Tim Blair

If you really wanted to be mean and nasty, you could send them toothbrushes.

With instructions.

Spotted a typo, Tim - isn't it George Moonbat?

Try not to chose "Matt Wells". He interviewed me here in Midland Texas last year...and I found him to be mostly even handed in his reporting.

Ooh, this will be fun. I've always wanted to adopt my very own pasty-faced, humorless Eurolefty and transform them into a full blooded pistol packin', free market lovin' Jacksonian. It'll be just like those movies where they take the mousy little girl and turn her into the prom queen by taking off her glasses and letting down her hair.

"The American election is having far more of an impact on our lives than even elections in our own country," Katz said.

Um, stop outsourcing your government to Brussels? Pathetic.

Blog-fight! Blog-fight!

Now all the kids will swarm around from every other part of the playground, waiting to see who will lose, and thus who will get humiliated. I'd hate to be that little pussy riding home on the schoolbus.

Um, if the Guardian has blog, I meant to say. Does it?

Here's my letter. Sent it to three randomly-picked ones:

Greetings from America.

As a reporter, you are charged with an awesome responsibility. Your individual stories can and do make a difference, especially in these chaotic times. That is why I am writing to you - to urge you to exercise your independent intellect and native reason, and ignore the ideologically blinkered special interests who depend upon your ignorance and obediance.

I am part of a project that is reaching out to reporters in what our project director has termed "one of the most marginal newspapers in one of the most marginal media cultures on earth." I urge you to think carefully before writing anything that is reflexively, dogmatically and irrationally anti-American, anti-capitalist or anti-Western civilization, or anything slavishly and ignorantly worshipful about Fidel Castro, Che Guevara, Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky or any French intellectual.

You may think that an individual reporter such as yourself is unimportant, but that is not so. Your stories, combined with the stories of your fellow reporters, can make a difference! So please, free yourself of the dissent-crushing oppression of your superiors and peers, break free of the hive mind that has imprisoned you, and use your brain.

Thank you.

From Operation Clark County click the "Letters from three Prominent Britons" link (if you dare). Then read three hideous screeds by John LeCarré, Antonia Fraser, and Richard Dawkins. Each fairly drips with condescension.

"Dear Clark County voter, Give us back the America we loved. Yours sincerely, John Le Carré" Since when have Britons loved America all that much? Yankee baiting is the national sport in Britain and has been ever since I first visited in 1977.

What an absolutely hideous, boorish, and presumptuous intrusion into the affairs of the American people. Go away!

Dave S.,

While I do find your letter most informative I prefer the more simple approach. For instance...

To: Grauniad
cc: Jonathon Freedland

Dear Sir:

Fuck off and die.

Sincerely,

America

Somewhat off-topic:

Remaining credability of the DNC: nil.

Here's my letter

Hi Polly,

I know that it may seems a bit early but, like Christmas and bar room drunks, elections are on you before you know it. More importantly I don’t think you fully understand the global responsibility your ballot will carry; I have followed with great admiration you columns about health and education and the plight of the poor. But I earnestly feel it is time you set these concerns about children, the old and the poor and the vulnerable and aside and considered where the your responsibilities really lie. My flat mate for instance is thinking about the local elections next year here in Minneapolis and thinks that, perhaps, if Blair could be skewered before then, it might help her uncle get elected. But the injustice of it all is that she can’t vote in the UK. So to right this wrong I think that it would only be fair if you gave your vote to her. She’d like you to vote for UKIP – let me know if you have a candidate standing in your constuency – if not let me have a list of other candidates and we’ll see who we can agree on.

Anyway while I’m here I thought you’d appreciate a few other words of advice; I’ve noticed that you haven’t written much on the pros and cons of a south pacific currency union recently – could we have a column on it? Next week at the latest? Of course you’re going to need to sharpen up a bit before then, you know all the prejudices someone from the guardian writing about finance suffers from. So why dont you pop into spec savers and get yourself a pair of those natty square glasses you see all the analysts on TV wearing. You might also want to enroll in a night school on a graph drawing course. Otherwise let me know if you need any editorial help with the first draft.

I’ll be in touch later with suggestions for Christmas presents this year but otherwise let me know if you need help with any of the above.

Your caring and concerned mentor

Giles

PS –why don’t you cook a nice chicken and mushroom pie for dinner tonight.

Golly, I've been to Clark County and spent the first 22 years of my life in Ohio, in a place even more "marginal" than Clark County. One might want to clue in the Guardian editors that swaying voters in a locality evenly divided in party registrations is pointless, as Clark County's aggregate vote is of no importance. What matters is the statewide vote tally in the winner-take-all selection of electors for the electoral college. Only two states, Nebraska and Maine, assign one elector for the highest polling candidate in each congressional district and assign two electoral votes for the statewide winner.

I'm sure the electors of Clark County will be duly impressed at being pestered by Guardian readers. How about we give Clark County a seat on the UN Security Council instead? France, China or Russia's seat will do. Maybe they could draw straws.

My letter to various worthies at the Guardian:

"Were I to receive a letter from a clapped-out novelist telling me how to vote, I'd thank him for his interest, refer him to 1776, and ask my begonias to review his ideas.
If I wanted an opinion from a pissant, I could likely get one closer than the UK.

Sincerely,

Richard A. Aubrey, Jr.
535 Mark Drive
Flushing, MI 48433
USA

There can be no greater illustration of the obtuseness and myopia of the "learned" Left in England, and by extension the Continent, than the Guardian’s “help the idiot American voter determine who to vote for” outreach campaign now under way entitled “Operation Clark County.” Granted that in comparison to the previous European outreach programs of Fascism, Communism and the Nazi’s, this latest attempt to influence world events is pretty mild. It is, in any case, instructional as it reveals a curious inability to grasp the reality of current events. It is as if all Americans do not know the Bush is the most vilified American President in living memory and that he has been accused of virtually every abomination on the books. In spite of this, the election is a toss up. More confounding to the EuroLeft is that Kerry is a poster person for an EU technocrat. He’s like Bill Clinton without the taint of being from Arkansas. Surely, the Guardian reasons, if earnest well-meaning EuroLeftists make the case, one more time, those dolt Americans will come to their senses and Kerry will win by a landslide. Here is the obtuse and myopic part. EuroLeftists do not realize that if Kerry is elected it will not effect the end or the extensive reordering all post WWII alliances as their time has come and gone. If Europe cannot ensnare America in transnational, post-sovereign, technocratic governance what chance to they have against an ascendant India and China that are just beginning to flex their muscles? I would say none. The verdict of the demographers is in, the native European population will implode across the board which means hello Islam. The Economist rightly points out that the EU is falling further and further behind Asia and the US in a number of critical areas. Kerry, if elected, will not, cannot change this trajectory.

Brad Lena
Asheville,
NC, USA
blena@charter.net

I think Tim should start a "No reporter left behind" campaign!

Jorgen

Tim, is it with growing alarm that I consider the potential consequences of what the Guardian has done. They are not providing email addresses as I thought. They would allow for intrusive offensive communications.
Rather in a volatile environment they are inciting people, then providing them with the physical addresses of Clark County voters. The possibility exists that something really nasty could come of this.
I have started my emailing. I will also include a condemnation of the possible risks they are exposing these people to. While anyone can buy these voter lists, the level of anger and violence appearing on the web, towards Americans, is being driven on this occasion by the Guardian. They are not vetting and think that by saying do the right thing and don't pass it on they are escaping responsibilty. The Republicans have already been subjected to violent attacks. Is it the voters of Clark County who will be next.

Here's the URL for the Ohio Republican Party. If you're in the USA, send 'em a check for get out the vote efforts.

http://www.ohiogop.org/

Two words for those readers who think the Grundiad is a serious paper of record; Richard Gott :-)

this is the letter I sent them

hahaha

what a bunch of losers. Makes me proud to be a brit, not.

why don't you silly buggers pull your heads in, those three letters are pathetic, and i do wonder whether breaching the privacy of individuals in this ridiculous attempt to influence a sovereign nation's electoral process won't backfire quickly.

I hope you have taken good legal advice because the US doesn't like spam, and you dishing out personal information should lead to an interesting conversation about regulating the internet - something i am sure we will all thank you for.

G

Giles- your letter made my husband spit his coffee. :)

There used to be comments on the Guardian page.... but they were pretty much telling the Euros to Fuck off and get some dental work done. I guess the guardian couldn't handle the criticism so in the best socialist style "disappeared" them.

There is only one thing to say to the Guardian, quoting an American Officer:
"Nuts"

Dear Tim,

While I think Operation Guardian is a great idea ...

Editors came up with the idea? They lie like dogs!

I have to say, dogs don't lie darn it!

Please, stop maligning our canine friends by comparing them to editors.

Sincerely,

A Guy In Pajamas

maybe he meant they were lazy, my dog lies around all day

I know the Guardian clowns are completely clueless generally, but this is stupid beyond belief.

I'm well award that their arrogant, myopic attitude makes them think this is a good idea, but did they bother to ask an American? Even a leftist could have told them this will backfire.

Americans don't like being told what to do by people still living in countries we DELIBERATELY LEFT.

Oops. "award" = aware

> I have to say, dogs don't lie darn it!

Well, I suppose that they're occasionally answering a different question than the one you asked.

Anyone who has ever shared the responsibility for feeding a dog knows that if you ask the dog if it has been fed, the question that the dog will answer is "Do you want to eat?"

Heh!

I used 14 different email addresses to get 14 different Clark County voter addresses so that none of those idjits could get their addresses. And I know I'm not the only one who did that.

Wouldn't it be flatly illegal for the Guardian to disclose e.g. *British* voter addresses, under EU privacy laws?

My letter contained the following:

Well, in the spirit of the Declaration of Independence I quote:

"Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to
extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred. to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence.

They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends."

To paraphrase: Stay The Hell Out Of Our Business.

Duane,

Straight On. Remind them of why they don't have a say.

Dammit Tim,

I wanna write to all of the elite opinion makers, cuz they're all such important and learned people. Can't you just post a cut-and-paste mailing list?

Something like this, for example:

jonathan.freedland@guardian.co.uk,clare.dyer@guardian.co.uk,polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk,dan.glaister@guardian.co.uk,ian.katz@guardian.co.uk,isabel.hilton@guardian.co.uk,james.fenton@guardian.co.uk,stephen.brook@guardian.co.uk,simon.tisdall@guardian.co.uk,mail@monbiot.com,jackie.ashley@guardian.co.uk,malcolm.dean@guardian.co.uk,steve.bell@guardian.co.uk,eric.allison@guardian.co.uk,matt.wells@guardian.co.uk,dan.milmo@guardian.co.uk,richard.norton-taylor@guardian.co.uk,alan.travis@guardian.co.uk,conal.urquhart@guardian.co.uk,mberlins@aol.com,mike.hough@guardian.co.uk,audrey.gillan@guardian.co.uk,ewen.macaskill@guardian.co.uk,lee.glendinning@guardian.co.uk,jason.burke@observer.co.uk,michael.billington@guardian.co.uk,david.brindle@guardian.co.uk,lyn.gardner@guardian.co.uk,adrian.searle@guardian.co.uk,owen.gibson@guardian.co.uk,jonathan.jones@guardian.co.uk,claire.cozens@guardian.co.uk,judith.mackrell@guardian.co.uk,jason.deans@guardian.co.uk,dominic.timms@guardian.co.uk,jonathan.glancey@guardian.co.uk,alexis.petrardian.co.uk,john.fordham@guardian.co.uk,andrew.clements@guardian.co.uk,tim.ashley@guardian.co.uk,nancy.banks-smith@guardian.co.uk,editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,books.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,politics.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,editor@mediaguardian.co.uk,football.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,film.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,jobs.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,work.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,education.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,money.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,shopping.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,travel.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,arts.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk,editor@societyguardian.co.uk

The fact is that non-US citizens can (and do) vote in US elections, right along with the felons. All you have to do is get a US driver license and you are registered to vote!

Even that may not be necessary. Fly to a sufficiently broad minded place (like San Francisco) and walk up to any polling place. Chances are they'll let you vote if you can come up with an address. It would be discriminatory not to.

P.S. Don't try this in Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, etc. Chances are you'll turn up as an escaped felon on their database. They'll let you vote (on a false ballot) and when you emerge from the voting booth the po-lice will be waiting....

Could take a while to sort out, and you might have to do time for vote fraud. So stick to places like California and Boston....

I got three addresses from the Guardian. I printed out the emails they sent me along with the web page where I signed up. I then wrote a letter to each of the recipients explaining that their personal information was published by a newspaper in the UK in hopes that British subjects could persuade them to vote Kerry. I then mailed them off. I'm curious to see if I get any reaction from the independents whose names the Guardian provided me.

As a side question, what the hell is going on in the UK? Rhetorical question, I suppose. A rabid UK liberal has descended onto my own blog and set up shop. Fortunately his ranting is becoming more obnoxious as he unravels in anger.

Yesterday I walked with my 17-year old son along the beaches of Sandy Hook, New Jersey. Sea breezes were freshening to misty rain; the tide was in. Across the Verrazano Narrows, we could see them yet, two Towers girding Lower Manhattan, vastly out of scale, lacking all distinction other than sheer size, yet urging skyward as though Earth's hold on dreams were weak.

Within an hour or two, some three years back, they fell, and with them thousands perished.
"Those who, in terrible earnest, visit pain, do court annihilation by a Seed, now resting quiet, that shall bloom in Spring."

To the Guardian we say, as Alexander to his coward namesake: "Change your wretched ways, or change your Name."

Just posted the following to Robin Grant's (you know, the chick that thinks she's saving the world by pissing Ohioans off) blog:

I’m an Ohio resident voting for Bush, and I just gotta tell you how much we appreciate your help! Can you add more counties to your list? Try Hamilton County too - I’d love to get one so I can show everyone I know!

Did you see the prize they're offering?:

The prize for the winning entries is 3 nights in Clark County, Ohio. The prize is a return flight to Ohio and accommodation on a room only basis to meet voters and participate in the closing days of the race. The flights depart from London or Manchester on October 26 and return on October 29. The winners shall be solely responsible for all taxes, insurance, transfers, spending money and other expenses (including meals and other personal expenses).

3 Days in Clark County, Ohio is athe grand prize?!?!?

What's second Place? A week in Clark County, Ohio?

Here's a copy of the letter I sent to the politics editor. There's nothing subtle or clever about it, because I'm tired and surly, and besides, I'm just a dumb, redneck, neo-Fascist American.

"I recently read about your asinine attempt to influence the results of the upcoming Presidential election. Why anybody would care about the opinion of a know nothing socialist loser from Britain is beyond me, but it certainly is indicative of how desperate the Kerry campaign must be.

Stay the hell out of our business, and have a nice day."

Boy, they really do not get Americans, at all. Now that we've got one Ohio county that will be going 98% Bush, can we get the Guardian to broaden its efforts?

My Letter to the Guardian folks:

Hello!

I hear that many abroad wish they had some control over the power we here in America have built. It is my understanding that rather than modeling themselves along our policies that have built the USA into a super-power, many of you would rather either get a vote in our country or tell our people how to vote. Yep - always better to tell the guy who is succesful what to do than work to become succesful yourself. It does sound much easier than maintaining a democracy for 200 years, paying the taxes necessary to build a strong military while keeping the taxes low enough to grow the largest economy in the world. No huge welfare states for us - but you can have one and get us to do as you say at the same time. Brilliant! Well, as far as you folk on the left of Britain are concerned - we had a dust up between our two countries regarding you getting representation while we pay the taxation. It worked out very well for us last time.

Cheers.

I dropped a line or two to four of the Guardian myrmidons, including this one to the Political editor:

"I see that you Brits really want to participate in the American election. Perhaps you could get together with Puerto Rico and apply for admission together as the 51st state of the Union. Then you could really vote in the next election."

Here's my letter, sent off to all of the reporters:

------------------------------------

Good day.

I am an American citizen, and a registered voter. I see that your paper (The Guardian) has a program to influence the voters of Clark County, OH, in the upcoming Presidential election.

I hope that you realize that this contest displays the appalling degree of ignorance of the US electoral system and an incredible amount of
arrogance and condescension. I suspect that many other Americans have already educated you on this matter, so I won't elaborate. Suffice it to say
that you will merely make a lot of people angry without changing the election outcome.

