April 28, 2004


"I don't own an SUV," claims John Kerry. And he’s right! The famous tosser doesn’t own an SUV; he owns four of them (five, if you count the Audi Allroad), and a whole bunch of other vehicles besides:

At last count, there were eight "family" cars and SUVs, including the 1995 Suburban (15 mpg highway, 12 mpg city), a 1993 Land Rover Defender (12 mpg highway, 10 mpg city), a 1989 Jeep Cherokee (20 mpg highway, 16 mpg city), a 1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee (20 mpg highway, 15 mpg city), a 2001 Audi Allroad (21 mpg highway, 15 mpg city), a 2001 Chrysler PT Cruiser (25 mpg highway, 20 mpg city), a 1985 Dodge 600 Convertible (26 mpg highway, 23 mpg city), and a 2002 Chrysler 300M (26 mpg highway, 18 mpg city). Kerry, however, only owns up to the latter two.

Then there's the 2002 Harley Davidson (his), two powerboats (one his, one hers), a power inflatable 2001 Novurania (his), and a Gulfstream II private jet (hers).

Via Randall Robinson, who supplies an image of Kerry’s latest purchase: a sturdy 2005 Ford Nuance. Obviously, this is just more blatant RNC media manipulation:

Kerry appeared on [Good Morning America] from the mine site, scrapping tensely with interviewer Charlie Gibson, who at one point intimated that the medals controversy might derail Kerry's presidential bid. When the segment was over, Kerry turned to two aides and complained, ''God, they're doing the bidding of the Republican National Committee."

Posted by Tim Blair at April 28, 2004 02:35 PM

Let me get this straight, the Kerrys have millions and millions of dollars, and they drive that shit!? Where are the Ferraris, Porsches, Rolls Royces, etc?! How lame are these people?

Posted by: Oktober at April 28, 2004 at 02:46 PM

Don;t forget the inflatable he got from that mens' magazine.

Posted by: Ed at April 28, 2004 at 03:00 PM

It depends what your definition of "an" is...

BTW I've figured out what 'nuance' actually means, it's the opposite of 'sex'. For example:

"The intelligence was sexed-up."
"The threat was nuanced-down"

Posted by: fidens at April 28, 2004 at 03:05 PM

For us Aussies - reduce mpg figures by about 15 to 20% to allow for a smaller US gallon (against Imperial gallon. Metric figures?????)

Therefore the Suburban appears to use nearly as much fuel as a City bus!! Bloody Hell.

Posted by: daveACT at April 28, 2004 at 03:07 PM

Disregard above - got equation ass about!! Oh well. Go to sleep now.

Posted by: daveACT at April 28, 2004 at 03:10 PM

Kerry turned to two aides and complained, ''God, they're doing the bidding of the Republican National Committee."

Just like the taxpayer funded AB freaking C does with John Howard, the "bidding of the Australian Labor Party"!

Posted by: Kate at April 28, 2004 at 03:46 PM

This guy is starting to sound more like the ex-Iraqi (Dis)Information Minister every day...

Posted by: HippyKiller at April 28, 2004 at 03:49 PM

How many gallons per mile for the Gulfstream?

Posted by: Perfectsense at April 28, 2004 at 03:53 PM

You have to admire the man for his toys though.

It makes you wonder why he is running for President when he has all those vehicles to play with, perhaps he just has a hankering for Air Force One?

Posted by: John Abercrombie at April 28, 2004 at 03:59 PM

He is actually probably pretty lucky that they are nearly all American cars. Can you imagine if he drove a renault? If he has had his eye on the prize for awhile, then i doubt it was an accident.

Still, it seems a shame to be that rich, and deny yourself the pleasure of the Mercedes Benz AMG SL65. Can you say 1000 nm of torque in a production car?

Posted by: attila at April 28, 2004 at 04:30 PM

Well, after all it is she who owns that Gulfstream. The boy clearly is hankering after his own jet...

Posted by: Katherine at April 28, 2004 at 04:30 PM

Why So Many Cars? By John F Kerry.

