Tim Blair

My selections, many of them certain to be inaccurate:

1. Bush; more than 40 states.

2. Howard; single figures.

3. 400,000

4. An actor dressed as some kind of Greek mythological figure.

5. No.

6. John Edwards.

7. Sean Penn.

8. Yes.

9. Tuesday, February 24.

10. Kimi Raikkonen.

11. No.

12. Adam Gilchrist; 186

13. Hans Blix.

1. Bush, 37 states.
2. Howard, in a surprising blow-out.
3. "Over one million."
4. Britney Spears, dressed in a toga-like thing that is nearly transparent.
5. No, but even fewer people will continue to care.
6. Osama bin Laden, in a surprise move calculated to gin up the anti-war left.
7. Johnny Depp, because he's the only one I can remember.
8. Unless he has another heart attack. Then it's Condi fer sure.
9. I supposed I can't hope for Never.
10. Racer X.
11. No, because there will be a lot of rolling over in a domino-like effect.
12. I've watched cricket and I have no idea what it means.
13. Kofi Annan.

1. Bush, with 32 states (295 EVs)
2. John Howard. Enough.
3. "more than a hundred thousand" -- actual number 40,000
4. Voula Patoulidou, who won the first Greek Olympic Gold since 1912, at Barcelona (hurdles)

5. Yes.
6. Lt. Gen Claudia Kennedy (Ret.)
7. Bill Murray, Lost in Translation
8. Yes. If not, Rudy Guiliani.
9. April 11
10. I don't know a single person in the United States who follows F1. So I'll just say that Schumaker guy.
11. No.
12. Eerrr.... 284?
13. The head of the IAEA (ElFaradi)

1. Bush by a landslide.
2. Howard.
3. -
4. That bloke who won the 200m in Sydney 2000.
5. No Osama remains will ever be found.

6. John Edwards, although Kerry is a tool of Big Ketchup so matbe one of his Heinz cronies will get the nod.
7. Don't know. The Oscar's demonstrate crap taste in films usually so who knows?
8. Yes, but if not then Condaleeza Rice will run.
9. When the Fascist Bush/Howard/Hitler regime releases her.
10. Montoya

11. Sadly not.
12. Don't know.
13. Colonel gadaffi for his commitment to nuclear non-proliferation.

1. Dubya. 35 states.
2. Howard/Liberals by somewhere between 1 and 200 seats.
3. 125,000 people from all walks of life.
4. Voula Patoulidou.
5. Yes, June or July.
6. Someone I've never heard of. Kerry make sure there is no possibility his runningmate could overshadow him. Think a no-name Al Gore, with less personality.
7. Sean Penn, just so the Academy can let him speak.
8. Yes.
9. When's your birthday, Tim?
10. A guy with a really fast car.
11. All invasions will be delayed until after the election. 2005 will be a good year for freedom, assuming Bush wins.
12. Jiminy. By lots.
13. George Galloway.

My answers here:

http://www.damianpenny.com/archived/002345.html

1. Bush, let's say 39 states.

2. Hmm, I'm an American so I don't have to know these things. But I'll take a stab at it anyway - whoever Howard is with, and oh, let's say 9 thousand seats.

3. 300,000 sounds about right. Later, NYPD estimates will say it was closer to 100,000.

4. No idea - is Mark Spitz still alive?

5. If he's not dead already, and then dies of non-violent causes, his corpse will be paraded around Al-Jazeera as some kind of bizarre moral victory. Otherwise probably not.

6. I suspect that Kerry is going to pull a Mondale and try to get women to vote for him with a female running mate - too bad Hillary's smart enough to avoid this particular train wreck. Possibly he'll also try to strengthen black turnout with a black female VP, like Carol Moseley-Braun.

7. The academy is notoriously (and one suspects at times, willfully) unpredictable of course, but I'm pulling for Bill Murray.

8. Interesting question - probably, simply because the trumped-up Halliburton charges haven't hurt him and his enemies have no other ammo. He's a known quantity in other words and there are no surprises, a definite plus for a popular incumbent.

