October 21, 2004

'REAL' AUSTRALIAN DEFINED

Another note from Al Franken fan (check the comments) Les Ketchum, who really should meet that "Captain Americrunch" guy posting at Treacher's:

A 'REAL' Australian wouldn't have supported this fucking Imperialistic war, timmy-boy. A 'REAL' Australian remembers what the fuck Empires do & keeps his marbles mindful of the consequences of supporting colonialism all over again. Besides, I said 'AmeriKKKan' not Amerian. I guess I was insensitive in lumping you with all the other week-kneed supporters of AmeriKKKan fascism. Sorry.

To me, you are 'AmeriKKKan'. Just like being a Nazi sympathizer makes you a fucking Nazi. Or selling out makes you a 'whore'. Doesn't matter what you're passport says. You are what you believe. You are your actions. The universe will eventually label you at the end what you deserve to be: dedicated
humanist or selfish asshole. It looks to me like you're gonna end up in the 'selfish asshole' column.

But, correct me then if I'm wrong: Is this what Australians are like now? Evil little shitheads who absolutely hate liberals & pacifists more than anything? Hmmm, sounds like an 'AmeriKKKan' trait to me.

Look, a dingo ran off with your baby.

G'day, you selfish asshole.

Les Ketchum.

Les? Just for you, pal. Enjoy!

Posted by Tim Blair at October 21, 2004 01:08 AM
Comments

Moonbat Checklist

-Clever spelling of America using KKK. Check.

-Cranking the rhetoric up to a Spinal Tap amplifier-like eleven. Check.

-Frequent Nazi analogies. Check.

-Promoting 9/11 conspiracy theories. Check.

-Conflating CIA support for the mujahadeen against the Soviets with support for the Taliban and Osama bin Laden. Check.

-Fawning references to Al Franken and Michael Moore. Check.

-Flecks of spittle forming at the corner of the author's lips as he types. Check.

Houston, we have a moonbat.

Posted by: Randal Robinson at October 21, 2004 at 02:52 AM

Is this Twit for real, or is the letter supposed to be a parody of uber-left thinking.

Lord help me! Things have gotten so silly recently that I canít tell the difference anymore.

Posted by: CPatterson at October 21, 2004 at 03:06 AM

I feel reasonably sure Les is a writer for The Daily Show, and sends emails like this on his day off.

Posted by: Rob at October 21, 2004 at 03:08 AM

Loved the video.

I'm glad Less Ketchup finds the story of a wild dog mauling a baby to death funny.

I presume the same ARSEhole wrote this:

While the Nazis under Hilter were a unique & credible threat to the entire world, it pales in comparison with the sheer reach & consequences of the new right wing's resurgence of empire building. There is more at stake now. The entire world is involved. And the entire world has never been in more danger.
The Bush Junta is the single greatest threat to democracy, the environment & peace that has ever been known in history. From fixing the Florida electorate to dismantling the social safety nets, to a war on women, minorities & people of alternate sexualities. This man is pure evil.
They are continuing down the same path as Hitler, with the same platitudes, rhetoric, and sense of self-entitlement.
9/11 was staged, people, much like the Reichstag fire. Once you start facing that fact, the rest falls into place. You are being lied to by Blair & Bush and all the rest of these imperialistists.
Bush & Co., with the help of the Saudis, were responsible for 9/11. All the evidence points to an inside job.

There's more if you're up to it. Or if you just want to laugh at weirdo!

Posted by: C.L. at October 21, 2004 at 03:09 AM

Sounds like just another angry nutjob to me. Ignore him. If he starts banging trashcan lids, call the cops.

Posted by: Rebecca at October 21, 2004 at 03:12 AM

I should read Tim's links. Yes, one and the same.

Posted by: C.L. at October 21, 2004 at 03:13 AM

Yet another example of the old saying,
"Les is Moore"

Posted by: Mike Messina at October 21, 2004 at 03:17 AM

'A 'REAL' Australian remembers what the fuck Empires do & keeps his marbles mindful of the consequences of supporting colonialism all over again.'

