Tim Blair

I'm working on a random Margo column generator, just takes the most depressed-sounding phrase from each past column and attaches them randomly together. For instance:

I watched the war on TV for the first time in days, and saw bombs fall, people carried away injured and Baghdad burn. I had intended to say that the Americans had used chemical weapons in Vietnam, namely Agent Orange. Finally, the real guest list for the Bush barbecue! Something's gone wrong for the Government, very wrong.

Uh-oh, nobody will be able to play solitaire with Margo standing on the deck.

Ever notice how you never see Margot, Maureen Dowd, and/or Antonia Zaphodbeeblebrox (of the Toronto Mop & Pail) in the same place at the same time. And all their columns read so alike. Makes you wonder, don't it?

There for a minute I thought maybe she had gone into a monastery. Then I noticed you wrote back on deck.

MARGO? Isn't that a Coen brothers movie about some really nutty people who do really stooopid things? Or maybe MARGO is the title used in Australia . . . . .

Are you still paid up to go dumpster diving in Margoritaville and amuse us by ridiculing her (actually, she does a lot of that on her own), or is it time again to fork over if you're to continue subjecting yourself to that mind-numbing fiskery.

Good idea, Mike G. The generator should accommodate typos and blatant mispellings of proper names to be authentic. :-)

Margo will be back on deck at the end of January

That's right, Tim! Because four out of five Navy scientists recommend Margo over saltpeter for reducing sailor sexual drive.

Stop kidding yourselfs; your all looking forward to laughing at her next article of blatent self contradiction and stupidity!

I know I do with Tolly Poynbee at the Grauniad.

AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!! (Or something like that).

That monastery comment reminds me (in a roundabout way) of a joke.

Margo and another nun are sitting in a bath, when suddenly the lights go out. The other nun says "Where's the candle?"
Margo replies "Yes it does doesnt it"

That would be the poop deck, yes?

As Margo Kingston's Web Diary has slowly slid into madness, I have given up reading it. It ocurred to me, however, that readers could get a better idea of what Margo is really like with some new HTML tags. Here are a few of my suggestions:

<RANT> </RANT>
<RAVE> </RAVE>
<FROTH> </FROTH>
<SPITTLE> </SPITTLE>
<DROOL> </DROOL>
<SPRAY> </SPRAY>

These would accompany a unit that sits on top of your monitor and actually spits and froths at you for full Margo authenticity.

Tim, your plan of smuggling her aboard the Cormo Express didn't work ?
Mind you, I didn't think it would. No sheep is that bloody ugly.......