July 24, 2003


Mark Steyn on the Unremarkable Hulk and shrinking female leads:

As Bruce Banner, Eric Bana (no relation) is not just nerdy but utterly unmemorable: unlike Tobey Maguire’s Peter Parker in Spider-Man, he can’t hold his own with his alter-ego. As Betty, Jennifer Connelly spends most of the movie lost in passively impassive reaction shots. I dunno what she’s thinking about, but I found myself pining for the zaftig Jennifer of old. A few years ago, she looked fabulous: a 1950s starlet for the 21st century, all curves and what Ian Fleming used to call “insolent breasts”. She and her She-Hulk-sized bosom seem to have shrunk in inverse proportion to the Hulk: her incredible bulk has shriveled away to a dolorous cadaver with a cute l’il freckle on her upper lip. What a tragedy.

Steyn ain’t wrong. Compare new Jennifer with former Jennifer. Sad.

Posted by Tim Blair at July 24, 2003 04:24 AM

Yikes! Someone's been eating way too little cellery for her own (and our) good. About the movie, I got a better impression of it than Steyn did - that they spruce up the story a bit makes it feel less of a FORMULA-1A production than, say, all the other comic book movies out there. And that's a good thing, right? Oh, and it's beautifully shot.

Regards / GulGnu

-Stabil som fan!

Posted by: GulGnu at July 24, 2003 at 04:56 AM

But now she looks like a boy, which seems to be what fashion tastemakers always want. (Actually she looks a lot like the young Warren Beatty, or maybe Henry Thomas in ET.)

But we'll always have her as the young Elizabeth McGovern in Once Upon a Time in America.

Posted by: Mike G at July 24, 2003 at 05:30 AM

Man, that's almost as depressing as what Christina Ricci has done to herself. Once a curvy vision of torment for frustrated teens, now another Hollyweird anorexic. Sad, really.

Posted by: Bruce at July 24, 2003 at 06:08 AM

No kidding. Lara Flynn Boyle has to be one of the nastiest looking things on the planet -- she looks like a Chinese Crested.

But Ms Connelly in that older picture (no, the other one, pervert!)... she's a complete knockout.

Posted by: Andrew at July 24, 2003 at 06:50 AM

Bony chicks hurt.

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 24, 2003 at 07:54 AM

I recall an A&E special on breasts. They talked about Jennifer Connely. It seems that after her first child they shrunk.

As to female roles in action movies, they often tend to be lightweight simply because they are put in just to have a female role. Compare the first Batman with Kim Bassinger (a role that didn't add anything to the movie) with Michelle Pfeiffer's role as Catwoman. The Catwoman character fit well into the movie and as such the female role added to the movie. Oh, they no-reason female roles in action movies do give the hero someone to rescue.


Posted by: Kalroy at July 24, 2003 at 08:35 AM

There out to be a law. Women should have breasts dammit!

Posted by: Patrick at July 24, 2003 at 10:16 AM

She had a boob job, sometime after The Hot Spot, if I'm not mistaken, and just before The Rocketeer (a film whose title is a mnemonic for her father generous ... endowments ... in that forgettable vehicle).

She's had a reduction recently, along with some fairly radical weight loss, as far as I can tell. The photos from last year's Oscars, however, were JC at her worst; she has since gained back a few pounds; but don't be buying that "I lost cup size after my baby" stuff - it's mostly a medical impossibility.

Why do I know this? I'm a film critic AND the photo editor at a newspaper. Just so you don't think I'm some kind of JC stalker.

I mean really, I'm not.

Posted by: rick mcginnis at July 24, 2003 at 10:24 AM

Mike G

Thanks for that I had no idea that she was the young Elizabeth McGovern in Once Upon a Time in America. That being my favourite movie an' all.

Posted by: Alex Hidell at July 24, 2003 at 10:44 AM

The kids ate 'em?

Gravity sucks?

Why do I have this vision of two footy socks with a handful of wet sand in the bottom of each?

Sorry, I'm in my acerbic period right now.

Posted by: BruceT at July 24, 2003 at 11:05 AM

Spray paint Mike Moore green, and you've got the Incredible Bulk.
(Or should that be incredulous?)
And what about Sabrina? She had funbags like a dead-heat in a zeppelin race.

Posted by: Habib Bickford at July 24, 2003 at 11:24 AM

Omigod! Spiderman sucked the juice out of her

Posted by: The at July 24, 2003 at 11:34 AM

The film critic in "Slate" made the same comment about Claire Danes in "T-3"; "Danes, however, is shrill and painful to watch. She looked adorable and sexy with a touch of baby fat, but she's the latest in an endless line of young Hollywood actresses to starve herself down to the bone. Stop the madness!" [http://slate.msn.com/id/2085101/]

On the good side, seeing "Beautiful Mind" finally cured me of the painful, aching crush on JenCon that I'd been nursing ever since I saw "Rocketeer" a decade before.

PS: Hey, Tim, can you put warnings on any future skin-baring hyperlinks to those of us who read you in our tea breaks at work??!!

