April 06, 2004


”It's thrilling to see the lifeforce of the Australian system flushed again and pumping,” writes Webdiary insight machine Robert Bosler. In the manner of John Edward, Bosler is able to discover the truth about people he’s most likely never met:

Why is Latham alarming? We are not used to him. His style is world's apart from his opponent. We need to get used to him and learn more about him, as he is on his way towards running the country. It's more than a matter of style. The difference between the two men [Mark Latham and John Howard] is a creative difference. One could be no more different from the other.

Bosler is another graduate of The Margo Kingston College of Creative Apostrophe Deployment. Brace yourselves for a motherlode of prime Bosler wank:

Creativity is not the exclusive domain of artists and writers. That we are about to talk about creativity demonstrates so wonderfully how our nation is starting to breathe again. It's exhilarating to be talking about it again, because everything we do is a creative act. Everything. Write a shopping list, you are creative, right there.

Everything you do, every time you speak a word, or move your hand you are being creative.

I’ll take Bosler’s word on the “moving your hand” part. He sounds like an expert.

Creativity is our fundamental state of living. How highly you create, or what you create, are matters of your personal choice. These are also matters of self worth, of freedom and faith, and it is magnetisingly important that as a nation we begin to speak of it again.

The ban on speaking about creativity has been lifted? Why wasn’t I told? Bosler blows his next few hundred words on “male and female aspects of creativity” and how “the two forces are combined intrinsically and immaculately in all we do” before launching into his analysis of Mark Latham:

The man is highly creative. He is, beyond his full ability yet to control it, a man given to the creative spirit. That he cannot fully control it is not to be critical of him because the control of the creative act requires ultimately mastery, and the journey of total mastery, if anyone's finally to obtain it, is one demanding decades.

Mark Latham’s favourite singer is Meat Loaf.

The creative spirit drives him. Because the creative spirit is driving him, empowers him, guides him, loves him - yes - for his commitment to it, this creative spirit holds him. He is so given to it he appears born unto it, and once on the journey he cannot step away.

Meat Loaf.

We have here a man who feels things first, as an intuitive knowingness. This is the same intuitive knowingness once spoken of as being a woman's knowingness or intuition, before we better understood the forces at play in each of us. It is a sensing; a sense. To the woman reading this, may this be at least another small step in our shared understanding. For the man reading this, just to be sure, know that when the footballer is about to cut through and score it is this sense he first feels.

Meat Loaf, man! Fucking Meat Loaf!

That sense is an energy. It brings written into it the nuts and bolts of what is required to make it happen, but the nuts and bolts flow much later. First, comes the sense. Being highly creative, Latham knows only the sense, the feeling, the energy, the absolute empowerment of it, before anything else.

In humanity, this is the birthing ground of new ideas. In pure form, it is preciously rare in a political leader, and it serves us well to set aside our immediate responses, valid as they are, and look more into what this creative spirit is all about.

Apparently it’s something about Meat Loaf.

Given to it, Latham lives for it. To the highly creative person, the important thing above all else is to allow that sense to live, and live through them. In his capacity as a leader, Latham by his own choice, wishes to have others grow and benefit as a result of what comes to be. That is the very nature of creativity. That sense, that knowingness, that others (Australians) can grow and benefit because of what he senses is his defining characteristic.

His essential Meat Loafness?

This is the true leader. This is what eventually makes greatness. That Latham has even just begun upon this journey is electrifyingly interesting.

Then again ... Meat Loaf. Incredibly, it gets worse:

The punters will come, but there must be a reason for them coming, and they must feel it. It must be about the collective effect of the creative act. It must be about how everyone plays their part. These are high powers Latham represents, but it is the meekest in the community who must guide him and teach hims to ensure his powerful vision comes to be.

And what is that vision, exactly? Those of us who wish to “teach hims” need to know. The Howard years have destroyed us, and we are no longer able to think:

Without this nourishment, for eight years now, we are as a nation drying up. There is a quiet cry in our nation now which has been there for some time. This dryness or spiritual sparseness, this sense of communal vacancy, is reflected in the way human issues of national community growth are shelved or swept away, and there is a silent edict that no one dare introduce something new or progressive. Our Aboriginal community, as one instance, have long since gone quiet in total disillusionment and neglect.

On the contrary; the Aboriginal community has occasionally been very loud in its support of John Howard. Wider media neglected to report this, however. Meanwhile, Bosler’s support has sent Latham’s poll ratings sky high.

