May 07, 2004

AWARD NOTIFICATION

Whoever’s impersonating Osama bin Laden these days is clearly influenced by e-mail prize spam:

We in al-Qaeda organization will guarantee, God willing, 10,000 grams of gold to whoever kills the occupier Bremer, or the American chief commander or his deputy in Iraq.

For security reasons, the rewards will be given as soon as conditions permit, God willing. As for those who die while killing an occupying solider, the great prize will be for us and for him when God grants him martyrdom, and the smaller prize (the gold) will be for his family.

The United Nations is nothing but a Zionists' tool, even if it worked under the cover of providing humanitarian aid. Whoever kills Kofi Annan or the head of his commission in Iraq or a representative like Lakhdar Brahimi, he will be awarded the same prize of 10,000 grams of gold.

Next from al Qaeda: Turn Your TV into a 150 INCH Big Screen! You have won a $50 gift card! Add expressions to your e-mail - for FREE! (By the way ... only 10,000 grams? Who’s running this show -- Dr Evil?)

Posted by Tim Blair at May 7, 2004 02:11 PM
Comments

But I thought Al-Quaeda HATED Saddam and Iraq! Why would they try to free the Iraqi people from those horrible American oppressors?

Posted by: Mr. Bowen at May 7, 2004 at 02:23 PM

Of course, if you kill Bush you'll get these.

'Crazy' Osama says: "That's not all! You throw in Rumsfeld and I'll throw in this!"

Hurry! Like me, stock can't last!

Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 7, 2004 at 02:41 PM

Nice--pretend the UN is the enemy,--reverse psychology.

Posted by: aaron at May 7, 2004 at 02:43 PM

I just read in the Andrew Bolt column in the Herald Sun that Sudan has been voted onto the UN Human Rights commitee. Also at the table is Uncle Castro. Tell me again why we need to take the UN seriously?

Posted by: JakeD at May 7, 2004 at 02:48 PM

I'm sure this fatwa on Kofi Annan will be rescinded once Bin Laden learns of Annan's latest act of appeasement - the appointment of Arab slave traders in Sudan to the UN Human Rights Commission.

Jean-Luc Bidet

Posted by: jean-luc bidet at May 7, 2004 at 02:48 PM

I don't know, this seems like a precursor for the upcoming plot to SWAT 2. You know, where Saddam Hussein promises $1,000,000,000 to whoever gets him out of US custody in Iraq, and Colin Farrell and Samuel L. Jackson have to get him to the trial safely.

Posted by: david at May 7, 2004 at 02:56 PM

For anyone interested in the USD value of the reward: 10,000 grams is 10 kilos, and gold is currently going at about 6,900 pounds sterling (UK) per kilo. This comes to about $12,400 American. Times 10 for 10 kilos gives a successful assassin a little under $124,000.

Excuse me, I mean it's one hundred twenty four THOUSAND dollars! Mwahahaha!

Posted by: dorkafork at May 7, 2004 at 02:59 PM

At least we're not yet receiving the al Quaeda versions of the Nigerian scam email; "Greetings. I got your name from a trusted business associate of mine. My name is Joe, the son of the late Osama bin Laden..."

Posted by: AC at May 7, 2004 at 03:00 PM

Not to say $124,000 is chickenfeed, but someone would have to kill four officials including the top 2 American officials in Iraq and the Secretary General of the UN to get a little under half a mil. If Tom Clancy put that in one of his books he would be laughed at.

Posted by: dorkafork at May 7, 2004 at 03:02 PM

Oops, should've read the article first: "The price on bin Laden's head now stands at $50 million – far more than the nearly $125,000 that 10,000 grams of gold is worth."

Posted by: dorkafork at May 7, 2004 at 03:10 PM

dorkafork: Excellent work! But you're assuming payment would be made.

I mean, "...will guarantee, God willing..."

Is that something like 'the cheque's in the mail'?

Sad, I suppose thisis what hiding in a cave too long will do to a man.

Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 7, 2004 at 03:10 PM

al Qaeda email spam! priceless!

"Kill an american and we'll enlarge your penis by 5 inches! Perfect for those 72 virgins!"

"Kill an infidel and clear your debt! It's so easy with al Qaeda!"

Posted by: Oktober at May 7, 2004 at 03:11 PM

A media-whore like Binny putting up a lousy $124K? Gimme a fucking break. Who's his agent, Mike Ovitz? They could get David Schwimmer for half that, now that he's outta work!

Posted by: geezer at May 7, 2004 at 03:13 PM

What a bunch of ripoff bastards! Gold is only running at about $17 per gram geez and that is in Aussie dollars as well.

It is good though to see that these guys have gone metric - no ounces being quoted here unlike those americans who still work in pounds and feet! Will their decadence never stop!