You should have offered a vote-exchange program. I would be delighted to vote for Tony Blair, or against Chirac. Or for John Howard. And so on.
If you want an "international vote", at least pretend to be democratic, and not stack the deck in your favor. Americans aren't as stupid as European "intellectuals" would have you think.

Clearly, the Guardian can't raise more subscriptions except by cheap and
ineffective gimmicks. Perhaps you should cut a deal with food vendors; I hear the Guardian is in high demand to wrap up fish and chips.

I decided to be helpful and sent various snippets of information about Springfield, Ohio. For example I sent travel info to the travel desk at the Guardian, some local politic news to the political editor and so on.

I hope they enjoy reading about Springfield Ohio. I hope they come to realize that nobody in Springfield gives a crap what the Guardian readers think.

No representation without taxation!

Folks, wrong attitude. Use a more Rovian approach. Try this one:

"Great idea. The only thing that Americans hate more than spam is prigs telling them how to vote. Please. Please. Please. Send some more letters to Clark County, it will go for Bush. Ohio has 87 other counties. Start an Operation Cuyahoga County. Start an Operation Summit County. Start an Operation Portage County. Turn this state toward Bush in a big way. Keep up the good work."

BTW, Cuyahoga County (Cleveland), Summit County (Akron), and Portage County (Kent) are usually pretty democratic. Kent, OH is actually a pretty small place, but they produce some great basketball teams. Hence, the promotion.

Cheers

I was sorry to see that Antonia Fraser was among the English literati telling us how to vote, because I've enjoyed several of her histories. But in her letter she gives a so-so impersonation of Lady Catherine de Bourgh - not so great on affability, but really over the top with the condescension. Fair made me sick, as the Brits say.

Anyway, I'm gathering up all her books which are in my house, and I'm mailing them back to her, via the Guardian - just my little way of saying ``No thanks, lady.''

On the wall of my office is an American flag that my brother gave me. It has printed on it the names of all the emergency personnel murdered at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. They're all dead. They aren't coming back.

John Kerry believes that we should treat terrorism like nuisance crimes such as prostitution and gambling. In other words, the deaths of these men and women are little different than a girl leaning in your car window and asking "Want a date?"

I sent this and two other blog entries.

While this is a pretty comical situation, there are certain serious principles involved here, too.

Have these nobs stopped to think that they are attempting to openly subvert a US election? Are they fully prepared to face the consequences of engaging in such an act of war?

Plenty of room at Guantanamo. You know, maybe they're doing it on purpose! They want to go to Guantanamo, they probably need to see a doctor!

Here's mine:

"Thanks, friends. Your attempt to influence the outcome of our election
-- 228 years after we told y'all we were quite capable of making our own
decisions in that regard, and nearly as long after you accepted that
fact, thus making our two countries friends again -- will almost
certainly help increase our President's margin in a crucial state, thus
making it even harder for his opponent to pull another Florida there.

"I'm sure you and your colleagues are getting angry commentary from my
fellow Americans, but don't take it too hard. If it had been a French
newspaper nobody here would have cared. It's only because of the long
mutual affection for our British cousins that your attempt to meddle
raises hackles at all. If angry feedback bothers you, it could be worse.

"Then again, you are the Guardian, so maybe the anger is unnecessary.
Most of us over here consider reading the Guardian a sad waste of literacy.

"Well anyway, please feel free to pull this same boneheaded stunt in
future elections. Our side may not need the help after this, but who can
be sure?

"Go BUSH!"

Here's the email I sent

To: The Politics Editor.

Dear Sir/Madam,
Thanks awfully for The Guardian’s involvement in the forthcoming U.S. election. I was quite worried for a while that your publishing house would not live up to the ethical standards that I have come to expect of it. Truly a newspaper in a league of its own, when it comes to issues that other media organisations would not dare to touch.

I do hope sincerely that the contribution of your readers, by sending emails to the good citizens of Clark County, Ohio is acknowledged by the majority of Americans. May I suggest that your readers, after sending an email to the people of that county, dispatch a second email to President Bush stating what they have done and which paper has influenced them to perform their deed. I would also suggest that in the contents of the latter email, Mr. John Kerry’s authorisation of your readers actions be noted. It would leave President Bush speechless. Doesn’t that give you something to smile about?

In addition to having a significant impact on Mr. Kerry’s campaign, your innovative use of emails would show other media organisations supporting Mr Kerry’s run for office, how to influence the masses. Credibility is everything and your organisation has once again made a strike for freedom against those that are denied it.

One last thing, did you know that Mr. Kerry was in Vietnam?

Kind Regards

Here's the letter I sent to several Guardian editors:

Date: Thu, 14 Oct 2004 17:47:41 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Howard Jaeckel" Add to Address Book
To: ian.katz@guardian.co.uk

Dear Mr. Katz:

In the United States, we make our own decisions as to whom to vote for in our elections. We do not subject those decisions to any sort of "global test," and do not take kindly to gratuitous advice offered from across the ocean by total strangers.

That said, I am not entirely displeased with your "Project Clark County." That is because I am confident that your arrogant and presumptuous initiative will end up helping the candidate whom I favor to lead my country, rather than the candidate whom you favor to lead my country.

By the way, I would much appreciate your voting for a candidate who supports Tony Blair, our great friend and steadfast ally, in your next parliamentary election. He is most popular in America.

Sincerely,

Howard F. Jaeckel
New York, NY

My tuppence worth
So, the Guardian is doing it's bit to topple the evil George W Bush.
We've just been through a similiar situation here in Australia where our moral sheepdogs,the elite of mediaworld,have dictated the responsibility of all Australians to elect Mark Latham.It was incredibly successful.I wish you all the best in this endevour to influence another countries democratic process.

I just spent an hour sending the fol: to every contact you provided at the Guardian. Best hour I’ve ever spent. BTW, I’m actually of the opinion that Australia is America’s best ally. Blair is with us – but the majority of Brits fail to see the menace their muslim minority poses, and hence are living in a pre-911 fog.
_____________________________________________

Très français !

“Think about how you would respond if you received a letter from Ohio urging you to vote for Tony Blair - or Michael Howard . . .” Guardian/Operation Clark County

Well, here is a letter from Fayette County, Georgia. Butt out! The notion of a few fringe Brit capitulators spamming America with unwelcome commentary on our pivotal democratic moment is something William Joyce would have enjoyed.

You are acting very French. Unbecoming of our closest ally!

We are grateful that P.M. Tony Blair has been such a steadfast friend in the Global War on Terror. We embrace your Tommys as though they are our own sons – and daughters.

Here’s a turn of phrase on a popular sentiment here: If you – and I mean YOU personally – aren’t with us, BUGGER OFF!

Jeff Cole
Marine Rifleman (In Repose)
Peachtree City

Giles letter so far is the best. Remember, these Guardian twits are expecting to deal with the angry F-U responses. Go for the subtle "Here's a list of things I think you should be doing" approach, starting with resonable suggestions and escalating all the way into full blown invasive nitpicking. Nothing would get the message across better.

Le Carre and Frazer, both brilliant authors who are masters of their craft, using intrigue,politics and history as the background for developing their works of fiction.
However what they write is from their interpretations of life, and by the prolific output of both I would doubt leave their luxouriously appointed garrets long enough to recognise the real world outside their windows-it so much easier to make judgments and comment after the fact- their backing of such an such a character as Kerry shows how far removed from reality they have strayed.
Frazer a cousin of the Queen,her husband is I believe one Harold Pinter, both like Kerry, wealthy elitist socialist extreme leftwinges with no concept of life in the 'trenches and the lot of the 'common man'.
In the light of the knowledge of the millions who died and suffered under the yoke of exreme socialism this century, they lend their names to a man whose very actions can be attributed toward sealing the fate of many in South VietNam and will again today in Iraq. It says little for their undersatnding of humanity

Guantanamo is no threat for the Brits... they go to Cuba on group flights. Sort of Cyprus with a different flavor. Oh, and oppressed citizens who sell their bodies and souls for a lot fewer drachmae.

Letter I just sent to about ten people at the Guardian (I hope there weren't too many typos):

Hi!

I just thought you would want to know how much we appreciate the advice of Englishmen when it comes to selecting political leaders in the United States. I thought we made it pretty clear in about 1776 we preferred to decide such matters ourselves.

Perhaps you thought that as times have changed since then, the advice might be more useful now. You should reconsider. We certainly would welcome anything Dame Thatcher has to say on the matter, should her health permit and she be so inclined. (I doubt though it would occur to her to presume such stupidity, and I will definitely raise a glass to her glory and wise leadership later this evening.) And the Honorable Mr. Blair has certainly risen above his effete socialist beginnings and his counsel will always, I imagine, now be welcome here.

But if we wanted suggestions your readers might be capable of providing we could simply ask some famous, drug addled millionaire in Hollywood, or perhaps someone of note in religious circles in, say, Damascus. We, along with men and women of Britain far better than you, are rather busy just now saving your delusional asses from those who would harm you and so we have little time. In addition to this chore, we are distracted with the necessity of earning a living, keeping the sea lanes open and the world's financial systems safe, and incidentally raising our children and protecting yours. We can ill afford to spend time on lunatic ramblings, based on mutant strains of utopian idiocy that are, in the final analysis, the mere intellectual (if such a word may be used for such pap) bastard children of some third rate thinker of the Nineteenth Century who was fashionable for a few decades in Eastern Europe.

May God save the Queen, and bless your Prime Minister; give our regards to the SAS, the Highlanders, and those other proud men and women in Her Majesty's service who can actually differentiate their heads from their backsides; and you socialist ponces from the Guardian can kiss my American ass.

Yours,

Agim Zabeli
American Citizen

I know I really should whip myself into a self-righteously offended patriotic frenzy, quote Paul Revere, and sing "The Battle of New Orleans" Karaoke-style in front of Guardian headquarters, but I just can't stop laughing at the absurdity ...

BRITISH LIBERALS ARE KISSING MY AMERICAN ASS!

BWAHYHHAHAHA HAHAHA GWAHHHAHAH HAA GHAAA HAAH AHAHHAH HAHHA HAAAAAA!

Dickens is spinning in his grave. How he despised the vulgar American cowboys ... now for his contemporaries it's smoochy smoochy on Godzilla's big green booty. HAH! Suckers. LOSERS! BWAHAHAHA HAAAHAHAHA!

In the proud tradition of English Literature, I suggest this occasion be celebrated by a one-act play:

"Annie Got Her Gun"

"Emma's been actin' mighty peculiar after ol' Doc Strangelove gave Annie that newfangled shootin' iron ... Miss Oakley don't seem to mind it none, though. Fact I think she kindly enjoys it."

"... a little lower, there, gal ... Yee haw! That shore hits the spot!"

The Guardian seems to have forgotten they are are depending on two gubmint postal monopolies to carry out their cunning plan. Those letters should hit Springfield, Ohio sometime in mid-November.

Dear Guardian Lackey,

Be comforted that when your country finally turns to Socialism we will influence your elections by sending in CIA agents.

Thanks,
DrScroogeMcduck

"While I appreciate the insights of a pack of sullen, epicene societal dregs squatting in the ruins of every failed social experiment of the last two thousand years, please note that I can get the same perspective over here at greater convenience by passing around a bottle of muscatel to the nice men living under the bridge. Thank you however for your good work in alienating more American voters from John Kerry. Could we ask you to expand your operations to California?"

Here's my message, in 36pt. font, bold:

FUCK OFF YOU LIMP-WRISTED, KNOCK-KNEED, BEDWETTING PUSSIES. WE AMERICANS DON'T NEED ANY GOD DAMNED SCUM FELCHING EURO-WIMPS LIKE YOURSELVES SCREWING AROUND WITH OUR ELECTIONS.

SO FUCK OFF AND MIND YOUR OWN GOD DAMNED BUSINESS.

Sorry for the language, but they deserve it.

The broadsheets want it both ways. While telling Americans how to vote, they are also drumming up the idea that everyone else should be able to as well.

Guardian

Hi,
I'm taking the liberty of writing to you concerning the Guardian's Ohio campaign.
We recently had an election in Australia and, oh boy!, could we have used your help.
The capitalist running dogs here got re-elected with a near record result; by mistake; yet again. I blame it on too much capital owned by too many workers, if we could just keep them in bed sits on a living wage they wouldn't get so uppity. But that's another story and I digress.

Please consider this as if from a friend.
It's possible that rural Ohio voters may have a little trouble relating to the urban progressive Euroleft. Hard to believe I know.
Many of these rural types have a vision for their own lives and react badly to compulsory government created visions. I suspect some of them even own 4x4s and firearms!
I agree... we have to do something about this at Primary School level in the whole Anglosphere. There are great expectations here that the Teachers Union will be able to help in collectivising kids dreams.
But back to Ohio. I do fear that colourless lives in overpopulated Europe are not attractive to many Americans and that this unsophisticated view will lead to lack of respect for our political
assistance. It is going to be next to impossible to ever get these rednecks to understand that we only have their best interests at heart.
Comrades, we have to change our marketing approach on this one before it's too late.

My letter to the entities infesting the Guardian:

Ladies and Gentlemen:

First, allow me to commend you for your deep interest in public affairs, as evidenced by "Operation Clark County". Words do not exist to express the gratitude that we Americans feel at receiving instruction from our elders and betters.

However, I am disappointed that your efforts are (so far) limited to one county in Ohio. You see, I live in Iowa, a state that sounds sort of like Ohio, and which is also a swing state. In fact, Al Gore won Iowa by a very narrow margin (only 4000 votes out of more than 1.2 million cast).

I am hoping that you can help us turn this around, and it seems likely that receiving spam and junk mail from a group of arrogant left wing Europeans promoting the candidacy of John Kerry would be just the thing to help swing Iowa over into the Bush column this time around. I particularly commend to your attention Polk County, Linn County, Black Hawk County and Scott County. All of these were reasonably close in 2000, and all have a large enough population that your efforts could boost turnout by angry Republicans sufficient to swing the election in this state.

Again, thank you for your interest in our civic affairs.

Sincerely,

An American citizen, a registered voter, and a broken glass Republican

Le Carre is a lying hypocrite. Every novel he has writtenthat mentions America and Americans has portrayed them in a bad light. He has always hated and envied America.

I've sent my e-mail, Tim.

Two letters I wrote:

A) Mr Freedland - How does it feel to be running a transatlantic spam campaign, destroying strangers' privacy, and influencing foreign elections? A friend of mine tried the Guardian's little contact-an-Ohio-voter gimmick and was given, by your website, the email and home address of what is most likely a single woman living alone in a Clark County apartment. Has it occurred to you, or whoever was the joker who dreamed up this idiotic scheme, that you may be enabling stalkers?

Not to mention violating the EU's Data Protection Privacy law and aligning yourselves with Nigerian con artists. Do you not find this sort of behavior rather un-progressive?

Then again, as Hitchens points out, the progressive left ceased to be progressive a long time ago, when many on the left began using Kissingerite tropes to oppose American interventions against fascism in the balkans and Iraq.

B) Sir,

Just when I thought the Guardian was determined to unseat Bush, you show your true colors by printing three obviously forged "letters" claiming to give sincere, well-meaning advice to American voters while creating precisely the opposite effect.
("Dear Clark County voter, Give us back the America we loved. Yours sincerely, John Le Carré")

Karl Rove's handiwork is clearly visible in the "letter" from "Richard Dawkins," who outdoes Lord Haw Haw for sneering, condescending nastiness. A special touch is the "Tony Martin" reference, from which ironically-- or rather, intentionally-- small-town Ohioans will draw the exact opposite conclusion from that intended by Lord Daw Daw.

Rovian touches were also evident in the choice of an obscure France-based author of thinly-veiled anti-American pulp fiction as the mouthpiece for this bit of sarcasm:

...please don't feel isolated from the Europe you twice saved.

A cringing Uriah Heap--perfect! Who knew Rove had such powers of literary characterization? Perfectly calculated to have the opposite effect upon Americans living in Ohio, the home of arch-isolationist Robert Taft and the Dayton Accords: bitter reminders of yet another abject refusal by Europeans to act forthrightly and courageously to stop fascist slaughter.

Rove also uses this mouthpiece to re-cycle the canard that "Bush was waging his father's war." As if Bush's father, who refused to overthrow Saddam and abandoned the Shi'a and Kurdish rebellions, was not decisively rejected by his son, who broke ranks with his father and Scowcroft and all the other cynical realpolitikers in finally summoning the will and courage to end Saddam's slaughterhouse!