Do these idiots actually know any history or do they think all these Europeans went for a pleasure cruise and the boat got lost?

Posted by: Ral at October 21, 2004 at 03:21 AM

Well, I guess that the NAACP got the crack cocaine delivered to at least parts of Australia, I hope that it works out better for that nutcase than it did for the kid in Ohio. What is it with these people and their fascination with the nazis and the klan? I once protested a klan rally that was staged on the steps of Mobile (Al.) City Hall, the town and the state were solidly Democratic. Are they longing for "the good old days?" John

Posted by: John (Chicago) at October 21, 2004 at 03:32 AM

Wow. So much bile so little intelligence. Why do our Glorious Lizoid Leaders permit this moonbat to share the same planet as the rest of us?

Can't wait to see what he writes on 3rd November.....!

Posted by: dave t at October 21, 2004 at 03:32 AM

I didn't realize that Tim is now an American. Oh wait, the guy said "Amerikkkan". I have a hard time discerning the subtle, nuanced words of a KKKommie. Maybe it's all that stuttering.

Posted by: Howard at October 21, 2004 at 03:35 AM

How come everybody but me seems to be aware of these "Colonize Iraq" schemes?

Posted by: Emily at October 21, 2004 at 03:39 AM

You kiss your mom with that mouth? Dedicated Humanist indeed.

Posted by: cauthon at October 21, 2004 at 04:00 AM

For your information, Randal, SPINAL TAP later developed an amplifier which went up to 20...and later still, an amplifier which went up to infinity (just keep turning the knob 'round and 'round).

Posted by: Richard at October 21, 2004 at 04:02 AM

I recall from the last time I went home that there was a sweeping hysterical popular culture of hatred against Americans emerging in the Australian press - led ofcourse by the editorial board of the SMH.

I'm going to be back in Sydney next week (from Toronto).

Tim, if you're about, I'll buy you breakfast at the bourbon.

Posted by: Jonny at October 21, 2004 at 04:07 AM

Les's e-mail is your basic fugue. Fact-free and certainly unhinged, but really rather pedestrian. Some mention of secret-society conspiracies, but none of the rollicking fun of a true paranoid. Too bitter. Too dry. Sounds too much like a 25-year-old college sophomore "philosophy" major enraged that his fascist-pig-dog roommates have locked him out of the house again.

Posted by: kelly at October 21, 2004 at 04:10 AM

"The universe will eventually label you at the end what you deserve to be..."

Interesting. According to moonbat eschatology, when the end comes how do you find out what the universe has decided? Do you need tin foil receptors to pick up the universeís broadcast message, or does it come to deliver the final judgment in person?

Posted by: Eliza at October 21, 2004 at 04:46 AM

"Les Ketchum" is, according to his spittle-flecked missive to me, actually "Gordon", the owner of an apparently not very busy advertising agency outside St. Louis, Missouri.

I think Kelly is correct that it is probably a "he", twentysomething, desperately lonely, frustrated, and bored.

I've never been to Missouri but if Rush Limbaugh and Les Ketchum come from there,
I can only shake my head.

I understand the 'bar-b-que' in Kansas City is one redeeming feature of the state.

Posted by: JDB at October 21, 2004 at 04:50 AM

"Sounds too much like a 25-year-old college sophomore "philosophy" major enraged that his fascist-pig-dog roommates have locked him out of the house again."

