all this, but I have found I cannot both do my work and be courteous. Something has to go, and I am afraid it is the courtesy.

Best wishes, George Monbiot

It is beyond doubt what the Guardian has done, so I sent this;

``Here’s a way Freedland and his fellow meddlers can still have their say in the USA: each could simply identify and

By the end of the workday, the paper had received more than 3,000 requests for voters, whose names were culled from public voter-registration rolls, said features editor Ian Katz. ''

Do you appreciate you have committed criminal offences, including against the voters themeselves. if one were on the end of such `e-mails', one wuld sue the culprits for major criminal offences. It is beyond question, that is what you have declared, you have engaged in criminal actions against each voter in Clark County.

Those voters should be given a chance to remonstrate, the lot of you should fly over their so the residents can kick your useless backsides off a few cliffs.

But let''s twist it: voters outside of France vote to kick out the Socialisto whores Chirac and Villespin, so too Spain Germany... and also the Commie Labour party of Britian. Interesting.

I live in Oz, we didn't vote the National Socialist Latham and his gallies those Khemr rouge things called Greens. No, Australia flogged the lying bastards.

PLEASE, if any of you people actually get a response/s from one of the members of "Team Guardian", please post it here for the rest of us to read and laugh, etc.

Oops- I accidently posted the list of Grauniad email address in several Usenet groups while I was responding to a message about how I could get a bigger donger. Darn clipboard...

LoL at walterplinge!

Just a friendly reminder that our beef is with the socialists that run and staff the Guardian, not that the rag is coincidentally located in England.

I sent my letter and quite enjoyed doing it.

Dear Mr. Le Carre et al.,

Thank you for your concern over the election of our president. You are so right that the outcome has a huge affect on the outside world. However, I think your letter-writing campaign to an obscure county in Ohio is an ineffective way to influence the results. I'd like to suggest a more effective tactic.

Being able to vote in the U.S. requires citizenship, something I know you don't have time to get in the next two and a half weeks. However, the duty of citizenship is most exemplified by the payment of taxes. I'll make a deal, Mr. Le Carre, if that is your real name, I'll give up my citizenship on Nov. 2 for one day in exchange for your payment of my state and federal 2003 taxes. That's right, you pay the amount on the bottom line of my 1040 and I'll be happy to vote for the candidate of your choice.

Southern Cross: Thanks for the list!

"Dear Cousin across the sea:

How kind, how thoughtful, how generous of your readers, to take time out of their busy schedules to lecture total strangers on matters of which your readers know little or nothing. In these hectic modern times, it is comforting, indeed, to know that the old British Imperialist instincts are still alive and well!

Today’s enlightened Britain is reverting to feudalism in a new, improved fashion. You’ve disarmed your people and seen your crime rate sky rocket correspondingly – how foolish of the US not to follow your footsteps! Your socialized medical system, with its slow ambulance response time and its months-long surgical waiting lists - superb! What a fantastic way to deal with the population crisis! You take down statues of pigs so as not to offend people who want to kill you no matter what you do or do not do - yes! How high-minded you are, skipping a Devon celebration of Trafalgar Day so as not to offend the French! Denigrate and destroy your own heritage and culture to feed your sense of self-righteousness. Why not?

O yes, we certainly need advice from you. Keep sending it. We’ll give it all the consideration it’s due.

Thanks for the Magna Carta. Thanks for egg coddlers. Thank you very much indeed for Lt. Col. Tim Collins and his brave men and colleagues. Did you know Afghanistan voted on October 9? Just think, only three years ago they weren't allowed to fly kites. How quickly we forget, hey?

Anyway - if you want to petition for statehood, go right ahead. If successful, you'll be able to vote legally. Otherwise . . I believe the expression is 'sod off, wankers.' See? Even dumb Americans can be a little multi-culti when we really try!

Sincerely,"

"... if you back Kerry, you will be voting against a savage militaristic foreign policy of pre-emptive killing ..."
-- Antonia Fraser, British author

Geez, British liberals make better Bush campaign speeches than Bush does. I can hear Bush now: "Some folks overseas call what we do 'savage militarism'. Here in America we call that 'winning'."

Does she not grasp that to Americans the pre-emptive killing of suicidal madmen is a qualification for public office?

Did she miss the Democratic convention, where Kerry did his damndest to prove he could be just as savagely militaristic as George Bush? Does she not understand that Kerry is losing precisely because he failed to make that case?

Eurocentrism claims another victim, I guess ... she's projecting her own milquetoast values onto us. How clueless of her. Has she ever read our Second Amendment?