As to the third Rovian mole, "Lady Fraser," this seems an odd choice, but surely the master judged that any British female would do, given that the only contemporary British woman known to most Ohioans-- she of People's Princess fame-- died years ago, her memorial teddy bears having been diverted recently to Mr Bigley, the latest symbol of Euro-fortitude.

Auntie Antonia offers some more sure-to-backfire "advice": "If you vote for Kerry, you will help to avert a move backwards towards women's suffering. Perfect timing, that: the same week that Ohioans see joyous scenes of Afghan women celebrating their right to vote, run for office, attend school, run businesses-- and all of this due to Bush's war to overthrow the Taliban, a barmy old Englishwoman announces that day is night. Bravo, Karl!

Sincerely,
[thibaud]

For those with blogs, if posting about this story, you can do as I did and give readers a mailto: link followed by all the email addresses. Using SouthernCross's aggregation, it looks like this (only in an HTML tag, obviously)

a href="mailto: jonathan.freedland@guardian.co.uk, clare.dyer@guardian.co.uk, polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk, dan.glaister@guardian.co.uk, ian.katz@guardian.co.uk, isabel.hilton@guardian.co.uk, james.fenton@guardian.co.uk, stephen.brook@guardian.co.uk, simon.tisdall@guardian.co.uk, mail@monbiot.com, jackie.ashley@guardian.co.uk, malcolm.dean@guardian.co.uk, steve.bell@guardian.co.uk, eric.allison@guardian.co.uk, matt.wells@guardian.co.uk, dan.milmo@guardian.co.uk, richard.norton@guardian.co.uk, taylor@guardian.co.uk, alan.travis@guardian.co.uk, conal.urquhart@guardian.co.uk, mberlins@aol.com, mike.hough@guardian.co.uk, audrey.gillan@guardian.co.uk, ewen.macaskill@guardian.co.uk, lee.glendinning@guardian.co.uk, jason.burke@observer.co.uk, michael.billington@guardian.co.uk, david.brindle@guardian.co.uk, lyn.gardner@guardian.co.uk, adrian.searle@guardian.co.uk, owen.gibson@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.jones@guardian.co.uk, claire.cozens@guardian.co.uk, judith.mackrell@guardian.co.uk, jason.deans@guardian.co.uk, dominic.timms@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.glancey@guardian.co.uk, alexis.petrardian.co.uk, john.fordham@guardian.co.uk, andrew.clements@guardian.co.uk, tim.ashley@guardian.co.uk, nancy.banks@guardian.co.uk, smith@guardian.co.uk, editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, books.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, politics.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@mediaguardian.co.uk, football.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, film.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, jobs.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, work.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, education.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, money.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, shopping.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, travel.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, arts.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@societyguardian.co.uk"

Read that the Clark county list cost them $25. We should really be offering donations so they can afford to buy additional Ohio county lists.

"The prize is a return flight to Ohio and accommodation on a room only basis to meet voters and participate in the closing days of the race. "

I think the Clark County villagers will be meeting the plane actually ... on the tarmac with fiery torches, hoes, crowbars, scythes etc.

I sent them ALL the following:

"Hello, this is John Howard.

I've taken the unusual step of contacting you via MASS SPAM EMAIL to lend you my support in your attempts to piss off as many decent hard-working Americans as possible with you pompous, Euro-sophisticate demands that they should vote the way to tell them to, even though you:

i) are not a US citizen;
ii) don't pay US taxes;
iii) don't enjoy American culture, sports, movies, etc.;
iv) don't sing the American National Anthem,
v) don't support American sports teams; and
vi) don't much like America.

If there's anything that will deliver the state of Ohio to my good friend, President George Bush, this will be it. SO thank you for your support.

John Howard, Prime Minister.

Aw, don't do that, Annalucia. It's not as if you haven't already paid for them. Besides, I'm guessing these were the books she wrote before she met Harold Pinter - who knows, maybe the villain corrupted her. A crisp letter informing her that you no longer intend to buy anything of hers, since she obviously does not wish to profit from the capitalist system, would probably do the trick :).

Brandon - could you add Powesheik to the list? It went red last time, but unfortunately the presence of my beloved alma mater (Grinnell) made it close-ish. I'd love to see the locals' reaction on being spammed by a bunch of Guardian readers. On second thought, I'd head for the hills, since they really do have pitchforks and know how to use them :).

Some of these letters are hilarious!

Actually I would enjoy getting a letter from a Brit trying to convince me to vote for Kerry. I would show it to my friends, scan it and post it on my blog, and certainly have endless fun with it, including my replies and attempts to befriend the sender, of course. Why do the people in Ohio get to have all the fun?

As to dogs and whether or not they lie:

maybe he meant they were lazy, my dog lies around all day
Posted by: ilibcc

I hadn't thought of that. Maybe he could say "they lie like rugs!" Very clear, eh?

Well, I suppose that they're occasionally answering a different question than the one you asked.

Anyone who has ever shared the responsibility for feeding a dog knows that if you ask the dog if it has been fed, the question that the dog will answer is "Do you want to eat?"
Posted by: Andy Freeman

This is very true, but I don't think it's deception so much as misunderstanding. Maybe language lessons are in order?

I sent my letter via the mass link.
George Monbiot replied;

Sorry about the automated reply. I read everything sent to me, apart from spam, but I can reply to only a very small proportion.

This is because I receive a couple of hundred personal messages a day, and if I answered them all properly, I would have no time for anything else.

So I will try to cover the most common questions here:

If you are looking for sources for the information in my articles, I have appended them on my website to all the pieces published since 11th March 2003.

If you would like me to give a talk or an interview, I am afraid the answer is no unless you hear from me - I receive 10 or 12 requests a day, and can meet only a very few of them.

If you want advice, I have tried to answer most of the requests I receive on the Careers Advice page, and through the www.globalrising.org site.

If you want a debate, sorry - I will read the points you make, but will not be able to reply.

If you are sending kind words, then thank you and my special apologies for not writing back.

Sorry again for all this, but I have found I cannot both do my work and be courteous. Something has to go, and I am afraid it is the courtesy.

Best wishes, George Monbiot

It is beyond doubt what the Guardian has done, so I sent this;

``Here’s a way Freedland and his fellow meddlers can still have their say in the USA: each could simply identify and

By the end of the workday, the paper had received more than 3,000 requests for voters, whose names were culled from public voter-registration rolls, said features editor Ian Katz. ''

Do you appreciate you have committed criminal offences, including against the voters themeselves. if one were on the end of such `e-mails', one wuld sue the culprits for major criminal offences. It is beyond question, that is what you have declared, you have engaged in criminal actions against each voter in Clark County.

Those voters should be given a chance to remonstrate, the lot of you should fly over their so the residents can kick your useless backsides off a few cliffs.

But let''s twist it: voters outside of France vote to kick out the Socialisto whores Chirac and Villespin, so too Spain Germany... and also the Commie Labour party of Britian. Interesting.

I live in Oz, we didn't vote the National Socialist Latham and his gallies those Khemr rouge things called Greens. No, Australia flogged the lying bastards.

PLEASE, if any of you people actually get a response/s from one of the members of "Team Guardian", please post it here for the rest of us to read and laugh, etc.

Oops- I accidently posted the list of Grauniad email address in several Usenet groups while I was responding to a message about how I could get a bigger donger. Darn clipboard...

LoL at walterplinge!

Just a friendly reminder that our beef is with the socialists that run and staff the Guardian, not that the rag is coincidentally located in England.

I sent my letter and quite enjoyed doing it.

Dear Mr. Le Carre et al.,

Thank you for your concern over the election of our president. You are so right that the outcome has a huge affect on the outside world. However, I think your letter-writing campaign to an obscure county in Ohio is an ineffective way to influence the results. I'd like to suggest a more effective tactic.

Being able to vote in the U.S. requires citizenship, something I know you don't have time to get in the next two and a half weeks. However, the duty of citizenship is most exemplified by the payment of taxes. I'll make a deal, Mr. Le Carre, if that is your real name, I'll give up my citizenship on Nov. 2 for one day in exchange for your payment of my state and federal 2003 taxes. That's right, you pay the amount on the bottom line of my 1040 and I'll be happy to vote for the candidate of your choice.

Southern Cross: Thanks for the list!

"Dear Cousin across the sea:

How kind, how thoughtful, how generous of your readers, to take time out of their busy schedules to lecture total strangers on matters of which your readers know little or nothing. In these hectic modern times, it is comforting, indeed, to know that the old British Imperialist instincts are still alive and well!

Today’s enlightened Britain is reverting to feudalism in a new, improved fashion. You’ve disarmed your people and seen your crime rate sky rocket correspondingly – how foolish of the US not to follow your footsteps! Your socialized medical system, with its slow ambulance response time and its months-long surgical waiting lists - superb! What a fantastic way to deal with the population crisis! You take down statues of pigs so as not to offend people who want to kill you no matter what you do or do not do - yes! How high-minded you are, skipping a Devon celebration of Trafalgar Day so as not to offend the French! Denigrate and destroy your own heritage and culture to feed your sense of self-righteousness. Why not?

O yes, we certainly need advice from you. Keep sending it. We’ll give it all the consideration it’s due.

Thanks for the Magna Carta. Thanks for egg coddlers. Thank you very much indeed for Lt. Col. Tim Collins and his brave men and colleagues. Did you know Afghanistan voted on October 9? Just think, only three years ago they weren't allowed to fly kites. How quickly we forget, hey?

Anyway - if you want to petition for statehood, go right ahead. If successful, you'll be able to vote legally. Otherwise . . I believe the expression is 'sod off, wankers.' See? Even dumb Americans can be a little multi-culti when we really try!

Sincerely,"

"... if you back Kerry, you will be voting against a savage militaristic foreign policy of pre-emptive killing ..."
-- Antonia Fraser, British author

Geez, British liberals make better Bush campaign speeches than Bush does. I can hear Bush now: "Some folks overseas call what we do 'savage militarism'. Here in America we call that 'winning'."

Does she not grasp that to Americans the pre-emptive killing of suicidal madmen is a qualification for public office?

Did she miss the Democratic convention, where Kerry did his damndest to prove he could be just as savagely militaristic as George Bush? Does she not understand that Kerry is losing precisely because he failed to make that case?

Eurocentrism claims another victim, I guess ... she's projecting her own milquetoast values onto us. How clueless of her. Has she ever read our Second Amendment?

She's throwing us red meat under the mistaken impression we're vegetarians.

Hi,
I'm writing on behalf of "operation Guardian (adopt an idiot British journalist)" campaign. I would like to adopt and sponser one of you in an attempt to steer you away from the biggoted and narrow-minded partisan politics of the Guardian newspaper - you know that marginalised euro-trash British paper? Please have the courage to defy the narrow politics of your editor/publisher and act + write independtly away from the chosen party line...after all thats what journalism is all about, right? You are journalists right? Or simply members of "the party?" Is 'Pravda' really a russian word for Guardian?
Come on, show me what your really made of...balls and not baked beans (a favourite British dish last I heard).

your new mentor and friend,
Leon K
Melbourne, Australia.

richard mcenroe: ROFLMAO!!

Now I have to clean Diet Coke off my monitor and keyboard.

Here's how to ruin their campaign:

Write a program which repeatedly posts a randomly-generated email address to the sign-up page, at random intervals (a couple of hours work at most).

The Guardian will not want to send the same address out more than once for fear of badgering Clark County residents.

There are only a few tens of thousands of voters in their list. The program could send the requests at a random interval (say between 1 and 10 seconds apart), and exhaust their whole list within a few days. It could also post to known first names (ever been to a baby-name web site?) at hotmail.com, virtually ensuring that the email will be sent correctly and will not bounce back.

The only way the Guardian could fix this would be to search their logs for the same IP address appearing over and over again, and then invalidating those requests.

So... all that is required is for maybe twenty or thirty people to download and run this program at the same time, and within a few hours the list would be exhausted and the situation would be almost impossible to resurrect.

The only thing preventing me from doing this is the potential legal repercussions.

There is a fatal flaw in the Guardian’s strategy – they are relying on posted letters. My personal experience of the Royal Mail leads me to conclude that the letters won’t arrive in time to affect the election, if indeed they arrive at all.

"Dear Comrades

I have noted your inspired idea to attempt to influence the forthcoming US Presidential election with much interest and I applaud your campaign to replace George Bush with the Europe-friendly John Kerry.

Once the natural order has been restored to America, I do not believe you should rest on your laurels. There are further opportunities for you to spread enlightenment to the rest of the world.

In particular, I note that there are elections scheduled for Iraq in the not too distant future. I believe you should immediately commence a campaign to have Saddam Hussein reinstalled in his rightful position as the President of Iraq. I feel that this would not be too controversial with your editors and readers given that it is consistent with the stance your paper took prior to the war to save the much-loved and admired President Hussein from the evil forces of democracy and capitalism.

I feel that this is a matter of urgency. Many brave, brave freedom fighters, suicide bombers, kidnappers and Ba'ath party operatives are dying as we delay!

Yours faithfully

Brett Martyn
Australia"

Lot's of funny comments. I enjoyed them. But really, I think the Guardian is doing a good thing here. I discuss it more on my blog, but in brief: what's wrong with trying to provoke people to communicate?

Dear Guardian Guy,

Keep it up!

- Zarqawi

Do you think the reason they chose Springfield, Ohio, is because they want to believe that Homer Simpson and his family live there?

Boy, I would love to get one. I would respond with a text copy of the US Constitution. "I have sent, for your perusal, a copy of the US Constitution. You will note no voting ability is afforded you by this document. Please forward me a copy of YOUR written Constitution, so I may research what MY duties are."

From one of the nine e-mails I requested to my various addresses: "Your letter ... must not contain any material which ... may bring the Guardian into disrepute."
(Pause for laughter to die down.)

My letter:

o begin, I'm an American ex-pat living in Ireland. I just wanted to know how you, as a journalist, could think the rest of the world is possibly able to form an intelligent opinion of the electoral contest in the USA when your own paper is unwilling or unable to inform, even minimally, the British people of the issues involved or the positions held by the candidates. As Richard Dawkins embarrassingly demonstrated here,

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections2004/story/0,13918,1326066,00.html

your writers cannot even be trusted to understand HOW someone is elected President in the USA, much less why one particular person *should* be elected.

I noted in the fine print describing the Clarke County competition that one must not say anything which would bring disrepute to the Guardian. Is Mr. Dawkins similarly bound by this restriction? Somehow I think not. Were I to recieve his letter, or either of the other two, I'd be shocked and deeply offended. Reading them literally makes my blood boil.

I mean, honestly, do you really believe that Mr. Bush has *deprived* people of healthcare or that the Iraq war was planned *before* 9/11? Is Mr. Le Carre pulling my leg here? What in the world is Antonia Frasier talking about when he says Bush plans a "...possible repeal of legislation that has for a generation made all women equal before the law..."? Abortion rights possibly? There is currently no legislation repealing or reversing women's equality pending in either the House or the Senate and none is possible; those freedoms are enumerated by the Bill of Rights as inherent rights which the government has no ability to abridge. While I know that inherent rights described by a founding document, not granted by a Parliament, is a "foreign" concept to the British people, Ms. Frasier ought at least to have heard of them. Her ignorance is appalling. And Mr. Dawkins' assertion that 9/11 was Bush's "big break" gives the lie to his rather racist assertion that there was worldwide "goodwill" directed at the USA after 9/11. I arrived in Ireland only 6 days before 9/11. I saw the news and I listened to the radio, and I talked to the people. The goodwill was hardly worldwide. From his letter, it's clear that nothing genuine of the sort flows from Mr. Dawkins.

I plan to write a letter to a Clarke County voter, and to submit it to your competition. There isn't a ghost of a chance I'll be picked, but I will get some satisfaction from the opportunity to remind Clarke County voters that the citizens of the UK are attempting to influence an election absent any real ability to be informed about it, and that writers for your paper aim to keep it that way.

-Tony Dye

Are you out of your fu***ng minds to do this? I'm British and I feel ashamed to read you are advocating this. We cannot and should not interfere in the elections of another country and certainly not to the extent of giving names of voters and sending them unsolicited mail basically telling them how they should vote.
It's really shortsighted! unless of course you are rooting for Bush.
If I was you I would withdraw this campaign immediatel and print a general letter of apology to all US citizens.
The guy(s) who came up with idea should be kicked out of his/their job(s).
Shame on you!

