September 24, 2003


Chief Wiggles is running a toy deal for Iraqi kids. I’m sending a cricket bat. If you’ve got anything small, fun, and toylike lying around the house -- a younger Minogue sister, perhaps -- package it up and mail it to:

Chief Wiggles
CPA-C2, Debriefer
APO AE 09335

Posted by Tim Blair at September 24, 2003 01:50 AM

Apparently he also DOESN:T want:

Fake guns, water pistols, military action figures and anything that dresses skimpy, like Barbies. (So send the Minogue sister and hand artillery my way...)


Also dental hygeine stuff like tooth brushes and floss, and what not, is good.

Posted by: Fred at September 24, 2003 at 02:46 AM

"Fake guns, water pistols, military action figures..."

Do I detect a whiff of PC? How about some golliwogs and Noddy books?

Better yet, how 'bout some Jesus Christ Action Figures!

Posted by: Raindog at September 24, 2003 at 07:46 AM

Don't forget Sooty.
But Minogue's sister is better value; lucky boys.

Posted by: d at September 24, 2003 at 09:43 AM

Actually, he's probably thinking he doesn't want any flack from the piranhas of the press. Can you imagine the hysteria from the journobeasts if someone sent a boxful of GI Joes and fake guns to kids in Iraq? Also -- all sarcasm aside -- fake weaponry in the hands of Iraqi kids could very well get them killed if the toy gun or rifle is realistic enough and things get crazy.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at September 24, 2003 at 09:46 AM

If someone wants to take up a collection to have 500,000 copies of the Holy Bible printed in their local lingo and send 'em those I'll make a donation!

Posted by: Bushy at September 24, 2003 at 12:55 PM

I think they are collecting toys, Bushy. Unless you think of the Bible as a toy... If that is your thing, hardcover editions make more durable bases for baseball than paperbacks or the traditional limp leather binder edition.

PS: there are Christian communities in Iraq. Just so's you know -- I think they do have a few Bibles lying around.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at September 24, 2003 at 01:05 PM

Tongue in cheek, Andrea. The genuinely sad part is these kids are ear-bashed from birth with a radical Islamic mindset, much of which is centered around killing anyone who dares to think remotely differently. Politics aside, I have great sympathy for the children of any nation who have been / are being turned into puppets ready to do the bidding of their evil teachers.

One would love to believe there exists a side to Islam which truly promotes peace, goodwill and fellowship between those of differing origins and faiths, however I for one have yet to see it, and regrettably find more instances of active terrorism and Westerner-bashing every day, from old and young alike.

I am very much against "ramming religion" down the throats of anyone, however that's exactly what the radicals do to children (albeit terrorism thinly disguised as religion).

Toys are a great idea, however we'll probably see good old Lefty cartoonist Leunig parody the whole thing with a cartoon depicting two Islamic kids, one saying to the other, "When you martyr yourself by killing some GIs can I have your Bananas in Pajamas?"

I'm optimistic enough to be hopeful about the idea, but I'm also old enough so as to have sufficient history in my tiny brain to instill a healthy dose of cynicism.

Posted by: Bushy at September 24, 2003 at 02:01 PM

Cricket bats = WoMD

According to Prince Phillip, anyway.

Posted by: Big Ramifications at September 24, 2003 at 02:20 PM

Inspector Gadget armed himself with some play clay gelignite and waited for Barbie's Dream Bus to come along. On boarding, his Western-style dress caused the Action Man not to notice him.

After paying his fare in chocolate money, he proceeded towards the back of the bus and sat in front of a couple of Cabbage Patch kids called Aubrey and Alex, dummies in their mouths.

The bus drove on, picking up passengers along the way before stopping at a rail crossing. Thomas the Tank Engine chuffed through and the bus proceeded.

Inspector Gadget was concentrating very hard, wondering about the right time to explode his bomb. The passenger in front of him kept turning around and chattering. “Do be quiet!” the Inspector said to him impatiently, but the Furby just kept on talking back.

The Inspector moved to another seat. The bus picked up more passengers including Buzz Lightyear, several Fairy Winkles, Tickle Me Elmo and a Magic Hair Doll, carrying her long tresses in her hands.

Finally, a number of Teen Talk Barbies who had been riding in the front of the bus were getting louder and louder. “Wanna have a pizza party? “ “Wow, you look so cool!”

It was just then that Inspector Gadget activated his bomb. It went off in a giant explosion. Play clay went everywhere. The bus trundled off the road and came to a sudden stop against a Puzz 3D bridge. The toys were thrown out of their seats and ended up in a confused pile with play clay all over them.

Inspector Gadget lay in pieces on the floor of the bus.

A posse of Power Rangers rode up on their My Little Ponies, reassembled Inspector Gadget and took him, protesting furiously, straight to jail.


Give generously.

Posted by: Mr Potato Head at September 24, 2003 at 04:24 PM

I'm headed off to Iraq in about 30 days. I'll take the Minogue toy, if you please. Either one. Both.

And Bushy... Iraq's not one of the places particularly noted for Islamic fundamentalism, perhaps because Saddam killed them on sight. The Baathist regime was noted, however, for its exceptional secularism that used religion to keep communities apart.

Posted by: Hatcher at September 24, 2003 at 06:34 PM

A note: Crayola® says crayons melt at temperatures lower than those being encountered even now by the Chief, so colored pencils may be a better bet. And maybe plain paper?

Posted by: John Anderson, RI USA at September 25, 2003 at 10:57 AM

For anyone who's wondering, AE means Armed Forces Europe, and I think non-US residents need to put USA at the end of the address.

Posted by: barry at September 25, 2003 at 03:07 PM