June 30, 2004


Little Nephew has fallen in with the Goth crowd.

Goth-talk makes me anxious and afraid. No more posts for several hours. Maybe a day or two.

Posted by Tim Blair at June 30, 2004 05:03 AM

don't forget Ray Smuckle's advice column!

"Basically, it seems that the Goth phase tends to naturally end in the late teens. This is because Goths get tired of constantly being told that they "look like idiots" and "are annoying" and "can't work the Drive-Thru if they keep dressing like Dracula's Knob-wipe." "


Posted by: Bob at June 30, 2004 at 06:57 AM

I should have clicked on all the links first.

/being a moron

Posted by: Bob at June 30, 2004 at 06:57 AM

As an adult Goth, I'll be the first to say that, yes, a lot of teen Goths look ridiculous. At some point, you do have to grow up and realize that you have two choices.

One, suck it up and wear conservative clothes to work, and realize that life is not all about everyone realizing how "different" and "unique" you are, and realize that your career trajectory will be limited if you insist on flaunting your devil's horns necklace in front of your conservative boss,


Get a job/lifestyle that allows you to dress Goth all the time, but spend the money and do it right. The cheap Hot Topic clothing, the white face makeup, the "kinderwhore" or "damaged child looks" - all should be retired at age 25 or so, tops. After that, I'd suggest putting money into 401Ks, fine leather corsets, and valuable, if spooky, real estate.

So speaketh one who bought a house with a graveyard in the back. Mmmm, ghosts.

Posted by: kimberly at June 30, 2004 at 08:33 AM

"Kinderwhore" -- bwah! I am so saving that.

Goth looks that need stakes through the heart: the Goth Fairy (usually a very thin, small girl wearing fluffy black wings over a purple nightie, and big clumping Doc Martens; tends to take up the dance floor at Goth clubs with strange flailing dance moves that are supposed to evoke images of wafting elfin beings of the night); the Marilyn Manson lookalike -- Mansonites were the KISS Army of 90s; Vampire Boy -- usually a blond, overweight kid with rad gaged ears, a torn Cure t-shirt, and cargo pants (one of these was a regular commuter on my bus route to work, and I was blessed one day with overhearing him and his faux-cynical-dude friend talk about how they really were Real Vampires who drank blood OMGSCARY! and he kept mispronouncing "vampirism" as "vamPEERalism"); and his distaff counterpart, Fat Vampire Girl, who wears her black Goth gown trimmed with fake red-dyed fur or lace all through the sweltering Central Florida summer. Oh and by the way, I need to say something to the vampire subset of the goth crowd: you need to find another shtick, because most of you seem to be at least fifty pounds overweight. One could say vampires are on the ultimate lo-carb diet, and they lead a very active, even strenuous (flying through the air, metamorphosing into bats and wolves and fogs, wrestling down full-grown humans to get at their veins, etc.): I don't think very many of them are fat.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 30, 2004 at 10:52 AM

Okay, now I have this mental image of Michael Moore in a tacky vampire getup, and I can't get rid of it. Damn you Andrea!

Posted by: PW at June 30, 2004 at 11:24 AM

Well, at least you don't have the image I have in my mind: Moore in those fuzzy fairy wings and a torn purple nightie. Well, now you do.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 30, 2004 at 11:26 AM


Thanks a god-damn lot, Andrea....

*Rocking backward and forward*


Posted by: Brendan at June 30, 2004 at 11:55 AM

Kinderwhore will become a word I will try to use at least once a month - Thanks Kimberly!

MM imagery - it hurts. Stop it Andrea!

Unless of course you would like to imagine MM in a nappy, hariy back and all, being sponge-bathed while eating driping from a bucket.

Goths on the whole are fairly amusing, the ones I've known tend to like D&D alot and ellevate tragic moping to an art form.

Posted by: JakeD at June 30, 2004 at 03:30 PM

It'll end the way these things always end; with Ray out-dissing Little Nephew, the latter humiliated, and in tears. But lets not have any sympathy- the potty-mouthed Gothster deserves all he gets, after that filthy rap CD he recorded.

Posted by: Byron_the_Aussie at June 30, 2004 at 04:06 PM

The funniest Goth inspired song was Tom Petty's hit circa 15 years ago about "Spike", a Florida punk Petty knew who was so hardcore he'd wear his leather in the incredibly humid and sunny Florida summer.

Jonathan Richman also had a great song about Goth chicks called something like "Vampire Girl".

I personally enjoyed much of the music; Siouxie & the Banshees' "Tinderbox" and most of their other stuff would be a must have desert island disc.

That said, I'd rather be surrounded by Goth "knob wipes" than Michael Moore acolytes. Goths will at least ultimately acknowledge that they're living in a fantasy world.

Posted by: JDB at June 30, 2004 at 04:24 PM