9. Don't know, don't care. Haven't they replaced her with a sock puppet (or for that matter, a sock) yet?

10. Umm...the what now?

11. Unlikely at this point. The middle east has settled down considerably and China has North Korea on a short leash these days. Even Syria is falling in line, sort of. It would appear that we've made our point for the time being, although of course the Saudis and Pakistanis continue to push their luck.

12. I'm just going to assume this question was in Esperanto or something.

13. If it's not me, then I've lost interest.

1. Bush; 37 states
2. Howard; (don't know)
3. 600,000
4. Sylvio Berlusconi--hee hee!
5. No
6. Hillary Clinton--duh!
7. Bill Murray
8. Yes
9. Never
10. That's some kind of race, right? ... eh
11. No
12. Don't have a clue
13. It SHOULD be Bush and Blair, but Cretien stands a better chance. Why? Because he doesn't have the balls of Bush or Blair.

1. Dennis Kucinich, 53 states (Sri Lanka, and Jupiter and Funkadelic will be admitted some time in April)

2. Kangaroo Jackians, by 3.14159

3. "A butt load"

4. An unidentified arsonist, after a bottle of ouzo

5. Yes; Fox TV will revealed that the past three years was and elaborate reality TV show starring Osama

6. The parents of that mystery chick in Kenya

7. Yahoo Serious, narrowly edging out Jacko

8. No, evil genius Karl Rove is creating an indestructible Dubya clone cyborg VP

9. Trick question! Margo has never gone actually left: you will find her where ever freedom speechings-talk is threatened, where ever gin bottles remained unopened, where ever children have bed-wetting nightmares

10. Richard Petty, in the #43 STP/Skoal Ferrari

11. Yes, Luxembourg (those Luxembourgian fuckers just piss us Americans off)

12. Batsman? There is only one batsman that matters, and his name is Adam West

13. Yahoo Serious, narrowly edging out Jacko

14. Which will be the first Australian Football League team to lose by 100 points or more?

1. Bush, 40 states.
2. No idea
3. About 150% of the actual number, rounded up to the next big whole number.
4. That Big Fat Greek Wedding lady.
5. Nope.
6. Who cares?
7. Bill Murray, dammit.
8. Cheney will probably take the nomination
9. Margo?
10. Buh?
11. Nah. Assuming there aren't any other big terrorist attacks.
12. No idea, sorry. Dumb Yank here.
13. The Oprah

You got K-marts in Australia?

1. After finding that "Unanmed Democrat" is their best chance at winning, the Democrats will do just that, and run a small Vietnamese boy who they will name "Unamed Democrat". He will win by a dimpled chad.

2. Howard will, reduced majority, after everyone realises they don't want a PM whose mentor was Gough Whitlam

3. 6 billion

4. Kevan Gosper's daughter

5. Yes, he's hiding in France.

6. Michael Moore, but he won't be "running".

7. To avoid actors politicising the show with anti-Bush rants, the best actor will go to Gollum.

8. No, no, no. It will be a PLASTIC Dick Cheney

9. When the seventh seal is opened, and darkness engulfs the world.

10. Ron Jeremy

11. France. The Seine will run red with spilt wine.

12. The re-animated corpse of Don Bradman

13. Saddam Hussein

1 . Bush - He will carry all but Massachusets, Hawaii and the District of Columbia.

2. Magic eight ball says " Future cloudy - ask again later"

3. over 100,000 - all of whom were met with hate filled police activities, the facist police forces who are of course led by the evil crown prince ashcroft.

4. Nelson Mandela

5. Yes - and sooner than we think. and he will be captured alive.

6. Bill Richardson - New Mexico Gov.

7. Since I havent seen a single movie nominated, I wont answer as Im wholly unqualified.

8. No, Rudy Guiliani

9. As soon as Maureen Dowd disappears. (ever seen them both in the same place at the same time?)

10. Decline to state.

11. Iran - July 2004 under UN authority to stabilize the country on humanitarian grounds after open ended rebellion causes the Islamic Republic to collapse into civil war.

12. Dude - anything that allows you wear a sweater while you play it is not a sport, its a skill.

13. Kofi Annan - Hans Blix for their untiring efforts to stop the malicious American war machine.

1 . Bush - He will carry all but Massachusets, Hawaii and the District of Columbia.