Posted by: Uncle Milk at July 24, 2003 at 11:51 AM

Err, no pun intended about "nursing" a crush.

Posted by: Uncle Milk at July 24, 2003 at 11:53 AM

Christina Ricci looked much better in the "Addams Family", in fact she scrubbed up pretty well.

Posted by: Kerry O'Brien at July 24, 2003 at 12:00 PM

Ah. Let me say that I found Christina Ricci attractive *after* she became of legal age. My counsel has advised me to clarify this point.

Posted by: Bruce at July 24, 2003 at 12:07 PM

>It seems that after her first child they shrunk.

Yeah, and Anna Nicole Smith's just grew, the story was. And Cameron Diaz can eat whatever she wants and stays skinny as can be, the recent Vanity Fair profile said. I'll believe it when-- actually I wont' believe any of it.

I think J.C. faced a hard couple of years as an actress and was hearing from Hollywood nutjobs that she wasn't young and skinny any more at the superannuated age of 29 or whatever, so she went on a serious crash program (maybe surgery reduced 'em too) and the result now is that a once vivaciously curvy young woman is Miss Androgynous Anorexia Ghoul of 2003. Well, it certainly helped her career, sad to say-- she's got the Oscar and the recent jobs to prove it.

Posted by: Mike G at July 24, 2003 at 12:21 PM

Bruce has no future at the ABC, if that's how he thinks.

Posted by: Kerry O'Brien at July 24, 2003 at 12:57 PM

Usually if you can eat whatever you like and not gain weight, it is a good sign that you have an infestation of tapeworms. Anyone got any webcam shots from Cameron Diaz's dunny? Could tell for sure- those little buggers seem to like having a peek at the outside world whenever the duds come off.

Posted by: Habib Bickford at July 24, 2003 at 03:54 PM

No discussion of Jennifer Connelly is complete without a mention of ASS TO ASS!

You should have used those photos to illustrate that even when she was playing a cokehead, she was still curvy.

Posted by: The Angry Clam at July 24, 2003 at 05:11 PM

"Steyn ain't wrong", says Tim.

Steyn is never wrong.

Posted by: Alan Anderson at July 24, 2003 at 07:22 PM

Well, anyone who has seen Eric Bana as Chopper Harris wil not really be able to square that with Steyn's claim of nerdiness. I haven't seen the movie, but MS does tend to go over the top and down the other side in his ruthless drive to be entertaining.

Posted by: Dave F at July 24, 2003 at 08:35 PM

Who the fuck is "Chopper Harris"? Some bizarre mutant hatched using DNA from "Chopper Read" and Sir Arthur "Bomber" Harris?
The result would be a stand-over artist who uses area bombing to extract extortion.
Sounds like a winner to me.

Posted by: Habib Bickford at July 24, 2003 at 08:42 PM

It could be worse! There are few things more horrible than exaggerated lip enlargement (augmentation). Look at Madeleine Stowe´s lips in "We were soldiers" - they almost destroyed the film.

Posted by: Werner at July 24, 2003 at 08:45 PM

Another winner- further to the previous item about toilet webcams, I'm starting a site for the German market, with dunnycam(tm) in selected thin celebrities choad-bins; tentative title "Perving for Proglotyds". Venture capital, anyone?

Posted by: Habib Bickford at July 24, 2003 at 08:50 PM

Well, on the topic of the MOVIE, I disagree that it was the actors to blame for Hulk's failure.

Seems painfully clear that culprit number 1 was the director. As with his previous efforts, Hulk was a convoluted storyline lacking clear theme and completely ignoring established formulas that assure a certain level of movie success.

Posted by: Mike M at July 24, 2003 at 11:06 PM

I agree about Connelly - she used to be quite hot, now she's just a stick. Eeww.

Also see Jennifer Aniston in the first year or two of "Friends" vs. the Jennifer Aniston of today. She was *much* hotter back when she had more weight and curves and boobs and a non-bony face.

Posted by: Kevin Buchanan at July 25, 2003 at 03:34 AM

Perhaps they think the blokes who go see to see action films want the gals to be passive, rescue material and on the brink of death ("Save me Hulk, I haven't eaten since I had a dry cracker last Sunday").

Maybe the film-makers think passivity suggests deep thoughts (personally I find it hard to get the old grey matter going before I have sat down to a substantial meal that probably includes KFC Mashies).

Either way, girls stop buying into the diet crap.


Posted by: Darlene at July 25, 2003 at 03:13 PM

Habib Bickford (who the fuck is HE): yes, that's who Chopper Harris is, but I mutated the two mad killers by mistake. I do not live in Australia, but may I say there is no need to come the raw prawn, you drongo.

Posted by: Dave F at July 25, 2003 at 09:00 PM

All is not lost.
See here:


Posted by: Robert Clark at July 26, 2003 at 01:08 AM

Following the Hollywood trend... imagine the trouble they must have had trying to feminize "the hulk".


Posted by: Joe at July 26, 2003 at 04:30 AM