October 15, 2003
JIM AND AMY AND MICHELE AND TED
Jim Treacher on hate mail:
Amy Alkon's got a serial hate-letter-writer with some sort of fetish for bodily eruptions. She gets all the best hate mail. Mine just says the same two or three things over and over again, slightly reworded each time. There's no poetry, like "The acidity that bleeds out of your offal is ultimately more sad than anything," or "... hence the pus that permeates your spittle amidst your weekly printed rants." I mean, that's just beautiful. Make an effort, people!
I join this demand that efforts be made. My hate mail is always about lunch. Jim also alerts us to Michele’s discovery that set-square dependent cartoonist Ted Rall has a blog. Here’s a sample:
Everything that Gov. Bush does is by definition illegal because his rule is illegitimate.
And everything that Rall does is by definition ... well, Rallish. As evidenced by the following:
Next year I'm publishing a collection of essays, columns and cartoons about the Bush Administration. I'm entertaining several possible titles, but to tell the truth I'm none too thrilled about them. That's why I'm turning to you for help.
Send your suggestion for a title (and subtitle) for my 2004 Bush Administration book to chet@rall.com
Let’s help Ted:
Can’t Write, Can’t Draw
Can’t Think Up Book Titles, EitherThis Book Does Not Exist
Because Dissent In Bush’s Amerikkka Gets You KilledMichael Moore Is A Big Fat Millionaire Bastard
and i crave his audienceThat Thing Up My Butt?
It’s My Head!It’s All About Raaaaalllll
And Maybe Lots of Afghans And Iraqis Now Living In Freedom, But To Hell With Them
Deliver your own remainder bin title notions to Ted at the above address.
Posted by Tim Blair at October 15, 2003 04:28 AMPoint and Laugh: The Fine Art of Making Fun of Widows
Posted by: Emily at October 15, 2003 at 05:48 AMHow to Score with Chicks!
What I didn't reveal in Marie Claire
"No, really, Unocal is building that pipeline across Afghanistan, I swear!"
Posted by: Damian P. at October 15, 2003 at 05:56 AMKarl Rove,he's just pulled off the sleazy Texas redistricting
That from Rall's web-rant. He's not very bright, the redistricting in Texas was actually pulled off by my friend, Speaker of the Texas House, Tom Craddick. Redistricting in Texas is an old trick we learned from the Democrats, who like some mutant clue held a power deathgrip in the state for 120 years.
Posted by: wallace at October 15, 2003 at 05:56 AMMight I suggest a change to one of your subtitles? Based on "Everything that Gov. Bush does is by definition illegal because his rule is illegitimate," I think the book should be titled
This Book Does Not Exist
Because I Can't Write
Read That, Saw That
Tried to pass it off as original anyway
Here's the suggestion I sent to Ted:
BUSH STOLE THE ELECTION
and Karl Rove Keeps Moving My Furniture While I'm Away
According to his site, "Ted Rall is America's BS detector."
Well, that makes sense. When your covered in it, I guess the red light flashes constantly.
Posted by: ccwbass at October 15, 2003 at 07:37 AMI think Mike is the winner.
However, here's my $0.02:
Marklar = Marklar
Frightening Parallels Between Marklar and Marklar and How Marklar Will Be Brought To Justice
Scribbly Scribbles and the Scribbling Scribblers Who Scribble Them
Posted by: iowahawk at October 15, 2003 at 09:12 AMTed Rall:
It's not just a conspiracy theory when everyone is against you.
Can't write. Can't think. Plagiarizing. Can blog a little.
Posted by: Tom at October 15, 2003 at 12:13 PMWe're all Losing Our Civil Liberties
Jose "Shitstain" Padilla
with foreward by Robert Fisk and the Afghani that kicked him upside the head
GET OVER IT,
Or
Why Ted Rall can't let shit go and learn to love the War on Terror.
Ted Rall:
Failed writer and artist, now blogger and cartoonist.
Sucky Badly-Drawn Comics and the Sucky Whiny Leftists Who Draw Them
- a study in witless onanistic Bush-bashing (the only bush he's ever bashed, I'll wager, despite what the little toad said in Marie Claire).
I Have No Sense of Humour And It Shows
- why I sued Bush secret agent Dirty Danny
Selected Not Elected
- how my tinfoil hat has cut off circulation to my brain
It must really suck to be Tud Roil. Can you imagine waking up every day that full of bile and shit, chanting 'selected not elected, judicial coup, blah blah blah'? He must have an ulcer the size of Lake Pontchartrain. He deserves himself, of course. What the hell the rest of us have done wrong to have this festering human gum-boil foisted on us I shudder to think.