2. Magic eight ball says " Future cloudy - ask again later"

3. over 100,000 - all of whom were met with hate filled police activities, the facist police forces who are of course led by the evil crown prince ashcroft.

4. Nelson Mandela

5. Yes - and sooner than we think. and he will be captured alive.

6. Bill Richardson - New Mexico Gov.

7. Since I havent seen a single movie nominated, I wont answer as Im wholly unqualified.

8. No, Rudy Guiliani

9. As soon as Maureen Dowd disappears. (ever seen them both in the same place at the same time?)

10. Decline to state.

11. Iran - July 2004 under UN authority to stabilize the country on humanitarian grounds after open ended rebellion causes the Islamic Republic to collapse into civil war.

12. Dude - any activity that allows you wear a sweater while you play it is not a sport, its a skill.

13. Kofi Annan - Hans Blix for their untiring efforts to stop the malicious American war machine.

Anyone answering question 5 should keep this in mind.

Looks promising.

1. Bush with 41 states

2. Howard by 14 seats.

3. "hundreds of thousands"

4. Melina Mercouri and Yanni

5. No

6. Phil Bredesen, governor of Tennessee

7. Whoever is most likely to "speak truth to Bush's fictition" during their acceptance speech.

8. Yes

9. Margo Kidder was adorable as Lois Lane in Superman. I've missed her. I hope she comes back real soon.

10. That European guy in the fast car.

11. Canada

12. The only Sri Lankan I know is Sir Arthur Clarke so I guess his score will be 2001.

13. I was going to say Hans Blix but since Tim already took it, I will say Domenique Villepin.

I'm really just doing this because I want to get closest on question 12, since I'm a yank. :)

1) Bush, 37 states
2) Howard, 8 seats
3) 500,000
4) I'll go with the popular answer here, Patoulidou.
5) No
6) Edwards
7) Sean Penn
8) Yes (unfortunately)
9) April 1st? (seems appropriate, at any rate)
10) Michael Schumaker
11) No
12) Matthew Hayden, 208 (not out)
13) Kofi Annan

I was really looking forward to predicting a Kucinich presidency with more than 50 states, but I see that iowahawk has beaten me to it. But rather than concede defeat to the funnier gentleman, I will pretend to concede, then retract that and take my case to the Supreme Court where I will ultimately be defeated by a Haliburton conspiracy.

re: question #6

I have to agree with Frank Martin.

Bill Richardson is the dem closest to sane.

One down already- reports are filtering in that the Binster has been run down north of Quetta.
They may have to sieve the remains for fingerprints.

1. Bush 35 states
2. Howard 7 seats
3. 200,000 after backing away from an earlier estimation of nearly half a million
4. Zorba
5. No
6. Edwards
7. Ben Kingsley
8. Yeah, but wouldnt it be great if Rummy did
9. Just in time for the elections
10. Shummi for at least another 5 years
11. There wont be a full invasion just a sweep through an area like a pocket in Pakistan near the border or the Bekka valley in the Lebanon(looking for Saddams stash).
12. Gilchrist 234
13. Boutros Boutros Gali will nake a comeback this year!!!

1. Who will win the US Presidential election? How many states will the winner carry?

I'm guessing Bush with... 30.

11. Will the US (or a coalition led by the US) invade any country during 2004? If so, which country?

Definately - Not sure which though...

--Hot Abercrombie Chick

1) Kerry. 22 States.
2) Howard. Less than 20.
3) 500,000
4) Voula Patoulidou
5) No.
6) John Edwards
7) Bill Murray
8) Yes.
9) -
10) -
11) No, but if Bush wins, then US military operation in the Sudan in 2005. Smaller operations (possibly already underway) in Mali and Eritrea and other Saharan quasi-nations.
12) -
13) Muammar Gadaffi

1. Bush, 39 states.

2. Howard, 20 seats.

5. No. His allies had enough sense to sufficiently destroy his body to the point where an identification cannot be made.

6. Senator Bob Graham. He's got executive experience (read, is a former governor), geographical advantages (read, is from Florida), was an early runner for the Democratic nomination but dropped out in October, is not running for re-election to the Senate, and said yesterday to reporters he was interested in the VP slot.