What the hell ever happened to John le Carre anyway? The guy who once wrote "The Spy Who Came In From The Cold" can't even pen an entertaining anti-Bush screed these days. If Clark County residents really feel the overwhelming need to have a clapped out, washed up writer tell them how to vote there's no need to import one from Britain. We'll just inflict Gore Vidal on them.

What is everyone complaining about? This is a great promotion by the Guardian. I've already signed up my three e-mail accounts and gotten three mailing addresses for Clark County (I live in Butler County, OH).

I plan on printing and mailing a VOTE FOR BUSH letter to all three! You should get your own penpal from Clark county and "rock the vote" for W., too!

(Oh, don't worry, I'm going to be sending my true feelings to all those at the Guardian, too.)

One more thing: Is "Team Guardian" featured in the "Team America" movie by any chance? Heh!

Well, Southern Cross, maybe Tim didn't do what you wanted because it would screw up the formatting of the page, the way you just did. Thanks!

I hope you all realize that the Guardian is likely to print all the illiterate, incoherently irate, and/or embarrassing email they get from you guys.

They won't print Giles' email above (http://timblair.spleenville.com/archives/007752.php#093735) I think you can count on that. Nor richard mcenroe; "epicene"? Yes. That's really the only word you need for those people. But they'll never, ever admit to their readers that an American can spell it.

They're going to print the ones that make Americans look stupid. Because they LOVE us so MUCH! Except of course for that beastly, nasty Mr. Bush.

I suspect they've already gotten a ream or two of ammunition. On the bright side, nothing could make their readers hate us any more than they already do, so it's not like any harm will come of it.

With edditting, this list of addresses worked for me. The other list omitted commas and spaces which choked my YAHOO mail.

jonathan.freedland@guardian.co.uk, clare.dyer@guardian.co.uk, polly.toynbee@guardian.co.uk, dan.glaister@guardian.co.uk, ian.katz@guardian.co.uk, isabel.hilton@guardian.co.uk, james.fenton@guardian.co.uk, stephen.brook@guardian.co.uk, simon.tisdall@guardian.co.uk, mail@monbiot.com, jackie.ashley@guardian.co.uk, malcolm.dean@guardian.co.uk, steve.bell@guardian.co.uk, eric.allison@guardian.co.uk, matt.wells@guardian.co.uk, dan.milmo@guardian.co.uk, richard.norton-taylor@guardian.co.uk, alan.travis@guardian.co.uk, conal.urquhart@guardian.co.uk, mberlins@aol.com, mike.hough@guardian.co.uk, audrey.gillan@guardian.co.uk, ewen.macaskill@guardian.co.uk, lee.glendinning@guardian.co.uk, jason.burke@observer.co.uk, michael.billington@guardian.co.uk, david.brindle@guardian.co.uk, lyn.gardner@guardian.co.uk, adrian.searle@guardian.co.uk, owen.gibson@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.jones@guardian.co.uk, claire.cozens@guardian.co.uk, judith.mackrell@guardian.co.uk, jason.deans@guardian.co.uk, dominic.timms@guardian.co.uk, jonathan.glancey@guardian.co.uk, john.fordham@guardian.co.uk, andrew.clements@guardian.co.uk, tim.ashley@guardian.co.uk, nancy.banks-smith@guardian.co.uk, editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, books.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, politics.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@mediaguardian.co.uk, football.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, film.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, jobs.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, work.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, education.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, money.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, shopping.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, travel.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, arts.editor@guardianunlimited.co.uk, editor@societyguardian.co.uk

Here's a great argument from Dawkins, the last Guardian letter writer:

"...the world is a better place without Saddam. No doubt it is. But that's the Tony Martin school of foreign policy [Martin was a householder who shot dead a burglar who had broken into his house in 1999]. It's not how civilised countries, who follow the rule of law, behave. The world would be a better place without George Bush, but that doesn't justify an assassination attempt. The proper way to get rid of that smirking gunslinger is to vote him out."

Yes, someone from Ohio will agree that it's wrong to kill a burglar that enters your house - NOT! This elite "intellectual" has as much insight into the American mind as Saddam Hussein with his fake WMDs. Thank God our founding fathers had the wisdom, foresight and balls to separate from those inbred othodontically-challenged twits 200+ years ago.

I say we not only adopt them. I say we baptise the bastards in absentia, too.

Here's my two cents worth, sent to Clare Dyer.

Ms. Dyer-

As an American citizen and voter, a typical one I suppose, I take great umbrage to your newpaper's...er, your publication's...attempt to influence the upcoming Presidential election through Operation Clark County.

If your readers are so keen to influence an American election, let me suggest a surefire method. Those who wish to influence the American presidential election should do as so many millions of British subjects and other similarly oppressed people have done over the course of the last 228 years; escape the tyranny and oppression they find in their native land, immigrate here and become an American citizen.

It's amazing the advantages one derives from becoming an American citizen. Voting in our presidential elections is just a start. As a new American you will pay much lower taxes than you did to in the land you recently fled, not fear getting arrested if you defend your life against a criminal attacker, and live around the most accepting, most generous and most interesting people on the planet.

Freedom of speech and freedom of religion are actually guaranteed to all through an amazing document known as a Constitution...yes, it's all actually written down, not just passed from generation to generation via the oral traditions common in backward cultures and former world empires.

No politician will be able to avoid prosecution for crimes he committed merely by taking elected office. In America, all of us are equal under the law, in theory and in practice.

If you choose to live in a large city you can experience the joys of life under the domination of an all powerful political machine. For those of you who have come to America to avoid local government reminiscent of the land you recently rejected, I recommend the American south or southwest...except, of course, New Mexico and any other states governed by former cabinet members of America's first black president, who, oddly enough, wasn't actually black. That honor is yet to actually be achieved but certainly will be within our lifetime.

No matter where you live in America, however, you are guaranteed the following; you will be living in a country where the people are sovereign, not some foreign potentate or editorial writer.

No, once you have take American citizenship, as my father's family did in 1942 following their flight from the sort of political, religious persecution and war so common throughout European history, you can rest easy that the opinions of foreign busybodies, witch burners and other thinking-they're-better-than-you-are types will not matter one whit.

Respectfully yours,

Charles. A Eklund

Dawkins has figured out that us poor dumb Yankees ain't never had no idee it ain't right to shoot nobody what breaks into our li'l ol' cabins to take our vittles. So now he's a-tellin' us it ain't right, and now that we done heered it from one o' them smart Eee-uropean fellers, we done been instructed and we're a-gonna think the right way now.

What's funny is Dawkins' instinctive resort to gunslinger/cowboy imagery. In his cramped little world, that means "American", and "American" means "bad". Everybody one knows thinks that way, old chap! It's universal!

Great stuff. I've fired off a letter and snagged me some addresses to prevent them falling into enemy hands. "Operation Adopt-an-Idiot-British-Journalist". I love it.

"Dear British Socialist-Class Twit,

By all means, please vote in our elections. I hope you will be happy with your new Republican-Tory Prime Minister Jeb Bush, who we will be voting into Whitehall along reciprocal lines once voting arrangements for ~60m American Republicans are finalised."

Hi from the USA! I have been working with those great people at the SwiftVets and POWs for Truth Forum in an effort to block these idiots at The Guardian from trying to interfere in our Presidential Election. One of our posters pointed out what tremendous effort you were putting into diverting those addresses that The Guardian is trying to send out. I just HAD to comment and say................

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

I sent this:

Please consider also targeting Hillsborough County, New Hampshire.

We are also a "swing" county in a "swing" state. Adding us would be good for the Guardian because while a grand prize of a three day visit to Ohio sounds like the punchline of a bad joke, a grand prize of three days in the hills of New Hampshire is actually worth something.

And I would like it because there's no surer way of getting my ornery, perverse and cantankerous neighbors to vote for Bush than by having foreigners tell them to vote for Kerry.

Dear England Newspaper Person,

How are you? I am fine. I have to say I really enjoy you're loveable moptop "Rock and Roll" combos like the Beatles. There really groovie, or as you say "fab gear"! I can see why they drive all the "birds" "mad."

Anyhoo, thanks alot for the election advice and stuff. Boy, you made some really good points (even tho I didn't understand all the England-style words) but Reverend Falwell says that God will punish us with commies and terrorist and negros and AIDS, etc., if we don't elect President Bush.

So, I guess I'm pretty much undecided. But also, I lost my job when the Halliburton men closed down the local factory. Tell you what -- how about sending me $200? That way I can vote for Kerry with a clean consius, and pay for Bible lessons for little Duane Jr. and Tammy Fay.

You're Pal,

Duane in Ohio

PS - please send the money in American money, and not youre thuppences and so forth. They only take American money at the Wal Mart.

Fun as this is, I only wish they had chosen a county from my own swing state of West Virginia, where the Democratic Party's long-standing historical dominance hangs by a thread.

Some changes would be necessary, though: John LeCarre would have to attest to the fact that deep down, Kerry is really a gun-loving evangelical Christian homophobe with a secret plan to outlaw abortion as soon as he assumes office.

Why send these Guardian idiots just one e-mail each when you can send each a hundred.

Use vial curse words in the subject line. That way they can't miss your intent and anger.

Now wait just one gosh-darned minute, this Tim Blair fella appears to be AN AUSTRALIAN -- JUST LIKE HITLER! Them Australians over there in Vienna is lickin' WHIPPED CREAM offa ARTILLERY all day, they're a buncha goddamn NAZIS if you ask me! Now, I'm just a simple red-blooded American like you, folks, but I can't for the life of me see why we're letting this pinko-commie goddamn fascist or whatever the hell he is -- you know them Austrians let a buncha marsupials RUN AROUND LOOSE in their country? God only knows what it's doing to the kids, and they call it a "LIFESTYLE CHOICE" -- tell us whether to let the Guardian tell us who to vote for or not. Am I gonna stand for that? HELL NO! If I want Michael Caine and Dame Edna to tell me to vote for goddamn Al Sharpton, that's my own damn business!

Here I thought this was an honest American web site, and it turns out to be no more than some wine-slurping effete Australian trying to export his own effeminate, hypersensitive culture to the USA! I'm telling you, if them Australians had ever tried to settle a frontier, they'd know better than to tangle with us!

My letter:

In response to "Operation Clark County," I would like to express my gratitude, and that of the American people, to the subjects of the United Kingdom for their support for Prime Minister Tony Blair and for the invaluable assistance of the UK in the global war on terror. Your support for President George W. Bush's policy of taking the war to the terrorists makes not just Great Britain, but the whole world -- including the United States -- safer. For that you have our sincere gratitude, earned by the brave sacrifice of Englishmen and -women no less than when Churchill and England stood virtually alone in Europe against the Nazis. As America came to fight by your side then, so we fight now. As we prevailed in that fearful time, so shall we prevail in this.

I especially wish to thank The Guardian, whose opposition to President Bush, the War on Terror, and all that is sensible and good has played a salutary role in persuading the British public to support Mr. Blair's steadfast leadership in the Anglo-American alliance. It is certainly wise of you to recognize that, as your newspaper was wrong at every point of the Cold War, so the public will conclude that any position it takes today will likewise be wrong. Just as by rejecting the policy preferences of The Guardian then, we allies were able to free millions from Soviet totalitarianism, so today, by rejecting your opinions will we free millions more from the tyranny of Islamofascism. The elections in Afghanistan are just the first fruits, and for them the world owes The Guardian a great debt.

Please keep up the good work.

simply put, No Representation Without Taxation. Wanna have a say in our elections? Move here, and pay the taxes like the rest of us.

Use vial curse words in the subject line.

When I use curse words, I use them by the barrel.

Subject Line: Can I give you a bit of advice?

Ms. Toynbee

I know you aren't due to vote for your MP again anytime soon, but as I citizen of the world, I think it is important that your vote be the right one. If Mr. Kilroy-Silk lives in your district, well, I'd say he would be an MP unlikely to offend we Americans. Failing that, although I must say I abhor socialism, vote Labor if Blair is up again for PM, unless the Labor (or, just for you, Labour (you know how silly we Americans can get about all things French. You know, Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast and Freedom Kiss, anyway, that "u" in words like "labour" and "colour" is just too French looking for us Texas cowboys)) candidate is an antisemitic/anti-American (they often seem to go together) moonbat, in which case you have my permission to vote for the Tories.

Respectfully,

Edward M. Moran
Asst. Production Engineer
XXXXX Operating Company
713 953-XXXX
Ed_Moran@XXXXX.net

IowaHawk at LGF sent this winner

Dear England Newspaper Person,

How are you? I am fine. I have to say I really enjoy you're loveable moptop "Rock and Roll" combos like the Beatles. There really groovie, or as you say "fab gear"! I can see why they drive all the "birds" "mad."

Anyhoo, thanks alot for the election advice and stuff. Boy, you made some really good points (even tho I didn't understand all the confusing England-style words) but Reverend Falwell said on the Fox TV that G-d will punish us with commies and terrorist and negros and AIDS, etc., if we don't elect President Bush.

So, I guess I'm pretty much still undecided. But also, I lost my job when the Halliburton men closed down the local factory, and then we had to sell the trailer to pay for Dave Jr's Army funeral after he got kilt fighting against the Iraq commies. Tell you what -- how about sending me $300? That way I can vote for Kerry with a clean consius, and pay for Bible lessons for little Duane and Tammy Fay.

You're Pal,

Dave in Ohio

PS - please send the money in American money, and not youre thuppences and so forth. They only take American money at the Wal Mart.

here's my humble offering. I'll be sending it under my real name, not my nom de comment (although I sometimes use my real name in blog comments too).

Dear Sir or Madam:

I will not bother to correct your lamentable yet laughable ignorance of the American Electoral College and the process by which we actually elect a President. I’m sure at least hundreds of people have already emailed to inform you that your Clark County crusade is a waste of time and almost certain to backfire. Not only will one county not make a difference, but I suspect that the good citizens of Clark County will not be pleased to know that their home addresses have been provided to whomever emailed to ask for them.

I would just like to point out two things:

1. Self-loathing is not a national characteristic of Americans, as it is of the English. While many members of our chattering class do seem to get a masochistic thrill from blaming themselves, and the rest of us, for America’s current unpopularity, and while they seem to enjoy groveling for European approval, they by no means represent Americans as a whole. They get more attention because they are highly concentrated in the media and entertainment industries, and thus they seem to have a lot of influence, but this is more appearance than reality. Americans do like to be liked, but when they find they are not liked, the typical response is not “what’s wrong with us?” but rather, “what’s wrong with them?”, followed by a hearty fuck you. I imagine that by now you’ve received quite a few hearty fuck yous, no? It’s not intellectual, it’s not rational, it probably isn’t helpful, but it is how it is. “We hate you and this is what you need to do to make us like you again” is just not the way to persuade your average American of anything. Your average American has a self esteem that seems absurdly high to your average Brit. Mind you, I’m not saying that’s why we’re so much bigger, richer, stronger, faster, taller, tanner and more virile.

2. Although I am not one, I was raised by and around fundamentalist Christians for most of my life. I know that fundamentalist Christians scare the bodily waste out of the average Guardian writer and the average Guardian reader. I also know that the average Guardian writer – and, I have to assume, the average Guardian reader – are far more bigoted, narrow minded, intolerant, reactionary and hateful than any fundy I’ve ever met.

And I do not know, but I suspect, that come November 3, Guardianistas and their philosophical brethren on this side of the pond will awake to find that they’ve been John Howarded.

Oh well. As we say in Texas, quell fucking dommage, ya’ll.

AOL Users:

You can search AOL's member directory for members in the UK, and especially in Manchester, and drop them a line about their hometown newspaper's insulting patronization of American voters.

While you're at it, you might want to read today's [10/15/04] Guardian article about how the threat of terrorist attacks and, indeed, even al Qaeda, is just a "myth" being perpetuated by the Bushies.

And the Guardian thinks we're the ones who are misguided?

Reading this page is the most fun I've had on the web in quite a while. After spending time in various game forums, it's refreshing to see so many people with a grasp of both wit and turn of phrase.

She's throwing us red meat under the mistaken impression we're vegetarians.

That line was pure art.

Kudos to all!