She's throwing us red meat under the mistaken impression we're vegetarians.

Hi,
I'm writing on behalf of "operation Guardian (adopt an idiot British journalist)" campaign. I would like to adopt and sponser one of you in an attempt to steer you away from the biggoted and narrow-minded partisan politics of the Guardian newspaper - you know that marginalised euro-trash British paper? Please have the courage to defy the narrow politics of your editor/publisher and act + write independtly away from the chosen party line...after all thats what journalism is all about, right? You are journalists right? Or simply members of "the party?" Is 'Pravda' really a russian word for Guardian?
Come on, show me what your really made of...balls and not baked beans (a favourite British dish last I heard).

your new mentor and friend,
Leon K
Melbourne, Australia.

richard mcenroe: ROFLMAO!!

Now I have to clean Diet Coke off my monitor and keyboard.

Here's how to ruin their campaign:

Write a program which repeatedly posts a randomly-generated email address to the sign-up page, at random intervals (a couple of hours work at most).

The Guardian will not want to send the same address out more than once for fear of badgering Clark County residents.

There are only a few tens of thousands of voters in their list. The program could send the requests at a random interval (say between 1 and 10 seconds apart), and exhaust their whole list within a few days. It could also post to known first names (ever been to a baby-name web site?) at hotmail.com, virtually ensuring that the email will be sent correctly and will not bounce back.

The only way the Guardian could fix this would be to search their logs for the same IP address appearing over and over again, and then invalidating those requests.

So... all that is required is for maybe twenty or thirty people to download and run this program at the same time, and within a few hours the list would be exhausted and the situation would be almost impossible to resurrect.

The only thing preventing me from doing this is the potential legal repercussions.

There is a fatal flaw in the Guardian’s strategy – they are relying on posted letters. My personal experience of the Royal Mail leads me to conclude that the letters won’t arrive in time to affect the election, if indeed they arrive at all.

"Dear Comrades

I have noted your inspired idea to attempt to influence the forthcoming US Presidential election with much interest and I applaud your campaign to replace George Bush with the Europe-friendly John Kerry.

Once the natural order has been restored to America, I do not believe you should rest on your laurels. There are further opportunities for you to spread enlightenment to the rest of the world.

In particular, I note that there are elections scheduled for Iraq in the not too distant future. I believe you should immediately commence a campaign to have Saddam Hussein reinstalled in his rightful position as the President of Iraq. I feel that this would not be too controversial with your editors and readers given that it is consistent with the stance your paper took prior to the war to save the much-loved and admired President Hussein from the evil forces of democracy and capitalism.

I feel that this is a matter of urgency. Many brave, brave freedom fighters, suicide bombers, kidnappers and Ba'ath party operatives are dying as we delay!

Yours faithfully

Brett Martyn
Australia"

Lot's of funny comments. I enjoyed them. But really, I think the Guardian is doing a good thing here. I discuss it more on my blog, but in brief: what's wrong with trying to provoke people to communicate?

Dear Guardian Guy,

Keep it up!

- Zarqawi

Do you think the reason they chose Springfield, Ohio, is because they want to believe that Homer Simpson and his family live there?

Boy, I would love to get one. I would respond with a text copy of the US Constitution. "I have sent, for your perusal, a copy of the US Constitution. You will note no voting ability is afforded you by this document. Please forward me a copy of YOUR written Constitution, so I may research what MY duties are."

From one of the nine e-mails I requested to my various addresses: "Your letter ... must not contain any material which ... may bring the Guardian into disrepute."
(Pause for laughter to die down.)

My letter:

o begin, I'm an American ex-pat living in Ireland. I just wanted to know how you, as a journalist, could think the rest of the world is possibly able to form an intelligent opinion of the electoral contest in the USA when your own paper is unwilling or unable to inform, even minimally, the British people of the issues involved or the positions held by the candidates. As Richard Dawkins embarrassingly demonstrated here,

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections2004/story/0,13918,1326066,00.html

your writers cannot even be trusted to understand HOW someone is elected President in the USA, much less why one particular person *should* be elected.

I noted in the fine print describing the Clarke County competition that one must not say anything which would bring disrepute to the Guardian. Is Mr. Dawkins similarly bound by this restriction? Somehow I think not. Were I to recieve his letter, or either of the other two, I'd be shocked and deeply offended. Reading them literally makes my blood boil.