More likely, his roomies and/or neighbors gave him a superwedgie.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at October 21, 2004 at 05:22 AM

Hey gotta respond to this,

I'm an American, which I suppose the admission of will likely curve Les's spine, grow hair on his hands, and send him howling at the moon. But, in any event, Les not only has a fundamental problem in grasping history, he doesn't seem to understand the true nature of what a Fascist is. He must be a Green, a Comunist is what we call them in America. But really, the line of separtion between a Comunist and a Fascist is very thin one. Now, Conservatives are on the right of the political scale which for a Lefty seems to suggests one with Facsist tendancies, but let me tell you that to assocaite Fascism with Conservative, is like associating the true meaning of liberal, freedom, with a Comunist--it's contraditory. The simple fact is that Comunism and Fascism are facets of the same thing--Authoritarian dictatorial tyranny. I think you'll find more similarities with Stalin and Hitler, than you'll ever find with any Conservative American, who are in fact the true liberals. Too bad Les, that all you really have upstairs is a hampster spinning in a wheel. By the way, in spite of Les, this American loves Australia and would love to visit there sometime, but ya know the world doesn't seem a friendly place for me and my countrymen these days.

Posted by: Real_American at October 21, 2004 at 05:47 AM

After the Hallibuton/Bush/Cheny fascist theocracy is established in America on November 3rd, where can I sign up to underwrite Les Ketchum's time in the reeducation camp? Thanks

Posted by: Brad Lena at October 21, 2004 at 06:10 AM

Yup, G. W. Bush is my hero too. Smart, well-spoken, visionary, thoughtful. Thank G*D he realized that Saddam Hussein was the terror mastermind.

Posted by: Randy Roosevelt at October 21, 2004 at 06:13 AM

"...when the end comes how do you find out what the universe has decided?"

Well, Eliza, I'm going to kick back in my easy chair, pop open an ice cold brewski, and watch the Heat Death of the Universe as a spectator. That's my plan, and I'm sticking to it!

Posted by: cgeib at October 21, 2004 at 06:22 AM

[Written earlier during the 'Comments' shutdown, and about Ketchum's first upchuck.]

Tim, Did this insane person actually write to you at your blog??? This is very hard to believe, the man is crazy (if he is even male, 'cause on the Net one never knows). Notice that in this hate filled email, in which he condemns many particular American things, but also Americans in general (that's near 300 million people), he then (get this) closes with "much love"!!!! Screaming insanity. He's probably not an American, but if anyone in the English speaking world knows a 'Les Ketchum', please try to figure out a way to get him some professional help. And please don't be angry at someone who's mentally ill.

Posted by: Gerry at October 21, 2004 at 06:51 AM

I'd say his idea of a 'Real' Australian is Dame Edna Everage.

Posted by: Lofty at October 21, 2004 at 07:13 AM

Yup, G. W. Bush is my hero too. Smart, well-spoken, visionary, thoughtful. Thank G*D he realized that Saddam Hussein was the terror mastermind.

Ah, it's nice to hear from an adult who has enough sense to realize that lunatic raving won't get him as far as restrained sarcasm will.

Just so Randy Roosevelt will have a more complete picture of what's going to happen in the coming years, several regimes currently in power are going to find themselves out of power, if they even look like they might be sympathetic to Jihadis. Iraq is only one of many. The parts of the West willing to fight will not tolerate Islam Militant, at the end Islam had better more closely resemble mainstream Protestantism in its' mildness, and ability to get along with others--there are too many places in the world where Muslims make war on other faiths, and anything else is an unacceptable outcome. Mullahs shouldn't be allowed to play with nukes, do you have an opinion about what is to be done about Iran?

By the way, Saddam was paying money to terrorists operating in other countries, attempted to get nuclear weapons in the past, was continually in violation of the GW 1 ceasefire, to mention only a few of the reasons why he couldn't keep his job as a mass murderer.

Posted by: Neuroto at October 21, 2004 at 07:31 AM

Isn't "Les Ketchum" John Kerry's French nickname?

Posted by: Sean at October 21, 2004 at 08:46 AM

Les Ketchum is "Gordon" from St. Louis? As an American, I can say that the downward trend of this theme suggests that Gordon is sitting along in a darkened room, in a pair of soiled briefs, watching the History Channels "All Hitler All The Time" programming.

