December 10, 2003

FINAL COLUMN FOR 2003

Mentioned in this week’s Continuing Crisis column for The Bulletin are John Williamson, Delta Goodrem, Phillip Adams, Mark Latham, Peter Batchelor, David Marr, Margaret Pomeranz, David Stratton, Michael Leunig, Saddam Hussein, Bob Brown, Margo Kingston, Osama bin Laden, Kim Jong Il, Peter Costello, John Pilger, Paul Sheehan, Darren Goldspink, Kylie Minogue, Stephen Mayne, John Howard, Anthony Mundine, Mike Carlton, Malcolm Turnbull, George W. Bush, and General Patton.

Posted by Tim Blair at December 10, 2003 09:56 AM
Comments

Weren't the handles of Patton's revolvers ivory? Didn't he said something to the effect that only New Orleans whores used pearl handled pistols? Or do I have it completely backwards?

(Sorry, but I obsess on "important" questions such as the above.)

Posted by: Polly at December 10, 2003 at 10:32 AM

Weren't the handles of Patton's revolvers ivory? Didn't he said something to the effect that only New Orleans whores used pearl handled pistols? Or do I have it completely backwards?

(Sorry, but I obsess on "important" questions such as the above.)

Posted by: Polly at December 10, 2003 at 10:32 AM

Indeed a question so important that it has to be asked twice!

Posted by: Vikki at December 10, 2003 at 10:43 AM

Polly is correct - Patton used ivory handle pistols, which is nicer because it is even LESS politically correct than pearl!

Oh, and while on the Bulletin... Sylvia Lawson's terrifying vision of a future Australia reminds me why I must continue to work hard for another Howard victory.

Posted by: Peter at December 10, 2003 at 11:02 AM

Tim, I guess that the only way Collingwood could possibly win a Grand Final would be to bribe or extort the Refs. Well, even more than they do now anyway.

Posted by: Todd at December 10, 2003 at 11:42 AM

Goldspink ... classic!!

Posted by: Gareth at December 10, 2003 at 11:50 AM

For certain: The SYDNEY MORNING HERALD becomes The SYDNEY MUJAHIDEEN HERALD

My hope: the premiere of a new Australian "reality tv" series:

CONSERVATIVE EYE FOR THE LEFTIE GUY

Another certainty: Emma Tom writes about how her tits and her pussy hate John Howard.

Posted by: Richard at December 10, 2003 at 02:07 PM

Tim, that column is one of your best. Patrick Cook's was bloody excellent as well.

Posted by: Geoff Honnor at December 10, 2003 at 03:38 PM

No hope of a whole series of Conservative Eye for the Leftie Guy, Richard. An episode at most, probably less:

Hi Leftie guy. (Hmm, that was some weak-ass hand-shake.) Now let's get started. Look at that wardrobe: out go the collarless button-up shirts, the linen trousers, the sandals and the hairy cardigan without arms thing. Or at least give them back to your wife and get your clothes back from her. Buy a razor and shave. And get your wife to do the same. Get some soap and after shave. Look at that decor! Rip down those anti-Bush posters. Talk about Bush Derangement Syndrome. And burn that pile of New Internationalists and Green Left Weeklies. OK, recycle them. Whatever. Now what's in the 'fridge? Oh. My. God. Soy everything. Don't you anti-business leftie types know that all that soy shit is the most manufactured and packaged up shit in the whole goddam supermarket? Hypocrite. Now let's go shopping. No, we'll take my car thanks. First stop, the butcher. A man's gotta eat. Next stop, gun shop - it's in the constitution. You can't stop a burgler by hitting him with a rolled-up New York Times, y'know. All right now, you're a reconstructed leftie guy! What? Can I drop you off at the campus? The hell I can. We're going right along to the employment office to get you a job. Do you have any actual skills?

Posted by: ilibcc at December 10, 2003 at 04:21 PM