December 01, 2004

WE HAVE LASERS

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation, a taxpayer-funded arm of the global Greenpeace empire, exposes a Saddam-like weapon plan underway right here in Sydney:

While UN inspectors may have failed to find any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Greenpeace has today expressed concerns such weapons could be manufactured in Australia.

The environmental group has released a report which, it says, reveals the full extent of the Federal Government's support for a classified uranium enrichment project at the Lucas Heights nuclear facility in Sydney.

Greenpeace says a little known company called Silex is using the facility to develop a process to enrich uranium with the aid of lasers.

Lasers! This can only mean mass death to our enemies!

Former Australian Diplomat and author of Fact or Fission, the Truth about Australia's Nuclear Ambitions, Richard Broinowski, has welcomed Greenpeace's report. He's told reporter Nick Grimm there are good reasons to be worried.

Richard Broinowski is the husband of notoriously inaccurate scaremonger Alison Broinowski. As for Nick Grimm ... well, he's sometimes prone to gullibility.

(via contributor J. F. Beck)

Posted by Tim Blair at December 1, 2004 10:07 AM
Comments

How cool is that? Our laser death beams now include radioactive uranium dust to produce hideous mutations in the survivors! This is a great day for Evil.

Posted by: Evil Pundit at December 1, 2004 at 10:42 AM

Uranium lasers! Isn't that peachy? Marvin the Martian would be so proud. When do we get our Illudium Q-36 Space Modulators?

Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 1, 2004 at 10:47 AM

The truth is out! John Howard is building a Death Star.

Posted by: Peter at December 1, 2004 at 11:27 AM

That Broinowski family acts pretty much as a self-reenforcing feedback loop, no? They practically seem to have a competition going for who can say the most stupid thing and get it quoted in a newspaper. Well, when you are ex-diplomats and you have all the time available that comes with not actually doing anything productive...I suppose it's understandable.

Posted by: PW at December 1, 2004 at 11:45 AM

Great White Sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads!

Posted by: yobbo at December 1, 2004 at 11:46 AM

Whats the collective noun for a group of Broinowski's ?


The Broinowski's were strangely silent about paedophilia in Bali amongst diplomatic corps members. This was from the group that was trumpeting about beer drinkers and the cultural damage they do in Asia.

Posted by: nic at December 1, 2004 at 12:02 PM

Greenpeace and Broinowski have been watching too many Bond movies. "Silex" sounds like one of those evil front-corporations for the villain (cut to shot of John Howard in a Mao-jacket, feeding goldfish to his white persian puss..I mean, kitty, while amiably gesturing Bob Brown towards the concealed piranha tank trapdoor). In fact, fans of the Roger Moore Bond movies (I know at least one) will recall the "solex agitator", which was the macguffin in 'Man with the Golden Gun'. That too was about a super-powerful laser beam.

Posted by: cuckoo at December 1, 2004 at 12:15 PM

Silex is listed on the Australian Stock Exchange (code SLX) and has its own webpage at www.silex.com.au - what a brilliant way to hide a top-secret project.

Silex has the potential to be much more useful than AVLIS or MLIS and give centrifuges a run for their money.

The IAEA inspects Silex several times a year.

Posted by: Russell at December 1, 2004 at 12:27 PM

Lucas Heights actually makes radioactive stuff for medicine, for treatment of cancer etc. Not that it's important or anything!

Cuckoo... you mean the Moore Bond films have a fan? ;-)

Posted by: Wilbur at December 1, 2004 at 12:44 PM

Unfortunately, the name Barry Patterson doesn't quite have the same ring to it as Scaramanga.

Posted by: Peter at December 1, 2004 at 12:46 PM

Oh, my god!! I can only hope that the UN will rise up and use it's great power to put a stop to this insanity. The only thing Australia would do with a nuclear device, is start a arms race with...with...uh...New Zealand! Yeah, that's it! New Zealand! Both nations obviously dislike each other, and could vaporize each other with the slightest provocation. The world might never get another Mel Gibson, or Paul Hogan, or Russel Crowe, or.....oh,well, nevermind.

