November 25, 2003


Australiaís Official National Artistic Notables (ONAN) rave about their talents as cinematic storytellers, but, as Bernie Slattery points out, they ignore many excellent stories of Australian life. Heís doing something about it:

Waddabout a comp for the 10 best of "Our Stories" to be pitched as movie productions? I'll shout the winner pots at the Bush Inn, West Toorak on Satdee night.

My pitch: She Cares, the inspiring story of two confused Queensland women who, after years of distrust, are brought together by the mysterious voices in their heads.

Posted by Tim Blair at November 25, 2003 04:22 PM

nah.. it'll never fly...

Posted by: roscoe at November 25, 2003 at 06:28 PM

I predict Margo will have a Rosie O'Donnell-style breakdown. Some cathartic Dostoevskian crisis that will lance the abscess of resentment in her soul and let all the hot hate gush forth. Probably, the day after the 2004 Federal election.

Posted by: Byron the Aussie at November 25, 2003 at 08:56 PM

How about the mildly annoying misadventures of a socially inept, pseudo intellectual troll with a fixation on faeces?

Posted by: gaz at November 26, 2003 at 12:14 AM

Guess Who's Coming to Lunch, starring Bill Hunter as "the lonely man". Screenplay by Bob Ellis. Soundtrack by Jihad Against America.

Posted by: tim at November 26, 2003 at 12:38 AM

Iím gunna break into your house
Iím gunna break down your door
Iím gunna open your draws
And sniff your undies
Your clothes are on the line
Your jocks are looking fine
Iím gunna bring them to my face
And sniff your undies
Why wonít you have sex with me

Jihad against America

Theres some easy listenin funtime music. Jock Sniffers of the world unite. blah

Posted by: papertiger at November 26, 2003 at 01:27 AM

How about this -
Emotionally fragile writer 'Mango' confesses tearfully in a conversation on a late night radio session about going home to Queensland to visit the folks - "The're racist but what can you do, you've got to love them, they are family". Projects this view of family onto Australia. A strange but compelling relationship develops between advocacy journalist and a racist but lovable underdog politician on a confrontational and violent federal election campaign trail. 'Mango' feels conflicted and guilty with her role as media oppressor and has to write a book as therapy. Later on racist but lovable underdog politician is persecuted through the courts by mad right wing conspirator and is sent to prison for 3 years. Then a few scenes follow with full body searches and one scene with an Aboriginal cellmate asking her to "please explain" as she tries to teach them to read and write. With a dramatic final appeal successful she is released from prison to an adoring public. Australian Electoral Commission brings down mad right wing conspirator and a rival propangandist columnist is humiliated. Racist but lovable underdog politician resumes her mother figure role of someone who listens and cares about 'ordinary people'and successfully stands as an Independent. Remembering the meetings with underdog but not racist prisoners and with 'Mango' explaining the nonsense of her old policies she aligns with the Greens. Holding the balance of power, she brings down a heartless right-wing populist government and shame finally disappears from A.B.C. staffrooms, inner city coffee shops and N.G.O. cocktail parties.

Nah, unlikely premise, fanciful story resolution, unintentionally comic characters and too Freudian.

Posted by: Softly at November 26, 2003 at 03:06 AM

In Genesis Onan was struck down by God.

Posted by: Gabor at November 26, 2003 at 12:52 PM

Pity he didn't strike down Phil Collins.

Posted by: pooh at November 26, 2003 at 01:13 PM

"ONAN"? You're kidding, right? Sounds like a bunch of wankers.

Posted by: Ken Summers at November 26, 2003 at 02:24 PM