July 24, 2003

TOP CAT

A friend once concluded a tale of adolescent sexual misadventure with the line: “And then he jizzed all over the television screen!” Now cartoon advice cat Ray Smuckles takes things even further:

Are you trying to relive your first clumsy sexual experience and make up for shooting all over her stuffed animals the second you got out of your pants? Ten bucks says that your subconscious mind is still trying to compensate for a bukakke’d-up Snoopy.

That’s an image that just won’t quit. Ray also has this advice for Goths:

Basically, it seems that the Goth phase tends to naturally end in the late teens. This is because Goths get tired of constantly being told that they "look like idiots" and "are annoying" and "can't work the Drive-Thru if they keep dressing like Dracula's Knob-wipe."

Ray gets better every damn week. He knows stuff.

Posted by Tim Blair at July 24, 2003 04:28 AM
Comments

Well his comments on Goths are full of shite. I wonder if he wants to comment on idiot white kids trying to look like ganstas (aka wiggas). Goths in my experience are a hell of a lot more insteresting than some middle class arsehole trying to act like he is "down with da hood".

Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge at July 24, 2003 at 06:51 AM

He is also a cartoon cat.

Posted by: Pete Best at July 24, 2003 at 07:11 AM

I thought Ray was giving away the advice column to become a dentist, no?

Posted by: Simon Roberts at July 24, 2003 at 10:13 AM

Hey is that the Pete of the famous Richmond cover band of the 70s: Pete Best's Beatles?

Posted by: slatts at July 24, 2003 at 12:41 PM

Agreed with Mr Dodge on this one. All the goths I know (including myself) have long since passed their teenage years, and I'd rather be in a club full of goths than a club full of wiggas.

Posted by: James Russell at July 24, 2003 at 01:13 PM

I was waiting for James to comment on this one. He was disappointingly restrained...

Posted by: Robert at July 24, 2003 at 02:19 PM

The goths I remember were completely without a sense of humour, least of all about themselves. As a result they could not argue an issue – they took everything personally. Even gentle ribbing resulted in them becoming defensive. They were reluctant to dance. They didn’t mingle at parties. When it came to drinking they seemed to go straight from sober to comatose without experience the intermediate stages: jocose, bellicose and lachrymose.

On the other hand (based on a very limited sample) they did make generous and considerate lovers.

Posted by: Simon Roberts at July 24, 2003 at 02:43 PM

I was waiting for James to comment on this one. He was disappointingly restrained...

Yeah, but like the man said, it's a cartoon cat. The opinions of a cartoon cat aren't worth getting worked up over.

Posted by: James Russell at July 26, 2003 at 12:46 AM