November 15, 2004

BEARDED EMPLOYEE AMICABLY NOT SACKED BY LYING, HANDICAPPED BOSS

Fans of The Office will enjoy Niall Cook's description of his David Brent-like de-hiring from Queensland's Homeloans Ltd.:

Doors open and close throughout our lives and for me, today a door closed. I am....or at least I will be, technically, unemployed from Monday. I'll still be paid for the next seven weeks, due to a very congenial parting arrangement, but for me, the door of employment with Homeloans Ltd is now closed, and I am ever so grateful. It seems that the individual who was my immediate superior has a severe personality problem in that he fears competition from other well-equipped, well-experienced lenders, such as myself. He wants to be numero ono, considered 100% correct in every judgement and never found to be wanting in any avenue of lending experience. I'm afraid, as a lender, one can never be completely 'full bottle' on every aspect of prudential credit decision-making. In addition, to being able to adequately manage people, and in truth being classed as having 'adequate' management abilities doesn't make the grade when one is dealing in the black art of people skills, one needs to be much more well equipped than the individual in question is. In fact, I'd classify him as handicapped. Even adequate managers don't hold one-on-one sessions in a small office with doors wide open for all the world to hear. Nor do they lie straight-faced about accusations they've made minutes previous when faced with irrefutable evidence to the contrary.

I'm genuinely sorry to be leaving because I have this nagging feeling I'm letting some people down. Specifically the sales people and their supports. We had a good relationship, they trusted me, respected my experience and opinions and I theirs. I'll miss them. I'll especially miss the repartie and comraderie, for although we were a small group, apart from the one individual in a cornerstone position, we were a tight group. I'll stay in touch though. There are things I believe we can do together from a business perspective.

They loved him, and they'll miss him. Hopefully Niall will soon meet his ex-staffers for a Christmas reunion.

UPDATE. Goomba Goom has more on Centrelink Cook.

UPDATE II. If you've been banned from the Cookster's place, Google cache provides a mystical portal through which you may continue to gaze at this brilliant man.

Posted by Tim Blair at November 15, 2004 05:05 AM
Comments

If poor Niall's money-lending skills were on a par with his grammar and spelling skills, I'm not surprised he got the DCM.

Posted by: Boss Hog at November 15, 2004 at 05:33 AM

Go numero ono!!!1!

Posted by: Dylan at November 15, 2004 at 05:58 AM

"...the individual who was my immediate superior has a severe personality problem in that he fears competition from other well-equipped, well-experienced lenders, such as myself."

This is simply astonishing. Self-centered, pompous, and narcissistic. All these traits were displayed in one rambling sentence. If this boob worked for me, he'd be seeing a shrink. It's just a guess on my part, but I suspect Niall deserved to be fired.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 06:20 AM

Uhmmm, better get your facts straight, Timmy, before I look seriously at legal action. I left, I was NOT dismissed. The parting was amicable. If you'd like the names and telephone numbers of my National Superiors who will confirm, email me. Otherwise, I strongly suggest you remove this post before I have my legal representative do it for you.

Posted by: Niall at November 15, 2004 at 07:02 AM

The parting was amicable...

Does "amicable" mean saying all those nasty things about your poor ex-boss?

You're so stupid, Niall, it's a wonder he didn't get rid of you with an axe. No jury would convict.

Posted by: superboot at November 15, 2004 at 07:22 AM

You can never win an argument with your boss, even if he's a complete prat. Complete prats often do get promoted - that is the style senior management is looking for. So, Niall's dummy spit is merely sour grapes - note the complete lack of facts. Sounds to me like Niall's a troublemaker the firm is well rid of.

Posted by: walterplinge at November 15, 2004 at 07:31 AM

he fears competition from other well-equipped...

I guess these means Niall's dick is bigger than anyone else's. Certainly his ego is. After all, Niall means 'champion'.

Posted by: walterplinge at November 15, 2004 at 07:35 AM


"Uhmmm, better get your facts straight, Timmy, before I look seriously at legal action. I left, I was NOT dismissed. The parting was amicable."

