June 07, 2003
HOW DODGY ARE YOU?
Take this test and post your grim results in the comments (being an obsessive law-abider, my sentence was only two years). I'm about to flee south at a state-mandated 15 kmh, or whatever the speed limit is this days, for farm fun in Bowral; back late Sunday.
Posted by Tim Blair at June 7, 2003 01:41 PM12.5 years (eek) and a fine of 5,000 pounds. But somehow the cocaine/bleach online test makes me feel more sleazy...
Posted by: Flynn at June 7, 2003 at 02:24 PMI'm "Dubious" - 13 years and 5000 pounds. But I have a family to feed! Well, not really.
Posted by: Dylan at June 7, 2003 at 02:29 PMIn the clear, but 5 years (and no fine). Is this what passes for acceptable in the UK? Serving 5 years?
Posted by: Geoff Matthews at June 7, 2003 at 02:38 PMUpstanding...
0 years and 2000 pound fine.
But I'm young, I've got plenty of time to rack 'em up.
Posted by: ricky d at June 7, 2003 at 02:38 PM25 years. Uh, I wont tell you which one sent me over the edge, though.
Posted by: John at June 7, 2003 at 03:01 PMI'm in a bit of bother....
Years in prison: 47 Potential fine: £7000
Posted by: Tony.T at June 7, 2003 at 03:09 PMClassification: Risky
Years in prison: 66
Potential fine: 5000 Pounds ($8,325 US)
Actual years in prison: 0
Actual fines: >$2000 (1200 GBP)
Hooray!
Posted by: Tasty Beverage at June 7, 2003 at 03:35 PMJeez. I was only dubious, and _still_ got 66 years and a 5000 pound fine. Oh, well, as I tell my students every semester, anyone who's never been in jail hasn't really been trying.
Posted by: JorgXMcKie at June 7, 2003 at 03:39 PMP.S. Even though it wasn't asked of or mentioned by me, maybe it was the roommate who committed a murder of sexual passion that did me. ;->=
Posted by: JorgXMcKie at June 7, 2003 at 03:40 PMJesus, are you people lightweights!
Years in prison: 108 Potential fine: £9500 Plus a possibility of the death penalty!
Of course, this is the UK we're talking about. You get five years there for defending your home.
Posted by: Lee at June 7, 2003 at 03:44 PM0 years, no fine. It's all thanks to clean living and excluding my juvenile record.
Posted by: Alex Bensky at June 7, 2003 at 03:53 PM"Years in prison: 7 Potential fine: £7500 "
Oops. Bad Bad Paddy mo fo.
What's going on here? If you answer YES to everything they should put you in a white jacket. Not give you 66 and call you risky.
How come crooked gets less than risky anyway?
Years in prison: 83 Potential fine: £7000
I wuz framed, I tellya!...
I'm a hardcore criminal in training.
"Years in prison: 79 Potential fine: £2000"
Posted by: Adam at June 7, 2003 at 06:38 PMNo prison; zero fine. I am a law-abiding citizen - but a great liar.
Posted by: Ron Mead at June 7, 2003 at 07:16 PM6.5 years in the can, 2,400 quid. What am I doing blogging with a major crim like Ken Parish....?
Posted by: Geoff Honnor at June 7, 2003 at 07:48 PM7 years, no fine for me. Must've been all that masturbation and shoplifting (separately, not together) I did...
Posted by: James Russell at June 7, 2003 at 07:49 PM14 years; L9,500 fine; possible death penalty. I shouldn't carry Dutch weed on the Ostend/Dover ferry, smoke it, then run around butt naked masturbating. I'll never stop. Need mercy, not justice.
Posted by: Theodopoulos Pherecydes at June 7, 2003 at 09:03 PMZero in prison, 2000 fine. waht really killed me was ticking no to all the sex questions. MOTHERFUCKER
Posted by: Amos at June 7, 2003 at 09:20 PMTO: Tim Blair
RE: Dodgy...
...by the weird standards in "Merry Old England", 6.5 years and 7500 pounds.
However, I don't live there. Nor Minnesota. Nor New York. Nor Singapore. So it's considerably less.
Furthermore, considering that I was labeled as Quite Respectable and given a pat on the back for never going outside, I get the distinct impression that England is populated by a bunch of rascals. Especially if it's perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow, except on Sundays in their second largest city.
TO: Andrew
RE: 6 Months?
That's 6 years, compadre. Isn't it?
Regards,
Chuck(le)
Posted by: Chuck Pelto at June 7, 2003 at 09:47 PM5 years in jail, no fine. I demand a recount.