Posted by: rinardman at December 1, 2004 at 12:55 PM

I couldn't be more proud! :-)

Lasers AND enriched uranium?....Here frenchy, frenchy, frenchy! I 'ave some nice truffles for you.... Mwahhahahahahha!

But really, everybody knows the real Dr Evil is Richard Branson and his plot to take over the world involves being ultra cool and rich and annoyiny the boring mega rich folks to death. I bet if he had a laser it would shoot "cool" rays and make you dress sharp and appreciate jazz.

Posted by: JakeD at December 1, 2004 at 01:01 PM

Silex is not make Death Laser, make's Waffle maker!! What is problem with waffle's? This is very silly articl'es in Dragos opion!!

Posted by: Drago Milovechek at December 1, 2004 at 01:04 PM

And the problem with Australia using nuclear power is...?

Just because we might *shock horror* be doing something with radioactive stuff, doesnt mean we are making weapons, Greenpeace needs to get over it. And if we are, again so what? USA has a shitload of them.

How does this reflect badly on the ABC? They just reported what someone said, nothing wrong with that. Stop thinking they are a bunch of frothing at the mouth leftys.

Posted by: Nic White at December 1, 2004 at 01:11 PM

The IAEA inspects Silex several times a year.

Oddly, that makes ME wonder about them.

Posted by: Robert Crawford at December 1, 2004 at 01:15 PM

I fwe are developing nuclear weapons do we get to test them in the Mediteranean Sea near France, or perhaps a remote island off Scotland.

A bit of Quid Pro Quo?

(I don't really know if that is the rigth term - but it sounds good.)

Posted by: Razor at December 1, 2004 at 01:16 PM

"Whats the collective noun for a group of Broinowski's ?"

A moonbattalion? (sorry)

Posted by: cuckoo at December 1, 2004 at 01:18 PM

If only John Howard had used his uranium enriched death star lasers for goodness instead of nastiness.

Posted by: gubbaboy at December 1, 2004 at 01:19 PM

Next, Richard will be telling us that Silex has got Kojo Annan on retainer. Oh you mean it's true?

Posted by: mr magoo at December 1, 2004 at 01:44 PM

You guys don't have nukes? Man, we should give you some.

Posted by: Bob Pence at December 1, 2004 at 02:32 PM

I'm not surprised. Richard has a rather excitable book out (I think it's called Fission Ambitions or something) about *shock, horror* how the Gorton government was hell-keen on Australia acquiring its own nuclear deterrent.

Posted by: Quentin George at December 1, 2004 at 03:18 PM

this calls for Dr Helen Caldicott

Posted by: astonished at December 1, 2004 at 03:20 PM

Broinowski protected ex diplo and alleged paedophile Robert Scoble, despite the fact that Scoble's predelictions were suspected for years in Foreign Affairs. Scoble is now awaiting trial in Bangkok. Broinowski has zero credibility as a moralist and a critic!!!

Posted by: Consuela Potez at December 1, 2004 at 04:22 PM

It has been said that as one swallow doesn't make a summer, one Broinowski doesn't make a sewer - but two of them are starting to get that way.

Posted by: Sue at December 1, 2004 at 05:14 PM

Bob Pence, if you're offering nukes, can we please also have:

More M1s, tank transporters and refuelling trucks
Bradleys
Self Propelled Artillery
More Black Hawks and Chinooks
2 Squadrons of F22 (we are in on the F35s)
Tomohawks
MRLS batteries
A ground based Air Defence System
2 Iwo Jima Class Ships (with Harriers?)
A shed load of secure high speed data comms equipment
Another comms satellite.

And that is just a start.

Posted by: Razor at December 1, 2004 at 05:16 PM

All your laser are belong to us!

Posted by: Sheriff at December 1, 2004 at 05:19 PM

...and some B1 and B2 bombers would be nice too.

Posted by: Peter at December 1, 2004 at 05:40 PM

In response to Razor's question, if we exploded a nuke in the Mediterranean it would be dead Squid Pro Quo. As for a collective noun for Broinowskis - well, if we took our cue from fellow travellers of theirs, who a likely to refer to George W as "that moron" or "Hitler", or "the big terrorist", we might come up with terms like Brainoffskis, or at least Brownoffskis. We would not be so crude as to suggest that a group of people with heads so far up their bums might be Brownoutskis.

