Tim Blair

Oh Lord, it's out. The eyeball-story is out!!

I have a friend who can hand you his actual eyeball. Well, a glass one. It once spontaneously left his head when he met Jamie Lee Curtis.

Long story.

"spontaneously left his head when he met Jamie Curtis".

Not only does it sound like a long story, but it sounds like just about the BEST story. EVER.

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty, would you like to join me?"

He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"

The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"

"No," she replied, "only those who catch my eye."

We want the eyeball story, Tim!

Does this story end “It was a ricochet d’oeil”?

Tim, please tell us. It’s so important. Doitforthechildren.

A month ago I held my mothers eyeball in the palm of my hand. I'd been bugging her for months to take it out and let me have a look, and I finally succeeded.

Why does she have a glass eyeball? Well ... long story?

Okay, poor excuse. She had an infection in her eye and had to have it out. Not long at all, really.

The eyeball story shall be told -- once I speak to the man himself, currently in hospital.

Bring a catcher’s mitt.

Lots of glass eye stories lol.

We had a guy at our golf club who would take his glass eye out in front of his opponents and mark his ball on the green with it when the match was tight. Proved to be very effective gamesmanship.

The GG is being criticised for his remarks on the comments made by GWB.

We didn't hear too much criticism from these same commentators when Sir William Deane regularly engaged in partisan political debate during his tenure. He made an artform of the practice.

Well done "amortiser"! That creepy little drop kick Dean and his incessant partisan politicking drew only plaudits and approbation from the very same communards who now have the sheer effrontery to condemn the GG for a most innocuous comment.
Problem is that this comment from the GG appears to support the Government not condemn it as dickhead dean did.

One day, in a past career, long ago, I worked with a Loans Officer in a Bank. He was interviewing a client who was guarantor for a loan.

When the person was advised that his security was to be called up (the borrowers were approx 12 months in arrears to 2 seperate organisations), he exploded - and then threw his ARTIFICIAL EAR on the desk and walked out of the office in a rage.

The Loans Officer nearly threw up.

The matter was resolved in a much more amicable matter later.

My Grandfather has a glass eye, I think he needs to hear your glass eye story to feel less alone. He himself, has many glass eye stories but none involve Jamie Lee Curtis Curtis, or indeed any minor member of the British aristocracy.

It once spontaneously left his head when he met Jamie Lee Curtis.

I always thought you could put your eye out with one of those. Nice to have the suspicion confirmed.

Slartibartfast : OK! I'm not the only one who has fantasies...LOL

David's story reminds me of a gal I once knew only through a chat room, who also had a glass eye. We had decided to finally meet at a bar.

She said "How will I know you?"

I said "I'll wear a red carnation, like in the movies. How will I know you?"

She said "I'll keep an eye out for you"

Wow. I sure shut this conversation down.

I'll resume this rather macabre conversation about glass eyes.

Back in the 80's there was a guy who lived not too far from my family by the last name of Weiner (his son used to insist that it was pronounced "wine-er," which didn't help much, since he was a sniveling little whiner, but I digress) who had a glass eye. He thought it the height of hilarity to horrify the neighborhood children by taking out said glass eye and showing them his gaping, empty eye socket. Sadly, I never witnessed the spectacle. On second thought, "sadly" may be the wrong word for it...

Actually I swiped the idea from a book by Carl Hiassen. Who says liberals can't do useful work?