The "fascist" remarks are projections, because little Gordo would be the first into the streets if a Kristallnacht against American Republicans was under way. The possibility that Gordo is "in advertising" could mean a lot of things, from a billboard scaffolder with a paste brush to a set-up man for a condom display in franchise drug stores.

No human with any talent, potential or creativity could be as debased as this moron and still be employable in real advertising.

Posted by: Gannymede at October 21, 2004 at 09:22 AM

No lifeguard at the Ketchum family gene pool. I'm thinking.

Posted by: YoJimbo at October 21, 2004 at 09:22 AM

There's always a reason....
I reckon someone cut Les's subsidy.
Hell hath no fury like an entitlement scorned.

Posted by: TT at October 21, 2004 at 09:48 AM

Yojimbo:

Lifeguard hell. It needs a bug scoop, a filter, the dead frogs, racoons and bread crusts removed, and a few gallons of chlorine.

Posted by: Gannymede at October 21, 2004 at 09:58 AM

JOB wrote above I think Kelly is correct that it is probably a "he", twentysomething, desperately lonely, frustrated, and bored. .

He is also greatly fevered about Bush's war on the millions of 'alternative sexuality'. I'd say he spends way too much time on his alternative sexuality.

Posted by: walterplinge at October 21, 2004 at 10:03 AM
"Les Ketchum" is, according to his spittle-flecked missive to me, actually "Gordon", the owner of an apparently not very busy advertising agency outside St. Louis, Missouri.

Sounds like the same "Gordon" who keeps getting himself banned from Little Green Footballs. He must have a monomaniacal obsession with trolling, because he keeps sneaking back under new nicknames. LGFers refer to him as "Nodrog" or "He Who Must Not Be Named." :-)

Posted by: Mary in LA at October 21, 2004 at 10:09 AM

It's apparent that Gordon knows a lot about Australians. But somehow he failed to work barbies and shrimp into the screed and "that's not a knoife, THIS is a knoife".

Still, I'm fascinated by Gordie's tidy dualistic theology, in which one is either a "dedicated humanist or selfish asshole" (which one is he?) I must have missed this in the Pope's Encyclical, but I do recall a third possibility from Sunday School, which was "stupid asshole", like Gordie from St. Louis.


Posted by: Rhod at October 21, 2004 at 10:21 AM

Is it not somewhat amusing that self-professed 'humanists' actually are filled with violent loathing for every 'human' who does not subscribe to their creed.
Perhaps some Christian 'love thy neighbour as thyself' philosophy may be what they need.

Posted by: Andrew at October 21, 2004 at 10:23 AM

If Les/Gordon is in advertising, I suggest it's the equivalent of the sandwich-board guy advertising jewelry in the Bourke Street Mall.

Posted by: Craig Mc at October 21, 2004 at 10:24 AM

Dear Lesley,
Timmy isn't a Facist, but I am, and I wish the LEFT had one neck and I had my fucking hands around it.

Posted by: Permindex LLC at October 21, 2004 at 10:34 AM

Is the Bourke Street Mall in Australia? If so, do you still have sandwich board guys? All the dedicated humanists in the States have driven these guys out of business into the storm drains, where they survive on raw squirrels, fag ends and milk carton wax. The working conditions were indescribable.

Sandwich boarders are hired by selfish assholes who don't provide free health care for life, a California living wage, a new hybrid car and a free advertising account at a firm in St. Louis.

Those bastards.

Posted by: Rhod at October 21, 2004 at 10:35 AM

Well, whatever Les may or may not be, I like the contrast. We know there are people in America, Europe, Australia, and every other free country that hold these strange thoughts. But Tim shows that there are plenty of fighting, freedom-loving people that we in America, where we're feeling a bit peevish of late about such things, tend to lose sight of for all the peacenik and BusHitler signs.