8. Yes, Dick Cheney again.

9. Third week of March.

11. Depends on what you mean by "invasion". U.S. forces may well assist in a "stabilization force" in Haiti, with or without Aristide's permission. Otherwise, no, not this year.

13. Jaques Chirac.

1. Bush, with 41 states.
2. Howard, but only by 5 seats.
3. Initial estimates of 500,000, later revised to 60,000.
4. Kylie.
5. No, but his autobiography will fetch a seven-figure advance.
6. Alec Baldwin.
7. Bill Murray.
8. Yes.
9. Not. (Hopefully.)
10. Donald Rumsfeld.
11. Yes. Sweden.
12. Margo Kingston, 217 not out.
13. Bush/Blair (see 11)

Ralf Schumacher will win this year.

1. Kerry. 40
2. Latham, Howard a no show.
3. As usual, a fraction of those that turn up.
4. Melanie Howard
5. Wherever there is evil, there too will be OBL’s DNA.
6. Wes Clarke
7. Bill Murray
8. Only the American people can pull Dick’s nose out of the trough, Dick sure as hell can’t.
9. Who cares.
10. Peter Brock
11. If GWB is re-elected, sure. Syria or Iran.
12. Gilly
13. Tim Blair

I answered the questions, then for a bit of fun I changed the order of the answers around:

1. Adam Gilchrist, 242
2. Eddie Irvine
3. 2005
4. Russell Crowe
5. Yes, North Korea
6. A midget dressed in a toga
7. Condi Rice
8. Peter Costello
9. 2500
10. Phillip Ruddock
11. No
12. George Bush, 40
13. Michael Moore

1. Serious answer: Bush, winning 49 states.
1. Comic answer: Arnold Schwarzenegger, winning with 53 states, after a write-in attempt causes a computer malfunction.

2. John Howard, gaining 5 seats more than he has. If Latham remains leader of the ALP, it'll be the first time that I'll have voted liberal above labour (having voted first in 1998 that isn't saying much though)

3. Reported number: 50000. (Actual number 5000)

4. To Tim: Kevin Sorbo or the governor of California?

5. Possibly.

6. Don't know, don't care.

7. Mike Moore.

8. I guess so. I wish he wouldn't - we don't need someone with a heart condition as Bush's backup when fighting an enemy liable to try assination.

9. The Ides of March.

10. Don't care.

11. No. Most likely candidates would however be: North Korea, Syria, Iran, Zimbabwe in that order of likelyhood.

12. Don't care.

13. 3 women representing "A thousand women for peace".

1. John Edwards - 20 states (plus the District of Columbia).
2. Labor by 5 seats.
3. Won't be reported at all.
4. Pyrros Dimas.
5. Yes - but won't be captured alive.
6. John Edwards - now there's a hedge!
7. Bill Murray (please).
8. Yes. If not, Rudy Giuliani.
9. First week of March.
10. Michael Schumacher.
11. No.
12. Marvan Attapattu - 165.
13. Zackie Achmat/Treatment Action Campaign

Prediction for Iraq deaths:

US soldiers: 150.
Other coalition soldiers: 50.
Iraqi police/government workers: 100.

1. Bush, 34.
2. Howard. Who cares, as long as it's a "W."
3. 350 million, although the actual number will be 350.
4. Ioannis Melissanidis.
5. No.
6. Who cares?
7. Some leftist idiot.
8. Yes.
9. Who cares?
10. M. Schumacher, despite Rubinho. Juan Pablo sucks, and the new Williams looks stupid.
11. I hope so. Syria, Iran, Saudi Arabia, North Korea, Canada.
12. Garfield Sobers - 1100.
13. See #7.

1. Bush, 38 states.
2. Howard.
3. 10 million.
4. -
5. Yes.
6. Edwards.
7. -
8. Cheney is it.
9. As surely as Philip Adams, alas.
10. -
11. No, unfortunately.
12. -
13. Jacques Chirac of course. Doesn't the whole world know about how he tried to pursue a world in pieces by building Iraq a nuclear reactor at Osirak?