Posted by: Geoff at December 1, 2004 at 07:28 PM

Aussie death rays! Atomic marsupials with lasers! Is that cool, or what?

Posted by: Mike at December 1, 2004 at 09:37 PM

I'm just wondering why Governor-General Peter Hollingworth was hounded from office by our unbiased media while Richard Broinowski is eulogised as an "elder".

Posted by: john at December 1, 2004 at 09:54 PM

How cool is that? Our laser death beams now include radioactive uranium dust to produce hideous mutations in the survivors! This is a great day for Evil.

Is that laser, or "lay-sah" (complete with quotation action), Mister Evil?

Posted by: Andjam at December 1, 2004 at 10:26 PM

Just quietly, I live about 10 minutes from Lucas Heights and can tell you from an inside source that they are actually preparing a nuclear powered new years eve laser extravaganza. Or as the technicians have nicknamed them, Weapons of Mass Entertainment.

Posted by: robw25 at December 1, 2004 at 10:33 PM

Has anyone read the silex website? They first demonstrated the uranium enrichment process at Lucas Heights in 1994!!!! Next Greenpeace will be warning about the dangers of a secret Pentagon project called the "internet" ....

Posted by: chris at December 1, 2004 at 10:47 PM

...and AndJam, thats DR Evil! I didn't spend seven years at evil medical school to be called mister, thank you very much.

On reflection, I think Silex may be up to something far more sinister. You can tell because there's an X in the name. Though I'm sure we'll be allowed to have nuclear weapons as long as they carry the appropriate warning labels. eg "Keep out of reach of children", "Aim away from face", "Your WMD's may harm others".

Posted by: robw25 at December 1, 2004 at 10:49 PM

Dunno about B-1s and B-2s; maybe a replacement for the F-111 would be a better choice... the world really needs a good, high-tech bomb truck that isn't a strategic weapon.

Posted by: John Nowak at December 1, 2004 at 11:19 PM

You insane Australians want to arm your kangaroos with lasers, donít you? You know what means? Mass hopping death.

-Heavily armed Kangaroos: Its not just for simulators anymore.

Posted by: Merat at December 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM

2 Iwo Jima Class Ships (with Harriers?)

That way you would be all set for the F-35s, too!

you mean the Moore Bond films have a fan? ;-)

Always liked George Lazenby, myself, after Sean Connery, of course.

Posted by: Crusader at December 2, 2004 at 12:01 AM

Collective noun- a Blot- or should we fall back on the old standby- a Margo. Wasn't it that woman- no Margo I absolve you of this- who wrote the book about what Asian people thought about Aussies.She said they thought we smelled terrible and that they hated us even if they had been given refuge here.This character assassination er assessment brought to us by Aunty of course.Sandy McHucheon I think-on Australia Talks Nasty.Of course he agreed,enthusiastically.

Posted by: alien at December 2, 2004 at 12:06 AM

Timothy Dalton is the best Bond. I really went for him. The only one who looked like my idea of Bond.

Posted by: Sue at December 2, 2004 at 12:55 AM

The Roger Moore Bond films are the only ones I like, especially Live and Let Die, Spy who loved me, and For your eyes only.

Posted by: Craig at December 2, 2004 at 01:11 AM

I give Man With the Golden Gun good marks because it has Christopher Lee, and because it was the first film I went to see in the theaters without my parents.

Posted by: John Nowak at December 2, 2004 at 01:34 AM

Wow, just hold it low and horizontal and you can raze the whole of New Zealand in an hour!

Posted by: jorgen at December 2, 2004 at 02:47 AM

FYI, laser isotope separation ain't all that earth shattering anymore. The Iranians had developed their own program for doing that. Generally speaking, it's not a particularly efficient way for bulk separation of the sort needed for quantities need for weapons.

And if you want bomb-truck, we've got B-52s - plenty of them (we'll be keeping them in service until 2040). Then you can use the B-1s and -2 for your new found nuclear deterrent.