Posted by: Niall at November 15, 2004 at 07:02 AM

---------------

"the individual who was my immediate superior has a severe personality problem in that he fears competition from other well-equipped, well-experienced lenders, such as myself."

---------------

Clearly this is a previously unknown usage of the term, "amicable", because to an outsider it looks remarkably like a bitter attempt by a powerless ex employee to hit back at the guy who sacked him.

Posted by: Harry Tuttle at November 15, 2004 at 07:46 AM

You couldn't possibly be any more incorrect, Harry. The 'hit back' as you so elegantly put it, has been very effective and quite satisfying. 23 hours now Timmy.

Posted by: Niall at November 15, 2004 at 07:58 AM

He! Niall, A case study in 'projection' of his own failings.

Posted by: Gary at November 15, 2004 at 08:01 AM


Well, this is from the horse's mouth, at Niall's website:

"The shrinks call me an I.S.T.J. which means I'm Introvert-Sensate-Thinking-Judgemental and more or less sums me up. If you've ever looked at personality results of the classic Meyers-Briggs test, you'll understand. My 'ex' labelled me obsessive-compulsive at one stage but what would she know. She's no psychologist. I also used to be a very intense personality, both workwise and at home, frustrated easily, quick to anger, and from time to time some of those traits still manifest."

Posted by: Kaboom at November 15, 2004 at 08:15 AM

Niall's boss doesn't drive a Landcruiser by any chance ?

Posted by: FusterCluck at November 15, 2004 at 08:21 AM

If there is a God, Niall's case officer at CentreLink will be Vietnamese.
Not only will I then believe in God, I will loudly applaud him for his sense of humour.

Posted by: FusterCluck at November 15, 2004 at 08:24 AM

Nice try at blame projection, Niall. But as others point out, the parting is clearly less than amicable. Unless you view "friendly" as equal to "back stabbing" or "insulting".

If I were your former boss reading this, I'd seriously consider a libel suit, or defamation of character, since you provide more than enough information to identify him. Do Australian laws cover those areas?

Oh, and you kick your former company in the balls as well, by implying they have inadequate management (those danger quotes, Niall! Naughty naughty!). How solid is your agreement for severance pay?

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 08:34 AM

Nevermind the psychological backstory...Niall Friggin' Cook was tasked with handling money?

BTW Niall:

You couldn't possibly be any more incorrect, Harry. The 'hit back' as you so elegantly put it, has been very effective and quite satisfying.

It's not about whether you enjoyed your little temper tantrum, Niall. Harry was talking about how everybody else perceives it, and he pretty much nailed the perception most people here seem to be having of you. Not that anybody's really surprised.

Posted by: PW at November 15, 2004 at 08:44 AM

Clearly, Niall is surprised, PW. But that goes hand in, er, ummmm, hand with being a narcissistic ass.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 08:47 AM

PS: I'm looking forward to you quietly deleting that post on your blog as soon as it comes back to bite you in the ass during your future job-hunting and/or puts your severance package in danger, as JeffS indicates.

Posted by: PW at November 15, 2004 at 08:48 AM

I never thought about future employers, PW. Wouldn't this be a lovely bit of employment history to put on Nialls' resume? I was a flaming asshole about my ex-boss on the INTERNET! I am respectful, loyal, and discrete about my duties, especially while I handle confidential and personal information for loans!

And y'know, once something is on the INTERNET, it never goes away.....

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 08:53 AM


That's right, once something is on the Internet, it never goes away.

Here's Niall's post from hs site, which seems to indicate the problem he had:

"It's amazing just how fragile some egos can be. Take, for example, the one my immediate superior wears as his mantle. At least he did until yesterday when I shattered it for him. Delegated Lending Authorities, or DLA's, in the finance industry are treated by some people as badges of honour. Bright sparkling evidence of just how much better they are than other people in the industry, especially other lenders. I regard the ability to approve loans as a business tool, pure and simple. For mine, experience, ability, gut-feel and the realisation that credit is merely assessment of risk holds far more sway than a simple piece of paper from a bank which says, yes, you can sign off on loans to a certain level providing you meet certain credit criteria."