1. 30
2. Howard, 12 seats.
3. 2x the number that actually marched.
4. Yanni, with a flaming synthesiser.
5. Yes. He'll turn up during Survivor 2004 filmed in Tora Bora.
6. Edwards
7. Sean Penn, Naomi Watts for the girls (nice ta-ta's BTW).
8. Giuliani
9. No Show - She will be charged with involuntary manslaughter for the death of her book editor.
10. Tex in a Mazda 6
11. No. The troops will be too busy in the streets of the USA crushing dissent and helping Bushitler steal the 04 election. Baby killers!
12. Hayden. 255.
13. Robert Mugabe.

1. Bush; 44 states.

2. Howard; 12 seats.

3. 100,000 reported 10,000,000

4. Who's that Greek Chick from my big fat Greek Wedding?

5. Yes, The troops will find a slime smear on the rocks after they bomb the shit out of it that will test positive.

6. Teddy Kennedy provided he promises to leave all driving and interns to others.

7. Bill Murry.

8. No, Rudy or Condi.

9. She won't be. During her abscence, she got captured by the blokes from Queer Eye and she is still trying to explain to them that she is in fact female.

10. Kimi Raikkonen.

11. Yes, France, Germany, Canada and any other hotbeds of international terrorism.

12. Matt Hayden 147

13. Howard, Blair and Bush et al. It will never happen, but we can dream right?

1. im disgusted by how little these americans know about cricket, so out of protest, US president, whats that?
2. John Howard,no one will vote for latham once they cotton on to the fact that Simon Crean will be treasurer if he wins.
3. 22 hundred
4.
5. Yes
6. Monica Lewinsky
7. Sean penn.
8. Tony Blair, or if he is busy, Rudy
9. Co incidently, the exact same time they find osama
10.
11. France
12. A recalled Andy Bichel will come in at number 10, with australia needing 300 to win on the last day of hte last test. Andy complete this task with no big hassle. The next day the selectors drop him..Why..who the hell knows..since when did the selectors take ability into account
11. John Wood...just cause he always misses out on the gold loggie

Only one subject of real importance:

12: Adam Gilchrist will post the first triple century in Sri Lanka despite gutless umpires, cheating bowlers and many, many Sri Lankan bandaged fingers containing the juju of their ancestors (and other illegal substances).

All else irrelevant.

1- Bush. More then 35 states
2- John Howard
3- 50, including the homeless looking out for a handout.
4- Hell if i know
5- Just some DNA, probably in Kim Jong Il's anus
6- Clark
7- Bill Murray
8- No. I'm betting on Condi
9- Never. She'll be captured by the Coalition in Iraq.
10- Schumacher
11- They won't invade any country, but they'll go into Iran at the request of the forces who've overthrowned the Ayatollah's.
12 - ?
13 - What Atoz said.

1. Bush, um, let's say 35-38.
2. Guy Sebastian.
3. Whatever the org tells them?
4. ???
5. Haven't you heard? The Sunday Express says he's cornered like a rat! (If you're quick, check out the front page. Indeed.)
6. Guy Sebas-- waitaminute...
7. I'm rooting for Johnny Depp, but I guess not.
8. I doubt he'll stick around. I'd take a punt on Giuliani but it might be a tad early.
9. Apparently not soon enough for you, Tim.
10. Schumacher?
11. Nah, there's an election on..
12. Gilchrist.
13. Perhaps the EU?

(1)BUSH by a landslide
(2)Howard
(3)Hippies & Druggies of the world
(4)Some tosser
(5)YES OBL will emerge from a hole of some form
(6)Edwards
(7)Bill Murray
(8)Yes
(9)Who's Margo?
(10)Raikkonen
(11)Iran
(12)Gilchrist - by a LOT of runs
(13) Bush & Blair

The answer to all question is - 6

1. Bush; 48-50 states.

2. Howard; single figures.

3. 100,000

4. ?

5. no.