Here's what I just sent, inspired by previous posters here:

"In the spirit of the Declaration of Independence's pledge to tell nosy foreigners where to shove off, we have come up with a unique way for Americans to express our views on the policies and candidates in this election to some of the liars who have too much influence over public opinion. It's not quite an insult, but it's a chance to influence some dim bulbs who have signed their government away to the Brussels mafia (EU).

It works like this. Below you’ll find the names of dozens of "journalists" who work at The Guardian. You may not have heard of it, but it's one of the most marginal newspapers in one of the most marginal media cultures on earth. It's a place where a change of their hivemind could make a real difference.

---

The only thing that Americans hate more than spam is prigs telling them how to vote."

I agree that British citizens should have a say in the American federal election, as should all other nations on the planet, including my Canada. Every country on the planet should be able to participate in the American electoral process.

Of course, the United States of America must therefore enjoy the same right to vote in every other national election on the planet.

Although somehow I don't think that would fly with the folks at la Guardien.

I already participated in this great fiasco by sending an email to all parties involved. Unfortunately for me, Tim hadn't made it on the scene yet to provide all these lovely email addresses so I had to search for them myself.

I see Tim has provided many more than I was able to locate and that is appreciated. Fortunately, I saved my email and will be able to forward it to additional folks.

Mine consisted of a similar tone with (and I missed their name) the person that quoted the declaration concerning our english "brethern" with a few examples of the constitution and amendments that clearly state the election to be limited to American citizens.

I also sent letters to the Ambassador to the United States and our Emabassy, Charge d'Affaires (our ambassador recently resigned) to Britain indicating my displeasure at this papers interference in our elections.

I have to say though, that our letter writing campaign to them will probably be the most publicity that they've had in a long time. Probably upped their readership by a couple thousand. make the owners all happy if not the writers.

Here are some AOL users from Manchester, England who probably will be as happy as the folks from Clark County to receive unsolicited emails from someone in another country [you need to add "@aol.com" to the end of each name for the email address]:

[List removed. The Management.]

Glad I found out about this through Little Green Footballs. Here's what I had to say (in the spirit of kill 'em with kindness)

To Anyone and Everyone at The Guardian:

On the matter of penpals with Americans in Clark County, Ohio, USA: I think it is a good idea to become penpals with Americans. You might learn something. You might learn that we declared our independence from the British Empire 228 years ago. You might learn that we are a fiercely independent people who stand up for what we believe and don't give a damn about what outsiders think. You might learn that our democratic-republic has served us well these last few centuries, without your interference or influence. You might learn that we don't appreciate you or anybody else who is not an American citizen trying to influence the way we think and vote. We have been doing quite well on our own campaigning for our candidates! In fact, you might actually learn about the American electoral system. (I know it's complicated and involves accountability and responsiblity). You might learn that we respect other countries enough to let them make their own choices in elections. You might learn that America helps out around the globe, saving lives, saving countries, saving economies, saving freedom, all while giving generously of our own. You might remember even 60 years ago: if it weren't for Americans with another President who didn't appease or negotiate with evil, you'd all be eating some really disgusting sour kraut and speaking German. You might learn that we've had very good relations with y'all, and there's no sense in souring this relationship, as you will likely need us again at some point in the future. You might learn that we are very proud of our country, and our current President. You might learn that he and your Prime Minister Tony Blair get along famously and share many of the same ideas, as did our former President Ronald Reagan and your esteemed former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. In fact, after you correspond with a few of my fellow Americans in Ohio, or Tennesse, or California, or Mississippi, or Florida, or Montana, or anywhere, you will learn quite a lot about your friends across the pond. But unless you plan on becoming a citizen of this great nation and embracing liberty and justice for all, don't even think we'll listen to the political ideas of a country we left, ON PURPOSE!

God Bless America and let freedom ring!
Rachel Stout

Tim,

I've created a mailing list with all the Guardian staffers' e-mail addresses listed by SouthernCross. To send a message to the whole lot at once, send an e-mail to guardian@brainshavings.com ... turnabout is fair play!

Puddle Pirate

I hope everyone on this thread appreciates the great strain "Operation Clark County" has imposed on Guardian readers. They must put aside, for a few minutes, years of sneering anti-Americanism and pretend to be the concerned friends of those dumb, fat, gun totin', Yanks living in some fly-over country shithole.

Errm, John Huettner and RepDial, what the hell is your point in trying to drag random Manchester people in this mess, thereby behaving no better than the Guardian did? Leave those poor people alone, it's bad enough they have to deal with the Guardian originating in their city.

Sent this to all emails Hope we sut down there server

It is my intention to enlist as many Americans as possible to try to affect the British elections next year. As part of the process I need to obtain the voter roles for major cities including Manchester. If you could advise me where I could obtain this information I would be very grateful. Considering the American population I feel we could ensure that each citizen of Britain receives 20 letters from America telling them how to vote. We will of course give the credit for the idea to the Guardian.

Thanks in advance

Alright, just imagine I addressed the previous post to only one guy instead of two. :)

(Shoulda checked the email addresses on the two posts first.)

Here is the letter I am sending. Feel free to adjust as needed.

Dear X,

As much as I would truly love to receive a letter from a UK citizen suggesting the direction in which I should vote, if I were in fact to receive such a letter I would have to respond as follows:

Thanks for your concern, now please take a plane trip out to California, rent a car, drive to the California Redwood forest, pick the tree of your choice and shove it up your ass.

Everything I need to know concerning living and voting in America is written in the Constitution of the United States.

Sincerely,

This is my letter:

Dear sirs,

Your outlandish attempt at influencing U.S. elections is fraught with so many infractions against intelligence, decency and good taste – ranging from your attempts to influence an election in a land few of you have experienced first hand and know only through the inevitably distorting lens of your own media and culture; to interference in a political process that does not primarily affect you; to your stultifying of Clark County voters intelligence – that I was at a loss to decide what offended me most.

However, after reading professor Dawkins’s letter I realized that I need not concentrate in your campaign at large, but solely on his hectoring display of mind-boggling hubris and unreasoning narcissism.

He starts by informing us that George Bush was never properly elected president – something he seems to base on the fact that George Bush did not win the popular vote. There are many things wrong with this premise, starting with the well known fact that most U.S. counties stop counting votes once it becomes obvious that the current front-runner can’t be overturned. Suppose for instance that a county as 10,000 votes cast. If 6,000 ballots for Bush have been counted, the county will then stop counting votes. It does not matter if amid the – let’s say – two thousand uncounted votes left there are a good 1500 for Bush. Given that a lot of the country was very “red” it is actually quite likely that George Bush did win the popular vote. Leaving that aside, please let me remind you that the U.S. is a republic and not a democracy. Whatever the virtues of proportional representation, it is not indeed our system and, as such, George Bush can and did win the election without winning the popular vote (as counted.) I would like to remind Mr. Dawkins that popular president Clinton NEVER won the popular vote.
So, it appears this egregious gentleman is trying not just to interfere with our elections but to alter our form of government.

Next he asserts, without proof, that George Bush had long-planned the Iraq war. We will let that pass, except for saying that I too can make unfounded allegations with the best of them. For instance, I could assert that Doctor Dawkins is a pastry snatching buffoon with a predilection for wearing ladies underpants on his head while erotically fondling his duck. I am not asserting it, mind, but I could with the same degree of credibility as Professor Dawkins asserts that George Bush planned the Iraq war in advance.

And then, after calling those who prefer war to appeasement everything from liars to warmongers (and where did that gem of wordage come from, if not discredited Marxist theory books, Professor Dawkins?) he goes on to assert that the U.S. has no right to pre-emptive defense. I appreciate this is Professor Dawkins belief in this. I also would appreciate if Professor Dawkins mastered the art of not uttering semantically empty gibberish.

Take, for instance, his use of “international law.” Such a beautiful concept. And so totally void of meaning. By definition, laws are the rules under which a people agree to be governed, or, for those less fortunate than Americans and who, through no fault of their own, are born in countries subject to hereditary oligarchy, the rules some tyrant imposes on his people. Depending on how those laws are arrived at, they have varying degrees of legitimacy. Regardless of how they are arrived at, they mean only one thing: collective dictates that will be enforced by the might of the nation state.
All laws not enforced by that might – say, the law of grammar, or the law of decency and good taste – are only “courtesy” laws and rarely followed.

“International law” is a strange animal that fits neither of these concepts. I have never voted to accept any “international law” and I’m notoriously refractory to accept government without consent of the governed. In fact, you’ll find most Americans are. As for the enforcing such a law... well, pardon me, but all I can do is laugh. The idea that any country in the world – except perhaps China whose concept of law is... creative – could in any way impose its law on the US or do more than hold our coat while we take the evildoers to task is one of the most fantastic inanities I’ve ever heard from the mouth (or in this case the pen) of the supposedly sane.

I wish to notify Richard Dawkins as well as any Britons inclined to sympathize with him that Americans believe they can run their own country better than any external power or potentate. The last person who tried to influence our mode of governance was a certain Mr. Bin Laden, currently either hiding in a deep cave or reduced to a lump of ash on the Afghan mountains.

You are, however, welcome to continue trying. If all your attempts are as amusing as Mr. Dawkins, we’ll enjoy them very much. If I might suggest, though, please include a Tetley bag with each letter. We like to throw them in our rivers, now and then, just to remind us of exactly where we stand in relation to Great Britain.

Respectfully yours,

Portia

Here's mine:

I understand from some friends that you're paper is going to have readers send letters to voters in Clark County, Ohio USA telling them how to vote.

WHAT A FANTASTIC IDEA! CONGRATULATIONS!

As an American, I'm sure you're aware how much we like to interfere in the internal affairs of other nations. After all, according to some in your part of the world, we practically invented the idea. I'm glad that you at the Guardian have now actually given the USA permission to interfere in your elections next year. After all, if Tony Blair is defeated, that will adversely affect the national security of the USA. Hence, we in America have a HUGE stake in the outcome of your election and feel duty bound to do everything in our power to help Mr. Blair stay in power.

I'm sorry to have to tell you, though, that if your citizens actually go through with this you will insure the election of Mr. Bush. You see Americans are very strange (as I'm sure you've realized by now). We are contrarians. If someone (especially a foreigner) tells an American to do something, well...he's fairly likely to do exactly the opposite.

This is something you'd understand if you knew anything about America. But like I always say..."The only Europeans who understand America aren't Europeans anymore, they're Americans."

Tata!

Andrea, can't you delete those e-mail addresses posted by RepDial? As PW noted, this is highly inappropriate.

Re P-W:

My point in dragging random people into this is the same point the Manchester Guardian was trying to make in dragging people from a randomly selected county in Ohio into this. I've been to both places. Manchester is a shithole -- a real socialist workers' paradise complete with 200 year old factories and hospitals. Clark County is middle America.

I think it's only fitting to point out to the good people of Manchester that part of the reason they live in a shithole is precisely because of 60 years of supporting Labour socialists instead of someone like George Bush. Frankly, if someone gets upset, the hell with them.

Well, I notice the announcement of the project contains at least two grammatical errors. I mean, out here in North Possum Holler, Michigan, we do have books and some of us can read them and we know the difference between "effect" and "affect." (I'm not saying anything about them ignoramuses down there in South Possum Holler.)

This reminds me of something Eric Hoffer once said, that the reason intellectuals hate the United States is because we don't give intellectuals the deference to which they believe they're entitled. If Margaret Thatcher, Tony Blair, or for that matter Theodore Dalrymple would like to give me advice, I'll certainly listen to it. But Antonia Fraser? John Le Carre? (Le Carre is at least consistent; he can live with the brutal Arab regimes of the Middle East but absolutely detests a certain small, irksome, but democratic little country in the area.)

I was going to ping/trackback you but I notice there is no such function on this site.

Anyway, I wrote about it here:

http://nerra.com/broadsword/archives/2004/10/15/331/the-redcoats-are-coming/

And I'm mighty pissed at the Guardian. I'll be spam-emailing starting tonight and the days ahead.

Here is my contribution to the fun and frivolity at the Guardian:
To Whom It May Concern,
Thank you for your interest in the upcoming American presidential elections. I understand the excitement of this contest is so powerful that rather than sit on the sidelines everybody wants to get involved and be a part of it. What could possibly be more thrilling?
Please, however, try to contain your enthusiasm as many of us in the US see this as a choice of either remaining an independent nation of free citizens or submitting to a dictatorial foreign power and losing our freedom.
True, most of Europe and the rest of the world, either under the thumb of a dictator, or headed in that direction through their kowtowing to, and ignoring the threat of Islamist extremism, would like to see us join them in their present or impending subjugation, we treasure our freedom. At least most of us do.
So please enjoy our upcoming election either at home or at your favorite local pub, but don't try to influence the outcome. You only make yourself look foolish.
Respectfully,
Harry
USA

Actually, the Guardian may be more subtle than it appears, having selected Clark County, Ohio. After all, as any Michigander knows, if the people of Clark County had any judgment or sense they wouldn't be living in Ohio in the first place. Ohio's main purpose is to provide a state university whose football team receives an annual pummeling at the hands of the scholar-athletes of the University of Michigan.

Meanwhile, I wrote to Polly Toynbee on behalf of Operation Guardian. We are people from all over the world who recognize that although we don't buy or read the Guardian, a harebrained British press could affect people all over the world, and we're doing what we can to promote a British newspaper industry that can actually recognize threats to western civilization.

And that threat isn't George Bush...it isn't Israel, either.

I think this is a wonderful idea. I sent them the following thank you:

Dear Sirs:

I discovered your Clark county project this evening. As a Bush supporter who knows the Guardian and its readership, I can't tell you how happy I am that you are doing this. Your Guide to Clark County, with its attitude of gracious condescension comparable to the attitude of a extra terrestrial space ship captain toward one of the citizens of Roswell NM made me even happier.

This looks like a close election. I am counting on your readership and your newspaper and their attitudes to swing Clark county firmly into the Bush column.

Kerry has many enemies, but is still near the top of the greasy pole. I knew I could count on his friends to insure victory for Truth and Justice.

Steven
Portland, OR

Best thing to counter this nonsense is to "sign up" and get one of those ohio addresses, which I did. I thought about sending an email explaining the situation, but why bother the guy? and wouldn't that also be interfering with MY political bias? Better leave the guy alone.
On the other hand the reaction of the average American voter would (like most vertebrates) be to vote against what some condescending guardianista "advised" him to, so it is probably counterproductive. And anyone with access to email can probably find the guardian on the web and see what they are about. (If it were a french rag it would be even better).
Still, better safe than sorry.
Sounds to me like a guardian ploy to get email addresses. And if socialists engaging in marketing sounds ironic or plain bizarre then welcome to Europe, it's not that bad if you've got a sense of humour and planning on leaving eventually.

Dear Guardian,
Just sitting here, taking bets to see how long it will be until Britain has the Islamic Black Flag of Jihad hoist over 10 Downing Street. You must all be tingling with anticipation! To think that 2! of the suiciders who met their 72 virgins in Beslan were from the Holy site of Finsbury Mosque! You must be so proud. I hear that there aren't anymore of you pasty-whites left in Manchester, having all been outbred by the Golden Muslim Horde in your midst. I don't think Britain can die soon enough. After foisting Teletubbies and the BBC News on us culture-starved Yanks, the thought of every woman forceably clad in a burqa is exciting enough, but the thought of mass hangings and burning down the Queen's lair is enough to make me celebrate! Thank goodness you outlawed guns and defending yourselves against crime. It should only take a few years now to destroy yourselves, as opposed to decades. Cheerio! Ma'a Salaama!
PS. Who the hell are you losers to meddle in OUR Elections? Butt the hell out!

Instead of sending them considered objections to their meddling, people could just send them massive attachments. Just a thought.

Mine:

So the Guardian feels it has a responsibility to influence the U.S. elections.

Such a weighty responsibility indeed! So very weighty, that you think nothing of sending names and street addresses of strangers to anyone who emails in to you.

Of course, mere privacy – not to mention peace of mind on the part of single parents, young women or elderly women living alone – this is of no account to you. You have a greater Cause. One doesn’t let little people get in the way of Causes, I gather.

I’m not even a Bush supporter and you have managed to trash whatever respect I once had for your newspaper. Keep it up though – I think your campaign is proving to be very educational for many American voters. Perhaps not in the way you hoped, but one must make do with what one starts up, no?