Posted by: David Gillies at October 15, 2003 at 05:13 PMOops, subtitle:
How the Trauma of Parental Abandonment Robbed Me of the Ability to Draw Faces, Hands, and Pretty Much Anything Else
Posted by: Jim at October 16, 2003 at 12:03 AMEverybody Dies
So Shove Your Grief Up Your Ass, I'm Making Money and Screwing Hairy Uptown Chicks
Posted by: spongeworthy at October 16, 2003 at 12:08 AMMy suggestion
Hats, Thought Ray Armor, and 100 Other Uses for Tin Foil.
Fighting the Conspiracy: A guide to tinfoil hats.
Shiny side out to deflect the mind control rays, shiny side in to keep Carl Rove from reading your thoughts.
"America's BS Detector Just Buried the Needle!
--Ted Rall passes a mirror."
"Art Class:
Things I lack, by Ted Rall"
"What's Google?
--Ted Rall's guide to fact checking"
Think Like Me!
How to make your own Bush/CIA-proof tin foil hat! More bad drawing and logic inside!
"Delusional Thinking in Journalism"
Ted Rall's decent into schizophrenia
Those of you who think that Rall has only failed at writing, art, cartooning and blogging never heard his talk radio show.
I actually makes his cartoons look good in comparison.
Posted by: Richard R at October 16, 2003 at 03:32 AMNo Talent Required
Toons and Essays Uncontaminated by Intelligence or Humor
MOCKING WIDOWS AND ORPHANS
Everybody is a Meanspirited Greedhead (except me)
by Ted Rall
I suggested to him:
"Ted Rall: Asshole and Proud of It!"
It at least has the benefit of being true, though clearly that's not a major force in his life.
Posted by: Hatcher at October 16, 2003 at 05:03 AMTed Rall's forecast prior to the Iraq War:
BUZZFLASH: Bush has been claiming that we will also liberate Iraq and turn it into a democracy? What can the Iraqis expect based on the Afghanistan experience? RALL: While the two situations are not identical, it's fair to say that the Bushies will not want to stick around very long to help rebuild, and they won't want to spend much money on the problem…it's likely that the country will, like Afghanistan, disintegrate into civil war and warlordism. The way to stop this is to insert an enormous occupation force, but Bush will doubtlessly prefer to deploy those forces to, say, Libya or North Korea.
Posted by: Glenn at October 16, 2003 at 06:38 AMNOBODY LIKES ME
EVERYBODY HATES ME
I'M GOING OUTSIDE TO IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OIIIILLL!
By Ted Rall
Posted by: Chris at October 16, 2003 at 07:20 AMHmmmmm....
According to his site, "Ted Rall is America's BS detector."
Just one word too far, I would venture say.
Posted by: Harvard@Cal at October 16, 2003 at 10:25 AMIt Takes a Village Idiot
Deep Thoughts from America's Colostomy Bag
The World According to Ted Rall
The Secret Life of Ted Rall
A Short Histry of Ted Rall
Who's Looking Out for Ted Rall
The Great Unravelling: Ted Losing His Mind in the New Century
1000 Things Not to See Before You Die: The Art of Ted Rall
Ted Rall and the Order of the Phoenix: More Stuff About Witches
Persecution: How Lefties are Waging War Against a Decent and Honest President Who Had the Spine to Do What Needed to be Done and Enough Morals Not to Screw Around with Interns
Dr Atkins' New Diet Revolution: Eat Ted Rall Books
The Pleasure of My Company: A Fantasy by Ted Rall
Rich Ted, Poor Ted: What Lefties Teach Their Children About Stuff That Sensible Right-Thinking People Never Do
Healing Anxiety and Depression: The Revolutionary Brain-Based Program that Allows You to Ignore Ted Rall
Beyond Belief: The Secret Gospel of Ted Rall
Stupid White Ted: and Other Excuses for the State of Cartooning
Here is Ted's Belly Button: a board book for Children
It's All About Oil, Play-Doh Tastes Salty, and Other Brillant Observations from Ted Rall
Posted by: Frank J. at October 16, 2003 at 11:14 PMI AM A HUMORLESS DICK
My Publisher Told Me I Had to Include One True Thing, and That's It