Tim Blair

Phil has a .22, Phil has a .22!!!!But no guns for you Tim, or the rest of the unwashed masses! He has a .22 AND shoots at rabbits. PETA will have his balls!!!!!!!!!

I hereby proffer my organs for transplants and my corpse for dissection, knowing the latter prospect will delight the many readers who send me hate e-mail.

Woohoo!

Hey, doesn't anyone care what P.E.T.S.* thinks about this?

* People for the Ethical Treatment of Shredders.

Just think of the enivironemtal benefits: shred Phat Phil and we could mulch the Northern Territory.

That should read "environmental". Previewed it and still couldn't see it. Must remember to stay off-line when hungover.

...and no Gough, presumably. Certainly, no John and probably not Mark either.

Good god, who does he think wants HIS organs, Michael Moore?

I know where Phil's brain will end up - in a jar on a shelf, next to Hans Delbruck's, labeled "Abnormal".

-Frau Blucher-

I really do pity the poor sod who gets his organs. Although perhaps some university student will have the pleasure of dissecting him and discovering what went so terribly wrong...

So, what, all this is taking place next weekend? Awww, shoot! I'm moving house!

About the only part of him that might be worth passing on would be his right cornea.

His viewpoint is so far to the left that I doubt his right eye has had any use at all.

Wonderful stuff from Phat Phil about his great buddy Goof Witless:

" God forbid that it?s Gough Whitlam, because Australia just won?t be the same without him".
(No Phil, that should read, "Australia's never been the same SINCE him - his financial and social disasters are still hurting us all).

"For a start, no-one enjoys a good funeral more than Gough, who rockets around the country, from coast to coast, attending them".
(Yep, and guess who pays the bloody bills; YOU, sucker).

"There, I?ve outlived another one of the buggers!"
(Only the good die young, Gough, so you'll see the ton, no worries).

" But when Gough is finally borne aloft by angels to Paradise, where his arrival will put God under pressure..".
(The only pressure God will be under is holding back the crowd pushing the bastard down to Hell where he belongs).

"I once described Gough?s progress through life as resembling the triumph of a Roman general".
(Well at least that's accurate, Phil. He lied to and cheated all around him, shat on his country, stole from the people and slashed all who dared to cross him).

"...Margaret Whitlam?s role in life: to constantly remind Gough that he is "just a mortal".
(You've failed, Maggie ol' gal, however you could redeem yourself in the eyes of many by killing the old prick).

" And I?d settle for a grave in the garden, alongside my recently deceased dog..".
(You utter bastard Phil; fancy insulting one of God's great creatures like that. And one of grossly superior intelligence, too).

I've got dibs on his liver, at least if it's in any better condition than mine.

I need all the help I can get. As Samuel Clemmons said, all great men are dying, and I don't feel so good myself.

You won't get a grave in the garden, Phil, because it's not a registered cemetary.

You won't get a grave in a cemetary either, if your donate your body to a medical school. A grave costs $2,700. You'll get a cremation in a cheap coffin (rectangular, $75, made from 12mm chipboard) at Altona Memorial Park, which only costs $640.

And if you're autopsied first the medical school won't be interested because all your organ are just dumped back in the body cavity after removal and examination, and are no good for learning.

Jim Riley got it sactly right. Cough Flitwam was the worst thing that ever happened in Australian politics. It's gonna be bad when the 'ole prick dies cos the lefties will want a sainthood and a national holiday for the useless bastard. Gawd help us all.

I didn't know that it was possible to transplant a bleeding heart.

I warned you guys!

Couple weeks back I said "Whattya gonna do when Phatty Phil carks it ? Who is there that can hold to candle to this guy for overfed, overeducated, overpaid useless lefty ?"

Now you done it - he can't cope with the criticism and he's gonna cark it !

Are each of you ready to live with this on your consciences ?

C'mon, are you ?

Tim, when this correspondenmce is complete, please send Phat Phil a copy - I'd hate him to miss all th good ideas it contains.

Sounds nice Phil,
Don't suppose you could
arrange it for tomorrow?

Don't count your lucky stars yet. I reckon he's just planning a new career as a brain-eating zombie.

Going after the big guns again, huh? Next you'll be attacking Margo Kingston or Mike Carlton! Oh... you've done already.

Hey,
Phil just keeps on giving eh?

imagine, enough fat from both his head and arse to keep californians in botox injections for the next 100 years, no need for the japanese to hunt whales again.

Wanting to be buried with his dog in the garden shows basic gentility that any dog owner would recognize. Apparently it doesn't affect his work, though I don't know the guy.

me thinks he should donate his body to that Herr
Doktor who plastifies corpses.

I thought it an excellent essay on "the blight man was born for."

I think that Phil should get back in the food chain. When he carks it they can put him in the bush here round Cobar and let nature take its course. Might see a few hundred foxes through the winter though but the more for me to shoot :)