"You can stand up straight and walk tall, no one's after you, unless they're trying to nick something from you! It's good to behave 100% correctly and to the letter of the law, though it's hardly life on the edge…"
Stupid web site. That's almost as bad as the Star Wars poll that rated me "Jar-Jar Binks."
Posted by: Tatterdemalian at June 7, 2003 at 09:52 PMWhat a wuss, Blair. 72.5 years. I knew all that masturbation, buggery, leering at naked manikins and public arousal would catch up with me sooner or later. Which must qualify me for being the alpha dog's bitch. :)
Posted by: Craig Ranapia at June 7, 2003 at 09:57 PMPussies! 118 years plus the possibility of the death penalty.
Posted by: Conrad at June 7, 2003 at 10:12 PMCrooked: 27 years and £7000.
You can get the death penalty for sticking a stamp on upside down, so stop bragging about it.
Posted by: Robert at June 7, 2003 at 10:57 PMYes, but I put my stamp on upside down with extreme malintent.
Posted by: Conrad at June 7, 2003 at 11:07 PMYears in prison: 37 Potential fine: £2500
And I have a security clearance!
Posted by: Thundar at June 7, 2003 at 11:19 PMummm 108 years and 15000 in fines (mostly for paying for sex with an undressed manniquin in Indonesia)...
Remind me to stay clear of that place! I already steer clear of Allentown Pennsylvania...
Posted by: John Doe at June 7, 2003 at 11:23 PM12.5 years and a 7500 pound fine. How about we all meet up in York next weekend and hunt Scotsmen. I'll bring the bows and arrows.
Posted by: Michael Jennings at June 8, 2003 at 12:18 AMI am criminal scum. 112 years and a 9500 quid fine. Possible death penalty. I am going straight to the local authorities to turn myself in. I never realized that I was such a pariah in society.
Posted by: swassociates at June 8, 2003 at 12:21 AMAs an test of our judicial system I went and ticked every box. Except for a MAYBE on the mince pie rap. No way I'm copping that on my record!
132 Years. £9500. Possible death penalty.
Posted by: Tony.T at June 8, 2003 at 12:34 AMI'm crooked: 24 yrs, £9500.
You know, Murphy, NC, is starting to look like a wonderful place to raise a family. I'll be sure to stay away from the dumpsters.
Posted by: Bill Herbert at June 8, 2003 at 02:28 AMChuck -
No, oddly, I got a result of 0.5 years -- maybe that was from the sheep buggery.
Posted by: Andrew at June 8, 2003 at 02:50 AM17 years and £7,000 assault on the wallet.
Bowral. Been there, got the tee-shirt. Have fun.
Posted by: Scott Wickstein at June 8, 2003 at 04:04 AM76 Years & 9700 poubds
Gosh I must be having more fun than I thought. lol
Posted by: Tom at June 8, 2003 at 04:21 AM76 Years & 9700 pounds
Gosh I must be having more fun than I thought. lol
Posted by: Tom at June 8, 2003 at 04:22 AMYears in prison: 26.5 Potential fine: £4500
I've still got some years to work on this. You're weak Parker.
Posted by: bailz at June 8, 2003 at 04:53 AMTO: Andrew
RE: Hum Buggery
"No, oddly, I got a result of 0.5 years -- maybe that was from the sheep buggery." -- Andrew
That's Bhaaaaad.
Chuck(le)
Posted by: Chuck Pelto at June 8, 2003 at 05:02 AM30 years in prison and a £7000 fine. I knew that sex-in-public thing would catch up with one day.
But at least there were no sheep involved.
Posted by: Mike at June 8, 2003 at 06:55 AMUpstanding citizen: 0 Years and 5000 pound fine.
I think I'll go cry now. :)
Posted by: texasgal at June 8, 2003 at 09:18 AM23 years and a £7,000 fine.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You'll never stop me! I'm off to mail some pork tenderloin (spoiled of course) to the local mosque. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted by: Tom at June 8, 2003 at 10:16 AM23 years and a £7,000 fine.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You'll never stop me! I'm off to mail some pork tenderloin (spoiled of course) to the local mosque. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted by: Tom at June 8, 2003 at 10:16 AMIn the clear, but Years in prison: 7 Potential fine: £2000
Posted by: Mani at June 8, 2003 at 11:50 AMHmmm,
I got, "Scoundrel" with the maximum penalty for my crimes: 112 Years in prison and 7500 quid in potential fines.
Humph. And I like to think of myself as a "law and order" type. right.
Posted by: Robert Modean at June 8, 2003 at 11:50 AMWell, even though "my heart's in the right place," they still gave me 12.5 years and a 7,500 pound fine. I just KNEW that the mince pie would catch up with me some day!
