May 07, 2004


Wal-Mart is planning its own brand of budget wine. From, twelve suggested names:

12. Chateau Traileur Doublewide
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Wriesling
1. Nasti Spumante

(Via Dr Alice, who has her own suggestion: “Bitch Juice”. Visit for other list-related merriment.)

Posted by Tim Blair at May 7, 2004 11:16 PM

It Came from Aisle Five

(World Championship Wriesling! Heh...)

Posted by: Brian Perry at May 7, 2004 at 11:29 PM

Pinot Grease

Posted by: Brian Perry at May 7, 2004 at 11:31 PM

Delightful Fluids

Posted by: Brian Perry at May 7, 2004 at 11:32 PM

Vino King


Chard 45

Posted by: Amos at May 7, 2004 at 11:52 PM

Snooze Button Dreams also credits the originator of the list, TopFive, of which I am contributor. Drop on by! Subscribe! We highly unpaid cubicle comedians will be glad you did.

Posted by: Brian Jones at May 7, 2004 at 11:57 PM

i don't see why Walmart should sell bad wine - what are you, some kind of lefty 'I've got reflexes so I don't need a brain?'
Is the chardonnay drinking really reflective of a greater malaise?

Posted by: patrick at May 8, 2004 at 12:01 AM

Burning Leaf

St. Sam's 100

Sam's Choice Fortified and Pasteurized Grape Juice

Stomach Swiffer

Posted by: Tongue Boy at May 8, 2004 at 12:07 AM


Apologies for missing that credit. Fixed now.

Posted by: tim at May 8, 2004 at 12:21 AM

I've been known to drink (gasp!) boxed wine!
Guess I'm not a wine snob, I look forward to trying the wine...if the county I live in ever decides to allow the selling of wine in stores.
Somehow we keep getting stationed in the few dry counties left in the United States.

Posted by: KellyW. at May 8, 2004 at 12:38 AM


How highly unpaid? May I get a job there and be even more highly unpaid? Is there a union of highly unpaid cubicle comedians ensuring that you are all unpaid the same amounts, or is the height of unpayment dependent upon individual cubicle agreements?

Posted by: TimT at May 8, 2004 at 12:47 AM

"How about a nice cabernet sauvignon to go with those corn dogs?"

Posted by: Ernie G at May 8, 2004 at 01:14 AM

Wine on a Stick!

Posted by: Two in the Hat at May 8, 2004 at 01:15 AM

Heck, here in the states we've got a chain called the 99¢ Store, that sells genuine "American Red Table Wine." Sam Walton's gonna have to work to beat that...

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at May 8, 2004 at 01:22 AM

How about "vin du NASCAR"?

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at May 8, 2004 at 01:23 AM

"Nuque Rouge Merlot"?

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at May 8, 2004 at 01:23 AM

Domaine Chateau de la Casa

Posted by: Anon at May 8, 2004 at 01:27 AM

Appalachian Controlee.

Posted by: Paul Zrimsek at May 8, 2004 at 01:38 AM

Abbey de Price-Check.

Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 8, 2004 at 01:41 AM

Richard: re 'American Red Table Win', LoL.

Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 8, 2004 at 01:41 AM

TimT, and any other would-be humorists who are interested in contributing to, good news: would-be is the only kind they take! Actually, some of the funniest people I've ever seen hang out there. Jim Rosenberg and Larry Hollister have been known to induce laughing-related injuries. We're bandying about a "gamine penis-pointing soldier" series for topfive's (unfortunately rather pathetic because overserved with leftist anger) news outlet, the Daily Probe. I get in trouble there from time to time trying to provide rightist ballast, but it's a hard row to hoe.

Anyway, there's a link to a hideously unfair and biased contributor test somewhere on If it's not there, it might be because we recently added a bunch of contributors and may not be in the market for a few months. So you'll just have to go on being a highly-unpaid non-contributor for awhile longer, I guess.

TimB, many many thanks for the credit.

Posted by: Brian Jones at May 8, 2004 at 01:52 AM

Seems like a clever marketing move. When their store brand grape juice finishes fermenting on the shelves they can just stick on the wine label. Brilliant!

Posted by: Bryan C at May 8, 2004 at 02:08 AM

You people making fun of Wal-Mart are no better than the elitist Leftists you so loathe. No difference whatsoever.

Posted by: Robert Bauer at May 8, 2004 at 08:42 AM

Am I still no different even if I point out that I go to Wal-Mart every other week? To buy stuff? Clothes, sometimes? Can I be an elitist redneck?

Posted by: Angie Schultz at May 8, 2004 at 08:58 AM


Posted by: David Crawford at May 8, 2004 at 09:05 AM

Maybe Kmart will counter with a Martha Stewart brand Pruno

Posted by: Galen at May 8, 2004 at 09:18 AM

Lighten up man. When a store known for its inexpensive goods for the masses decides to sell branded wine, a product that usually has the ultimate snob appeal, jokes are inevitable. Go listen to "Australian Table Wines" by Monty Python, drink a glass of vin rouge, then come back .

Posted by: Michael Lonie at May 8, 2004 at 09:28 AM

nice. i dont see anyone here insulting poor 'ignorant' black people tho...

Posted by: roscoe at May 8, 2004 at 09:54 AM

Roscoe -- Is that a complaint or a request?

And how about "Vin Rouge Xtreme!"

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at May 8, 2004 at 10:55 AM

Dick Smith's Aussie Plonk.

Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 8, 2004 at 11:55 AM

Does this mean there'll be 1 million Chinese stomping grapes?

Posted by: carlos at May 8, 2004 at 12:13 PM

Whatever they call it, it'll still be that rebranded Aussie swill!

Posted by: new bruce at May 8, 2004 at 12:21 PM

Quite a thought carlos. No, 'plonk' is somewhat contemptuous Australian slang for wine. It has a particular application to vin ordinaire but is often used by beer drinkers to describe wine generally.

Plonk is better than 'goon' which is the intentionally insulting name used here for cask wine.

new bruce: I'm an Australian who'll have to take your word for it. To me, it's all plonk.

Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 8, 2004 at 12:39 PM

Huh. Boone's Farm Wine will have a rival.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at May 8, 2004 at 01:21 PM

carlos, me bucko, you don't stomp grapes, you press them, gently.

Stomping is applied to nasty insects, terrorists, and smart ass trolls.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at May 8, 2004 at 01:49 PM

But wait there's more... a set of free steak knives if you buy a month's supply.

Posted by: freddyboy at May 8, 2004 at 04:55 PM