December 21, 2003

RUN! RUN FROM THE AL-QAEDA CHASEY SQUADS

Al-Qaeda is in deep denial:

Arabic television al Jazeera today aired an audio tape purportedly from al-Qaeda's second in command Ayman al-Zawahri, saying his group was chasing Americans everywhere, including the United States.

"America has been defeated (by) our fighters despite all its military might, its weaponry ... With God's help we are still chasing Americans and their allies everywhere, including their homeland," said the speaker, believed to be Zawahri.

Anyone in the US been chased lately? No? I was over there recently, and recall very few pursuits myself. Maybe I just wasnít paying enough attention. Because this is a Reuters report, the following isnít all that surprising:

"How can we excuse you after all the warnings that we gave you. You reap what you sow," he said, addressing the American people. Al-Qaeda has repeatedly urged Americans to oppose the policies of President George W. Bush.

Yeah. Like Osama bin Laden really dug Bill Clinton's healthcare plan and supported the United Nations' Iraq inspection initiatives. Reuters is revolting.

Posted by Tim Blair at December 21, 2003 02:19 AM
Comments

"With God's help we are still chasing Americans and their allies everywhere, including their homeland"

[wipes tear] I miss Baghdad Bob, but it's nice to see his little brother is still around.

Posted by: Ken Summers at December 21, 2003 at 02:32 AM

Sounds like 'Bagdad Bob" .. the Irqai PR guy who made all those outrageous statements about Iraqi resistence while the US was closing in. I really like that guy. Gave a comical relief to war. I loved listening to that guy. He always made me laugh. (I have relatives in the military over there .. I take what humor I can get.)

Just checked out my window and am a 'tad' alarmed. On a beautiful, but chilly, Saturday afternoon I don't see any cars or people. Usually I see both at this time on an average Saturday.

Perhaps people are cowering in their houses -or- have already been captured? Maybe.

However, this is the last shopping Saturday before Christmas and all the stores are having huge sales. It's more likely the neighborhood streets are quiet because everyone is at the mall taking advantage of the huge Christmas sales.

I'd be willing to bet a large amount of money that none of the families shopping at the mall realize they are being chased by anyone but sales people trying to make last minute sales commissions.

I have last minute purchases to make. I promise to let everyone know if I encounter anyone who seems to be a terrorist.

Posted by: Chris Josephson at December 21, 2003 at 02:45 AM

I'm not going to go poring over Islamic websites to research this, but I wonder if there is anyone on the planet who actually believes Zawahiri? For someone who's supposed to be smart, he is apparently unaware of the human tendency to ignore repeated threats when nothing happens.

I could run a much better psy-war against the infidels myself.

Posted by: Theodopoulos Pherecydes at December 21, 2003 at 04:08 AM

Rooters being too clever by half? When they write "Al-Qaeda has repeatedly urged Americans to oppose the policies of President George W. Bush", they are categorically placing Al-Qauda and Rueters "News" Service on the same side of the line.

Possibly wishful thinking on my part, but these kind of things have a subtle, posssibly unconscious effect on readers, as they come to realize that Reuters and Al-Qaeda are essentially two wings on the same team. And one does judge a man, or an organization, by the company they keep.

Posted by: Andrew X at December 21, 2003 at 04:12 AM

Please excuse two in a row but surely Osama's skeletal remains must be decaying under tons of rock in Tora Bora or, instead of lame threats by a deputy, these guys would have a picture of him holding the newspaper announcing American deaths here and there (the helicopter downing in Iraq, e.g.) proving the bogeyman is still alive. Why not?

Posted by: Theodopoulos Pherecydes at December 21, 2003 at 04:14 AM

Maybe the US army should get it's Shooty Squads onto this problem

Posted by: Amos at December 21, 2003 at 04:30 AM

Anyone in the US been chased lately? No? I was over there recently, and recall very few pursuits myself. Maybe I just wasnít paying enough attention.

There are plenty of chases in the US, but they all take place in California, and it's invariably the cops pursuing some ijit with a parole violation. So unless al Qaeda's infiltrated the LAPD, they aren't chasing Americans.