UPDATE. Phillip Adams foresees neo-Tory non-creativity under Lathamite rule:

Should the PM's last-ditch attempt at survival fail, he'll be replaced by a Latham Labor government that promises to be at least as conservative as that of Tony Blair.

Let’s hope so. UPDATE II:

The surge in Mark Latham's personal popularity has taken its first hit, reversing sharply after the Labor leader's decision to "cut and run" on Iraq.


Gareth Evans, foreign minister in the Hawke and Keating Labor governments, has challenged Mark Latham's call to withdraw Australian troops from Iraq by Christmas, claiming the international community has a responsibility to "see things through"

Posted by Tim Blair at April 6, 2004 01:51 AM

Aren't highly creative people somewhat "eccentric?"

Posted by: Sandy P. at April 6, 2004 at 01:58 AM

I don't know. It might be allegory. I'm pretty sure it is an allegory of a daily act of personal hygiene. Try reading it that way and see.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at April 6, 2004 at 01:59 AM

Ah! 100% Pure, unadulterated Wankology.

Refreshing to see the original stuff, fragrant, warm, brown and steaming, straight from the bull's rectum.

Thanks for sharing, Tim. Bosler is obviously a legend in his own lunchtime, and will surely go down (and possibly swallow) in the annals of bovine excremental artistry for this tour de farce.

Posted by: Alan E Brain at April 6, 2004 at 02:10 AM

Dude! Don't Diss the Loaf! "Roadie" was the apex of cinema!

But go ahead and diss your journalists and politicians for looking at him as a step _up_ , that's fine...

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at April 6, 2004 at 02:13 AM

So my shopping list is the equivalent of the Sistine Chapel? All righty then.

Hey! Michelangelo! I'm talkin' to you! You think you're such hot stuff 'cause you did the Pieta? Well look at this errands list - that's true creativity! And the way I picked the back of the envelope my credit-card bill came in... that's art, man.


The punters will come, but there must be a reason for them coming, and they must feel it. It must be about the collective effect of the creative act.

Anybody else read this and think "circle jerk"?

Posted by: Alice at April 6, 2004 at 02:28 AM

It's people like Bosler who give wankers a bad name.

Posted by: EvilPundit at April 6, 2004 at 02:30 AM

So...he's saying that Mark Latham is creative?

Posted by: Richard at April 6, 2004 at 02:43 AM

Mark "had bitchtits."

Posted by: Sean M. at April 6, 2004 at 02:52 AM

I didn't know there were "Loafheads" in Australia. I thought it was just myself and a couple of friends.

Posted by: Polly at April 6, 2004 at 03:05 AM

There are shopping lists, Alice, and then there are shopping lists. Latham's apparently includes a stop at the hardware store to pick up some flowing nuts and bolts that are capable of being written into things-- not the hard, metallic nuts and bolts that you unfeeling philistines only use to bolt things together. Howard's shopping list includes only asthma medication, a dehumidifier, and gags for Aborigines. He probably didn't move his hand so much as a millimeter writing it.

Posted by: Paul Zrimsek at April 6, 2004 at 03:42 AM

They'll have to start printing The Age on Kleenex if they insist on publishing steaming jizz like this.

Posted by: Craig Mc at April 6, 2004 at 03:52 AM

Bosler totally lifted this from Friends. Check it out:

Joey: "Now, now, listen. This is just a first draft, so... (starts to read) 'We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.' (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) 'It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive.'"

Posted by: Steve in Houston at April 6, 2004 at 04:06 AM


Posted by: max power at April 6, 2004 at 04:07 AM

Meatloaf, eh?

Although I am wary of music criticism coming from one who describes a combination of "AC/DC and Daddy Cool" as being a good thing.

Posted by: LD at April 6, 2004 at 04:52 AM

This is so delightfully excruciating that it makes me wonder if Robert Bosler is Australia's Alan Sokal.

Posted by: Michael at April 6, 2004 at 08:11 AM

Good one, Paul! I was particularly outraged by the combination aboriginal gag/fridge magnets that John "Davros" Howard mailed out to all Australian hosholds last year.

Seriously, it is hard to work out exactly what Bosler is saying here. In terms of intelligible content, it means about as much as "Yes! Yes! Do it to me! Unghhh!" and seems to be generated from a similar state of mind. I think that what he is saying is that Latham is a boofhead who runs off at the mouth about deadly serious issues that he hasn't thought through, and with consequences of which he he has no understanding or, apparently, interest.