Thank you Australia, thank you, Tim, and thanks to all the people who know better around the world. We stand together in spite of these nincompoops. Especially Australia: your commitment in Iraq and Howard's recent stunning victory really has raised hopes among many of us in America that we can stand and fight together without fear of losing control.

Posted by: Just Some Guy at October 21, 2004 at 10:55 AM

As a RWDB I demand the right as and Australian now classified as an AmeriKKKan to pay my income tax at the same rates as a US Citizen. At the moment I am supporting about 10 Welfare bludgers with the amount I fork out.

Posted by: Razor at October 21, 2004 at 11:26 AM

Why compare me to that phukken nut job at least I know how to spell Amarican.

Posted by: Capt. Americrunch at October 21, 2004 at 11:39 AM

Aw it's okay, Capt. -- you can spell "fuckin'" here.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at October 21, 2004 at 12:22 PM

Tim,
See previous for opinion re: les.
However, I strongly suggest all commenters immediately proceed to the "just for you" link at the end of your post.
Can't thank you enough for bringing this to my attention. To this member of the VRWC the link had an impact almost equal to the 9/11 montage set to an Enya piece.
While the photo montage is not the equal of the 9/11, Cash's "When the Man Comes Around" is such a strong musical interpretation of, can I say it?, much in the Bible, especially Revelations, at least that's how Johnny described the song in the CD liner notes, the emotional content is pretty equal.
Thanks again for the great link, which I, of course, have sent to numerous people for their edification.
Mike Daley

Posted by: Mike Daley at October 21, 2004 at 01:08 PM

re. Nodrog @ LGF:

Les Ketchup really comes across like a knuckle-dragging moron -the kind of AFL-CIO-er who would tear the Bush-Cheney poster out of the hands of a 4-year old and shred it

The Nodrog that Lizardoids know and love is an effete, but nonetheless thoughtful, type of soul who could just possibly the "creative" type at a marketing firm

Maybe Les(bian) Ketchup (whoops, I said it again) should be investigated for identity theft

Posted by: Son of a Pig and a Monkey at October 21, 2004 at 02:46 PM

I wish these anti war types would ask the Kuwaitis what they think. Funny how we don't hear much about their reaction. In general Kuwaitis know we did the right thing.

Posted by: Jim at October 21, 2004 at 03:42 PM
Is the Bourke Street Mall in Australia? If so, do you still have sandwich board guys?

Yep. It's in Melbourne, and we don't have guys, we have a guy. He's like the Omega Sandwich Board Man. If "Shaun Of The Dead" hadn't already been made, he could be it. Universally ridculed as one of the worst jobs in Melbourne (although I'm sure there's plenty worse if I think about it - cleaning Jill Singer's cage for one).

Posted by: Craig Mc at October 22, 2004 at 12:43 AM

Thanks Craig Mc:

Sandwich board persons have disappeared in the States for all the usual reasons. You might think they'd be evocative, and remind Lefties of the days when downtowns were somewhere between decrepit and gentrified. That is, normal.

I'm happy that the profession isn't moribund. Back about 1967, one of my professors said that "Australians are what Americans used to be, and think they still are." I always liked that. Maybe it explains the SB guy.

Posted by: Rhod at October 22, 2004 at 03:45 AM

Woow Les ! such power! but as an austraLLLian i have to tell you that that is TOOO MUCH KETCHUP in fact it is more like HARRISSA! (LLL for HArrassment to fool the fascist police BTW).

Last time i met anyone with that much power was at a love in for POL POT! that nice asian fellow with the lovely skin! She was shouting and screaming ooh such force! Naomi from New York. We had lunch and She Cmskied away on a HUGE nutburger. But yoi know i'm not into powerwomen, more into powermen like you ketchup baby!
oohoooh just keep it up.Flog me with those epithets big boy.

Posted by: davo at October 22, 2004 at 07:52 AM

So, Les, what's wrong with being selfish? Suits me just fine.

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