I would suspect that Niall disregarded credit policies, and approved a loan for a sum greater than his personal authorisation allowed for, or perhaps he granted a loan to a less credit-worthy party than the house rules allowed for, on a "gut-feel".

I think he may have approved a Turtle Farm or something like that......

Posted by: Kaboom at November 15, 2004 at 09:09 AM

As much as Niall being hoisted by his own petard, he still comes across as 'the comic store guy' from the Simpsons.

Think about it, read Niall's posts in the comic book guy's voice, it will brighten your day.

Posted by: nic at November 15, 2004 at 09:52 AM

Tim :
My I suggest calling it "de-hiring" not "firing". Wittier too.

Posted by: Alan E Brain at November 15, 2004 at 10:15 AM

"I regard the ability to approve loans as a business tool, pure and simple. For mine, experience, ability, gut-feel and the realisation that credit is merely assessment of risk holds far more sway than a simple piece of paper from a bank which says, yes, you can sign off on loans to a certain level providing you meet certain credit criteria."

It doesn't seem to have occured to Niall that giving some people greater lending authority than others is likely also a simple assessment of risk. Like, y'know, some guys can be trusted not to screw up more than other guys can, so they get to approve higher loans? Would make sense to me, but what do I know, I'm not in the money-lending business.

Posted by: PW at November 15, 2004 at 10:18 AM

Niall, you idiot, if you weren't fired or otherwise terminated, however gently, you wouldn't have received a severance package. Typical terms when you quit are two weeks' pay and leave compensation payout. Not 7 weeks. You're full of it.

Who is the "women" (maybe) in the background of the weblog picture? Also using a computer, facing in the opposite direction from Niall (understandably). I bet she's happy to see you at home all day, Niall!

Posted by: Sho at November 15, 2004 at 10:24 AM

"...giving some people greater lending authority than others is likely also a simple assessment of risk."

Expressed differently, how much trust does the management have in their employees who approve loans.

I think we have a clear demonstration of how much Niall's former employers trusted him.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 10:42 AM

Kaboom, from Niall's site: The shrinks call me an I.S.T.J. which means I'm itrovert-Sensate-Thinking-Judgemental and more or less sums me up. If you've ever looked at personality results of the classic Meyers-Briggs test, you'll understand. My 'ex' labelled me obsessive-compulsive at one stage but what would she know. She's no psychologist. I also used to be a very intense personality, both workwise and at home, frustrated easily, quick to anger, and from time to time some of those traits still manifest."

Talk about self-condemned. He goes to a shrink. He uses Meyer-Briggs (totally discredited pop-psychology twaddle), he has relationship problems, an anger-management problem, and can't maintain a relationship. That is, Niall is a freakin' head-case with an inflated opinion of himself. His employer must have breathed sigh of relief when he walked out the door. I wouldn't be surprised if he tops himself within a week.

Posted by: walterplinge at November 15, 2004 at 11:13 AM

If Niall can afford to bring a defamation action over a few comments on a blog, that seven weeks' severance pay must be more than I thought.

I wait with bated breath for the entrance of Niall's lawyer to the fray.

Posted by: ABC Al at November 15, 2004 at 11:56 AM

I left amicably because my boss doesn't want me to work there anymore but I wasn't fired.

Still doesn't get it.

Posted by: Fluent Idiot at November 15, 2004 at 11:58 AM

why do you all feel the need to post such nasty things about someone, many of which have no basis in fact? what is the basis for having decided that a resignation was in fact a firing? what is the problem with seeing a shrink? where do you decide that he has "relationship problems" and "can't maintain a relationship"? if you bothered to read his site and get to know the facts you'd see that these things are clearly not true.

so does it make you all feel big and better and macho because you chose one person to pick on and are going to do that regardless of whether or not you have the correct facts? everyone else is doing it so you might as well add your own little embellishment to the story.

if your personal egos are that delicate that you need to resort to making stuff up to pick on someone else, then i wonder who are the ones who should really be seeing a shrink are?

