Tim Blair

Germany has demanded a rethink on EU guidelines on condom size after finding its average penis did not measure up. Doctors around Essen were ordered by the government's health department to check out the average size suggested by Brussels. They reported the EU has overestimated the size of the average penis by almost 20% and insist other countries will discover the same.

The solution to this problem is obvious. The EU should make a multilateral decision to increase the penis size of all of its - (harumph!) - members.

Mine's tiny.

Well, the feng shui expert's solution is good for both problems: they can wrap foil round their heads and their dicks.That way there brains won't be sucked out and maybe they'll just fit into the condoms.

Of course if we're talking about Aussies, they only need to wrap the foil round their dicks, cause that's where their brains are. Mind you, Aussie guys would find the EU condoms too small anyway.

Condoms can stretch to great extremes. The whole size thing is a furphy.

Try stretching a condom yourself; it can go from almost nothing to at least a foot wide and over a metre long.

I see empirical evidence of this every time I roll a rubber down the old fella.

Perhaps they need a regulation specifying the standard curvature of European penises too.

European condom sizes eh?
I can't believe no one has managed to squeeze in a joke about French letters yet!

The...sure they can stretch...but it's not particularly comfortable to get one thats too small.

Pardon my ignorance, but what's a condom????

Wow! Small penises, and NO BALLS!

Ship 'em condoms to the US & Australia...
marked SMALL.

It sounds like German politicians are lacking blood flow in both of their heads.

And please tell me the EU isn't really writing guidelines on condom sizes. My god, what a bureaucratic hellhole.

Hey, the EU even has "banana curvature gauges". The banana must conform to a certain curvature before it can be imported into an EU country. It sounds like Monty Python "all right now, come at me with that banana"

Where's the girls in this debate ? Surely you good ladies have a comment on the matter - especially those of you with a European background, and hands-on experience........?

Just 20%? I suspect that's optimistic. It all depends on whether you view the condom as half full or half empty.

How long do you think it will take for france to say the condoms are 20% too small? We (or maybe just me) bitch and moan about the interference of government here in Australia but think what it must be like to live in Europe - thousands and thousands or Malcolm Fraiserites poking into every crevase of your life.

So poor old Adolf not only had just one ball, but a tiny cock too....enough to make anyone invade Poland. BTW has anyone else noticed that the fatter a guy is, the less well-hung he's likely to be?

I hear that a couple of years ago, scientists dug up Napoleons body and examined it... they found that Napoleon had an abnormally small dick and balls - plus he had breasts!
Apparently the Frogs get all hot and bothered about this. I dunno if it's true - but bearing in mind that press release about the size of European condoms, well - maybe, just maybe ... it is...

The energy is being sucked out of their heads? Man, that blows.

I heard about this on NPR this morning. But, who knew that the Bundesrat was the latest member of the tinfoil hat brigade? Maybe this explains the German hostility to Iraq's liberation.

Is there an over/under on when Berlesconi (sp?) makes a crack about this?