I mean, honestly, do you really believe that Mr. Bush has *deprived* people of healthcare or that the Iraq war was planned *before* 9/11? Is Mr. Le Carre pulling my leg here? What in the world is Antonia Frasier talking about when he says Bush plans a "...possible repeal of legislation that has for a generation made all women equal before the law..."? Abortion rights possibly? There is currently no legislation repealing or reversing women's equality pending in either the House or the Senate and none is possible; those freedoms are enumerated by the Bill of Rights as inherent rights which the government has no ability to abridge. While I know that inherent rights described by a founding document, not granted by a Parliament, is a "foreign" concept to the British people, Ms. Frasier ought at least to have heard of them. Her ignorance is appalling. And Mr. Dawkins' assertion that 9/11 was Bush's "big break" gives the lie to his rather racist assertion that there was worldwide "goodwill" directed at the USA after 9/11. I arrived in Ireland only 6 days before 9/11. I saw the news and I listened to the radio, and I talked to the people. The goodwill was hardly worldwide. From his letter, it's clear that nothing genuine of the sort flows from Mr. Dawkins.

I plan to write a letter to a Clarke County voter, and to submit it to your competition. There isn't a ghost of a chance I'll be picked, but I will get some satisfaction from the opportunity to remind Clarke County voters that the citizens of the UK are attempting to influence an election absent any real ability to be informed about it, and that writers for your paper aim to keep it that way.

-Tony Dye

Are you out of your fu***ng minds to do this? I'm British and I feel ashamed to read you are advocating this. We cannot and should not interfere in the elections of another country and certainly not to the extent of giving names of voters and sending them unsolicited mail basically telling them how they should vote.
It's really shortsighted! unless of course you are rooting for Bush.
If I was you I would withdraw this campaign immediatel and print a general letter of apology to all US citizens.
The guy(s) who came up with idea should be kicked out of his/their job(s).
Shame on you!

What the hell ever happened to John le Carre anyway? The guy who once wrote "The Spy Who Came In From The Cold" can't even pen an entertaining anti-Bush screed these days. If Clark County residents really feel the overwhelming need to have a clapped out, washed up writer tell them how to vote there's no need to import one from Britain. We'll just inflict Gore Vidal on them.

What is everyone complaining about? This is a great promotion by the Guardian. I've already signed up my three e-mail accounts and gotten three mailing addresses for Clark County (I live in Butler County, OH).

I plan on printing and mailing a VOTE FOR BUSH letter to all three! You should get your own penpal from Clark county and "rock the vote" for W., too!

(Oh, don't worry, I'm going to be sending my true feelings to all those at the Guardian, too.)

One more thing: Is "Team Guardian" featured in the "Team America" movie by any chance? Heh!

Well, Southern Cross, maybe Tim didn't do what you wanted because it would screw up the formatting of the page, the way you just did. Thanks!

I hope you all realize that the Guardian is likely to print all the illiterate, incoherently irate, and/or embarrassing email they get from you guys.

They won't print Giles' email above (http://timblair.spleenville.com/archives/007752.php#093735) I think you can count on that. Nor richard mcenroe; "epicene"? Yes. That's really the only word you need for those people. But they'll never, ever admit to their readers that an American can spell it.

They're going to print the ones that make Americans look stupid. Because they LOVE us so MUCH! Except of course for that beastly, nasty Mr. Bush.

I suspect they've already gotten a ream or two of ammunition. On the bright side, nothing could make their readers hate us any more than they already do, so it's not like any harm will come of it.

With edditting, this list of addresses worked for me. The other list omitted commas and spaces which choked my YAHOO mail.

jonathan.freedland@guardian.co.uk, clare.dyer@guardian.co.uk, polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk, dan.glaister@guardian.co.uk, ian.katz@guardian.co.uk, isabel.hilton@guardian.co.uk, james.fenton@guardian.co.uk, stephen.brook@guardian.co.uk, simon.tisdall@guardian.co.uk, mail@monbiot.com, jackie.ashley@guardian.co.uk, malcolm.dean@guardian.co.uk, steve.bell@guardian.co.uk, eric.allison@guardian.co.uk, matt.wells@guardian.co.uk, dan.milmo@guardian.co.uk, richard.norton-taylor@guardian.co.uk, alan.travis@guardian.co.uk, conal.urquhart@guardian.co.uk, mberlins@aol.com, mike.hough@guardian.co.uk, audrey.gillan@guardian.co.uk, ewen.macaskill@guardian.co.uk, lee.glendinning@guardian.co.uk, jason.burke@observer.co.uk, michael.billington@guardian.co.uk, david.brindle@guardian.co.uk, lyn.gardner@guardian.co.uk, adrian.searle@guardian.co.uk, owen.gibson@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.jones@guardian.co.uk, claire.cozens@guardian.co.uk, judith.mackrell@guardian.co.uk, jason.deans@guardian.co.uk, dominic.timms@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.glancey@guardian.co.uk, john.fordham@guardian.co.uk, andrew.clements@guardian.co.uk, tim.ashley@guardian.co.uk, nancy.banks-smith@guardian.co.uk, editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, books.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, politics.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@mediaguardian.co.uk, football.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, film.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, jobs.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, work.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, education.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, money.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, shopping.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, travel.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, arts.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@societyguardian.co.uk

