December 28, 2003
PREPARE THE SHREDDERS
Murray Waldron previews 2004’s worst books:
Conflict of more recent times disquiets Bob Ellis, whose Night Thoughts in a Time of War (Penguin, August) canvasses migration, refugees and international conflict.
Bob, of course, predicted Armageddon in Iraq, wrote that Osama bin Laden most likely didn’t cause 9/11, and claimed John Howard’s xenophobic bigotry led to the Bali bombings. Hey, maybe all of those were just stupid “day thoughts”, and Bob’s “night thoughts” will be completely accurate.
The web-blogging Margo Kingston gets down and dirty in a political way in Not Happy, John: What We Can Do to Save Our Democracy (Penguin, April).
Imagine being the tragic Penguin editor put in charge of this. Imagine the corrections, the fact-checking, the confusion. Imagine a typical email from the editor to the author: “Margo, could you make this chapter just a little bit less fucking insane?”
Denise Leith interviewed the likes of Robert Fisk, Monica Attard, John Pilger and Steve Brill for Bearing Witness: The Lives of Photojournalists and Foreign Correspondents (Random House, May).
At least the title is accurate. Oh, wait ... it says Lives. Didn’t see the ‘v’. My mistake.
Hans Blix details the search for weapons of mass destruction in Disarming Iraq (Bloomsbury, March).
Borders fun: hide all of Blix’s books, then tell the staff you can’t find any. Send them all on a storewide search. Repeatedly ask if they “need more time”. If they get close to your hiding place, deny them access.
Australian philosopher to the world Peter Singer scrutinises The President of Good and Evil: The Ethics of George W. Bush (Text Publishing, May) via his policies and actions.
Singer’s main complaint: Bush didn’t kill enough retarded children.
Arundhati Roy deconstructs the US argument for war in The Ordinary Person's Guide to Empire (Flamingo, February), exposing "errors in its thesis, (and) the hypocrisy and false ideology behind the rhetoric".
You want some crap rhetoric, look no further. Roy is the master.
Acerbic commentator Kevin Phillips has The Bush Dynasty: How a Clan of Rich Boys, Oilmen, Fakes and Fat Cats Became the Most Powerful Family in America (Allen Lane, February).
Acerbic faux-conservative Phillips is best described here:
For more than 20 years, he has been writing books making the same tired argument about how the rich are running everything, getting richer by the day off the sweat of the working man's brow, and that they will soon be brought down by a populist revolt. Republicans are the handmaidens of the rich in Phillips' various diatribes, and will reap the whirlwind unless they become Democrats, he repeatedly asserts.
Looks like 2004 is another year we won’t have to bother buying books. Lucky I’ve already got my copy of Unless I’m Very Much Mistaken, the autobiography of British philosopher, linguist, and orator Murray Walker.
Posted by Tim Blair at December 28, 2003 01:49 AMSpeaking of terrible books, does anyone know the correct etiquette for when one receives a Michael fucking Moore book for the second Christmas in a row? I'm torn between a polite thank you and beating the giver to death with a large lump of wood.
Posted by: Ross at December 28, 2003 at 02:48 AMTry the middle path: politely beating the giver to death with a large lump of wood.
Posted by: tim at December 28, 2003 at 02:53 AMHey, that fireplace isn't there just so Santa can drop off the prezzies.
Posted by: ushie at December 28, 2003 at 03:18 AMTim, I think you're mistaken about Andrew's choice: it's for the single most egregious statement of the year. I'm sure when Andrew opens up a "Lifetime Achievement" award, Pilger will be properly recognized.
Posted by: Charlie at December 28, 2003 at 04:18 AM"Speaking of terrible books, does anyone know the correct etiquette for when one receives a Michael fucking Moore book for the second Christmas in a row?"
Look the "gift"-giver straight in the eye and intone: "Dude, where's my real present?"
Posted by: Jim Treacher at December 28, 2003 at 04:32 AMBuy the present-giver a nice calendar. It's pretty obvious they've gotten December 25 mixed up with April 1.
Posted by: David Crawford at December 28, 2003 at 04:47 AMWell, you now have two presents you can give to your Moorephile at appropriate moments.
Posted by: Fred Boness at December 28, 2003 at 05:52 AMRoss - Another thought: I've never had the opportunity to do this myself, but you can write a nice thank you note and use the famous, "Your gift is here before me, it will soon be behind me" line. OR, "Thank you for the book, I will waste no time in starting it."
Posted by: timks at December 28, 2003 at 07:39 AMAlso: look for used book stores in your area and trade them in for something worth reading.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 28, 2003 at 08:05 AMThank you everyone, Jim Treacher's approach is the one I want to try, but regifting is the one that I will probably end up doing.
Posted by: Ross at December 28, 2003 at 08:12 AMRoss, remember: Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. Forestall the third time by gifting the giver with an equally welcome present. I suggest O'Reilly, Coulter, or Limbaugh. In very tough cases you might look for Tammy Faye Baker books, but that's really an extreme solution.
Posted by: Angie Schultz at December 28, 2003 at 09:05 AMI'm a bit disappointed that Margo's working title isn't "John Howard - I Never Said He Was a Mass-Murderer!"
Posted by: Geoff Honnor at December 28, 2003 at 09:30 AMBack when I was at school - scratching on slates by hurricane lamp light - we were taught mathematics.
One test was 'reductio ad absurdum'-
namely, that if the logical consequences of a proposition are absurd, then the proposition is false.
Peter Singer has been applying this test for years, but somehow no-one has noticed.
"Borders fun: hide all of Blix’s books, then tell the staff you can’t find any. Send them all on a storewide search. Repeatedly ask if they 'need more time'. If they get close to your hiding place, deny them access."
lol, i love that..
Posted by: samkit at December 28, 2003 at 10:49 AMI love it too. But as analogies go, it's completely worthless.
Now, let go of that bone.
Posted by: Clog at December 28, 2003 at 10:56 AMHey, Clog, there's someone here with a few Michael Moore books you might be interested in!
Posted by: Hans Blips at December 28, 2003 at 11:24 AMRoss:
I recommend giving him "A World Without Walls", written by that other Michael Moore.
Posted by: wv at December 28, 2003 at 12:23 PMDon't regift! Give your Moorephile something better. To get their head out of their ass. Like anything by PJ O'Rourke (who's funnier than Moore could ever hope to be).
Posted by: scott h. at December 28, 2003 at 02:31 PMHey, that fireplace isn't there just so Santa can drop off the prezzies.
Hey - that's what the nazis do. Get with the times and put it through a shredder, Saddamista style.
With luck, I might put Michael Moore through the shredder soon. I plan to take photos.
Posted by: Andjam at December 28, 2003 at 02:59 PMRoss, my suggestion is to make the giver read the thing.
Guarantee you won't get another one.
BTW, what is the main difference between Murray Walker and all the other "authors" Tim has listed ?
All of them say stupid things, but only Murray realises it.
(Do I get extra points for using sneer quotes?)