Tim Blair

Wow. Celebrities; is there anything they can't do? (Well, besides think, that is, but I am reassured by the lady that does my nails and horoscope that this "thought" thing is overrated anyway.)

Never heard of Lahti or Margulies? Rest assured, you haven't missed a whole heck of a lot.

As for Patrick Swayze, he's a born-and-bred Texan whose mommy made him take ballet. So it's natural for him to confuse horses and foreign people.

"I know a great deal about the Middle East because I’ve been raising Arabian horses," he said.

No one's that stupid. This is Scrappleface, right?

"I've never heard of Margulies or Lahti"

Margulies was on the TV series ER for about eight seasons or so (she played George Clooney's nurse girlfriend). Since leaving the show, the highlight of her film career was a movie called "Ghost Ship" about a haunted, um, ship.

As for Lahti, she was nominated for best supporting actress in movie called "Swing Shift"... in 1979. She is currently the mother of Jack and Bobby in the TV series "Jack and Bobby."

So you see, Tim, these actresses have a lot of experience potraying nurses and people who are scared and the mothers of future Presidents, so we should listen to what they have to say.

Ahem:

Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze election this year!
Vote for Kerry or I'll kick you in the ear!

If you're confused, see here. If you're still confused, I can't help you. (I couldn't find an mp3.)

...and an expert on European affairs, owing to all the Belgian waffles, Turkish taffy, and french fries he's eaten.

Oh yea! Well Wayne Newton has raised more Arabians than Mr. Swayze and he's voting for Bush. So there!

I once owned a German shephard so that makes me an expert on all things German. You can just call me Herr Germany. That means Mr. Germany to you non-German shephard owners.

Margulies has very pretty hair and eyes.

I'm an expert on Greek culture, but I'd rather not say why.

Near-Celebs Rally Against Bush, Repo Men

I've been French kissed does that make me oh, no...

I had an order of french fries yesterday and was enlightened to the French culture....greasy.

This morning I learned a little more about the french people after indulging in french toast....

All this culture has made me much more understanding of them.

Last week I drove by an Arabian horse farm in Maryland but didn't realize I should have stopped in to get a better understanding of Bin Laden and his people.

Please tell me that Swayze quote came from The Onion. Please.

Like Randal, my great dane apparently also makes me an expert on all things German. Who'da thunk it?

When they read the lines that others write, these actors sound so smart. When speak their own lines, they sound moronic. Better to stick to their day job.

"I'm going out there as a woman." Really, how profound. What kind of background research did you do to better understand your character?

[You are still not allowed to comment. The Management.]

[You are still not allowed to comment. The Management.]

You know - they're right. I've been eating Chinese food for many years, so as an expert on China - I can talk with extreme confidence and knowledge of all things Chinese. Oh wait. Nevermind. With each actor/actress and singer - I become more of a country music fan (less the Dixie Idiots) and realize that in the future there will be a lot less movies and music I will pay for. If they would just shut UP - come Wednesday they wouldn't feel as stupid. Oh well. Glad they all like sounding like Osama and Michael Moore.

Well, it's nice to see that Patrick "...told Gulf Today newspaper he badly wanted to play a sheik." Considering how he played a teen aged anti-Communist guerilla in that old movie, Red Dawn. Gues which role he really prefers!

Hey, Pat! F*** you, and the Arabian horses that you breed.

Oh yea! Well Wayne Newton has raised more Arabians than Mr. Swayze and he's voting for Bush. So there!

Who could have guessed that Arabian horse owners would play such a significant role in the election? The things you learn on the internet.

I'm holding out until I find out how Jennifer Garner is voting. Cause I want to impress her. In case the judge ever lifts the restraining order.

I am dying of laughter over Swayze's horse comment...what he won't tell you is that he trained some of those horses out at a stable yard next to where I go to church...smack dab in the boondocks of Texas!

And his mommie was a long-time ballet instructor here in Houston, hence the prima ballerina experience.

That comment, however, is rife with implications, however. Does it mean he's horse-cist? (as in 'some of my best friends are black...') What a joke!

Unfortunately Jennifer Garner is probably voting Democrat. I recall seeing that she made donations to a bunch of Democrats during the primaries.

