March 04, 2004


Imre Salusinszky on Naomi Wolf’s claim that Yale professor Harold Bloom’s "heavy, boneless hand was hot on my thigh":

Well, he told her it was his hand – thank God for candlelight!

Posted by Tim Blair at March 4, 2004 12:54 AM

Wait, I'm confused. This guy doesn't have bones in his hand? Is it just a mass of skin and tissue?

Posted by: MD2020 at March 4, 2004 at 02:17 AM

Is there no end to the sex on this dyou think it makes me feel?

My missus says I'm the worst lay she's ever had...and she can tell that from 6 fucking seconds..

What gets to me is that after my six seconds she's off to the bathroom to finish off.....can you believe how fucking selfish...she knows that after I finish I like a cup of coffee....

I've gone right off sex.....

Posted by: Traps at March 4, 2004 at 03:02 AM

You mean she couldn't reognise that boneless thing was a boner? Oh, Naomi, you're such an innocent!

Posted by: Freddyboy at March 4, 2004 at 10:34 AM

Is it relevant that Naomi is cute?

Probably not...

Posted by: Pig Head Sucker at March 4, 2004 at 11:55 AM

Hey, Naomi, what makes you think you were so special to Harold? There were others:

Posted by: Freddyboy at March 4, 2004 at 12:35 PM

By now my back was against the sink, which was as far away as I could get. He moved toward me. I turned away from him toward the sink and found myself vomiting. Bloom disappeared.

Interesting auto-defense mechanism, possibly more effective if she spewed on his shoes, though that also increases the violence corollary index.

Some of Professor Bloom's Seduction Mistakes:
1) His name is Bloom. Seductee obviously confused Seductor with protagonist of Ulysees. This is an English major, remember. "Up like a rocket, down like a stick." See previous post from Traps.

2) Dinner in a room with a sink in it. Please...take the lady out to a real restaurant before you take her back to her flea-bag of a hole New England collegiates call a home before trying any tricks. Don't forget...the roaches are watching!

3) "Boneless," no matter what extremity applied to, don't cut it.

4) Didn't even wait and let her recite some of her poems.

5) If their grade ain't a "fail" you don't get no "tail."

Did this incident happen? I don't know. Is it important after all these years? I don't know. Did such things happen? Abso-schitzu-lutly!

Posted by: Timothy Lang at March 4, 2004 at 01:35 PM

S'funny but the other night we went out for dinner with 2 other couples.

When the guys were chatting seperately, my mate Andrew said that if he starts sucking his wifes toes during sex, the athlete's foot from hell goes wild.

David said that to drive his missus wild he brings her flowers and chocolates, moonlight dinner followed by candlelight etc etc

I explained that for me it's far simpler. I come home of an evening and have my supper. Then I have a bit of farting and belching cause I get wind.

Then when she's getting dressed for bed I race up behind and whallop.....a large portion....roughly 6 soon as I withdraw I take the big guy to the curtain and wipe him off.....fucking hell you should see her go wild!!

Posted by: Traps at March 4, 2004 at 03:56 PM

"I turned away from him toward the sink and found myself vomiting"

Anyone else instinctively think of Southpark?
"Poor Stan -- he always has a tendency to vomit when he's overcome with love" -

You see Naomi has the mental age of a child and vomits when she's in Love. Doesn't that sound more plausible than her excuses?

Posted by: Rob Read at March 4, 2004 at 10:03 PM

An excerpt:

I was asking Professor Bloom which Shakespeare character who was martyred drew the best analogy to the crucifixion of Jesus, when I felt something on my inner thigh ... I froze, unable to look at what I assumed must be his throbbing, boneless, warm, veiny hand, slowly rubbing up against me. I tried to ignore the intrusion and continue, but then professor Bloom stood up and I suddenly felt, saw, inhaled the presence of two of his hairy, spherical, boneless hands draped across my nose ... he then slowly slapped these egg-shaped hands that lacked bones or fingers back and forth across my face. Mortified, I stood up, politely excused myself and ran back to my dormitory, where I immediately investigated graduate programs at Bryn Mawr.

Posted by: Bill at March 5, 2004 at 04:05 AM

Does it count that the room with the sink in it was hers? That she invited him over for dinner? That he provided a recommendation for her Rhodes scholar application?

And that it took 20 freakin' years to hear about it?


Posted by: trey at March 5, 2004 at 09:18 AM

In light of her history of perceiving every event in her life as an outrage that the evil patriarchal world has committed against her, why do people even believe that this alleged episode with Bloom actually took place?

Posted by: nick at March 6, 2004 at 07:31 PM

Imre's just jealous because Bloom never groped him...

Posted by: Spart at March 7, 2004 at 12:58 AM