November 26, 2004

GREATEST SONG YOU'VE NEVER HEARD

James Lileks is wrong. The greatest rock song of all time is "Steve Pollard"*, written and recorded by a friend of mine in 1988. Itís about another friend; hereís the chorus:

I dreamed I was Steve Pollard
And everybody mocked me
I couldn't get out
of the cupboard where they locked me
It was like my head was stuck in a hornets' hive
When I was Steve Pollard
the worst person alive

The song never achieved commercial release. Your world is the poorer for this.

*Name changed to protect the worst person alive.

Posted by Tim Blair at November 26, 2004 01:22 AM
Comments

My contribution to unpublished garage band lore was this speed-reggae rap number "All the T and A in China."

Back in the summer of '49/
I met a Peking girl who was mighty fine/
She whispered in my ear from the depths of her lung/
She said "hey, homeboy, bite my Mao-Tse Tung."

We had fun in her chambers/
Behind rice thin walls/
When in walked her daddy of the marxist call/
When he said I'd be his son-in-law/
My mouth hit the floor/
I broke my jaw

All the T and A in China
I could think of nothing fina'
With a half-billion to choose
One cannot refuse
All the T and A in China

etc.

Posted by: Andrew at November 26, 2004 at 03:07 AM

A rare occasion where Tim Blair and James Lileks are both wrong. The indisputably greatest rock song ever: 'Have Love Will Travel' by the Sonics (1965).

Posted by: iowahawk at November 26, 2004 at 04:16 AM

Cease your mindless prattering, inferiors. We of the ruling class long ago decided that the greatest rock song of all time is "She Don't Use Jelly" by the Flaming Lips.

Posted by: Bob at November 26, 2004 at 06:34 AM

Rednecks by Randy Newman. That one's about me.

Posted by: Sean at November 26, 2004 at 01:33 PM

The greatest rock song ever written is 我 的 1997 [My 1997] by 艾 敬 [Ai Jing].

Posted by: Hanyu at November 26, 2004 at 02:54 PM

Iowahawk is close, it should be PSYCHO by the Sonics.

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at November 26, 2004 at 04:30 PM

What about "Illegal Alien" by Genesis?

Consideration for your fellow man
Would not hurt anybody, it sure fits in with my plan
Over the border, there lies the promised land
Where everything comes easy, you just hold out your hand

....

I kid.

Posted by: MF at November 26, 2004 at 06:41 PM

My vote's for Primal Scream's Kill all hippies

Posted by: Art Vandelay at November 27, 2004 at 04:58 PM

Tim,

it seems that news is slow at the moment How about a RWRB best song of all time thread?

My nomination for best song of all time is "After the Goldrush".

Only songs known to at least 37 people should be eligible

Posted by: jlchydro at November 27, 2004 at 09:03 PM

"Sheena Is a Punk Rocker" by the Ramones.

here's some close seconds:
"Surrender" cheap trick, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" nirvana,
"Teenage Wasteland" the who.

Whoever put "Imagine" on the list at Rolling Stone needs to be charged with utter lamenes by the taste police.

And I'd like to give a shout out to the fella who mentioned the Flaming Lips up there. They rule.

Posted by: Lexy at November 28, 2004 at 01:30 AM

Best song you've never heard was written and performed by my buddies the Canny Brothers about their friend Ed, who at the time was a Barny Fife-style security guard in a bank.

When he helped foil an even more bumbling bank robbery, they wrote the song "Ed the Hero," which included the memorable lines -- "Nero fiddled while Rome burned, look at Ed see how much we've learned."

Posted by: Jim in Chicago at November 28, 2004 at 04:04 AM

AW, C'MON, MATES....

"My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo...
..I want to sink her with my pink torpedo..."

Spinal Tap, "Big Bottom"

Posted by: M.J. Truth at November 30, 2004 at 06:33 AM