Wull golly-gee!
Here in Flori-duh we just had no less than Kirsten Dunst, Cher, and Rosie O'Donnell come try to tell us how to vote. I shore am glad that they showed up 'cause now I don't have to study the issues, (readin makes my brain hurt 'cause I'm not a Hollywood Star) all I gotta do is vote how they tell me.
To hell with what's good for the country, as long as it promotes their personal agenda.
Note to Ms. Dunst, Ms. O'Donnell, and Cher:
Get in your limousine, go to the airport, get on your private jet and go back to Hollywood. If I want to hear from you, I'll go to Blockbuster.

I was at the track last night and one of the horses took a big crap in the winners circle, now I know more about acting than I ever wanted to.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
-H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" LOL. If only they'd listened to Mr. Warner!

I own a Persian cat, so does that make me an expert on Persia, or on ...., no, nevermind.

Patrick knows alot about horse's behinds because he is one.

I own two dogs one's a mongrel the other a bitch.Will that make me an expert on Kerry and Theresa?

I drive a Japanese motorcycle, so I'm an expert on all things Japanese (arigato gozaiimasta).
Ja!

I'm an expert on Greek culture, but I'd rather not say why.

Hah!

I had a English Muffin today, so maybe I should spread my wisdom on the UK elections.

I once dated a democrat. After taking in an indian restaurant where we became experts on indian mysticism, i thought it waas time for me get a better insight into the workings of the democratic psyche.
Imagine my surpise when she told me that she too had wanted to do to me what the republicans had been doing to America.
One wonders what insights patrick has obtained from his "relationship" with his "arabians".

Off topic
Arafat does not have leukemia.
The french may be too PC to actually identify the illness which fits his symptoms.

Imagine my surpise when she told me that she too had wanted to do to me what the republicans had been doing to America.

She wanted to protect you from PC thugs?

davo,

Kinda OT but not really. The other night was watching "The Gangs of New York" again.

There was one scene where Bill the Butcher and some of his gang were partying in a brothel. One of the gang-members grabbed ahold of a cute little prostitute.

Bill the Butcher yelled out to him, "Better watch out, that one's Frenchified".

The prostitute angrily replied, "No I am not, I am clean".

It's always good to learn a new, and very useful, word.

The Real Jeff S — No, I think Swayze said he wanted to play a sheik badly,,,

"As actors it is our duty to read things in the newspapers and say them to people as though they were our own ideas..." — J. Garofalo, Team America

I'm an expert on women's issues. I'm married to a woman. I think she's taking a black marker into the voting booth with her to write VOID across the ballot.

I know a lot about Australia because I've been drinking a lot of Australian beers and wines.

Cut Swayze a little slack. He was in one of the most memorable skits on SNL with Chris Farley, which happened to be almost as funny as the Arabian horse thing.

Good point, Richard. But if we want someone to play a sheik badly, then I suggest Jamie Farr; he did a pretty bad job on "Cannonball 2".

And at least Farr is of Lebanonese ancestry. Swayze would have to under plastic surgery to be convincing, or have some storyline that convinces the audience that a WASP can ride herd over a bunch of ubermacho Arabs.

On the other hand, maybe Swayze will be sheik of a dancing troupe....?

Can we finally give some props to our fellow citizens who just happen to be homeless crack addicts, for being experts on Columbia?

Come to think of it, I smoked a joint once and I'm pretty sure I spoke Spanish later on that night.

Well not to be outdone- I've got a nest of 'bull ants about 3 metres each way and how deep, I don't know. However does this qualify me as an expert on bull? bulls? entomology or having been bitten twice does that make me an expert on allergic reactions or a flaming idiot!!!!!!!!!
As he knows so much about the ME he should know that there is a lot of sand and he can go and put is head back in it.

Oh PULEEZE!!!

Patrick Swayze bought some show arabians. He's never had a hand in caring for them. That for years was left to Tom and Rita McNair originally of Glennloch Arabians.
Then anytime he was at a show, he was greasy, wearing the same clothes each time and usually either stoned or drunk.
That an expert on ME issues makes him NOT.

Swayse knows about the ME because he has been RAISING ARABIAN HORSES!!!!??????????

Do these people ever realise how idiotic they sound? So let me test my understanding here - did the horses tell him about the ME? If so, how did he understand them? Is Swayse a secret horse whisperer?