Ta -

R

Here's the one I sent:

In the spirit of the Guardian's innovative Clark County outreach, I've been
asked to approach an ignorant socialist limey and adopt him as my pen pal. I
hope to persuade you to take a brief peek through the impenetrable veil of
smug leftist arrogance that typifies your worthless, parasitic class and
thus, in my own small way, influence the course of Brittan's 'opinion
forming' media (although these days you form about as much opinion as Bob
the Builder).
I fully anticipate that you will enjoy being insulted and condescended to as
much as the average Clark County voter, and I anticipate this will be a most
fruitful exchange of ideas, you fucking idiot.

Hee hee!

I can see at least three email addresses on the initial list of writers who have absolutely nothing to do with the politics section of the paper. One of them is their pop music critic, for fuck's sake.

So what, fuck them. Hey pop music guy, you suck, booo, etc. I'm willing to abuse any Guardianista, even the cleaning guy.

Oh and it occures to me: How many of the unsuspecting CC voters on the Guardian's little list have 'nothing to do with politics' and now will be harrased by socialist refuse from the UK?

No my friend, they all got it coming.

my post to the guardian:

You want kerry ? You can have him. We DO NOT WANT HIM !!!! You seem to think that he would make such a great leader...??? Have at him !!!! Let him turn on your military like he did ours during the Viet Nam War. While Prisoners of War sat in the Hanoi Hilton being tortured with his lies to the world. Do they still have the firing squad in your country ? You might want to get that on the books so you will be ready when he commits treason against your own. He would fit right in with your leftist, liberal, socialist, elitist, uppity 'better than the peons' crowd. A mirror image. He is a liar and a traitor.

How secure is your building that contains all you morons ???

Do you have enough security ??

ARE YOU SURE ??? Are you VERY sure ??

THE TERRORISTS ARE EVERYWHERE... DON'T YA KNOW .....

THEY NOT ONLY HATE AMERICANS, BUT YOU TOO !!! YOU ARE BY RIGHTS AIDING AND ABBETING THEIR ENEMIES !!!! YOUR COUNTRY SUPPORTS AMERICAN EFFORTS TO WIPE THEIR SORRY ASSES OFF THE PLANET... OH MY.... BETTER START WATCHING YOUR SORRY BEHINDS... DON'T YA THINK ??? IT WOULD ONLY TAKE ONE DIRTY BOMB. - - TO WIPE YOU ALLLL OUT IN ONE FELL SWOOP !!!! Just like our Twin Towers. One plane, 2 planes....?? OH MY..... I WOULD BE SINCERELY HONORED TO GIVE THEM YOUR 'PERSONAL' INFORMATION... YOUR PROPER ADDRESS.... MIGHT JUST START A FEW RUMORS ABOUT HOW YOU HATE 'ALL' 'MUSLIMS... THAT YOU WRITE IN CODE, THAT WHEN YOU WRITE ABOUT HATING 'AMERICANS' - WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN IS YOU HATE "ALL MUSLIM RADICAL JIHADISTS" ..... OOOOOO WHAT A SWELL IDEA... HMMMM... GOTTA GO PASS THE WORD TO MY FELLOW PEONS.....

You want a war ???? YOU GOT ONE !!!! Mess with our election process and we WILL mess with you.... the power of the pen, you know what I mean? Except we have 'THE WORLD WIDE WEB' at our disposal.....Same as you.... turn about fair play.... and all that.....

You know the old saying..... What goes around - comes around.....
You have raised the ire of the MIGHTY !!!!

BUSH & CHENEY - 4 MORE YEARS !!!!!!

GOD BLESS AMERICA !!!
GOD BLESS GEORGE W. BUSH !!!!!
GOD BLESS TONY BLAIR !!!!!
GOD BLESS ALL OUR TROOPS AND ALL OUR ALLIES !!!!

Kathy Kennedy
Michigan
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA !!!!

one more PROUD citizen of the GREATEST COUNTRY ON THE PLANET - THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Sonnetka: What a wonderful notion that Harold Pinter somehow corrupted the Lady Antonia. She is the daughter of the late Lord Longford, a Catholic (I'm RC too, so no cries of prejudice, please) peer so obsessed by pornography he was known nation-wide as "Lord Porn." The happy irony? His charming daughter, portrayed with her six children in her publicity photos as devoted wife, mother and writer, was endlessly cuckolding her poor husband, but this fact was known only by the "right people." She was second in line to hold the title of British Open. And yet, like her nihilist squeeze Pinter, she presumes to offer us advice? She speaks of women being degraded? Please spare us, madam. We cannot possibly rise to your moral altitude. Annalucia has the right idea. Take her books (and those dreadful potboilers of Le Carre's as well) and give them to Goodwill. But it is refreshing to read the comrades at The Guardian. It renews my pleasure at being the first in my father's line not to have been born a British subject. Britain, despite Tony Blair's best efforts, is a country rushing headlong into fatuity, ready to abandon a thousand-year tradition of liberty for a measly mess of EU pottage.

I see I have carelessly failed to mention Lady Thatcher, whose birthday is this week. (Ad multos annos, dear Lady!) She revived the moribund nation, but not even her skill could turn them away from the downward path.

I wrote to complain to everyone on the Guardian staff list. (six emails bounced back.)
Then I wrote to all the town officials in Clark County to let them know about the "campaign."
Then I wrote to the governor of Ohio.
Then I phoned the Kerry line in Ohio (got a recording)
Then I left a message on the Bush hotline.
Then I contacted everyone on the media list.
Meanwhile, the gentleman who alerted me to this invasion of privacy (whose letters were WAY better than mine) phoned the Cleveland media, who had no idea that this "campaign" had been started.
If you want the email addresses without culling the info, I've already done it:

These are the contacts for the media listed on the Guardian website:
mhandley@nhpr.org, kyplaskon@knpr.org, lamar@knpr.org, pcasaus@abqtrib.com, letters@abqtrib.com, brasher@aps.edu, milwaukeecourier@aol.com, miltimes@execpc.com, letters@dmreg.com, mpstier@dmreg.com, splank@dmreg.com, kuni@uni.edu, circ@telegraph-nh.com, acitzn@aol.com

These are the people of power in Clark County:
commission@co.clark.oh.us, engineer@clarkcountyohio.gov, sheriff@clarkcountysheriff.com, chief@clarkcountysheriff.com , jill@clarkcountysheriff.com , captain@clarkcountysheriff.com , LTLucas@clarkcountysheriff.com , sgtloney@clarkcountysheriff.com , Clerk@co.clark.oh.us, dhoward@co.clark.oh.us , cbalas@co.clark.oh.us

The Governor of Ohio: http://governor.ohio.gov/contactinfopage.asp

phone # for bush's campaign: 703.647.2700

OHIO number for the kerry campaign
Ohiohttp://governor.ohio.gov/contactinfopage.asp

phone # for bush's campaign: 703.647.2700

OHIO contact info for the kerry campaign
2300 W. Broad St.
Columbus, OH 43204
614-276-2004

HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA TELL YOU ???
YOU'RE FIRED !!!!

WE FIRED YOUR 'CONTROLLING' ASS OVER
200 YEARS AGO !!!!

WE ARE IN CHARGE NOW !!!

YOU GOT IT ???

FIRED - FIRED - FIRED !!!

YOU BETTER PAY ATTENTION BEFORE WE SIC THE SOPRANOS ON YOU !!!! YOU ARE FIRED !!!

YOU "DO NOT" HAVE 'ANY' SAY IN OUR ELECTIONS...

ADD on TO ANOTHER EMAIL TO THE guardian :
Re: you want kerry ?? YOU GOT HIM !!! WE DO NOT WANT HIM ....:

I AND YOU GET TAREEEEZA TOO !!!! You better be askin God for forgiveness asap...!!!! YOU WILL BE SORRY !!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha PLEASE TAKE TAREEEEEZA !!!!! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ??!!!

VERY SINCERELY ( TEE HEE !!!
john kerry

CroolWurld — We could send their names to the Church of Latter Day Saints in Salt Lake City, too, and get them listed in the archives the Mormons are keeping there....

Mentioning to Brits that we won the Revolutionary War only gives them the opportunity to assert that we "Colonials" didn't win it, but rather they magnanimously "granted us home rule".

Dear Guardian readers & writers,

May I suggest you also begin a letter-writing campaign to voters in Miami-Dade County. We all know what happened here & in Florida overall in 2000, and every little bit helps in getting the voters out and their votes properly counted.

My suggestion is that, in your letters supporting Kerry, you make sure to mention how important gun control is, strongly condemn the wastefulness of sports utility vehicles, and discuss the advantages of a socialist system over the American capitalist economy. Also, be sure to bring up the fine condition of Cuba today -- No illiteracy! Top notch health care for everyone! -- and point out what a great guy Fidel Castro is. Che Guevara is another name you should mention. You see, it's important to appeal to the many Cuban and other Latin Americans who live here in South Florida, as their US citizenship & voter ranks are growing by the day.

Thank you so much for your "Operation Clark County", and I hope to see it repeated in my hometown.

Sincerely yours,
Daisy Cutter

Just sent this to all at the Guardian:

I just received the most unusual e-mail. I am from Clark County and got an unsolicited email ("spam?") from a resident of England. At first I was delighted at the thought of establishing a long distance relationship from someone residing across the Atlantic. However, I soon learned that they were not interested in chatting with me but only wanted to tell me that George Bush is a MOTHER FU%$^%$ING BAST%^$^%ARD. I have to say that I was shocked by the language. Do you usually speak this way in your country. I do not travel much outside Clark County but we certainly do not talk that way. Anyway, I tried to make small talk in a responding e-mail about the Yankees-Red Sox series and my interest in baking scones, but the reply that I received from this person did not talk about baseball or scones at all (I was surprised in light of your wonderfull cricket and culinary history). The only thing they said was that I would rot in GOD$%$^%$^DA*M HEL*& if I voted for George Bush. Needless to say my first experience with an English pen pal has been most disturbing. I was able to ask my new friend how they had found my email, and I was told that the Guardian Unlimited had provided it. I assume that you are one of those unscrupulous marketers who provide emails for viagra, low-rate mortgages and promises to enlarge you-know-what!

I would appreciate it if you would kindly tell whoever you sold your email list to to be more civil in their tone. If in fact the message regarding George Bush is coming directly from you, I would kindly ask that you go FUC#%#$%K YOURSELF and please stay the HEL#%$#%L out of my life.

With Cheers from America

Gertrude
Clark County

Funny, I would rather expect "a decent respect to the opinions of mankind" to mean that you would stay the fuc$^%$^ out of my business

Here's the letter I sent:

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I only recently learned of your efforts to "help" us poor, ignorant Americans decide which candidate we should choose to lead our great nation for the next four years. Thanks for your concern.

I am certain that "Operation Clark County" will be a resounding success. Knowing my country and it's people the way that I do, I can assure you that if there's anything we Americans appreciate, it's going to the mailbox and opening an envelope containing a page or two of smug, self-righteous piety from a concerned neighbor in the United Kingdom, especially one who, in all likelihood, has never set foot in a place like Ohio. We really enjoy receiving advice and direction from our intellectual and cultural superiors.

I do have a question, though: Why restrict your "operation" to one county in Ohio? America is a vast, diverse country, and while the presidential election is not hotly contested in every state and county, there are many Congressional and Senatorial races that are. In my home state of Alaska, for example, President Bush has a commanding lead, but the Democratic candidate for Senate is well within striking distance. His victory could very well put the Democrats back in control of the Senate, which would stifle the Bush agenda considerably. By all means, please include Alaska in your letter-writing endeavors. While we are the largest state in the country (more than twice the size of Texas), we are one of the most sparsely populated. You could surely contact every swing voter we have with minimal effort, and Alaskans absolutely adore being condescended to by effete adherents to an antiquated caste system who gleefully reject the frivolities of dental hygiene. And I'm sure that they won't be at all turned off by arrogance inherent in your efforts to tell them how to think and vote.

Again, thanks, and keep up the good work. And please don't be at all concerned that your little project might backfire in any way.

Sincerely,

Doug Ferguson

Here's my reply to the folks at the Guardian:

"To the Editors of the Guardian:

"You at the Guardian talk about America's impact on the world. But you never ponder Europe's impact upon America. We Americans would like nothing better than to stay home and tend our gardens. But Europe keeps intervening in our nation. American cemeteries are filled with the graves of young men who died fighting one or another of the Europe's bloodthirsty tyrannies. Each grave gives witness to your continent's inability to govern itself in a civilized manner.

"And now you Europeans deign to offer us advice on our upcoming election. You will condescend to grant us your wisdom and sophistication. The people who gave the world Auschwitz, the Raj, and the Gulag; the people who divided Africa like a slaughtered steer and soaked their own continent in blood; the people of the Fourth Crusade, the 30 Years War, and the Western Front; the people who gave the world Naziism, Fascism, and Leninism: these people will now instruct us on how we should conduct our affairs.

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry. In light of the history of our relationship, I hope you are not surprised if I reply: Fuck you."

To Apotheosis:

Err, this is the troll sometimes known as "Carnivore", other times known as "Doc Strangelove". Glad you liked "Red Meat".

Here's a letter that should get a groan from the Guardian as well as (I suspect) appeal to your particular sense of humor:

Dear Guardian:

Apparently Sir Bedevere forgot to board the rabbit before you offered it to Clark County.

Perhaps if you built a large wooden badger?

Sincerely,
Apotheosis

yesterday, the press had no links to the article.

today,
however, is another story.

I vote for Tony Blair to be dictator for life in Britain from here on out.

And that every Brit should have to bow down and pray
to Buckingham Palace five times a day.

Mind your own business.

Rebekah, Thanks for the email addresses of the media and Ohio officials. I was so angry last night I forgot about them. I will rectify that oversight right now.

Here's my entry

Subject: Go Bush!

Don't you guys know, Stalin is dead, communism is dead, socialism is dead, and even Derrida is dead. If the president isn't re-elected, you and the rest of the eurotrash will be living under Islamic law within the decade. The more you appease them, the faster will be the takeover. Allah akbar.

Your only hope is that Bush can withstand the global assault trying to defeat him. What a bunch of dumb f**ks you are to think that anyone here could care a flying fig about anything you could have to say.

Sign me a proud member of the VRWC living in the greatest country the world has ever seen (Australia is okay too).

Watch our smoke baby

I tried submitting my email address twice but received the same name of a voter in Clark County. Luckily, I have an additional 5 account names. I then added another 6 names by going to this site and creating fake email accounts.
create fake email accounts Try it, it's extremely easy. I now have a total of 12 names and growing!

You don't get a vote and Americans don't give a rats ass what you think and don't like being told who to vote for. Everyone knows the Guardian was an anti-American propaganda rag long before Bush was elected. What you think about our elections just plain doesn't matter here. The only possible effect you could ever have is to piss us off. Foreign support for Kerry has and will continue to hurt, not help, his chances. If you understood Americans better you would realize that you are helping the Bush campaign one hell of a lot more than helping Kerry's no matter how nice you try to make your letters. Support from the Guardian is seen as just as offensive, arrogant, obnoxious and anti-American as support from Chirac because it is.

If you don't like this email, too goddamned bad. Your propaganda rag sent MY actual name and home address to your anti-American readers in order for them to harass me. We don't want your mail. We don't care what you think and most of all, we are PISSED OFF you are passing out our home addresses and telling people to contact us. How would you like it if we passed out YOUR home addresses so a bunch of anti-British idiots could harass and stalk you? This IS harassment and if it keeps up there is going to be a huge class action suite against your propaganda rag.

SouthernCross, thanks for the mailing list! I have sent them an email.

Jorgen

You twonks will not have noticed this, but the UK is the only place on the planet that still goes along with your brutal adventurism. And yes, to our eternal woe, what you do has an effect on the lives of its people. Damned right we can have a say. Whether you like it or not, ladies.

NO KING BUT GOD!
NO GUARDIAN BUT BUSH!

I sent this to one of those monster "get everyone at the Guardian, even the pop music writer, all at once" list of emails.

I tried to keep it short but sweet. :)

It's really hard to find anything to say other than... exactly *how* stupid do you idiots think we are? I mean, we think you're arrogant elitist jerks (helpful hint: in Americanese that means something similar to wanker), but you don't understand us at all.

When I want any news from the UK, I'll take the Telegraph, every time. I'm looking forward to the story about George W. Bush winning re-election with a significant margin -- especially in Ohio.