Here's a great argument from Dawkins, the last Guardian letter writer:

"...the world is a better place without Saddam. No doubt it is. But that's the Tony Martin school of foreign policy [Martin was a householder who shot dead a burglar who had broken into his house in 1999]. It's not how civilised countries, who follow the rule of law, behave. The world would be a better place without George Bush, but that doesn't justify an assassination attempt. The proper way to get rid of that smirking gunslinger is to vote him out."

Yes, someone from Ohio will agree that it's wrong to kill a burglar that enters your house - NOT! This elite "intellectual" has as much insight into the American mind as Saddam Hussein with his fake WMDs. Thank God our founding fathers had the wisdom, foresight and balls to separate from those inbred othodontically-challenged twits 200+ years ago.

I say we not only adopt them. I say we baptise the bastards in absentia, too.

Here's my two cents worth, sent to Clare Dyer.

Ms. Dyer-

As an American citizen and voter, a typical one I suppose, I take great umbrage to your newpaper's...er, your publication's...attempt to influence the upcoming Presidential election through Operation Clark County.

If your readers are so keen to influence an American election, let me suggest a surefire method. Those who wish to influence the American presidential election should do as so many millions of British subjects and other similarly oppressed people have done over the course of the last 228 years; escape the tyranny and oppression they find in their native land, immigrate here and become an American citizen.

It's amazing the advantages one derives from becoming an American citizen. Voting in our presidential elections is just a start. As a new American you will pay much lower taxes than you did to in the land you recently fled, not fear getting arrested if you defend your life against a criminal attacker, and live around the most accepting, most generous and most interesting people on the planet.

Freedom of speech and freedom of religion are actually guaranteed to all through an amazing document known as a Constitution...yes, it's all actually written down, not just passed from generation to generation via the oral traditions common in backward cultures and former world empires.

No politician will be able to avoid prosecution for crimes he committed merely by taking elected office. In America, all of us are equal under the law, in theory and in practice.

If you choose to live in a large city you can experience the joys of life under the domination of an all powerful political machine. For those of you who have come to America to avoid local government reminiscent of the land you recently rejected, I recommend the American south or southwest...except, of course, New Mexico and any other states governed by former cabinet members of America's first black president, who, oddly enough, wasn't actually black. That honor is yet to actually be achieved but certainly will be within our lifetime.

No matter where you live in America, however, you are guaranteed the following; you will be living in a country where the people are sovereign, not some foreign potentate or editorial writer.

No, once you have take American citizenship, as my father's family did in 1942 following their flight from the sort of political, religious persecution and war so common throughout European history, you can rest easy that the opinions of foreign busybodies, witch burners and other thinking-they're-better-than-you-are types will not matter one whit.

Respectfully yours,

Charles. A Eklund

Dawkins has figured out that us poor dumb Yankees ain't never had no idee it ain't right to shoot nobody what breaks into our li'l ol' cabins to take our vittles. So now he's a-tellin' us it ain't right, and now that we done heered it from one o' them smart Eee-uropean fellers, we done been instructed and we're a-gonna think the right way now.

What's funny is Dawkins' instinctive resort to gunslinger/cowboy imagery. In his cramped little world, that means "American", and "American" means "bad". Everybody one knows thinks that way, old chap! It's universal!

Great stuff. I've fired off a letter and snagged me some addresses to prevent them falling into enemy hands. "Operation Adopt-an-Idiot-British-Journalist". I love it.

"Dear British Socialist-Class Twit,

By all means, please vote in our elections. I hope you will be happy with your new Republican-Tory Prime Minister Jeb Bush, who we will be voting into Whitehall along reciprocal lines once voting arrangements for ~60m American Republicans are finalised."