Posted by: John Hale at June 8, 2003 at 12:24 PMWhomever designed that dippy website that automatically resized my browser is going to jail for life.
Posted by: Wallace at June 8, 2003 at 01:21 PMYears in prison: 0.5 Potential fine: £2000. Nyah heh.
I'm with Wallace: the resizing browser window deserves no parole.
Nice to see you finally got a proper blog, Blair.
Posted by: Raena at June 8, 2003 at 04:57 PMOnly 7.5 years.. Man I've got to concentrate on this crime thing... I'm a pussy.
Posted by: Juanito at June 8, 2003 at 10:38 PMYears in prison: 13 Potential fine: £5000. I always knew that the wild days of youth would catch up with me :-)
Posted by: Kevin Aylward at June 8, 2003 at 11:49 PMScoundrel - Years in prison: 52 Potential fine: £9500
Posted by: Roger Bournival at June 9, 2003 at 12:26 AMI'm not going to live long enough to serve my sentence and I sure can't pay the fine. Good thing I live where you can still carry a gun.
Posted by: "The Crusty Old Codger in the Desert" at June 9, 2003 at 02:15 AMI got "Crooked" which is amusing.
"Years in prison: 90 Potential fine: £7000"
That window resizing it lame too.
Posted by: Andrew Ian Castel-Dodge at June 9, 2003 at 04:28 AMHelp!!! I need some of that Geek shit to fix my window resize stuff up. Can someone please tell me what to do about it.
Posted by: aussieoldfart at June 9, 2003 at 04:33 AMMore info, please. (What windows and where? Comment windows on your own blog? Windows OS windows?)
Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 9, 2003 at 04:43 AMThanks Andrea. Be gentle. I run Windows XP Office Proff. When I click on my ISP shortcut on desktop via M/soft Internet Explorer, the window comes up as normal, except for being 3/4 size. Didn't do this before. I went off testing some other shortcuts, this is the only one I am sure off so far. Probably others I haven't found yet. What other info do you need? Regards billymac
Posted by: aussieoldfart at June 9, 2003 at 05:31 AMDubious? Little ole me? One year and a 7000 pound fine?
If this were America, I could finish my college degree because you get rewarded in America for going to prison.
Posted by: julie at June 9, 2003 at 06:29 AMStanding tall. 0.5 years and 5000 pound fine.
My life must be very boring.
Posted by: Alice at June 9, 2003 at 08:02 AM19 years, no fine. Strangely it still said I was "in the clear". Mostly it was all that burglary during my youth. Well, that and the masturbation.
Posted by: W. at June 9, 2003 at 08:27 AMI'm doing a serious 8-10 stretch - gonna have to go for parole or something!
Posted by: Martin at June 9, 2003 at 09:08 AMaussie: oh, you've got a Windoze problem. And it's the mysterious Internet Exploder Shrinking Window problem. I hate that thing. It happens every now and then, I am not sure why. I think the cure is to go into the Internet Explorer Tools menu, and --
No, that wasn't it.
Have you tried the old hitting F-11 twice? Sometimes that works. I thought there was an "open new windows in full screen mode" but that might be a brain holdover from when I used to use Netscape all the time. To tell you the truth, whenever that has happened to me, I have fiddled and cursed and sworn at my computer, and then the problem always mysteriously righted itself without me having the slightest idea why or how. Feckin' Windows.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 9, 2003 at 10:28 AMWithout comment:
Dodgy
Alright geezer! Fancy yourself as a bit tasty? It may be against the law, but what they don't know won't hurt 'em eh? We know your heart's in the right place? but watch out or that place may be a 3 to 5 stretch in Pentonville with 'Mad' Frank, Harry the Horse and 'Wristy' Rich Richardson.
Based on your answers, we have calculated the maximum penalty for your crimes*:
Years in prison: 37 Potential fine: £5000
Your pal,
bob
Posted by: bob at June 9, 2003 at 12:11 PM50.5 years for my petty crimes? You Brits are puritans!
Posted by: michele at June 9, 2003 at 12:12 PMYears in prison: 6 Potential fine: £5000
I'd be tempted to label anyone with a lighter sentence a Puritan.
Posted by: charles austin at June 9, 2003 at 12:30 PM5.5 years and 5000 pounds. Go ahead and call me a Puritan, Charles. I've wasted my life!
Posted by: Dave Himrich at June 9, 2003 at 02:55 PM76 years and 5000 in fines. Most offeces were committed while drunk and a serving officer in the Australian Army - good thing the MPs never caught us too!! I have realised that life is definitely more sedate as a civvy.
