July 03, 2004


Remember Uli Schmetzer? Since the Chicago Tribune booted Uli in March for inventing an Australian source, Tribune public editor Don Wycliff and colleague Margaret Holt have been searching his earlier stories for further evidence of wrongdoing. No other fake quotes have turned up, but they have found this:

In a Dec. 10, 2003, story about the entry of movie actor Fernando Poe Jr. into the race for president of the Philippines, Schmetzer used two substantial quotes from a Randy David, whom he identified merely as a sociologist.

Most readers probably thought the quotations were the result of an interview Schmetzer conducted with David. The story certainly read that way.

In fact, the quotes were drawn from a newspaper column David wrote and the Philippine Daily Inquirer published on Nov. 30, 2003.

This journalistic device, known as Adamsing, is popular locally. In his latest column, by the way, Phillip looks forward to John Howard’s death.

UPDATE. Gerome S. Cervantes sends a note to Fox News (copied to me):

I take insult when foreigners feel the need to constantly take shots at my country. I think Tim Blair and others from Australia should keep their hands out of my journalism. My grandfather told me that Australians were just as bad as the French and we shouldn’t trust them.

He had part of his nose bitten off by a Australian ship merchant who often spent time America. My grandpa said he even SMELLED worse than a Frenchman. Now that I think about it, this guy could have been Scottish, but you get the point. I want only US flag pins on lapels. Not little flags with alligators or whatever Australia uses as a flag.

A 'gator flag! That would rule so hard.

UPDATE II. You want to read this.

Posted by Tim Blair at July 3, 2004 05:31 AM

Australian flag?

Posted by: Donnah at July 3, 2004 at 07:20 AM

I suspect our "Gerome S. Cervates" may be one of these guys.

Posted by: Spiny Norman at July 3, 2004 at 07:26 AM

Now I'm all confused. I thought it was:
. Florida => 'gators
. Australia => crocs

But then Steve Irwin would fit right into certain parts of Florida.

Posted by: Bruce Rheinstein at July 3, 2004 at 08:31 AM

Florida has both alligators and crocodiles.

Posted by: Donnah at July 3, 2004 at 08:40 AM

Let me add a "Woot!"

Posted by: Donnah at July 3, 2004 at 08:45 AM

If the Aussie bit Gramps' nose off, how did he smell?

I know, I know. Terrible.


Posted by: iowahawk at July 3, 2004 at 09:07 AM

IZOD Nation!

Posted by: DemEnTEd at July 3, 2004 at 09:13 AM

``With them public depravity is not sofened down even by the hopeful vice of hypocrisy,'' Coleridge added.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at July 3, 2004 at 09:14 AM

Funny how to Latham and leftists, an incident 15 years ago is not relevant, but a statement by Howard in 1980 is most relevant.

Speaking of fat Phil, its funny to see the list of pressure groups that he mentions as the basis of his article. Pretty predictable and sadly, becoming more and more irrelevant.

Posted by: nic at July 3, 2004 at 11:17 AM

If Australians get to put 'gators on their flag, I so think the U.S. ought to be able to put a little coon dog on the Stars n' Stripes. Or maybe a mule deer. But no possums, please.

Phillip Who?

Posted by: Rebecca at July 3, 2004 at 12:45 PM

I suspect Gerome Cervantes is a Bababooie (sp?) of the Internet. Is it Treacher? Or Iowahawk?

Posted by: Dave S. at July 3, 2004 at 02:05 PM

Actually we Scottish Australians were originally French. Descendants of Robert de Bruis the Norman conqueror, or 'Robert the Bruce' and other French Normans who conquered those nasty Brits, to rule them from our Highlands Castles, before we set off to conquer the world with our ruthless freemarket capitalist multinational enterprises, like MacDonalds and Murdoch enterprises.

The Canadians are mostly Scots too. It's a conspiracy!

Posted by: Bruce at July 3, 2004 at 03:05 PM

SYDNEY FORMER columnist for The Australian and ABC Late Night Live broadcaster, Phillip Adams, was accidentally killed at his country estate on Sunday. An overturned barrel caused a stampede of olives that crushed the well-known serial receiver of public funds, say local police.

While the work area in question was strictly a helmet-zone, Adams is believed to have been wearing only a khaki cap. The cap had what at this time can only be identified as an "indeterminate red adornment", said Senior Sergeant Rolly Oink.

"It's pretty crushed", he said.

Sergeant Oink declined to comment on whether or not Adams's death was suspicious. However, he confirmed rumours his team was eager to make contact with notorious underworld figure, 'Professor Bunyip', a man known to police.