Ta and cheerio,

PJ

How refreshing ~
Hello there and allow me to express my gratitude for your interest in the US elections this year. Unfortunately I live in Rhode Island and our 1/3 of an electoral vote will be going for kerry this year so please do not waste your time trying to influence our voters, they are not at all open-minded. Great news though! I been advised that Al-Jazeera thinks so highly of your effort that they will be picking a few shires to influence in your next election. How they intend to accomplish that isn't yet clear at this point. Oh well - best of luck, pip pip, cheerio and all that.
Mark M.
United States of We Don't Give A Rats Arse What The "Mother" Country Thinks Anymore

David Burton,

Hey butthead,your country is free to pull out of the "brutal adventure" anytime it wants. If you feel so strongly, send an e-mail to someone in Clark County, I'm sure Ohio voters will be swayed by your insights.

David Burton no doubt thinks of "Desolation Island" as a British penal colony.

As an American I could certainly understand that attitude from the likes of him ... IF IT WERE 200 YEARS AGO.

Been for a walkabout lately? Mate?

I decided to write as a dizzy blonde. I think I pulled it off fairly well and sent this to all on that long e-mail list.

Subject: Operation Adopt a British Journalist

Hi! I just discovered this wonderful program and I decided to adopt YOU! Yes, it is your lucky day. You get to hear everything about me, your average American citizen...Let's see, my family owns 6 ( very large) dogs, 4 firearms and 3 SUV's. Sadly, with our lack of culture we don't do much but sit around and watch the dogs trash the house. My husband just retired from the US military and served a year in Iraq.

Speaking of Iraq. I hope you support George W. Bush for President! He is a great guy, our military just loves him and they don't trust Kerry...Kerry seems soooo French, don't you think? I've been to France and well............the coffee was the best! (my mama always said if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. I did well, didn't I?) Anyway, to bad you can't vote in our elections. Say, I have an idea! Great Britian could apply to become our 51st state. It would be so cool to have you people as fellow countrymen! One can never have to many self-absorbed, elitest, know-it-all "journalists"!

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to hearing from you..this is so exciting to get to correspond with a REAL honest to goodness British JOURNALIST.

Bye for now!

Kelly Walters
Texas, United States of America

P.S.

Is it true Charles had Diana killed??? Your sooo lucky to have all those Kings and Queens and stuff. Do write soon and tell all!!!!!!

Hi. I'm an Ohio voter. Your newspaper's attempt to influence the election here is unwarranted and unwanted. If you want to vote in the USA, become an American.

Meanwhile, I will continue to vote for whom I want, worship as I please, read what I choose, and eat and drink what I want, all without regard to your opinion.

Suck it.

RepDial (John Huettner?) I have removed the list of AOL screen names you posted. I don't see that your point added anything to the discussion, and in fact could have derailed this whole thing by making us look as bad as the Guardianistas. Do anything like it again and you'll be banned. Dig?

To "Jerry" (griz@tritel.net),"Jay" (rosen76@hotmail.com) and above all to "JAHPDQ@aol.com".

Thanks for all the billets-douxs (that's French - get a little Canadian friend to translate it for you).

As of today 68 Brits have died because the US dictator didn't like an ay-rabs face. Not to mention the 11000+ innocent Aye-rakkees bombed into oblivion (they don't count, huh ?) And you guys can't see out from inside the fog of your indoctrination to do anything else but try and piss on the one country that has its nose up your butt.

Some shining light on the hill you are , girlie men.

Not.

Here's my email:

I love this program you've started up. Of course the glaring problem is that the average idiot American is only going to get offended by receiving emails from foreigners telling him how to vote. Obviously you and your readership are infinitely more intelligent and cultured than the average American slob living in some trailer park in Ohio, yet I'm afraid that the lectures you and your readership are sending out to these kinds of degenerates is only going to lead to a backlash by the uneducated American mob against their obvious betters.

If only there was a way to force them to vote the right way...for their own good of course. The sad thing is, with such ignorant apes as Americans, force may be all that is left. In case, your program is not a success come November 3rd, I would recommend looking at the way Stain dealt with the Ukrainians for an alternative course of action.

Your brother in condescension and resentment,

Jason

...sad thing is, the kind of self-importance that leads them to think that this BS is a good idea will also porbably blind them to sarcasm

This is another idea for everyone.

I sent an email to the 'Telegraph' newspaper in the UK - to let their readers know what the guardian is up to, requesting them to publish an article with some of our responses to this outrageous behavior. Maybe we can also swamp the guardian with phone calls, emails, letters etc. from the Brits too !!!

corporate.affairs@telegraph.co.uk

PROUD AMERICAN !!!!
GOD BLESS AMERICA
GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS
GOD BLESS GEORGE W. BUSH
TONY BLAIR FOR PRESIDENT IN 2008 !!!!!

4 MORE YEARS !!!!!

Dear Chaps,

Thank you for your concern. Yes, it is a good life here in my trailer, I read your letter on my computer while supping on an Elvis tray. You are quite the admirer of John "Lurch" Kerry.

So, you are quite concerned that Iraq has become almost as violent as the crowd at a British soccer match... Pity

Yes, maybe we did overreact a touch to 9-11, we don't understand British sensibilities of a genuinely world threatening tragedy, like the auto crash and death of a jet-setting royal.

We do understand that you fellows can get quite cranky, quite possibly due to the toothaches brought on by rotten teeth and lack of proper dental hygiene.

In closing, we hope that the peace loving European Union (Greater France) is willing to rush to your aid and provide all you need when your New Best Friends in the East End proceed with their fatwa in Trafalgar Square

Cheerio,
An American very happy that we wrote that little Declaration of Independance.

Could someone stick their dick in Davey Burton's ear and fuck some sense into him?

Wow, David Burton once again condescends to ignore the Land Down Under. As Reagan said, "Here we go again ..."

Come on, as rugged and self-assured as the Auzzies are they couldn't possibly be so contemptible to your effete Manchester sensibilities as to be beneath your contempt?

Not even we Americans, at least by Guardian standards, are beneath contempt: thousands of letters for Ohio and not even an acknowledgement Australia exists?

Even Iran acknowledges Israel, albeit through the decidedly un-brotherly phrase "Death to Israel." At least they don't pretend Israel doesn't exist, as you seem to be doing to Australia.

Whassa matter, mate? Jealous 'cause we Americans are as familiar with the Outback as with London fog?

Are you jealous of the bond of rugged individualism which allows Australians and Americans to know each other on sight by their style of cowboy hat?

Does the totemic appearance of the word "crocodile" in all the Australian stuff that flies off American store shelves really scare you?

Does it gall you that the Australian epigram most beloved by Americans concerns one-upsmanship in the matter of close-quarters weaponry? "That's not a knife, mate ... THIS is a knife!"

I suspect that phrase not only built enduring bonds of friendship between Australians and Americans, but -- if I know my countrymen -- most likely led to increased sales of large knives.

Sorry to have to rub your monocle in the pudding, as it were, but I find you devoutly in need of a geography lesson.

Let me know when you're in the mood for another walkabout. G'day, mate.

Guys, guys, guys! And girls, too! Hold back a little, will you? I'm a proud, patriotic British man who loves his country. I also happened to be a fan of the current president, and a supporter of the international and domestic policies he is pursuing (or most, anyway - not sure about those tariffs), but anyway this message is to remind you that the Grauniad is a particularly small-circulation broadsheet (daily around 400,000), and is considered near enough irrelevant by most British people. It has less than half the circulation of the best-selling broadsheet, The Daily Telegraph, which took a pro-war position, and less than a sixth of the circulation of The Sun, the best-selling tabloid, whixh also took a generally pro-war position.

The opinions of a few chattering class intellectuals does not sum up a nation - I don't hate America because of the idiotic editorial policy of The New York Times, after all! Britain is a country, not a fringe newspaper.

Best wishes,

Stephen Williams

A Proud Member Of The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

Here's my letter, to the Guardian and their little PenPal club:

Subject: Fwd: Sticking your Limey Gobs into Our Elections...

"English Persons:
>
Nothing amuses this American person more than puncturing the flaccid pretensions of our leftist
cousins across the Pond.
>
You'll find Ohioans a contrary bunch, not much prone to bullying or harassment by their self-styled Eurotrash betters. So spam away, and be unpleasantly surprised on our Election Day.
>
Speaking of Ohioans, my own grandfather was onesuch, and back in 1917 volunteered to go fight KaiserBill, the first of three times last century we Yanks saved you Eurotrash from your own homegrown Continental psychotic messianic movements and innate appeasement tendencies.
>
Papa Bill and his mates arrived in England at...Portsmouth, I believe, and debarked to a welcoming committee of gracious locals and dignitaries who had gathered dockside to welcome them. There was much marching band music, and cheering of sovereigns and Presidents, and good fellowship all around, except for one Ohio farmboy (not my grandfather) who was tiring of the frequent recitations of "GOD SAVE THE KING!!"
>
Said farmboy shouted petulantly: "AWWW, PISS ON THE KING!"
>
To which, in the stunned silence, an outraged
elderly local responded: "You can't do that, mate...you can't even approach him!"
>
True story. Wilbur Ambrose (1894-1975), Capt., 32d Field Artillery, Meuse-Argonne and Rhineland Occupation, 1917-1919. Rest in Peace, Grandpa, and don't let these ingrate English Chattering-Class twits trouble you.

Cheers, etc."

--furious

There you go, you see, 'furious' has decided that all British people are worthless based on a tale from a hundred years ago and a low-selling broadsheets cheap advertising campaign.

Until today, I was considerably more kindly disposed toward people like 'furious' than I am now, after just a little while reading these comments. Britain has provided thousands of troops, millions of pounds, and lots and lots of training of Iraqi police, security forces, etc. during this war, and if it's not welcome, then people like 'furious' should just come right out and say so - British soldiers are dying regularly trying to secure Basra, something we're doing almost singlehandedly, and are now being sent up to Baghdad to help out there.

I support this war, and I want the current President to stay and and finish the job he was right in starting, but if people like 'furious' don't want British help, I for one am in favour of letting him have his way, and us supporting from the sidelines.

After all, we don't want to get in the way.

Best wishes,

Stephen

Here is the letter that I sent to five people on The Guardian. What I would like to have is the email address of some of the Brits who are actually doing what that rag has requested.

I want to say that the arrogance of a British newspaper trying to
tell Americans how to vote is insufferable. The Brits are a nation
of egomaniacs who have been so thoroughly brainwashed by
rags like the Guardian that they cannot even conceive that there
might be another side to the debate about our president that
they have not heard. Pieces of left wing fish wrap like your paper
have been doing everything in their power to generate a visceral
hatred of our President in their audience, and then they have the
gall to come back and tell us that we should not elect him
because he is hated.

We are going to reelect our president because we believe
in what he has done. He is a man who has created one
democracy in the world and will soon create another. He is
the reason why Afghans have had the chance to elect their
leader for the first time in their lives. He is the reason why
3 million Afghan refugees have been able to return to their
country. He is the reason why Afghanistan is now open
enough so that NGOs can operate freely and save lives. These
NGOs have already saved more lives than were lost as a
result of the war. Bush is the reason why the Al Quida
training camps in Afghanistan have been destroyed. He is
the reason why Saddam Hussein is in prison and why his
psychopathic sons are dead.

It is Bush who will, in the long run, save lives in Iraq because
he has stopped Saddam Hussein from filling mass graves there.
It is Bush who will give the greatest gift of all to the Iraqi people -
freedom. Yes, every American voter knows that there were no
WMD. We don’t need the Guardian to tell us that for the 10
billionth time. But we also know that the liberals in our country who
now scream about the absence of WMD where just as vociferous
in telling us about their existence a few short years ago.
Furthermore we know that we could not maintain sanctions on
Iraq forever. The same liberals who now claim that as a solution
were previously telling us that the sanctions had cost the lives
of half a million Iraqi children. And we Americans also know
that Saddam's plan was to return to WMD development and
deployment the minute that sanctions were lifted. He retained
the personnel with the expertise and many of the materials that
he would need to get back his WMD quickly. Eventually the
problem was going to have to be confronted. And it was not
going to be done by effete liberals who would rather hide their
heads in the sand.

Bush has also turned around our economy. The economy was
sliding when it was handed off to him from Clinton. He has revived,
our economy in the face of the bursting of the dot com bubble and
the economic damage caused by 9/11. We currently have an
unemployment rate that is lower than it was when Clinton ran for
his second term. We have an economy whose growth is certainly
more robust that the welfare loaded socialist economies of Europe.
So when I go and pull that lever for Bush on 2 Nov. I will
simultaneously be saying "up your ass Guardian".

Aha, the level of intelligence in the debate rises yet again. Mr Reber writes a great post about all the good things President Bush has done for his country, and tops it all off with a prejudicial slur:

"The Brits are a nation
of egomaniacs who have been so thoroughly brainwashed by
rags like the Guardian that they cannot even conceive that there
might be another side to the debate about our president that
they have not heard."

I'm sorry you think that way, and I'm sorry that you're ignorant enough of my country to believe that to be true.

To Stephen:

I must tend to agree with your sentiment that only a very few of your countrymen should be on the receiving end of this "discussion". I have in my travels found the Brits to be genuinely good people. Your point is well taken, especially since most on our own political far left are even worse, but still get elected!!!

As for the numb-skulls on both sides of the pond who try to get away with this kind of horseshit, let them all move to Damascus or Tehran to see what kind of voice they get there.

Thanks to all Coalition members and the good people they protect!

My letter, reworking Brit Samia Rahman's letter to Clark County.

>> You may wonder why on earth your friends in Britain are telling you how to vote.

No, you've all made it rather clear over the last four years -cowboy, Texas, you're sorry about 9/11 even though the US deserved it, Kyoto, Iraq, WMD, blah, blah, blah. We know. You think we're too dumb to pick our president and you're offering some assistance. Guess what, we're going to do it without your help, anyway.

>> I can understand how perplexed you must feel.

No. We're a tad brighter than you all think.

>> Once again faced with the hyperbole of a US election, the rest of the world seems to be resounding to the chorus of "Your vote counts!", and I can appreciate you may be feeling a touch cynical.

Only feeling cynical about people who have no actual power to influence this election still thinking their opinions are so important, so key to my decision making process, that they can spam private citizens at will. Will you be offering sexual aides and discount drugs in future e-mails?

>> After all, I suspect you never voted for Bush in the first place,

I live in the Lower East Side of New York and I'm a Republican. Your biases are showing.

>> or maybe you did but are now feeling a little misled. I would, too.

Nope. I pretty much got the President I voted for - a decent man who wants to protect my country. From where I live and from what I use to see out of my apartment's back door (the World Trade Center), I need that.

>> I, like you, would feel disappointed to learn that since the Republicans came to power in 2000, unemployment has soared by a third, the number of people living in poverty has increased by nearly three million and the erosion of standards in education has become a startling reality.

And, of course the world is so concerned about the American standard of living. The one thing we did to guarantee it is protected, saying no to Kyoto, has met with such worldwide understanding (tongue planted firmly in cheek).

>> I would also be alarmed by your president's breathtaking disregard for the environment, demonstrated by his pulling out of the Kyoto agreement to stem global warming, a phenomenon that may well be the cause of the freak hurricanes that lashed Florida in recent weeks.

This may come as a surprise to you, but in Hamptons, I've been evacuated four times in my life for hurricanes. We've had them before, we'll have them again. They're not George W. Bush's fault. Sorry. Maybe you want to try to blame him for Mt. St. Helens or the nice, mild summer we had in New York? Did it rain a lot during Wimbledon? Would you like to blame him for that?

>> I can see that you must be furious at the way the current administration has not only catapulted the US into a state of social decline, but has plunged your great nation into a state of perpetual insecurity.

No, the state of perpetual insecurity was life until the morning of 9/11. Now, I know the enemy is trying to get here to kill us. I also know I have a president who feels it is his job to kill them first. I can't tell you how many Americans will vote on that issue alone and will vote for George W. Bush.

Since you obviously don't know much about U.S. politics, let me explain something to you. New Jersey, which is right next to New York, is a heavily Democratic state. Al Gore won it by double digits. It is a dead heat right now. Why? Because most people know John Kerry won't do the job George W. Bush will protecting the Jersey people who work in Manhattan.

>> I know that you will not stand by and observe your country being hijacked by a select group of neo-conservative extremists who spread fear and loathing.

No, I'll be getting up on November 2nd and voting for them.