Posted by: Bravo Romeo Delta at December 2, 2004 at 04:14 AM

Kangaroos with lasers were only the first step. The next advancement in weaponized wildlife is a hideously mutated amphibious kangaroo capable of carrying a tactical nuke inside its innocent looking pocket. Of course, the whole project is all part of the secret Australian plot to annex Japan.

Oh, and France, too, but that part won't really require any weapons.

Posted by: Bryan C at December 2, 2004 at 04:20 AM

I, for own, welcome the impending reign of our laser-equipped marsupial overlords.

Posted by: Mike at December 2, 2004 at 04:30 AM

Can those lasers lance volcanos by any chance?

"Lucas Heights" sounds suspiciously like LucasFilm's secret reaserch labs, to make real what currently only exists in science fiction sagas.

NOTE that the source of the "volcano-lancing" meme escapes my grasp at the moment. I think it was about defusing volcanos before they erupt - possibly Mt. St. Helens in Washington State, USA. This is the problem with trusting one's rusty memory rather than a good old-fashioned bookmark.

Posted by: Nightfly at December 2, 2004 at 05:22 AM

For shame! deny that thou bear'st love to any,
Who for thyself art so unprovident.
Grant, if thou wilt, thou art beloved of many,
But that thou none lovest is most evident;
For thou art so possess'd with murderous hate
That 'gainst thyself thou stick'st not to conspire.
Seeking that beauteous roof to ruinate
Which to repair should be thy chief desire.
O, change thy thought, that I may change my mind!
Shall hate be fairer lodged than gentle love?
Be, as thy presence is, gracious and kind,
Or to thyself at least kind-hearted prove:
Make thee another self, for love of me,
That beauty still may live in thine or thee.

[Ah. That's better. The Management.]

Posted by: HA HA HA at December 2, 2004 at 07:25 AM

Now that Australia has lasers, can those self-cleaning Kitty Litterboxes be far behind?
Next up then are those Japanese nuclear-powered
toilets for every home. You know the kind that you don't need toilet
paper, and which offer free WIFI coverage. And with the optional Genetics kit, you can have the family pet cloned before you're done flushing. . .

Posted by: Mister Ghost at December 2, 2004 at 10:28 AM

ThankX for the Sonnet. Ha Ha Ha should consider substituting "forsooth" for his dreary F word

Posted by: Tom at December 2, 2004 at 10:40 AM

I don't think he could spell "forsooth", Tom.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 2, 2004 at 01:07 PM

...and some B1 and B2 bombers would be nice too.

Doesn't the ABC already have B1 and B2?

Posted by: Andjam at December 2, 2004 at 01:26 PM

No Aussie nukes? Hell, even I have a Minuteman III in my closet, next to a pair of neutron bombs and my old Monopoly board.

Seems like if we gave the British nukes we should be willing to spare a pimped out Ohio-class missile sub to our cousins down under.

But not the New Zealanders. Obviously.

Posted by: Alex at December 2, 2004 at 02:37 PM

As a proud New Zealander, I'd have to agree. Keep those nukes the hell away from us. Now I'm off to re-christen myself "Moonbeam".

Posted by: killopdoos at December 3, 2004 at 06:54 AM

I won't believe Australia is serious about its WMD program until it starts burying "fertilizer trucks" in the outback...

Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 3, 2004 at 07:42 AM

Problem is you need at least three boomers to be credible; one on patrol, one in dock, and a third in case of unforseen problems, so you always have at least one out.

Also, they're fundementally second-strike weapons: not cost effective unless you're trying to deter an attack. If you just want to go nuts and blow everything up, go land-based missiles. Cheaper.

Posted by: John Nowak at December 3, 2004 at 07:44 PM

Grow up, of course we've developed a nuke capability. We have long-range strike aircraft, a long-term missile development program at Woomera, a reactor at Lucas Heights . . . . all you need to develop a nice, quick nuclear option if and when we need it.

Posted by: steve at December 3, 2004 at 10:09 PM

"The EU reacted in horror today to the rogue state Australia's open-air nuclear tests on the island of Capri, issuing a strongly worded letter..."

or as John Howard would say, "Hans Brix?! Oh nooooo..."

Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 4, 2004 at 10:14 AM

Six white boomers? It IS Christmas after all...

Posted by: crash at December 4, 2004 at 11:51 AM