March 03, 2004
STEYN GRAVE-DANCE ANTICIPATED
Mark Steyn is once again available to Canadian readers. To celebrate, Mark’s mailbag publishes one of the great hate e-mails of all time:
A friend told me your site was great. I read through your pages and realized that even though I'd wasted thirty-five minutes of my life reading your pablum, it was a far cry from the years you've wasted writing it.
I've always felt journalists were little more than parasites. People incapable of achievement, latching on to those who have achieved. Yourself for example--you've built a career by reporting on the accomplishments of people smarter and more successful than yourself. Smooth ride, those coattails.
I hope that during one of your commutes between Quebec and Vermont, you have one of those fantastically horrific car crashes that make all the headlines. You know the type: where you are decapitated and the head is never found. At least this way you will be famous for doing something yourself, rather than reporting about some other person who has done something worth noting.
Barring a stupendously grusome decapitation, at your age, statistically speaking, you should be dead in seven to nine years. When you die, please have the misses send me an invite to the funeral, so that I might dance on your grave.
My hate mail is never this good.
Posted by Tim Blair at March 3, 2004 10:51 PMWow, all he missed was the part about burning down Mark's widow's house and salting the earth so nothing would ever grow there again.
And by his definition, every reporter, anchorman, historian, and biographer on earth is a parasite who has done "nothing", because they often "report...on the accomplishments of people smarter and more successful" than themselves. Although I guess what this bonehead wants us to conclude is that many of the people who come in for Steyn's unique bashings deserve more respect simply because of their dubious "accomplishments."
And what has *this* guy done? Written an email that's left him open to world-wide mockery. We'll be kind and call that an "accomplishment" of sorts.
Posted by: kimberly at March 3, 2004 at 11:01 PMActually, aside from a couple of mispellings, etc. this doesn't appear to have been written spittle spewed crayon, which at least sets it a bit above most hate mail. On the other hand, the glare from the tinfoil hat is probably all but blinding if you're anywhere in the writer's vicinity.
Posted by: JorgXMcKie at March 4, 2004 at 12:17 AMThat was the best piece of hate mail I've ever read. It was almost... poetic.
Posted by: Independent George at March 4, 2004 at 01:22 AMNo hate mail is complete without hoping the recipient's dog dies.
Posted by: Theodopoulos Pherecydes at March 4, 2004 at 02:38 AMHater numero uno is mucho geopgraphically as well as factually challenged. Mark Steyn's home away from home in the good ole USA is New Hampshire (Live free or die New Hampshire that is - yeah!.) Our Mark wouldn't live in the People's Republic of Vermont who gave Howard Dean to the world and last time I looked isn't eager to get him back.
Posted by: Millie Woods at March 4, 2004 at 05:02 AMSounds to me Blair should have a hate-mail contest. All you people out there ranting about Margo and Kerry and Chirac and whomever should aim some bile at poor ol' Tim.
He could give awards for most platitudes, longest string of obscentities, worst spelling, most egregious mistake or whatever.
Whaddya say, kids! Let's pile on!
Posted by: Gary at March 4, 2004 at 06:24 AMThat he used the term "misses" makes him an Aussie. Don't know of too many cultures who uses that term for she who must be obeyed.
Posted by: Louis Hissink at March 4, 2004 at 08:44 AMHe missed the killer ending:
PS: Strong letter follows.
Posted by: ilibcc at March 4, 2004 at 09:51 AMLouis
"The misses" is also English english, though more ususally spelt missus
Paul
Posted by: paul at March 4, 2004 at 10:20 AMNow that's quaity hate mail, except for misses.
Shouldn't that be Mrs. or missus?
I'm stuck with hate mail from tard Niall and his nom-de-plumes. To say he is a little confusing is to be kind. This comment was to a post about draconian food regulations state governments are introducing in Australia. Niall reads between the lines and sees .... FIIK:
"Bernard, I know you enjoy this hobby of yours. And do you seem unusually lacking in intelligence. But really, what's up with the ideology-thang. You can see where you are coming from from a mile off. Fine, you are conservative; fine, you dislike Left politics and supporters. But when you try to write glowingly of Bush you must understand that you are plainly and simply trying too hard. Too hard to try and convince yourself of something you know not to be the truth; that Bush has any of the qualities required of a GOOD World leader."
"Mark Steyn is a left winger"
Now THATs hatemail, the most insulting thing you can call someone!
Leftists just can get how to REALLY cause insult.
Posted by: Rob Read at March 4, 2004 at 09:50 PMAt imao.us, Frank J. has a section devoted to hate mail, with the following entertaining post:
I found this comment to my Know Thy Enemy: Hamas post by a Tupac Amaru:
Seguro que tu eres un pinche gringo puñetero que no tiene nada mas que hacer parte de huevear de la lucha por libertad por los palestinos. Si tu no estuvieras un cabron culeao, tal vez tu podria tener amigos parte de los perros que te aman solamente porque hueles como un jamon. HASTA LA VICTORIA SIEMPRE Y VIVA LATINOAMERICA! UNIDOS VENCEREMOS CONTRA LOS PINCHES GRINGOS PUÑETERAZOS. SI QUIEREN PAZ HABRA PAZ, PERO SI QUIEREN GUERRA, NO TENEMOS MIEDO A LA GUERRA
So I was like, "Wow! Even Spanish speaking people love IMAO!", but then I got back this translation from Margarita, official IMAO translator:
Surely you are a asshole gringo that has nothing more to do than bother with the fight for the liberty of the palestinians. If you weren't such a horse's ass, you could have friends other than the dogs that love you only because you are an ass. UNTIL THE VICTORY AND LIVE THE LATINOAMERICANOS FOREVER. TOGETHER WE WILL CONQUER THE GRINGO ASSHOLES. IF YOU WANT PEACE, THEN THERE WILL BE PEACE, BUT IF YOU WANT WAR, WE ARE NOT AFRAID OF FIGHTING!
If there's one thing better than incoherent hate mail, it's incoherent latino hate mail!
Frank J. also has written two entertaining hate mails to Mike Moore...