Posted by: Razor at June 9, 2003 at 08:09 PMaussie: IE is notorious for weird window size issues. Among its many other notorieties, that is.
My best solution after three years of tech support on this issue: use another browser.
My second-best solution: Do not use the "maximize" button in the upper right to make your IE window acceptably large. Instead, drag the upper left corner of your window up to the upper left corner of your display, and then manually resize the window by grabbing the lower right corner and dragging to the lower right of the display. After you close the window, when you reopen the browser IE will remember the size and position of a manually resized window, but not always one that you've clicked "maximize" for. Go figure.
"Dubious" - 19.5 years and 4000 pounds. Thank goodness I'm in the US. Although I must be serving the "aroused in public" sentences concurrently, since I've lived in Allentown, Pennsylvania most of my life. Including those pesky teen years. I guess teens weren't allowed out of the house back in the day when that ordinance was passed...
Posted by: Matt at June 9, 2003 at 11:57 PMScoundrel
Years in prison: 48 Potential fine: £9500
crap.
Posted by: Dave K at June 10, 2003 at 12:49 AMDubious
Years in prison: 6 Potential fine: £5000
Despite several "yes" votes:
In the clear -- Years in prison: 0 Potential fine: £0
Great, now I can start casting stones...
Posted by: St. Iain Murray at June 10, 2003 at 05:34 AMcrooked. 94 years. 7500 pounds.
that almost 4 tons in canadian money!!!!
Years in prison: 65.5 Potential fine: £0
Woohoo...I'm having fun!
Posted by: A E Hansen at June 10, 2003 at 08:34 AM.5 years and no fine.I'd say, it was fishing on Sundays which sent me to the slammer.
Must wing it to York and excercise the freedom to bop scots and welsh with bow and arrow.
I'm looking at being banged up for 60.5 years plus 7000 quid- I need to work on my form.
Posted by: paul bickford at June 10, 2003 at 11:25 AMIn the clear
You can stand up straight and walk tall, no one's after you, unless they're trying to nick something from you! It's good to behave 100% correctly and to the letter of the law, though it's hardly life on the edge…
Based on your answers, we have calculated the maximum penalty for your crimes*:
Years in prison: 8 Potential fine: £5000
Posted by: Kris Murray at June 10, 2003 at 12:04 PMYears in prison: 29 Potential fine: £2000 Too bad you coppers will never catch me!
Posted by: 49erDweet at June 10, 2003 at 12:25 PMA land of felons is Oz. Just did a rough calc. on the sentences and fines(then converted latter into Oz $ and all one can say is, whew.Im now putting a gardening chore as first and urgent proiority: digging trench around house and filling it with crocs, the bridge will be sprung.It will be a case of, who still wishes to be a millionaire as in: guess the secret word or foregt about appearing on the forgettable, just feed the crocs.
I think I'll run off to the pet shop now.
Hey Matt, I lived in Allentown PA for quite a while myself. The kind of place where most people can't imagine living anywhere else, and the few who do think everyone else is some kind of moron. Of course it's mutual - you should have seen the looks I got when I told my parents I was moving to CA.
Posted by: W. at June 11, 2003 at 01:53 AMCriminal.
Years in prison: 111.5 Potential fine: £9500 Plus a possibility of the death penalty.
Oh dear.
while in for my 5.5 year stint, i can ponder the young boy who sees the naked mannequin: who pays for that one? the boy? the shopowner? the mannequin?
Posted by: (lowercase) matt at June 11, 2003 at 06:41 AMYou didn't John, smoked a cigar in a no smoking area? Cripes, no wonder, if true, your'e for the short drop.
Perving at a naked mannequin, yup: child to friend, where are the naughty bits?
Posted by: d at June 11, 2003 at 10:45 AM(Better late than never!)
Yawn - 7.5 years in prison, fine £2000. I thought I was badder than that!
Posted by: Gianna at June 11, 2003 at 05:03 PM"Criminal
How much time are you allowed on the internet when you're behind bars? With those answers that is the only place you can be? You're a bad piece of work who must be doing some time at Her Majesty's pleasure. Either that or you're some kind of Harry Houdini when it comes to paying your debt to society.
Based on your answers, we have calculated the maximum penalty for your crimes*:
Years in prison: 108 Potential fine: £9500"
...and here was me thinking I was a good boy...
I've even bet on the day and hour the first "Bombs over Baghdad" would hit. We ran a $5 pool with closest to the hour Baghdad time would win about $60 bucks. So, yes, me and my scurrilous Aust Army mates are verminous scum, but at least we have FUN!!