July 16, 2003


“Yo, Imam,” asks a young reader (I’m paraphrasing). “What’s the deal with ‘toons, dude?”

The Imam responds:

We assume that your query is about cartoons viewed on television.

At the outset, television is not permissible. Furthermore, it is not
permissible to view such cartoons due to the many un-Islamic factors in
them, e.g. futile talks, lies, immodesty, etc.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Some TV expert this Mufti is; the program was called Father Knows Best, alleged wisdom man. And what about Al Jazeera?

Posted by Tim Blair at July 16, 2003 04:11 AM

Tim, I've been browsing the Imam's site, and some of his fatwas are interesting, to say the least.

Somebody asked him what the meaning of the word Tallahassee is.

If a Muslim kills a kafir in an Islamic state, what is the punshment? (His answer surprised me.)

He was asked about 9/11: "In what way is the U.S. so oppressive that it should be attacked like it was?" His answer to that one surprised me as well.

We also learn that it is forbidden to:
a. Play chess,
b. Look at pictures,
c. Stand for a National Anthem,
d. Rise when a judge enters a courtroom.

But it is OK to have pictures on a computer because they are not printed on paper or anything permenent.

BTW, "and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best" is his sig line, which is on every one of his fatwas.

Posted by: Ernie G at July 16, 2003 at 05:15 AM

But the Imam left the big question unanswered - is it OK to look at on-line cartoons about cats who drink vodka, watch porn and write advice columns?

Posted by: Sean E at July 16, 2003 at 05:36 AM

I wonder what he would say about someone who would put a puppy in a blender?

Posted by: Ernie G at July 16, 2003 at 05:53 AM

Hey, Mr. Ernie G, you weren't kidding about that site being a gold mine.

My current favorite question:

"I need to know whether a person can read an english magazine while passing stools in the bathroom"

I've only checked it out casually so far. I have a feeling it's like the Ginsu knives commercials of old: "But wait! There's MORE!"

Posted by: ilyka at July 16, 2003 at 07:53 AM

This is hilarious. Islam is definitely a control freak's paradise, absolutely no thinking required by anyone about anything.

BTW I like my muftis well groomed.

Posted by: D2D at July 16, 2003 at 08:24 AM

Don't forget, it's commendable to shave the hind parts as well. Christ, I could spend all day on this site.

Posted by: Bruce at July 16, 2003 at 08:57 AM

I read a village voice article that was a paean to the pleasures of shaving one's ass. (That was the article writer who used "ass," by the way.) She -- I think it was a she, though it being the VV one can never be sure -- also felt it necessary to mention how much fun it was to run the razor over all those "tiny folds and creases." Yes, these passages from the article are still seared within my brain.

Somehow I don't think that's how the imam would put it, though.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at July 16, 2003 at 09:42 AM

This one's not so funny:

Is Osamah bin Laden is really a hero of Islamic Ummah? Do Taliban government of Afghanistan done right by demolishing the Buddah statues?

My question is that Is Osamah bin Laden is really a hero of Islamic Ummah? If he is involved in bombings at US Embassies worldwide (as US government claims) did he done any service to todays Muslim world? Is it right to kill Americans whether government officers in such bombings according to Islamic rules? My second question is that Do Taleban government of Afghanistan done right by demolishing the Buddhah statues? There are wide Fatwas against there this act. What is your fatwa?

1. Usama ibn Laden is a practising Muslim, and thus, our brother in Islam.
He has made many sacrifices for the Deen, in particular, the Jihaad of
Afghanistan. While we respect him for this, we do not raise any person to
any position, except that which Allah Ta'ala wishes.
2. He himself has denied involvement. Why should we then doubt him? Even if
a billion Kuffaar say the opposite, the word of a single practising Muslim
is more acceptable to us.
3. It was an Islamic duty for the Taliban to have destroyed the idols.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Posted by: Jane Adler at July 16, 2003 at 11:20 AM

Trust me on this. You just *have* to check this one out.


Parental advisory: contains references to sex and poison spitting tree frogs.

Posted by: yarra lawyer at July 16, 2003 at 12:02 PM

Damn, there goes the Itchy and Scratchy Show.

Posted by: Rob at July 16, 2003 at 12:10 PM

Al Jazeera - all truth all the time, baby. Check out this post and click the link so you will know the truth about the founding of the American republic - Al Jazeera style.


Posted by: Sophorist at July 16, 2003 at 12:21 PM

My favourite
Question #8846

1. i was cleaning my penis (not by stroking it) well i was shaving the hair off and clean it (not by hand,water and tissue wrapped around hand) is this wrong.

Depends how fast he was cleaning it I would say!

Posted by: Dave at July 16, 2003 at 12:28 PM

There are many futile talks on this web site.

Posted by: Mufti Ebrahim Desai at July 16, 2003 at 12:54 PM

I loved this one:

when there is no declaration of Jihaad, Muslims are required to conduct themselves in a dignified and honourable way
I take it this means that when Jihad is declared, the are allowed to be undignified and dishonourable. Explains a lot.

Posted by: Ken Summers at July 16, 2003 at 02:01 PM

Flip, what a scream.

According to the site, The last Day is nigh, the signs are:

watching naughty pics which leads to masturbation the, homosexuality > adultery > corrupt society (bit puzzled, on the descent from homosexuality into adultery)

music and musical instruments in every home


lots of bastard children running around the place - well, that squares with the `single parent' pension

making friends with strangers instead of nearest and dearest
much consumption of wine ( no mention of smoking gaspers and cigars)

suddenly all the young will drop dead ( true, dumbed down dead)

when everyone is wealthy ( of , course, the absolute pits)

Romans conquer Arabs ( a tad implausible , but Romans means Christians buut still implausible)

`Romans' refuse to sell Arabs food -( rightho, who is the bastard - hand up as you masturbate)

Arabs will conquer Jerusalem - (so , we have the explanation as to why Israel must be crushed, Allah isn't going to say hello to his devotees until he can sit his bum on a high place).

This is a handy tip for all university aspirants ; forget about ability and learning just do this regularly:
recite `Rabb imis mghloobun fantasia' as frequently as possible - ( well, I suppose that serves just as well for those who aren't uni material - and come to it, for many now in a `uni', in the ABC, SMH, Age, Philip Adam, Pilger, Dowd et al).
And your fantasy will come true, if Allah decides it is good for you.

Posted by: d at July 16, 2003 at 02:52 PM

He is not allowed to read any type of book or magazine whilst in the toilet.

Well, that seals it. I'll never convert to Islam.

Posted by: Robert Crawford at July 17, 2003 at 01:08 AM

Too right, Crawford, I'm not burning my toilet room library.

Posted by: d at July 17, 2003 at 10:53 AM