Sounds like the kind of man we need to get the country all moist and creative again. I am enough of a bastard to badly want to see Howard win with a landslide just so I can watch how the likes of Bosler react. If only! As a betting man, I say the odds are still with boofhead at the moment, but there is a long way to go and Howard knows the course ...

Posted by: Bob Bunnett at April 6, 2004 at 09:08 AM

Re: Robert Bosler.
Please make it STOP.
Does he get paid by the word?

Posted by: m at April 6, 2004 at 09:51 AM

After reading that post, I'm kind of hungry.

Posted by: TimT at April 6, 2004 at 10:01 AM

Well, having read through it all, one can only say to Bosler, if one could , as he suggests, proceed as a woman, his dribble is nothing to wet the panties over.

On the other hand, Bosler might be to Latham what Moosehead Moore is to Democrat presidential hopefuls, a walking hope killer. Bosler is to be encouraged.

Oh, Lathers, having kissed Bob Browns botties, Bosler, it seems, would enjoy a good roll in the hay with you. Kissy kissies.

Posted by: d at April 6, 2004 at 10:21 AM

I have jacked off before, but I was never as proud of it as this guy, bosler.
this journey is electrifyingly interesting.
No it wasn't. In fact it made my eyes spin. I defocussed at the half way mark. My thoughts turned to a sympathy for Tim. He read it at least twice.

Posted by: Papertiger at April 6, 2004 at 11:08 AM

C'mon guys, give him some credit -- after all, he managed to type this whole thing with just one hand ....

"Never let your meat loaf ..."

Posted by: BruceT at April 6, 2004 at 11:22 AM

I reckon Howard has a bit fat tax cut up his sleeve coming up. How about this - raising the tax free threshold to $20,000 is what I am hoping for. That would effectively put old Latham on the back foot from hell (as opposed to the bat from the same place)but I live in a dream world ho hum.

Posted by: Rob at April 6, 2004 at 01:05 PM

Man, that's one powerful stream of consciousness that can get nuts and bolts flowing.

Posted by: slatts at April 6, 2004 at 01:41 PM

See, that's why Bosler gets the big bucks. No normal person could write. I'll bet that Mr Blair couldn't produce that drivel no matter how much expensive wine he had during his long lunch, that even in that brief moment before he passed out he'd still be more coherent..

Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at April 6, 2004 at 01:50 PM


Too funny.

Posted by: Dan at April 6, 2004 at 01:59 PM

Re Update III: That's the best thing 'Biggles' Evans has done since he ditched Cheryl.

Posted by: ilibcc at April 6, 2004 at 02:00 PM

Creativity in public policy making has a great history.

The Nazis were very creative when they came up with the idea of burning people in ovens to minimize the costs of body disposal and to save on bullet costs.

Stalin was also very creative that way, even more so if you go by the numbers that he massacred.

And Chairman Mao managed to starve 10s of millions of people as well, how delightfully creative was that guy?

Posted by: George at April 6, 2004 at 02:33 PM

Latham's numbers have tanked????

Posted by: Sandy P. at April 6, 2004 at 02:45 PM

Bosler must be Latham's shrink to know him that well. If Latham is so incredibly creative what did he hope to achieve by breaking the cabbie's arm?

I wonder who Bosler's target audience for the article was? Repressed artists?

However, easy on the Loaf!

Posted by: John Abercrombie at April 6, 2004 at 03:15 PM

What is this man saying? I'm speechless. I am without speech...

Posted by: murph at April 6, 2004 at 08:35 PM

Man, this Bosler guy is beating on it like it owes him money.

Posted by: Fat Cracker at April 6, 2004 at 10:16 PM

Sandy P., I would not say Latham's numbers have tanked, I would only say they are tanking. He might recover. Only in hindsight will we be able to see if he jumped the shark with his cut and run idea.

What we can see right now though is the Australian public doesn't like it, which is why Howard is making as much of it as he can. If Latham gets the Labor party into power at the next election (and please God, no), it will be despite the cut and run commitment, not because of it.

Posted by: David Blue at April 7, 2004 at 01:58 AM

m at April 6, 2004 at 09:51 AM

Does he get paid by the word?

Only the purple ones, apparently.

Posted by: Lurks No More at April 7, 2004 at 09:01 AM

Man.........what is that boslo smokin and where can I get some?

Posted by: chris at April 7, 2004 at 10:31 AM