December 14, 2003


After they spent $20 million preparing Keiko for a life in the ocean, how does the ungrateful movie star reward his benefactors?

Keiko the killer whale, who starred in the "Free Willy" films, has died suddenly of pneumonia at 27, in Norway.

The famous sea beast was only released into the wild last year. Like River Phoenix, another water-themed Hollywood youngster, Keiko simply couldn’t handle the pressure. Which, in Keiko’s case, was about 144 pounds per square inch during 300-foot dives.

Posted by Tim Blair at December 14, 2003 02:51 AM

Despite his liberation, Keiko was not provided a secure environment. Countless obstacles to his freedom were not thought through by his liberators, he was not offered meaningful employment, voting rights, and dozens of other of the most basic concepts of "freedom." He needed security and was not provided it and, obviously, the exit strategy was poorly conceived...

Posted by: Andrew at December 14, 2003 at 04:56 AM

Keiko snacks will soon be available in regular and lunch pack cans packed in spring water. Got to make up that $20 million some way.

Posted by: Bob Carter at December 14, 2003 at 09:14 AM

Here's a fun fact! Did you know River Phoenix was in fact not a fish (or a river)? He was a mammal and he had warm blood, which meant he gave birth to live young that were suckled from mammary glands and breathed air- just like us!!!!!

And did you know Keiko was a disfunctional drug-addict who starred in several crappy movies? Just like River Phoenix!

Posted by: Amos at December 14, 2003 at 09:59 AM

Here's a nice recipe for Barbecued Whale. You never know. (Or you could always just go Japanese, and slice 'er up for sushi.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 14, 2003 at 10:48 AM

I think raw whale would be better, in a nice sushi roll.

But seriously, why didn't this whale have a house in the hollywood hills? Did it really want to be out in the ocean?

Posted by: homerjay at December 14, 2003 at 12:00 PM

You know, that whale that President Bush appeared to serve Norweigian soldiers was actually a plastic whale!

Posted by: JDB at December 14, 2003 at 12:35 PM

Oh, and Amos, your compare/contrast on River and Keiku made coffee almost come out my nostrils...V V funny. Thanks for a good laugh.

Posted by: JDB at December 14, 2003 at 12:40 PM

UPDATE: Upon further examination, it has been demonstrated that the whale in question was not in fact Keiko; several "overexcited" tourists simply spotted Michael Moore taking a bath during a break in his "Hate America Tour 2003."

Quite understandable...

Posted by: Jerry at December 14, 2003 at 02:08 PM

you people suck :P

poor keiko.

Posted by: samkit at December 14, 2003 at 03:46 PM

I'm with the Japanese whaling industry spokesman I saw interviewed a while back.

"Whayu is li[k]e cok-a-roach of ocean."

Posted by: Alan Anderson at December 14, 2003 at 04:55 PM

Think of how much this whale cost to free and ship half way around the world. Think of how many people were passionately involved in re-educating and resettleing keiko.

Then think how else this money could have been spent.

Villages in Africa could have had safe drinking water. Malaria research could have saved thousands of lives. Famine relief could have been expanded.

But no, we had to waste our compassion on ... one killer whale.

It reminds me of the enviro-guilt merchants who had teams of people "rehabilitating" seals and birds in Prince William Sound after the Exxon Valdez ... No good was done for all the millions wasted and a few years later, the place is exactly as it was before anyway.

So the greenies have lost a poster-whale and with it a meal ticket source of donations to divert to other "important" causes. Poor keiko, he is better off in the great cannery in the sky - out of the clutches of the enviro-loonies who used him so unashamedly.


Posted by: The_GOP_Elephant at December 14, 2003 at 07:29 PM

As Jackie Gleason might have said, "Ummmm! That's good orca!"
Otherwise, $20 mill and ten years to try to release the killer whale! Was this effort spearheaded by the George Costanza Marine Biology Institute?
"The sea was angry that day my friend. Like an old man trying to send back the soup in a deli...."

Posted by: Ric at December 15, 2003 at 01:25 AM