Hi from the USA! I have been working with those great people at the SwiftVets and POWs for Truth Forum in an effort to block these idiots at The Guardian from trying to interfere in our Presidential Election. One of our posters pointed out what tremendous effort you were putting into diverting those addresses that The Guardian is trying to send out. I just HAD to comment and say................

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

I sent this:

Please consider also targeting Hillsborough County, New Hampshire.

We are also a "swing" county in a "swing" state. Adding us would be good for the Guardian because while a grand prize of a three day visit to Ohio sounds like the punchline of a bad joke, a grand prize of three days in the hills of New Hampshire is actually worth something.

And I would like it because there's no surer way of getting my ornery, perverse and cantankerous neighbors to vote for Bush than by having foreigners tell them to vote for Kerry.

Dear England Newspaper Person,

How are you? I am fine. I have to say I really enjoy you're loveable moptop "Rock and Roll" combos like the Beatles. There really groovie, or as you say "fab gear"! I can see why they drive all the "birds" "mad."

Anyhoo, thanks alot for the election advice and stuff. Boy, you made some really good points (even tho I didn't understand all the England-style words) but Reverend Falwell says that God will punish us with commies and terrorist and negros and AIDS, etc., if we don't elect President Bush.

So, I guess I'm pretty much undecided. But also, I lost my job when the Halliburton men closed down the local factory. Tell you what -- how about sending me $200? That way I can vote for Kerry with a clean consius, and pay for Bible lessons for little Duane Jr. and Tammy Fay.

You're Pal,

Duane in Ohio

PS - please send the money in American money, and not youre thuppences and so forth. They only take American money at the Wal Mart.

Fun as this is, I only wish they had chosen a county from my own swing state of West Virginia, where the Democratic Party's long-standing historical dominance hangs by a thread.

Some changes would be necessary, though: John LeCarre would have to attest to the fact that deep down, Kerry is really a gun-loving evangelical Christian homophobe with a secret plan to outlaw abortion as soon as he assumes office.

Why send these Guardian idiots just one e-mail each when you can send each a hundred.

Use vial curse words in the subject line. That way they can't miss your intent and anger.

Now wait just one gosh-darned minute, this Tim Blair fella appears to be AN AUSTRALIAN -- JUST LIKE HITLER! Them Australians over there in Vienna is lickin' WHIPPED CREAM offa ARTILLERY all day, they're a buncha goddamn NAZIS if you ask me! Now, I'm just a simple red-blooded American like you, folks, but I can't for the life of me see why we're letting this pinko-commie goddamn fascist or whatever the hell he is -- you know them Austrians let a buncha marsupials RUN AROUND LOOSE in their country? God only knows what it's doing to the kids, and they call it a "LIFESTYLE CHOICE" -- tell us whether to let the Guardian tell us who to vote for or not. Am I gonna stand for that? HELL NO! If I want Michael Caine and Dame Edna to tell me to vote for goddamn Al Sharpton, that's my own damn business!

Here I thought this was an honest American web site, and it turns out to be no more than some wine-slurping effete Australian trying to export his own effeminate, hypersensitive culture to the USA! I'm telling you, if them Australians had ever tried to settle a frontier, they'd know better than to tangle with us!

My letter:

In response to "Operation Clark County," I would like to express my gratitude, and that of the American people, to the subjects of the United Kingdom for their support for Prime Minister Tony Blair and for the invaluable assistance of the UK in the global war on terror. Your support for President George W. Bush's policy of taking the war to the terrorists makes not just Great Britain, but the whole world -- including the United States -- safer. For that you have our sincere gratitude, earned by the brave sacrifice of Englishmen and -women no less than when Churchill and England stood virtually alone in Europe against the Nazis. As America came to fight by your side then, so we fight now. As we prevailed in that fearful time, so shall we prevail in this.

I especially wish to thank The Guardian, whose opposition to President Bush, the War on Terror, and all that is sensible and good has played a salutary role in persuading the British public to support Mr. Blair's steadfast leadership in the Anglo-American alliance. It is certainly wise of you to recognize that, as your newspaper was wrong at every point of the Cold War, so the public will conclude that any position it takes today will likewise be wrong. Just as by rejecting the policy preferences of The Guardian then, we allies were able to free millions from Soviet totalitarianism, so today, by rejecting your opinions will we free millions more from the tyranny of Islamofascism. The elections in Afghanistan are just the first fruits, and for them the world owes The Guardian a great debt.

Please keep up the good work.

simply put, No Representation Without Taxation. Wanna have a say in our elections? Move here, and pay the taxes like the rest of us.