>> I don't expect you to stand for the haughty suppression of your civil liberties threatened by the proposed Domestic Security Enhancement Act, which will enable the government to detain in secrecy anyone who supports a "terrorist" group and strip them of their citizenship.

Here in Lower Manhattan, we don't use quotation marks for the word "terrorist." We know them all too well.

And as for haughty, did you read your own letter? Textbook definition of haughty, if you ask me.

>> I know that you, as Americans, understand the issues and will not allow your sincere and industrious population to be misrepresented, exploited and cowed any longer in the name of a so-called democracy that dishonours your founding fathers.

No, we'll go out and vote for George W. Bush. I'm guessing a 40 state victory, but that's just me.

By the way - if your sending this to an American, try the American spelling of "dishonors." Trust me on this.

>> I implore you to vote on November 2. The greatest weapon in the war against terror is you.

I plan on - for George W. Bush.

Good luck with your spam project - my guess, you'll take the few undecided voters out there and make them Bush fans. Nothing like some haughty (great word, by the way) international e-mail telling an American who to vote for to guarantee them voting for the other side. You guys really don't get us (or should that be U.S.). There was a reason we left you all behind almost 230 years ago.

Jordan

P.S. Keep telling folks that the world doesn't like George W. Bush - especially the French and Germans. Roll those polls out that the French are really down on the President. That might make it a 45 state landslide.

Dear Tim:

What a splendid idea. For what it's worth, here's the letter I sent to each of the editors (a much briefer, but still courteous, note went to each reporter):

Dear sir or madam:

I should like to know how you would react were, say, Rupert Murdoch's U.S. Fox Television network or U.S. radio personality Rush Limbaugh to attempt to influence a British election through a voter intimidation scheme such as that you have initiated for Ohio. While your guidelines suggest that your readers employ courtesy in the letter-writing campaign, courtesy is not a hallmark of British left-wing politics nor of British left-wing expression. It is unlikely it will make an appearance in the campaign you have begun -- at least, not in any meaningful degree.

I wonder how British citizens would feel were one or more U.S. news/ opinion organisations to publish their names and addresses, from which telephone numbers are easily accessed, with the explicit intention that their readership/audience explain to those British citizens why they should vote in a particular way.

Inasmuch as your circulation and readership in the United States are limited, a rather more moral option would have been to suggest to your readership that they send monetary contributions to a special fund through which you, on behalf of your readers, could purchase advertising space in U.S. news/opinion media to express your opinion.

Speaking for myself, I do hope you manage to restrain yourselves from further interference in the U.S. electoral college, especially in such an immoral fashion. Here in the States we have a saying (which may, in fact, have originated on your side of the Atlantic) that provides a cautionary note as well: What goes around comes around.

Thanks ever so much for your consideration.

Niall Brennan
USA

If anyone wishes to use any or all of this, please help yourself.

Re: dogs lie

The saying goes, lie down with dogs, get up with fleas. I don't think it has anything to do with dogs telling lies. We all know dogs wouldn't tell lies even if they could talk.

BTW - Commonsense's email address is bogus. However, mine isn't and I encourage the coward to email me so I can personally tell him or her how amusing it was to be lectured about freedom and peace by an English lefty.

To Den Of Irth:

Cheers mate!

I'm glad somebody got my drift - it's good to know all this warmongering I'm doing is worth it!

And on you're point about Tehran et al, you're right too - one of the weirdest aspects of the modern political left, in all western countries, is their bloody-minded determination to support governments who don't tolerate any of their other beliefs. As I always say, if you don't like it in the West, you can always leave.

Best wishes,

Stephen

Here is my entry under the heading of "Interest in Fly-Over country". Sort of went for veiled sarcasm...at least I tried.

I read with interest of your campaign to open a dialog with voters in Clark County, Ohio.

We who live on the extreme east and west coasts of the US call this area "Fly-Over" country. We say this because it is obvious, as I am sure you would agree, that anything interesting and worthwhile in America must of necessity be concentrated on the enlightened and liberal coasts.

I am sure that the residents of the county in Ohio (never been there myself, you know) would be thrilled at the attention they are getting from such an exotic (to them) country such as yours.

I fear that your campaign will fall on deaf ears, though. The denizens of this vast area of America tend to be God-fearing, independent, and hard working folk. Generally they tend to see the world as it is, despite the well meaning efforts of media such as yours to color that perception. They tend not to like interference from other Americans...and I'm afraid that missives from your readers will about as welcome as Sara Brady at an NRA convention.

It could be better to concentrate your efforts in areas of the country that might appreciate it more. I suggest Loving County, Texas., for one. With an entire county-wide population of 67 you could really focus your efforts. Surely these folks would appreciate to hear from you. Then again, that might not work, a Texan might consider the typical Guardian reader a saddle-burr and not much more...a pity.

I'm sure you could find someone to listen to your effors. You might try San Francisco. The people are very friendly and open to just about anything or anybody.

Thanx

Bertram Barron
Toms River, NJ

Stephen -- we really do appreciate it.

And you're right about those tariffs, by the way. Unfortunately, sometimes politicians have to do things they know are dumb so they can get the support they need to do other things that are necessary.

Well Stephen, I used to go to a debate forum that was sponsored by the Independent. On it I found Brits who, almost without exception, had the same opinions that were expressed in the pages of the Guardian, the Independent, and even Le Monde. They never seemed to be aware of the other side of the debate and they always seemed to assume that we did not understand their view. They mostly considered Americans as information deprived. These people were often widely read, but all of their news and opinion sources reflected the same left wing prejudice. Their mistake was in considering many sources to be equivalent to a variety of sources. Now I realize that one is likely to find a certain kind of people at an Independent forum, but I noticed much the same thing on European usenet groups. All that having been said, I know that it is absurd to lump together a whole nation and attribute to it the same characteristics. And I happily apologize to those Britians who are not allergic to adding conservative sources to their reading list and to giving fair consideration to what they say. Also, I do not forget that there are a few writers like Mark Steyn and Christopher Hitchens that offset the army of absolutely abhorent ones like Robert Fisk.

I just came home from a two hour drive back and clicked this right away to see what I missed since I left the house.
If there's an award for Best Letter and the gentleman who directed me here doesn't post his, then Hands DOWN I think the award should go to Kelly.
One thing I don't understand about the whole Operation Clark County crusade: Why are they targeting registered voters? They're going to vote. I would have been much more impressed if someone matched up the voter list with the White Pages and gave out addresses of people NOT registered to vote. (I'd still think it was creepy, but I'd be more impressed.) These Brits are sooooo illogical.
p.s. "Great Britian could apply to become our 51st state" - insert titter and a snort that almost lost me a sip of Newcastle.

Stephen:

As far as I'm concerned The Guardian and company are your equivalent of Michael Moore, and as an American I would hate to be judged by Mr. Moore's hysterical polemics.

What I most appreciate in you and your British countrymen is that your support comes not only from conservatives but from Labor-party moderates such as Tony Blair as well.

You have my deepest thanks, as well as a sincerely-meant God Save the Queen ... and bugger The Guardian!

World
writes to undecided voters

Kelly's letter was great, Rebekah. But I think that most of the journalists that she sent it to will consider it to be the real thing. Their opinions of Americans a not that far from the person that Kelly portrayed.

On the serious side, I'm not that sure that the "Adopt a British Journalist" idea is that bad. They spend so much time talking to like minded people that it would be interesting to see how they respond to someone who is capable of strongly representing a view that contradicts theirs. I think if I get a response from any of the crew at the Guardian I will try to engage them for as long as they are willing.

Just started reading this blog today. Here was my input:
-----------------
Esteemed members of the British press!

Hearing of your project to give Ohio voters insight into the minds of such brilliant lights as Mssr. Jean leCarre gave me some small sorrow. You see, you have not chosen my state for your project.

British tourists are notoriously bad students of American geography, sometimes confusing Ohio, Iowa, and Idaho. (You may want to check to see if your readers think the winner will get three days skiing in the Ohio Rocky Mountains, for example.) Idaho is, of course, not a swing state, but letters such as the examples posted might reduce Kerry's votes here to the point that only the Hollywood elites in Sun Valley would vote for the Senator! While your campaign will undoubtedly have almost the same effect in Ohio as it would have in Idaho, still, it would have been nice to see at least one state go 99% for Bush.

If you could, I would appreciate your... er, paper... expanding the campaign to include at least Boise.

We all love the British, by the way. Even local militia members, aside from occasional references to 1776, think Great Britain deserves the superlative and that Maggie Thatcher was "the bomb". All of the British I've ever met have been thoughtful, courteous, well-spoken people, considerate of the rights and cultures of others. Obviously I have never met Mssrs LeCarre and Dawkins, nor Ms Fraser.

Current British sacrifices for freedom at home and abroad are appreciated, and mourned. One such sacrifice we share with our British cousins is enduring the mindless rhetoric of individuals burdened with too much of an inheritance from the Normans, the unfortunate result of intellectual inbreeding among the Francophiles. While it is to be hoped that they and their genetic and intellectual burden may some day find their way back across the Channel to involve themselves more happily in the Glorious Revolution of Appeasement, in the meantime, may even they and you be happy in spewing vitriol in the streets of Manchester. I'm sure the sewage system can handle it.
--------------
As a postscript, all the Brits I've ever met have been like Stephen. At first I thought the Burton guy must really be a bot. He certainly ain't typical.

I sent the entire list an evite to Applebee's in Springfield, Ohio on 10/29 to be followed by our annual bonfire and pig roast. Hope they all can make it. Clark County is waiting.

I just sent the following:

Dear So-Called Journalists:

Please don't try to interfere in our elections. And especially not by spamming voters in Ohio. Remember 1776? Yeah, fuck off.

Besides the automated George 'Moonbat' Monbiot reply, I just received this reply from matt.wells@guardian.co.uk :

"> god, you can't even spell Clark County!"

Pfffft!
Point taken (I'm a commonwealth subject living in America after all) - but perhaps more tellingly, he couldn't seem to manage to capitalize God...

BTW I wrote it as C l a r k e...

I'm English and I totally agree with all the American commenters here. The Grauniad is a hyper-leftist, vacuous, waste of paper and effort. There is a core of people over here that read it, but they're largely self-obsessed irrelevances.

I consider myself a NeoCon Bush supporter - so this is great as far as I'm concerned, particularly as I fully expect Americans in Clark County to vote Bush *because* of this bullshit they'll get through the post....

I finally got a reply from Ian something or other

I will be out of the office starting 15/10/2004 and will not return until 24/10/2004.

If you are sending a story proposal, please contact

esther.addley@guardian.co.uk or paul.macinnes@guardian.co.uk.

I'm sad. I guess this means he doesn't want to be penpals. I wonder if Esther or Paul would want to be penpals?

here's the letter I sent to all the addresses listed.

Dear Guardian Personell:

As a Dual Citizen of Britain and the USA, and a firm supporter of President Bush, I am writing to thank you for your profoundly misguided attempt to influence the course of our upcoming elections. You seem not to have taken into account the ornery nature of the average American, who would likely view a letter from another country's citizen (no matter how firm an ally) attempting to influence his or her choice of leader rather dimly. I believe the net effect of your campaign, if any, will be to push the Clark county electorate firmly into President Bush's corner. May I also thank your newspaper for your role (however great or small) in seeing Tony Blair elected, who has done the right thing when it counted most.

cheers,

Adrian Rollett

As someone who lives in Ohio (and votes every single election) I of course find the Guardian's actions appalling, disgusting -- and hysterically funny.

What, these pinheads think voters living in Ohio are so easily manipulated? Not in my neck of the woods....

Dear Guardian Editor,

Thank you for your offer to help us here in Ohio figure out how to vote in this here upcoming election. I myself have not paid it much mind about what them fellers in Washington are up to. Seems to me like we got the one who is President now and the one who looks a lot like a bloodhound I once had by the name of Maybelle. Good coon hunting dog but that’s another story.

Anyhow, we sure don’t get a lot of information here on these politics things on account of the fact that our media is controlled by this Australian guy name of Murdock, so all we gets is news updates on the release of the next “Crocodille Dundee” movie and instructional videos on how to use a BBQ. And not a one of our newspapers has a half-nekid girl on the page 3! Yep, we sure could learn a lot from you folks and I am grateful for the attention.

But see the thing is things ain’t so good right now. Why with the price of gas you would not believe what it cost me to take Betty Ann and the little ones to a Monster Truck Rally after we get done with Church (First Pentacostal of St. Jesse the Snake-Handler). There is hardly anything left over for shotgun shells and fried candy bars (hey, I do believe that is an invention we got from y’all, thanks much!). And with unemployment almost half of what it is there in Yurup, I gotta watch out for myself.

So what I propose is something that my illegal immigrant buddy Jose who slaves to support his family on the minimum wage of $1.17 would call “intercambio.” For the sum of 500 of your Pounds I will vote however you like. I realize that may be costly to ship on account of the weight, so I will gladly accept good old greenbacks if you have any. The way I see it you got about two weeks to take advantage of this offer, but time is a wasting and I am sure that there are other folk who might be interested.

Yours truly,
Zach

"When you're in the city, lookin' for a thrill,
if Lincoln don't do it, Colonel Jackson shore will!"

-- Ray Charles, "Greenback"

href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections2004/comment/story/0,14259,1327982,00.html">Letters
to the Guardian -- this is what they've posted.

nothing by me :(

Dear Guardian:

Ohio University: Bobcats
Ohio State University: Buckeyes

Or better yet, why not call the local footballers the Wolverines and really, really win the hearts and minds of Clark County?

Thank you.

I would have more respect for the ‘butt out’ shouts from the ‘blogosphere’ if the same commentators were not so supportive of US intervention to produce sympathetic governments in foreign states, whether militarily, economically or diplomatically. This goes for Iraq, Venezuela, Cuba, and on, and on, and on.

This is not to say that the US should not indulge in these interventions, but to say that if it does, the supporters of these actions cannot find grounds to complain when a letter writing campaign, involving the most democratic of tools, reason and persuasion, is instigated to influence and inform American voters. The only grounds that would suffice would be a belief in American exceptionalism, an intellectually bankrupt position that leaves no room for the world to respond to an America imagined upon such lines except for with fear or hate, which is surely not the goal of any believer in the project of civilisation.

As for complaints that the Guardian is a foreign news organisation, please remember that Fox is owned by an Australian. But, if you insist that his formal citizenship makes him an American, then please urge Mr Murdoch to pull out of British markets (The Sun, The Times, Sky Television), as well as abandon all his other non-US interests. Why should it be one rule for an American, a different one for the rest of the world?

Andrew Bartlett (message posted at 2:06 pm) is a blthering fool without the brains it takes to see the stupidity in his own twisted, so-called logic.

Dear Mr Miller

Everything Andrew Bartlett said above is actually true, as you would realise if you checked some 'real' news sites other than Fox etc. The Guardian's campaign is very self-defeating but it's a great way to draw out the hypocrites in America who see nothing wrong with invading other countries, occupying them etc, etc on completely false pretences, but then cry foul when other countires start meddling in US politics.

As I say The Guardian's campaign is pretty stupid, but if Bush and America set themselves up as leaders of the free world (and by the way the UK is a hell of a lot freer than the US right now) then the rest of the free world has every right to strongly give our opinions as to who 'leads' us.

The US media is an embarrassment even within their own ranks for the way they failed to properly report on Iraq. The Guardian is just one paper that actually investgates stories, instead of just printing Whitehouse press releases an calling them news.

As an aside the US is the only country in the world that has turned the word 'liberal' into an insult. Everywhere else, it means "free-thinking", "reasonable" and "fair" amonst other things. Tell me one thing wrong with being any one of these.

And yes - all of your replies will be printed (and already are) by The Guardian. Because of this I've noticed Republican, neo-facist Bush supporters tend to have a habit of replying with insults rather than reasoned arguments - most likely as they have none.

Anyhow, by end-November, it'll all be over and you'll be just another lunatic fringe.

Yours with teeth all fine and in place like most of the UK thanks to access to healthcare for all regardles of income,

John

Mr. Blair, my letter to the Guardian:

Ms. Toynbee, the Guardian's stunt to influence the American elections reminds me yet again of all the reasons my father's father left England--to escape Socialist conformism and to enjoy freedom.
Aren't you content with reducing your own country to a second class power?

Bruce Allardice

[Dissent crushed. The Management.]