"All I can say at this time is that the 'Professor' may be able to help police with our inquiries", said Sergeant Oink.

Adams, aged 75, became famous throughout Australia via his decades-long ability to cadge money from governments for ventures in film and television, media and the arts.

Responses to Adams's death from people in all walks of richness poured in from throughout Australia and the world yesterday.

The Prime Minister, Peter Costello, said Adams had been one of the chief supporters of the Whitlam government and its policy of facilitating genocide in East Timor.

Mr Costello remembered that Adams had never protested about Mr Whitlam's description of Vietnamese refugees as "fucking Balts" who were not wanted in Australia.

"Sincere condolences", the Prime Minsiter added.

Makers of 'quirky Australian films' were in shock yesterday, most representatives of the school being too distraught to speak to this reporter.

Former federal Labor leader, Mark Latham, spoke of a man who gave successive Labor electoral campaigns "literally millions of dollars' worth" of free advertising. Restricted to cranial nods for emphasis, the now strait-jacketed 'Liverpool Mauler' said he would never forget Adams's campaign to free him from his "unjust" maximum security imprisonment.

"I'll never forget that", said Mr Latham. Adams is believed to figure prominently in the one-time Opposition Leader's memoirs, I Coulda Been a Contender.

The Sydney City Council yesterday voted unanimously to name a former easement near Adams's Sydney mansion 'Dunny Lane'.

"It's the least we can do and it seems appropriate", said a council 'Stop-Go' sign holder.

Chinese ambassador to Australia, Mr Hu Flung Dung, said he would always remember Adams as one of the West's most reliable spokespeople for denouncing the "slander" of Mao Tse Tung and his programme of modernisation, the Cultural Revolution.

The former Beijing tank commander is understood to have organised for a life-time's supply of caps to be sent to the poor in Adams's name.

With the American ambassador out of the country, it was left to a junior trade envoy to express condolences on behalf of the Rice Administration.

Reading from a brief prepared statement, John Kerry said "Mr Adams was a writer in Australia. Our sincere condolences to his friends and family."

An Aboriginal elder who lives outside of the Sydney metropolitan area and who did not wish to be named said "Phillip who..?"

Egyptian government officials are understood to be speaking with lawyers for the Adams estate in what is being described as an 'amiable but serious artifact exchange negotiation'.

At the time of this story's preparation, police investigators had been unsuccessful in their attempts to locate "person of interest", 'Professor Bunyip'.

A memorial service for Adams, a God-obsessed atheist, will be held at an as yet undisclosed but fashionable inner-Sydney location.

Close friends, Gough Whitlam and Barry Jones, are believed to be unfit to attend the Adams memorial. Since taking a flat near the Australian Archive in Canberra, the former Prime Minister now spends most of his time writing books.

Ironically, Mr Whitlam's latest near complete volume, Why My Government was the Greatest in Australian History and Why I was the Most Remarkable Prime Minister At Least Since Pitt the Younger, was to be launched by Adams in Melbourne next week. It will be the 27th book by Mr Whitlam on his three year administration.

Since being admitted to the Rene Rivkin Memorial Hospice for the Utterly Bewildered, Mr Jones is now understood to be devoted solely to the preparation of a massive diagram whose purpose is to integrate philosphy, theology, archeology, Buddhism, econometrics, optometry, cranial surgery, aeronautical engineering, the architecture of late Roman antiquity and boilermaking.

The Australian people will be officially represented at the Adams ceremony by the Governor-General, the Hon. John Howard.

Speaking from Yarralumla, His Excellency Mr Howard said the nature of his office precluded him from commenting on matters of political relevance.

Or of social and historical irrelevance.

Posted by: CurrencyLad at July 3, 2004 at 04:29 PM

Who is Gerome Cervantes, and what is a coon dog ??

Posted by: Paulm at July 3, 2004 at 04:40 PM



Posted by: Pacman at July 3, 2004 at 07:31 PM

Gerome Cervantes is the great^X grandson (in the distaff line) od Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, and when not engaged in the traditional family sport of windmill-tilting spend his days writing sarcastic commentary in the comments of Australian blogs.

A coon dog is a dog trained to track and tree raccoons. Hounds are popular breeds for this.

Posted by: mojo at July 4, 2004 at 08:02 AM

Perhaps we should chase Gerome up a tree with some coon hounds.

Posted by: Paulm at July 4, 2004 at 10:37 AM

CurrencyLad, that is sheer genius!

Posted by: EvilPundit at July 4, 2004 at 10:59 AM