May 09, 2004


If dead terrorist Osama bin Laden thinks he can scare Kofi Annan, the bug-munched, inanimate former Al Qaeda boss better think again:

Secretary-General Kofi Annan said he was taking seriously a death threat against him and other U.N. officials allegedly from terror leader Osama bin Laden, but he pledged Friday to "carry on with my work."

Squinting enigmatically from beneath a cowboy hat lowered to conceal one eye, the unshaven UN leader paused to spit tobacco juice before continuing:

"We take it seriously, and we will have to take precautions and then carry on with my life and my work."

In response to press questions about what exactly his “work” is, Annan mounted a white Segway and rode wordlessly away from the UN media centre.

Posted by Tim Blair at May 9, 2004 03:40 AM

Come back, Kofi! come back!

Posted by: Andrea Harris at May 9, 2004 at 04:15 AM

…back to his bunker in the basement of the UN building, where the door was cemented shut and sandbagged with several thousand New York office workers as a "routine safety precaution..."

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at May 9, 2004 at 04:38 AM

notice that he says "my work" - not the "UN's work" .

Posted by: Giles at May 9, 2004 at 04:39 AM

"U.N. officials said they were taking steps to "enhance the security of the secretary-general."

In other words, to appease Osama, Osama now gets of a cut of the oil-for-bribes program operated by the UN and hidden is Swiss banks.

Posted by: perfectsense at May 9, 2004 at 05:27 AM

Uh, Kofi doesn't want US intelligence and NYC police to protect him from terror threats, now does he?

Maybe he should get the French foreign office, the German courts, the Belgium war crimes tribunal, the Spanish Socialists and Saudi's Zion-busters to save him from Osama, instead.

Posted by: c at May 9, 2004 at 07:40 AM

"I know what you're thinking - 'did he issue six resolutions, or only five?' To tell you the truth, in all the corruption, I lost track myself. But considering this is UN resolution #4444-44, the most impotent condemnation in the world, and would make you laugh your head clean off, you gotta ask yourself a question - do I feel lucky? Well? Do ya, pu-"


"What the fu-"


"You're shooting at us?! We're outta here! Run away! Run away!"

Posted by: Dave S. at May 9, 2004 at 08:38 AM

There's nothing more to say about Kofi Annan's statement. It's already been said. In devastating ways.

Posted by: Rebecca at May 9, 2004 at 09:15 AM

Dave S. -

LMFAO!! Next time, please warn us to erect our spew barriers in front of our monitors before you spring something like this!

Posted by: Agent Smith at May 9, 2004 at 09:38 AM

I think the late OBL is incredibly brave.

Would you threaten the life of Kofi Annan, a man who has made genocide and mass murder the hallmark of his career?

Posted by: Harry Tuttle at May 9, 2004 at 10:13 AM

Awesome post Dave. Someone oughta record that first bit with a good Clint Eastwood voice. *laughs*

Posted by: Sortelli at May 9, 2004 at 10:28 AM

"We take it seriously, and we will have to take precautions and then carry on with my life and my work."

Yep, I'll carry on making sur the world is secure enough for barrels of oil to change hands in safety.

Posted by: peggy sue at May 9, 2004 at 10:51 AM

This is a job for .. the World Court, the EU, and the UN. Any day they will be issuing statements.
Resolutions will be passed. Bureaucrats will be denouncing Osama from every corner of the globe.

A committee will be formed by France, Germany and Belgium to study the matter and issue more statements.

I bet Osama will be sorry he ever issued those threats!!

Posted by: Chris Josephson at May 9, 2004 at 10:56 AM

Osama is offering a paltry $136,000,I,m sure the blogosphere can top that.

Posted by: Peter at May 9, 2004 at 12:10 PM

"Carry on my work", shit, he isn't content with what did to countries like Rwanda, not content with having pulled the biggest heist the oil vouvhers scam, he plans more grandiose things in the way criminal! Can't Koffee Toffee Man be dropped at Osama's Cave entrance for a quick buggering?

Posted by: d at May 9, 2004 at 02:44 PM

Another sixteen anti israel resolutions should be enough for Osama to call off his contracts.
And of course better turn a blind eye towards sudan.
Oh! that's already being done !sorry.
Some people never stop asking for more.

Posted by: DAVO at May 9, 2004 at 03:28 PM

Somehow Kofi finds the strength to carry on. How does he do it?

Posted by: S.A. Smith at May 9, 2004 at 03:51 PM

As Kofi rides off into the sunset upon his white steed the townfolk agree: "All hat, no cattle".

Posted by: torchy at May 9, 2004 at 08:44 PM

Hey Osama doesn't seem like such a bad guy after all ;-)

Posted by: Brian. at May 10, 2004 at 02:00 AM

Uh Pete,
Where do we send the contributions?

Posted by: Mike H. at May 10, 2004 at 07:39 AM

Has anyone seen lord of the flies...........?

Posted by: godhead at May 11, 2004 at 01:22 AM

The sooner everyone wakes up to the reality the sooner we can clean up the mess!

Posted by: godhead at May 11, 2004 at 01:26 AM