Posted by: jade at November 15, 2004 at 12:00 PM

if your personal egos are that delicate that you need to resort to making stuff up to pick on someone else, then i wonder who are the ones who should really be seeing a shrink are?

Making stuff up? I give you:

It seems that the individual who was my immediate superior has a severe personality problem in that he fears competition from other well-equipped, well-experienced lenders, such as myself.

Fortunately, Niall is already seeing a shrink, so it would appear he has taken your advice.

Posted by: PW at November 15, 2004 at 12:03 PM

Jade seems to have described actions that have been a standard MO for the left for a long time.

Good work!!!

Posted by: DaveACt at November 15, 2004 at 12:18 PM

Jade, you can't make this stuff up:

"...the individual who was my immediate superior has a severe personality problem in that he fears competition from other well-equipped, well-experienced lenders, such as myself."

Niall is so self-loving that I am amazed he hasn't reproduced like a hermaphrodite.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 12:24 PM

On further reflection, I am also glad that Niall hasn't reproduced through self-fertilization. The thought of multiple little Nialls running around the planet makes me ill to my stomach.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 12:25 PM

I don't know what being left or right has to do with this, DaveACt.
None of you has met the person in question - neither person for that matter - Niall or the ex-boss. I've met both.

Niall is not seeing a shrink - where does he say that he is? Do you not understand the difference between past and present tense?

Niall was not sacked. You are not aware of all the things that have gone on there before now. I'm honestly amazed that action hasn't been taken against the former boss by other people.

I don't really care where some of these statements started, but they are not true. Tim Blair obviously "made up" what he wanted to read into Niall's post, and has now posted that he was sacked. This is not true.

Get a life, children.

Posted by: melanie at November 15, 2004 at 01:01 PM

why did you have to get your mum involved niall?

Posted by: rosceo at November 15, 2004 at 01:05 PM

Regardless whether Cookie voluntarily bailed or got The Big A, publicly dumping on his former employer (and/or an employee of his former employer) is very unwise, to say the least.

Some years ago an employee of mine resigned (for his own reasons - he wasn't pushed) and promptly went to "the opposition" and asked the MD for a job, saying he'd quit my company because we were going bust (we weren't and never did).

The MD didn't give him a job, but instead told him to piss off and not spread crap around the industry, then phoned me to tell me what happened.

Cookie should realise even opposition bosses get together and talk, often about their employees past and present.

Employees often make the mistake of believing they're more important and valuable than they are, and shoot themselves in the foot (and then blame everyone else for their problems).

Cookie, if you want to blog funny / nasty / interesting stuff about your employer, go for it; but don't NAME the employer. Be like Denny Wilson (Grouchy Old Cripple) who simply refers to his employer (that he's just retired from) as TCIDNN (the company I dare not name).

Posted by: Jim Riley at November 15, 2004 at 01:39 PM

Jade said:so does it make you all feel big and better and macho because you chose one person to pick on

Hmm, I wonder what the Vietnamese driver and Niall's boss have to say on that score.

Posted by: nic at November 15, 2004 at 01:41 PM

Hey Niall,

Ever thought about being a cabbie ? It's a crash course in people skills, an insight into the art of relationships and a tonic for anyone with an anger management problem.

Especially when the passenger sitting behind you is eyeing your neck, having you wonder, 'Has he got a knife or not - what do I say now to chill him out..?'.

Cab driving - earn while you learn. Much cheaper then paying a shrink. You'll love it.

Posted by: jafa at November 15, 2004 at 01:44 PM

This Niall creature was a mortgage broker? The things you learn. I would have expected him, from his attitude towards everything, to be in the arts, perhaps as one of those people who paint trashcans with blood and weld them together and call them something like "The Struggle for Aboriginal Rights in the 21st Century."

By the way, Niall and Melanie have the same IP address: 202.45.105.180. It's so nice of his girlfriend to come to his defence like that.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at November 15, 2004 at 02:13 PM

"By the way, Niall and Melanie have the same IP address: 202.45.105.180. It's so nice of his girlfriend to come to his defence like that."