Posted by: Sean O'Hara at December 21, 2003 at 04:37 AM

I kinda expect to see some "Shooty Squads" reports from Afghanistan in the fairly near future. You just gotta keep urging these guys to poke their heads up before you can really play Whack-a-Mole. Luckily, they appear happy to oblige.

Posted by: JorgXMcKie at December 21, 2003 at 04:38 AM

That sounds like a great campaign ad for Bush. Al-Qaeda endorses Dean.

Posted by: Xavier at December 21, 2003 at 06:00 AM

I think Reuters' comment is spot on. I mean, Bush has a policy opposing the mass incineration of Americans, right? So therefore al-Qaeda is opposed to his policies.

Posted by: Mike G at December 21, 2003 at 06:12 AM

Well, I was chased the other day by the three babes on the ESPN2 morning show "Cold Pizza". Unfortunately, I woke up.

http://www.coldpizza.tv/

Posted by: Tom at December 21, 2003 at 06:39 AM

...don't worry, if they do chase me I'll just run through various doors in the hallway and appear from other doors. Hey, it works in cartoons and if Al Qaeda wants to live in a fantasy world, then I can too. :)

(If I'm feeling incredibly cruel I'll run around the desert and give Al Qaeda a good line of credit with ACME...)

Posted by: Patrick Chester at December 21, 2003 at 07:19 AM

Let's thank our lucky stars these guys are so dumb. Dangerous, but dumb. We're not facing SMERSH here, are we!

Posted by: Sophie at December 21, 2003 at 09:23 AM

I was chased by a possible Al-Qaeda operative the other day, but only because I forgot my change when I bought a Slurpee.

Posted by: Angus Jung at December 21, 2003 at 09:47 AM

Tim, I'd like to know the model of the Nimitz-class Caddy you were driving. It would be tough for anybody without Federal Aviation Authority registration to catch one of those barges over the long-haul.
BC

Posted by: Bob Carter at December 21, 2003 at 10:20 AM

Authorities today raised the Homeland Security Advisory System code to "Chinese Burn" based upon explicit warnings that Al Queda operatives are planning to inflict noogies on US citizens. All citizens are further advised to avoid playing chasey with anyone screaming "Allahu Akbar!".

Posted by: Craig Mc at December 21, 2003 at 10:33 AM

"Chasey", now that is a term I'm not familiar with. Now, "knifey-spooney", that I know.

Posted by: David Crawford at December 21, 2003 at 10:56 AM

The ratings season must be over, what with all the repeats on telly.

Posted by: Craig Mc at December 21, 2003 at 10:58 AM

So are Al Quaeda going to send a representative to help co-ordinate the campaign for the democrats? I guess the goat botherer has not considered the fact that by being against Bush he is actually endorsing him. With people like that in charge of the terrorists this war is in the bag.

First Saddam being pulled out of his hole.
Then Gaddafi running scared and giving up his nukes.
Now this stupid "warning" from Al Quaeda!

Could this last week have been any better?

Posted by: Rob at December 21, 2003 at 01:15 PM

Helpful hint for Reuters -- Al Qaeda planned the 9/11 attacks for approximately four years. Get yourself a calender, do the math, and even you can figure out that this was long before GWB took office.

Christ, this isn't hard...

Posted by: Jerry at December 21, 2003 at 01:18 PM

You know when al Qaeda is about because you hear the "Yakety Sax" tune from "The Benny Hill Show".

Posted by: JDB at December 21, 2003 at 01:18 PM

Al Qaeda launched a terrorist attack today in Southern Illinois, setting fire to a power transformer behind the theater where I went to watch LOTR:Return of the King, ending the showing before it began! Over 200 people went fleeing from the theater in terror! Well, not exactly in terror. More like 200 pissed-off LOTR fans. The bastards obviously don't know they should not be messing with Lord of the Ring fans!

Posted by: rinardman at December 21, 2003 at 02:31 PM

If any terrorists had tried anything at the theater I was at, they would have ended up as a grease spot on the floor. You should have heard the growl of rage when the projector fell over during the preliminary "please turn your cell phones off" etc. commercial. (It was soon righted, and a theater employee's painful death was averted.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 21, 2003 at 03:15 PM