July 07, 2003

THAT'S NOT MAKEUP RONALD McDONALD IS WEARING - IT'S CAMO

The connection between bomb attacks and diseased fast food stores is explained by the latest informative commie poetry:

they smile,
they negotiate and bid,
promise freedom,
while they await
the anticipated carve-up of Iraq.

and they await...

to steal the oil
that saddam had once stolen,

and to plant diseased fast food stores
over bomb craters

just like
everywhere else

in the
world

At last the secret is exposed. All 24,000 7-Eleven stores are built above excavations resulting from military attacks. I donít remember any recent warfare in Australia, but the existence of so many such places proves that something explosive must have happened. And the process continues -- here, for example, will be built an entire neighbourhood of nothing but fast food joints. Crater burgers for all!

(Via SDB and Inoperable Terran.)

Posted by Tim Blair at July 7, 2003 02:59 PM
Comments

Heh heh. Now you know why hamburgers are sometimes referred to as "greasebombs."

Posted by: Andrea Harris at July 7, 2003 at 03:02 PM

Build 7 elevens and fast-food outlets over every damned Greeny office block.

Posted by: d at July 7, 2003 at 03:07 PM

Why does "in the world" have two be split up in to two lines?

Fuck I hate poets.

Posted by: Gabor at July 7, 2003 at 03:42 PM

Amateur ones anyway.

Posted by: Gabor at July 7, 2003 at 03:43 PM

I was once shown a fairly funny poem called 'Bomb Iraq', sung to the tune of 'If you're happy and you know it.' As I said, it was funny, but I certainly didn't agree with the sentiment. What did I do? I wrote a poem back, called 'Blame the Yanks'. Here's as much of it as I can remember...

If your market share is falling,
Blame the yanks.
If your economy is apalling,
Blame the yanks.
If your car engine is stalling,
Or the activists are calling,
Or some third-world states are brawling,
Blame the yanks.

Posted by: TimT at July 7, 2003 at 04:28 PM

That's real art TimT, give us a second verse...no really, I like it...

Posted by: Jake D at July 7, 2003 at 05:20 PM

Trouble is, Jake D, although I wrote several more verses, none of them were really any good (and I can't remember any of it, anyway...)
Speaking of poetry, does anybody remember where that great Noel Coward song, 'let's be nice to the Germans', was posted? I tried to find it today, but I couldn't - quick, tell me before it's lost in the nether regions of Tims Blairspace!

Posted by: TimT at July 7, 2003 at 05:33 PM

http://timblair.spleenville.com/archives/004156.php, 7th Comment

Posted by: Glenn at July 7, 2003 at 05:44 PM

You missed the best part:

"as
all day and night
the news reporters
report it"

Why, it's positively Whitmanesque!

Posted by: Joe G. at July 7, 2003 at 11:07 PM

Mmmmmm Crater Burgers

Posted by: Homer at July 8, 2003 at 12:31 AM

Damn that was beautiful. It has inspired me to take up poetry myself:


they frown,
they gnash their teeth,
in anger,
and self-loathing
as freedom and fast food is forced
upon Iraqis
by the collaborators
George W. Bush and Ronald McDonald.

how to fight back?

by writing bad
poetry
consisting of
empty-headed polemic
broken up
into odd line breaks

and calling it
art

Posted by: Randy R. at July 8, 2003 at 01:44 AM

Damn! I knew the Noel Coward song was in one of the Berlusconi posts, but I just couldn't find it! Great to find a bit of Tom Lehrer there, too ... the printers going to be working overtime today.
Here's the rest of my little piece of doggerel - I dug it up last night and finished it off...

If your market share is falling,
Blame the yanks.
If your economy is apalling,
Blame the yanks.
If the activists are calling,
Or some third-world states are brawling,
Or your car engine is stalling,
Blame the yanks.

If some Africans are dying, blame the yanks
If a Dictator is lying, blame the yanks,
If Michael Jackson's crying,
Come on - there's no denying
That it's fun - plus all your friends are trying -
Blame the yanks.

If the Atlantics rising, blame the yanks,
If there's too much advertising, blame the yanks,
It's really quite amusing,
All this blatant yank-abusing,
And who else is worth accusing? Blame the yanks.

If a terrorist causes terror, blame the yanks
If your holiday is a horror, blame the yanks,
If some suicidal Shia
Decides to end all error
And become a bad-bomb-bearer, blame the yanks.

If your a biased lefty poet,
Then you really ought to show it
So the whole wide world can know it,
SO JUST BLAME THE BLOODY YANKS.

Feel free to add to it if you want...

Posted by: TimT at July 8, 2003 at 11:30 AM