Maybe she is also the person he refers to as "my legal representative"?

Posted by: ABC Al at November 15, 2004 at 02:19 PM

"By the way, Niall and Melanie have the same IP address: 202.45.105.180."

It could be quite literally a matter of his left hand not knowing what his right hand is up to, I mean would you really want to know Andrea...

Posted by: Harry Tuttle at November 15, 2004 at 02:23 PM

Ummm... no, Harry, I don't think that I do.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at November 15, 2004 at 02:36 PM

Maybe it is in fact Niall's alter ego, when he slips into a fashionable but elegant evening gown, and goes out for a night "on duty". Speculation is a dangerous thing.

Posted by: Todd at November 15, 2004 at 03:14 PM

He also had this to say about Rememberance Day:

"Armistice Day. Commemorate the sacrifices, as futile as they have all been since this country has engaged in fighting other peoples wars, if that's your thing, but for mine I prefer to mourn the waste of human life."

WWII was somebody else's war? Funny, I thought it was Darwin, NT that got bombed. Must have been a differnt Sydney Harbour that had midget subs sent into.

Posted by: attila at November 15, 2004 at 03:33 PM

I guess Niall thinks that Nazis should be allowed to exterminate Jews without interference.

Dickhead.

Posted by: Quentin George at November 15, 2004 at 03:43 PM

Happy with the new headline, Niall?

Posted by: tim at November 15, 2004 at 03:45 PM

"repartie and comraderie"

and the sales support staff will miss his spelling abilities I bet...

Posted by: attila at November 15, 2004 at 04:11 PM

Paint trashcans with blood and weld them together and call them something like "The Struggle for Aboriginal Rights in the 21st Century."

Brilliant concept, Andrea. I'll apply for an Arts Council grant tomorrow.

Posted by: Evil Pundit at November 15, 2004 at 04:34 PM

EP, you could include housing for the homeless in your grant, if you lay some of the cans on their sides. If Oscar the Grouch can live in one on Sesame Street, maybe it'll work for the streets of your hometown.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 04:40 PM

I like the way you think, JeffS. Two government grants for the price of one!

Posted by: Evil Pundit at November 15, 2004 at 04:48 PM

Oh you!
Gosh, this is riveting.

[Long stupid line of z's removed and the commenter's IP banned for his being an asshead. The Management.]

Posted by: mallrat at November 15, 2004 at 04:53 PM

what's with the anti-asian 'nips' stuff on his site? where's the love niall? where is the love?

Posted by: rosceo at November 15, 2004 at 04:57 PM

Interesting question.

Why do Niall's wife, Melanie and step(?)daughter Jade apparently refer to Niall as Neil on their weblogs?

But if I was you Tim I would be scared, Niall seems to sooled his women onto you.

Posted by: Just Another Bloody Lawyer at November 15, 2004 at 05:21 PM

Uhmmm, better get your facts straight, Timmy, before I look seriously at legal action.

Yes you heard that properly. Niall is threatening legal action because Tim said "fired" instead of "quit".

I left, I was NOT dismissed.

Is that one of those "you can't fire me, i quit!" sort of deals?

The parting was amicable.

Doesn't seem to be evidenced by the posting, Niall.

Posted by: Anonymous at November 15, 2004 at 05:31 PM

Well, y'know, EP, Niall might need new digs pretty soon, him being unemployed and all. If Melanie and Jade are supported by Niall, you'd have three tenants right off the bat.

Posted by: The Real JeffS at November 15, 2004 at 05:38 PM

Hmmm, now you guys are talking. We could get a yartz grant to make a film about a bearded, racist wiccan who works as a financial lender, who, upon 'finding other employment', enlists the help of his family.

I'm thinking of calling it " Niall Cook, the boss, his wife and her daughter"

Whaddareckon?

Posted by: nic at November 15, 2004 at 05:50 PM

I must admit I'm glad that Jade and Melanie posted on this thread. It's nice to see that there are people who have managed not to dislike Niall despite his outstanding efforts on that front.

Posted by: PW at November 15, 2004 at 08:04 PM