A shy foreign leader decked out in a turban
Needs the head-room and robe-space only found in Suburban

When returning my medals and ribbons to sender
I pull up at the White House, angle-parking Defender

To go nicely at weekends with the tanned-Kerry, see,
I butch up with a ski-board and Grand Cherokee

When discussing oil with a secretly admiring Saudi
Prudence demands tinted windows and the discretion of Audi

To evoke the old 50s, while being a schmoozer
I channel the Fonze and lay rubber in Cruiser

After any decision or vote that I lodge
I get ready to refute it, while flooring the Dodge

Back in the Senate, IF I assert-a-bill
I take off in anxiety in the blow-dry Convertible

When they say 'he lies'-le...petite bourgeoise RNC
I zoom off in the Chrysler - Beep, Beep, peasant folk, Oui, Oui.

Posted by: CurrencyLad at April 28, 2004 at 04:31 PM

Why is he running for President?

Same reason JFK and Bill Clinton ran ... poontang.

Delivered to your door by the Secret Service.

Posted by: Bruce at April 28, 2004 at 04:31 PM

Without morals, what the hell else does he have to do?

Posted by: aaron at April 28, 2004 at 04:42 PM

(refering to the president thing and not the poontang)

Posted by: aaron at April 28, 2004 at 04:43 PM

I wonder how these vehicles are distributed between--er, I mean among residences. Christ, it must be nice.

I'll probably be pilloried (to say nothing of hillaried) for saying this, but at least Clinton came up the hard way.

Posted by: S.A. Smith at April 28, 2004 at 05:14 PM

It's painful to watch Kerry self-destruct in such an embarassing way. He's one of my state's senators.

People in other states must think we Bay Staters (people from Mass.) are morons to have him as one of our senators. Believe me, if someone could run a good campaign against him here in Mass., he may no longer be our senator. Problem is, the other political parties here are very very weak.

Kerry wants to be everything to everyone. The reason he has changed positions so many times is because he wants to please everyone.

I can't tell what he actually stands for on anything. He's not his own man. I feel kind of sorry for him. He doesn't have the 'whatever' Clinton had to be everything to everyone. Clinton could pull off being all things to all people. Kerry can't.

Posted by: Chris Josephson at April 28, 2004 at 07:58 PM

Don't worry, Chris - we think folks in Mass are morons for *both* of your Senators.

Posted by: cirby at April 28, 2004 at 08:55 PM

"Clinton came up the hard way"

Are you saying Monica and Hillary are minging?

Posted by: Rob Read at April 28, 2004 at 09:10 PM

Today is Saddam's birthday! Completely slipped my mind but not the Iraqis, I am sure that there will be no street parties in his honour.

Posted by: Rob at April 28, 2004 at 09:52 PM

the pity is that Capt. Nuance is self-destructing too soon, and I fear the dems may pull a Torecelli on us...

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at April 28, 2004 at 10:20 PM

Marrying well certainly has privledges. And to think, my Dad was could have married a multimillionairess, too.

But, no. He liked his "freedom" and "independence". He didn't want to be "tied down".

Now he lives in a trailer park.

I wonder what sacrifices Kerry had to make for his toys?

Posted by: Junkyard God at April 28, 2004 at 10:49 PM


It's a total wiener car for mid-level Mob/Union/Pimp bosses to begin with. And he gets a convertible. I usually don't judge a man by his cars - unless he's made some really shitty choices.

Posted by: LB at April 28, 2004 at 11:54 PM


It's a total wiener car for mid-level Mob/Union/Pimp bosses to begin with

Damn! That thing's as heinous as Hillary C. Did he get it in Veitnam?

On the other hand, its the perfect automotive representation of left-wing thinking...

Posted by: RainDog at April 29, 2004 at 12:16 AM

I wonder if it's the snazzy town and country fake woodgrain affair. One of the silliest cars in memory.

Posted by: Doc at April 29, 2004 at 12:56 AM

What a hoot. A few hard questions and Kerry melts down. I almost feel sorry for the guy (must be the compassionate conservative part of me coming out). Democrats aren't suppose to get hard questions!

