February 19, 2004


With a name like Buddy Grizzard, our latest member of the Plastic Turkey Club sounds almost over-qualified. The Atlanta-based buzzard grizzled in reaction to George W. Bush’s visit on Martin Luther King’s birthday:

Bush, a man who came to office through the electronic disenfranchisement of tens of thousands of mostly black voters in Florida, was shown that he could not pull off a cheap photo-op here in the cradle of the Civil Rights Movement. There'd be no plastic turkey moments in our town that day, we made sure of it.

Buzzy Griddle links to -- how’d we miss this? -- noted food authority Michael Moore:

It turns out that big, beautiful turkey of yours was never eaten by the troops! It wasn't eaten by anyone! That's because it wasn't real! It was a STUNT turkey, brought in to look like a real edible turkey for all those great camera angles.

Sounds extra upset about it, don’t he? "It wasn’t eaten by anyone!" If Moore had enlisted, plastic or not, that turkey was going down. Another applicant from the Department of Perfect Names is Patricia Ernest:

Perhaps Jesus might inquire about the "Mission Accomplished" stunt, the fake turkey stunt, and all of the photo op stunts. Jesus might inquire about why george refuses to take responsibility for the many misstatements of this entire administration. I bet Jesus would have a million questions for bush. I bet bush would be sweating before that conversation was over. And, you know why he would be squirming and stuttering and sweating? That's right, because you cannot bs Jesus.

What would Jesus carve?

UPDATE. Semiskimmed has all your Bush = Hitler needs completely covered.

Posted by Tim Blair at February 19, 2004 11:42 PM

Noticed she couldn't bother to add President, or even to capitalize the "B" in bush. Wonder when they'll fall fully into line, and start calling him the "Republican Entity"

Posted by: beets at February 20, 2004 at 12:04 AM

Good heavens. As a Christian, I just want to add that Ms. Ernest is the most perfect specimen I've seen yet of much of the left's incoherence regarding religion. She shows that she not only knows little or nothing about this world, but also the next. Unless I miss my guess, she's the type who, hearing I don't believe the government should provide cradle-to-grave food, shelter, and Tivo, says, "How 'Christian' of you."

Bless her heart.

Posted by: Bovious at February 20, 2004 at 12:25 AM

You have Eric Alterman and Al Franken out there claiming the media not only isn't liberal, but has a right wing bias. Buzzly Griddard's comment that tens of thousands of black's being disenfranchised demonstrates the power of the liberal media.

This outrageous charge was thoroughly investigated in Florida. Untrue. Indeed, blacks voted at a higher rate than the rest of Floridians. Now, it is true that more ballots in predominantly black neighborhoods have been disqualified. That's what happens when you have 25% illiteracy rates and people cannot follow the directions to produce a valid ballot.

Fact: the networks called Florida for algore an hour before the polls closed in the Florida panhandle, which is in the Central, not Eastern Time Zone. Studies have estimated that over ten thousand voters, predominantly Bush supporters, got discouraged and didn't vote.

These voters and the military absentee ballot voters disqualified by the planeloads of Democrat Lawyers sent to Florida, were the real victims of disenfranchisement.

The media black hole has swallowed the story of this people and given us non-existent Black victims, confused elderly Jews who voted for Buchanan, while they really wanted to vote for algore and other ghostly mirages.

When Anita Hill testified, two-thirds of Americans believed Clarence Thomas and not Hill. After a year of media propaganda, two-thirds of Americans believed Anita Hill. Yup, there's no liberal bias in the media.

Posted by: Jabba the Nutt at February 20, 2004 at 12:55 AM

Nevermind the turkey, that wasn't really Bush, and he wasn't really in Iraq. In fact, those weren't really US soldiers, they were all actors.

We need a president who isn't always looking for a photo op.
Someone like Bill Clinton, who would never use a cheap stunt like that. He wouldn't stage a shot along an empty beach in Normandy, where small piles of rocks are abundant, and there is always a Navy warship anchored offshore, making for the perfect background.

Posted by: Bob at February 20, 2004 at 02:27 AM

Electronically disenfranchised? Huh? Those votes were thrown out because the voters were too freakin' stoopid to make a hole in a piece of paper. I hope they print Florida ballots on drool-proof paper next time.

Posted by: David Gillies at February 20, 2004 at 02:43 AM

And another thing: what, exactly, is wrong with marking an 'X' with a pencil? The UK has 60 million people and we usually have a definitive result in a general election (with substantially higher turnout than a US election) five or six hours after polling closes.

Posted by: David Gillies at February 20, 2004 at 02:49 AM

I've used both paper and pencils as well as punchcards in Illinois for years. We typically have a great many more offices, referenda, and possibly initiatives or amendments to vote on than do the fine folks in the UK. In addition, we go to the polls on an average of 4 times per year under some state constitutions and as many as 25 or more in other jurisdictions. Votes are always under the direct control of a county agent, not a state or national agent. Some votes are counted at the township level, some at the precinct level, many, if not most, at the county level. Oddly enough, this can be quite time-consuming, without even adding in the 6 or 7 time zones spanned. Plus, we like it this way.

Posted by: JorgXMcKie at February 20, 2004 at 04:18 AM

Those fishes turned into loaves? Water turned into wine? All plastic.