Posted by: Rob at May 7, 2004 at 03:29 PM

reminds you of that scene from Austin Powers

10,000 grams

audience laughs

100,000,000,000 grams


Looks like Osama's still stuck in the 15th century when 10,000 was a fair amount of wedge.

Posted by: giles at May 7, 2004 at 03:38 PM

There might be some of us of the American persuasion, south of Canada and north of Mexico, that is, who might hasten to correlate our current standing in the world with our dag-blasted stubborness in sticking with the King's measurements!

Then again, it just might have been the birth of rock 'n' roll that saved us all in the end... tbere's something to be said for those sexy, powerful 50s, after all!

Posted by: geezer at May 7, 2004 at 03:48 PM

You can tell he is really anti-American by his use of the metric system.

Posted by: Dylan at May 7, 2004 at 03:57 PM

What the hell would I know: I'm dead, fer fuck's sake!

Posted by: Binny Laden at May 7, 2004 at 03:59 PM

Whoever kills Kofi Annan...
The man who knew too much.

God willing
i.e., ain't gonna happen.

Posted by: Timothy Lang at May 7, 2004 at 04:11 PM

Sounds like John Brumby's latest budget

Posted by: Johnny Wishbone at May 7, 2004 at 04:31 PM

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised about Al-Quaeda using the metric system. After all it is French in origin.

Bring on the short tonnes I say!

Posted by: Rob at May 7, 2004 at 05:08 PM

[i]...Lakhdar Brahimi, he will be awarded the same prize of 10,000 [b]grams[/b] of gold.[/i]

French system, maybe, but they are using the spelling of the Imperialist-Zionist-Yankee-Infidel-Great Satan.

(ie grams not grammes)

Posted by: Quentin George at May 7, 2004 at 05:56 PM

Tim : You're just jealous because as an Australian, you're only worth 500 grams, not even $10,000 AusD.

Funnily enough, most of the reports dont't mention this part :

The statement promised a lesser prize - 1000 grams of gold - to anyone killing a citizen of countries it called "the masters of the veto like Americans and Britons" - a reference to nations with veto power on the UN Security Council.
And it offered 500 grams of gold to anyone killing citizens of countries it called "slaves of the Security Council who are in Iraq, like Japan and Italy".

See The Command Post

Oh yes, nice Profile on Normblog. You *do* know he's a self-confessed Marxist, don't you? Plus, as a Pom, he's worth the full kilo.

Of course, I, who have dual citizenship, am worth a triple-bonus double-word score of 1.5 Kg.

Posted by: Alan E Brain at May 7, 2004 at 06:55 PM
The United Nations is nothing but a Zionists' tool, even if it worked under the cover of providing humanitarian aid. Whoever kills Kofi Annan or the head of his commission in Iraq or a representative like Lakhdar Brahimi, he will be awarded the same prize of 10,000 grams of gold.

You know, maybe it's worth trying just a little appeasement.

Posted by: Clem Snide at May 7, 2004 at 08:13 PM

Well if he want's to go after the UN then that tells me he's shit scared they (UN) may do some good in Iraq (don't laugh, it can happen. Not all UN officials are corrupt anti-american jerks) and all those other ounces of gold and Al Qaeda manpower poured into destabalising the country may have be wasted.

Posted by: JBB at May 7, 2004 at 08:43 PM

Shouldn't it be 10k grams of heroin? Surely that would be a lot more valuable.

Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge at May 7, 2004 at 11:25 PM

I'll do Kofi for travel, food, and lodging expenses. Hell, I'll even supply my own ammo!

Posted by: Todd S at May 8, 2004 at 06:19 AM

"For security reasons, the rewards will be given as soon as conditions permit, God willing"...

Ya right. I can almost hear him now...

OBL video, Take Three!

"...I can double the number of virgins you will recieve in paradise from 72 to 144, you heard that correct, a gross of virgins.. no, that doesn't sound right does it, kind of oxymoronic, virgins/gross, gross/virgins, nah better not make that connection, not only that it increases the chances of getting a bitch in the lot, and Allah knows it only takes one bitch to turn your paradise into hell. Let's see, I can always offer money but I don't really, really, really want to part with any. Wait a minute how's this?... For_security_reasons_the_rewards_will_be_given_as_soon_as_conditions_permit, God willing etc. etc.. ya baby, waddaya think? Heh, heh, as Mohammud was fond of saying "the large print giveth and the fine print taketh away." That's a wrap guys. Call Al Jezeera and tell them if they want exclusive rights they're going to have to pony up some serious cash, er ahh all to support the jihad of course. Get it? The jihad? What a hoot, 72 virgins in the afterlife, I mean can you believe guys fall for that? Nobody's came back from the dead yet to complain about their virgins, have they? Man, these Arabs really are stooopid."

That's a wrap.

Posted by: arty at May 8, 2004 at 05:32 PM