February 13, 2004


An idea so crazy it just might work:

Israeli police have come up with plans to place bags of pig lard on buses in a bid to deter Palestinian militants from carrying out suicide attacks, the Maariv daily reported.

Authorities believe that the move could discourage Palestinians from carrying out attacks as pieces of their exploded body could come into contact with the pig fat, prejudicing their chances of entering into paradise.

Thanks to Australian deployment of pig blood, New York buses are already secure.

Posted by Tim Blair at February 13, 2004 12:50 AM


Posted by: Andrew at February 13, 2004 at 12:54 AM

Fat chance

Posted by: mateo_g at February 13, 2004 at 01:02 AM

the swine!

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at February 13, 2004 at 01:27 AM

Now that's what I call "bringing home the bacon".

Posted by: Dean Douthat at February 13, 2004 at 01:35 AM

hmmm, would this method also protect the Suet Canal?

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at February 13, 2004 at 02:38 AM

Hog > Heaven

Posted by: Jim Treacher at February 13, 2004 at 03:06 AM

Or put the opposite bracket in front of that one so it's "does not equal," is the "joke." Stupid Internet.

Posted by: Jim Treacher at February 13, 2004 at 03:08 AM

If it works, what better comment can there be on the state of mind of these idiots?

Posted by: Rebecca at February 13, 2004 at 03:27 AM

How's about this one: next time a splodeydope blows up a pizza parlour or whatever, whistle up a crop sprayer, fill it with a couple of hundred gallons of pig blood and fly it over the mob of Paleostinian death-cultists jumping up and down in celebration. Now that would be funny.

Posted by: David Gillies at February 13, 2004 at 04:48 AM

i like that david...they could get those old pumper trucks that they used to use on civil rights marchers, load up the tanks with pig blood (hey, it's biodegradeable!) and spray away...

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at February 13, 2004 at 05:01 AM

The Laser Aimed Retribution Device or LARD has secretly been developed by the US .

Posted by: Peter at February 13, 2004 at 07:03 AM

All human remains from suicide-bomb attacks in Israel should be buried together after being sprayed with pig blood (or pig fat).

Posted by: rs at February 13, 2004 at 07:38 AM

The mullahs will just concoct some incomprehensible reason why it doesn't count if there's a bit of porcine effluvia mixed with Hussien's bits and pieces. Don't worry Mum -- he's still going to get the 72 virgins.

Posted by: Walter Plinge at February 13, 2004 at 07:53 AM

Perhaps pictures of Jimmy Dean plastered throughout the buses would do the trick without the excrutiating odor of pig feces. They could use a still from "Diamonds Are Forever"; I've always loved the expression on his face when the FBI busts Willard Whyte out of his own underground bunker, which had been converted into Whyte's holding cell after his kidnapping by Blofeld, and he yells, "What the HELL is goin' on around here?"

/Abe Simpson mode

Posted by: Tongue Boy at February 13, 2004 at 07:59 AM

In the early 20th century, General J.J. "Blackjack" Pershing was sent to the Phillipines to put down a rebellion by Muslim seperatists. He buried the dead Muslims wrapped in pigskins which quickly put an end to the rebellion.

Israel should go much further. They should bury the body parts of suicide bombers with pigs instead of returning the bodies to their enemies.

Posted by: Reid of America at February 13, 2004 at 10:53 AM

It won't work. The Palestinian leaders and apologists will make up some excuse to give the 'sploders a pass. This sounds, to me, like the sort of desperate rumor/urban tale that gets passed around in times like these. Frankly I believe in getting rid of terrorists the old way, by sending them to their maker before they get us. I don't care what happens to them in the "afterlife."

Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 13, 2004 at 11:00 AM

Um, not to rain on everyone's parade, but isn't it possible that the observant Jews who use these buses to commute might also object to the presence of pigstuffs on their buses?

I guess not, since the Israeli police are the ones doing the larding, but it does seem strange.

Posted by: Sasha Castel at February 13, 2004 at 11:36 AM

Sasha, catching the 8.07 with Porky on board beats being blown up.

Posted by: ilibcc at February 13, 2004 at 12:09 PM

Jews wont want their dead to be sprayed with pig fat either, so David Gillies idea is a non-starter.

Snopes has more on the Pershing story. http://www.snopes.com/rumors/pershing.htm

The best way to deal with the terrorists is wipe them out. For every dead jew, 10 of them die.

Posted by: El-Diablo at February 13, 2004 at 01:04 PM

Lard have mercy. I've even got an theme song all picked out for these 'Porkified for your protection' buslines.

Ah, cracklings, Rosie. Get on board. We're gonna ride till there ain't no more to go. Taking it slow on Busline de Cerdo.

Posted by: Carl H. at February 13, 2004 at 02:02 PM

Better yet. If orthodox Jews object, just put the pigfat on some buses -clearly marked. That way you save the lives of people on those buses. The ones who take the other buses take their chances. That also deflates the inevitable arguments of the pro-Arab apologists who will no doubt lodge complaints about cultural hatred.

Posted by: Portly McSwine at February 13, 2004 at 02:21 PM

Such terrible discrimination. Why shouldnt a Muslim be allowed to go to heaven?

Posted by: Dead Ed at February 13, 2004 at 05:17 PM

Won't work. I can see the dodge now... "Ah, but even though you are rendered unclean, you also render all the Jews you kill unclean as well. Allah will forgive you, and purify you with His power, for your selfless devotion in the face of eternal damnation."

Posted by: Tatterdemalian at February 13, 2004 at 06:56 PM

Pigs of Mass Destruction???

I can see the headlines now.

"In the year 2015, the porcine elections in the Jerusalem sty is hotting up when it is bought to the attention of the voters that candidate 'Porky' has falsified his servitude records on the 8:07 bus from Jafna. He was claiming payment when he was, in fact, actually sunning himself on the golan heights. When this is bought up at a press conference, the offending reporter is dragged out and beaten, with the body guards muttering 'Who does he think he is? Mike Moore?"

Posted by: Pat D at February 13, 2004 at 08:19 PM

If true, and it works, great idea.

It does sound like an urban legend though.

Posted by: Chris Josephson at February 13, 2004 at 11:48 PM

Preservation of life is paramount in the relevent Jewish law. If it was seen to protect life it wouldn't be a problem.

Posted by: David at February 14, 2004 at 04:42 AM