So with the miracle of the turkey.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at February 20, 2004 at 05:33 AM

When presented with the "disenfranchised minority voters in Florida" rant, I always reply, "Well, did you see the interview on The Today Show/CNN/60 Minutes/Chris Matthews/ etc. with several of the disenfranchised voters?" They always think a moment, and then say, "No." No kidding, because there haven't been any such interviews because no one has been able to find even one, single, solitary person who can prove they were disenfranchised. And let's be honest, if there was even one that could remotely claim/prove disenfranchisement, they would be a household name after appearing on the News every night for 6 months.

Posted by: DBW at February 20, 2004 at 08:19 AM

Jorg, time consuming? You mean more time consuming than having dozens of recounts, multiple court hearings, and whining Leftists boring the tits off you for three years about 'selected, not elected'? Give me reliable over 'quick', any day.

Posted by: David Gillies at February 20, 2004 at 09:26 AM

Bob has suggested one of the best conspiracies I've read yet. It's much more creative than those I read about on various other blogs like DU.

Bob said:
"Nevermind the turkey, that wasn't really Bush, and he wasn't really in Iraq. In fact, those weren't really US soldiers, they were all actors."

A conspiracy like the 'No Moon Landing' one would be entertaining. (Sorry Bob, I know you didn't intend to provide the kernel for a conspiracy. I just couldn't resist this one.)

Something along the lines of: "There was no Invasion of Iraq. Saddam is still in power. What we've been shown are pictures taken in huge sound stages used by Hollywood. There IS NO WAR."

The reporters who were in Iraq? Never there. They were made to believe they were. They were given mind altering drugs, placed into these specially built studio lots and sound stages, and actually believed they were witnessing a war.

And the turkey? It *had* to be plastic in order to film well on the set. If 'they' know about the plastic turkey it won't be very long before the entire 'Iraq War Hoax' starts to unravel.

I suggest the 'Moon Landing Is A Hoax' crowd would be the best ones to start the ball rolling on this one.

The reason behind this deception? Isn't it obvious? Saddam and Bush made a pact. Saddam will be allowed to take control of certain countries in exchange for control of the oil fields by Bush and his friends. (friends = 'coalition' leaders)

(I enjoy reading some of the conspiracy theories. Helps me to unwind at times because I usually end up laughing. Some are more enjoyable than sitcoms. Perhaps what makes them so much funnier is some people actually believe them.)

Posted by: Chris Josephson at February 20, 2004 at 11:26 AM

Jesus Christ, won't people let me r.i.p.
Yours sincerely,

Posted by: d at February 20, 2004 at 04:02 PM

Jesus, plastic turkeys everywhere. Does anyone remember who the first person to join the great turkey conspiracy was?

I think Alan Ramsey was a early victim...

but I want to know who the hell made this up - out of thin air? Quite impressive to have your shit travel half wayround the world.

Posted by: Quentin George at February 21, 2004 at 07:04 AM

Who gives a toss, your boy's going down. He can barely put two words together let alone campaign with any effect. It's gonna be a stark contrast, Kerry or Edwards pressing unvetted flesh versus the boy in the bubble, reduced to stage-managed hand-picked cheer squads, dumb rhyming couplets behind him to remind everyone of today's issue.

Fear begets fear. Your buzzboy can barely stand the stroll from the helicopter to the Rose Garden. Just imagine the presidential pardons this guy has lined up?

Posted by: Miranda Divide at February 21, 2004 at 11:28 AM

HAHAHAHAHHAAA! Oh, that's the most hilarious imitation of a frothing leftwing nutball raver that I've ever read! Good one, Miranda -- oh, wait -- you were serious?

By god that's even funnier.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 21, 2004 at 12:03 PM

I hope this Grizzard is no relation to the late,
great Lewis Grizzard. I don't suppose miranda is
familiar with his outdoor humor articles in
American sporting mags. I suggest you read "Elvis
is dead and I'm not feeling too good myself" by
Lewis Grizzard. It will get your mind off of that
plastic turkey/ Bush lied fixation. Saddam's
caught, enjoy your fried tofu.

Posted by: okimutt at February 21, 2004 at 08:30 PM

Mr David Gillies:
I believe in the UK, you vote for one thing, the local Member of Parliament. In the US, depending on the State, we vote for US President, US Senator, US Representative, State Governor, State Lieutenant Governor, State Attorney General, State Commissioner of Insurance, State University Board of Regents, State Commissioner of Education, Water Boards, Sewage Boards, State Senators, State Representatives, County Commissioners, City Councils, City Mayors, Drainage Commissioners, Local Boards of Education, Hospital Boards, State and local Bond Issues, State and Local Constitution or Charter Amendments, Propositions, Referenda, Recalls, etc. And Mr Gillies, rest assured that I haven't covered the entire list. A ballot can be 20+ pages, marking 'x's' would take weeks to count.

Posted by: Jabba the Nutt at February 22, 2004 at 04:32 AM

Hey Jabba - They get a vote in their local council elections, too. And in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland there are some kind of regional parliaments, although I am not sure what they do. And, best of all, these days they get to vote for their local member of the European parliament - woooohoooo!

Pity they don't get a vote for the upper house of the UK parliament, but democracy has limits, old chap!

Posted by: Bob Bunnett at February 22, 2004 at 09:02 AM

Yep, in Australia you get to vote Federal (for all your war-mongering and welfare needs); State (for crap hospitals, schools, police and public transport) and Local (to get some guy to take your garbage away).

Federal systems have a lot more democracy than others.

Posted by: Quentin George at February 22, 2004 at 09:48 AM