6. Gore.

7. Keisha Castle-Hughes.

8. Yes.

9. She will continue to return next month.

10. Kimi Raikkonen.

11. No.

12. ?

13. Saddam Hussein, he tried so hard to avoid war and immense suffering to his people.

1. Bush -40
2. Howard, majority increased by 10 seats
3. 500000, against actual of 100-200.
4.a quadraplegic spastic femmo-nazi
5.Definitely, as soon as a unit has located the centre of thebomb blast.
6.Jane Fonda
7.Sean Penn - for `Mystic' whatever it is and his good commie credentials.
8.It's a toss up between Powell or Condi, I back the second for she is bloody good.
9.As soon as she's released from a psycho ward - when, i can't tell.
10.Micael Schumahcer, but Webber giving him a good run for the money.
11 Yes, against the retards' country in New York, the U.N.
12.Hayden, 400 not out.
13. Yes, agaisn that porcinous bit of scum Arafat or his twin brother Gerry Adams.

I'm hoping Osama is captured a week after Bush is re-elected. Would be fun to see the moonbats try to spin that one.

1. Bush, 35

2. Howard, 10

3. The day's date X50

4. Janet Jackson

5. Yes

6. Sen. Mary Landrieu, LA

7. Sean Penn, unfortunately

8. Yes

9. Margo transfers to the London Guardian in a job swap. Australia gets Polly Toynbee in return.

10. Schumacher...yawn. (Is anyone still watching?)

11. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts

12. Under instructions from newly-installed head coach Geoff Boycott, Sri Lankan openers score centuries each innings...but very, very slowly.
No Australian ever gets to bat.

13. The assassinated Swedish Foreign Minister (postumously). After all, aren't the Nobel prizes just an excuse for Swedes to be smug
and superior? (A neat trick for a country that backed Hitler and Stalin.)

1. Bush with 32states.
2. Latham with a 5 seat majority.
3. 8 billion.
4. Nana Maskouri
5. Yes
6. Jedwards
7. Howard Dean in Wes Craven's "Scream IV"
8. CONDI CONDI CONDI!!!
9. When her holocaust bomb shelter supply of mung beans and gado gado runs out.
10. Michael Schumacher
11. Sweden
12. Lehmann will score 213
13. Dubya

1. Bush, 34
2. Howard, 6
3. 250,000
4. "Promethius", played by an actor
5. Yes.
6. Evan Bayh of Indiana.
7. Bill Murray
8. Yes.
9. May 14
10. Schumacher
11. No.
12. Since I'm a Yank, I'm just picking a random name from the squad..)
Hayden, 256.
13. Hans Blix and Mohamed ElBaradei

2. Howard. 1 seat, the seat of his pants.

1. Bush with 41 states. The only Democrat wins outside the northeast will be Illinois and California.

2. Howard by more than most expect.

3. Over a hundren thousand "from all walks of life". Yes, I stole it from a previous poster but it's so dead-on.

4. Kostantinos Kenteris, winner of the 200 meters in the 2000 Olympics.

5. No, but if I'm wrong I'll gladly eat mega-crow just to see the crazed reactions of the Bush-haters.

6. Hillary. She's not getting any younger, and unless they are spectacularly blown out it sets her up to run in 2008 ... and if, God forbid, they win then she's Vice-President.

7. Bill Murray. I don't know that he's a great actor, but he's got a real talent for picking the right movies to do.

8. Dick will run again unless there's some major health problem between now and November. I want him to run again because he's become an indispensable avatar of evil in the minds of the crazies.

9. When the right combination of antidepressant meds kicks in.

10. Somebody on the Honda team.

11. Probably not, but there sure have been a lot of surprises on the Islamic Terror War front.

12. Sorry, no detectable cricket knowledge whatsoever.

13. There probably won't be one. They don't give it every year.

Is Yiannis "The Machine" Kouros as famous in Greece as he is in Australia?

If so, he might be a smokey for answer number 4. Otherwise, my money is well and truly on Voula Patoulidou.

The look on her face when leader Gale Devers(?) fell over to give her the gold was absolutely priceless. A real Steve Bradbury moment - 'cept maybe better.