Imagine a President Kerry trying to get the UN and old Europe on his side..and realizing a pretty please isn't going to cut it. They'll have to pad a room in the white house all for him.

Posted by: KellyW. at April 29, 2004 at 12:59 AM

Do you honestly think that somebody with the money the Heinz's have that they own those pieces of junk? Nothing newer than a 2002 and a lot of Chrysler crap. Technically, these might be the cars he or his family "owns". I bet a little investigative research will list a few higher-end vehicles that are owned by or leased to the foundations, trusts, other tax dodge entities he mooches from.

Posted by: BC at April 29, 2004 at 01:12 AM

What a dud. Is this election over already?

Posted by: chip at April 29, 2004 at 01:21 AM

One other story about Kerry, and I can't recall where I saw that one, is that he owned an Italian Ducati motorcycle, which he sold and replaced with the Harley shortly before he announced his candidacy. He later had the press take pictures of him on his bike. "Phony" does not begin to describe him.
PS Until I moved to Arizona 2 years ago, he and Teddy were my state's Senators. Barf...

Posted by: Catbert at April 29, 2004 at 01:37 AM

Perfectsense — Airplanes are usually measured in gallons per hour

Chris — Aw, don't worry, we think you're morons for both your senators _and_ Barney Frank...

Lemme get this straight — Kerry gets $1000 haircuts and _he drives a freaking convertible_?! Never mind the fact that he pays that much to look like freaking Lurch the Butler...

And you all have to remember, so insidious is the power of Karl Rove that ABC-TV in the states is in fact doing the work of the Republican National Committee. Just like talk radio, the blogs and the phone book...

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at April 29, 2004 at 01:58 AM

I wonder what sacrifices Kerry had to make for his toys?

At a very upscale wedding (bride was heiress to an oil and cattle fortune; her picture is next to the definition of "high maintenance" in Websters), a very wise man observed to me that "People who marry money generally wind up earning it after all."

Posted by: R C Dean at April 29, 2004 at 02:19 AM

1985 Dodge 600 Convertible. LOL! Let me guess - he brought that heap into the marriage.

Posted by: Don Nelson at April 29, 2004 at 02:37 AM

I was about to sling a well deserved gob of mud at our Bay State neighbors for their choice of Senators.(it seems anything with a faint resemblance to Jack Kennedy will do).

But I'm from California so I really have no room to crow. (Senators Boxer and Feinstein)


Posted by: Papertiger at April 29, 2004 at 03:04 AM

To Catbert (evil human resources director):

The Ducati story comes from a columnist name of Paul Mulshine who somehow dug it up from sources unnamed. Seems Kerry wanted to be seen as a man o' the people so he got himself a hog. Which, BTW, gets lousy mileage compared to the Ducati.

Posted by: gary at April 29, 2004 at 04:45 AM

The real killer here is that the Kerrys, while they have a vacation compound in Deepest Idaho, and all that, don't own a single Got-Damn Pickup Truck.

Of course, admittedly, if they did, the Democrat base would shrink by about 10% as the less sturdy elements thereof died of heart attacks.

The man just has lousy taste in cars, except for the Rover. Well, okay, the Jeeps are neutral. What I could do with his vehicle budget... sigh.

Posted by: Sigivald at April 29, 2004 at 04:55 AM

I'd sling mud at the "M State" for their senators myself, but Washington has Governor Gary Locke and Senator Patty Murray. Plus I lived in South Dakota when George McGovern was the Senator. Oy.....

Posted by: JeffS at April 29, 2004 at 09:37 AM

Hmmm...here's a thought...do John and There'sa have a pre-nup, and if so, what...

Posted by: Timothy Lang at April 29, 2004 at 02:03 PM

"Don;t forget the inflatable he got from that mens' magazine."

Don't put inflatable and mens' magazine in the same sentence.

That was the good coffee.

Posted by: Fred Boness at April 29, 2004 at 06:03 PM