February 29, 2004


Finally somebody has invented a device able to measure the time that elapses from the moment a reader begins a Mike Carlton column to the point where the column is abandoned and the page is turned.

Posted by Tim Blair at February 29, 2004 01:39 AM

"Mal Gibson was sprawled..."

Mal? .00023 seconds.

Posted by: Theodopoulos Pherecydes at February 29, 2004 at 05:03 AM

Trying again, assuming "Mal" was in jest.

"...confronting new film..." .0517 seconds

Posted by: Theodopoulos Pherecydes at February 29, 2004 at 05:07 AM

> Mal Gibson is sprawled in his suite on Manhattan's East 50th, an athletic figure in chinos and white cotton polo shirt, at ease in the hotel designer's florid attempt at Olde English chintz

The story so far: Gibson was hit by a taxi, and chalked out by a detective moonlighting as a hotel designer.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at February 29, 2004 at 05:12 AM

Time spent wondering if "Mal" is a misprint: 1.7 seconds.

Time spent confirming that the piece is indeed full of bread puns: 1.2 seconds.

Time spent deciding whether to continue reading: .02 seconds.

Back arrow: priceless.

Posted by: Joe Geoghegan at February 29, 2004 at 07:26 AM

From the linked article:

"Austro-Hungarian physicist Professor Ferenc Krausz ..."

WTF, did the Holy Roman Empire come back out of Chapter 11 while I wasn't looking?

Posted by: Dean Douthat at February 29, 2004 at 07:39 AM

The Austro-Hungarian Empire collapsed after the First World War.
So I suppose it's possible that Professor Ferenc Krausz was born in 1918, and is a well-preserved octagenarian.

Apropos "Mal" Gibson,
perhaps Mike and Mal Gibson can take over where Mike and Mal Leyland left off.

Posted by: peggy sue at February 29, 2004 at 09:05 AM

Good Lord. Maureen Dowd just caught the red-eye.

Hope it was Qantas.

Posted by: Brian Jones at February 29, 2004 at 09:47 AM

(off topic, weeping tears of joy)
Only discovered this site this morning. (sob).. For four years i have been distraught thinking that i was the only one in the nation who thought Margo kingston talked enormous amounts of crap...(sob)..I love youse all

Posted by: Max Power at February 29, 2004 at 08:41 PM

If its so crap why waste your valuable readers time farcing at it? Don't you know how to look after your customers?

Posted by: Miranda Divide at March 1, 2004 at 09:12 AM

If Tim can bring tears of joy to just one victim of bad op-eds, it's worth it.

Posted by: Sortelli at March 1, 2004 at 10:30 AM

Golly gosh, that Mr Carlton's satirical ability nearly matches that of my old High School Magazine writers!!

I wonder if there'd be any difference in style if he'd been interviewing the tiresome Robbins and Sarandon railing against Bush, the death penalty, Bush, people who are too stupid or greedy to vote Democrat, Bush etc etc??????????

Ya think!

Posted by: helen Dyer at March 2, 2004 at 03:52 PM