I used to find moronic celebs good for a laugh, but lately they just make me angry.

The Real Jeff S — "Get a physical! I love you!" C'mon, that's real comedy!

And Sean Connery pulled it off in the wind and the lion. Of course comparing Swayze to Connery is like comparing Malibu Ken to GI Joe with Kung Fu Grip...

"Swayze would have to under plastic surgery to be convincing, or have some storyline that convinces the audience that a WASP can ride herd over a bunch of ubermacho Arabs."

Ah, you must not see very many movies. Here's how it works...

White man, bitter & disillusioned by corrupt Western civilization (yet employed by it in official or semi-official capacity) is sent to reconnoiter/exploit/destroy a non-Western people. He soon realizes the superior dignity and spirituality of their culture and joins them. Despite their superiority, however, in the end it is our white male Western hero who teaches, leads, and rescues the ultimately hapless (yet superior!) brown people, earning their gratitude and friendship, which he reciprocates by returning to his corrupt and inferior Western life. Sigh. White man's burden, ain't it?

Your homework assignment is to rent "A Man Called Horse", "Dances with Wolves" and "Dances with Pandas" - er, I mean, "The Last Samurai." Bonus: In regards to "The Last Samurai", explain how Tom Cruise and his screenwriters expect us to lament the passing of a feudalistic, militaristic and fascist warrior caste that exploited and terrorized the commom people. Is it irony or stupidity?

Now ocasshionally I like a little nip of Jack Daniels, Makersh Mark, Teqila, Lager, Champagne-cross out last two so I reckons I am well dishposed to knowledge of affairss international

Er, make that "common" people.

Quentin George
Imagine my surpise when she told me that she too had wanted to do to me what the republicans had been doing to America

Whatever was meant it was gratefully accepted, and i have no guilt feelings about my temporary lapse from the Republican brotherhood.
Of course if i had revealed my true leanings to the lady, i doubt i would have been the recipient of her favours.
This is indeed the border at which principles are
temporarily suspended from the bedroom window for "the greater good".

LOL, Dave! I did see "Dances with wolves" and "The Man Called Horse". You should realize that those films were based on the myth of the Noble Savage, which anyone who has spent a month humping through the woods (in friendly territory or not) "away" from civilization what a total crock that is. Those films depicted the loss of the "Noble Savage" to the oncoming hordes of Northern European colonists and their insatiable lusts for land and wealth.

This scenario hardly applies to Patrick portraying the leader of a tribal unit in a nomadic culture that is the result of a decadent civilization.

Now I did not see "The Last Samurai" precisely for the bonus points. While I admit to a certain fascination with the old Japanese culture, with a focus on the Samurai, I don't hold any illusions about a feudal society that practised, among other things, female infanticide. The passing of that lifestyle was long overdue when Commodore Perry opened trading relations with Japan.

But I agree the "The Last Samurai" is applicable to Swayze and his fixation on a sheikdom. Both are in feudal/tribal societies, with a ruling class chosen by birth, as opposed to ability or plebiscite. Both are in cultures that have stagnated or even declined. And both possess the warrior mythos in abundant quantity.

Not to mention, if Swayze's dream flick was ever made, we would have two films with actors who don't realize that they are long past retirement.

I trust this fits your requirements.

Sincerely,

Comparing Sean Connery to Patrick Swayze is blasphemy, Richard! It's on the same order as comparing Benjamin Franklin to Margo Kingston.

Men have burned at the stake for lesser crimes! Repent, ye sinner!

Patrick Swayze was dumb enough to be caught red-handed flying a twin-engine airplane drunk, with a bunch of booze socked away in the cargo compartment. 'Nuff said.

Hope the horses don't grow up to be as dumb as Patrick

The Patrick Swayze story (it's genuine) and full quote is over at TurkishPress.com.

Hey, I'm not ornamental, so I try to be functional...

Margulies has very pretty hair and eyes.

with a name pronounced "mah goolies" she probably has a nutsack as well though

Alan, This quote from the article is worse than the horse comment: "I've been trying to get to Iraq for a while just to support the guys, no publicity no nothing, just go and hang out with them, but the hard part is probably now if I go I'll die," the actor added.

He's already brain dead, so what's to lose?

Imagine my surpise when she told me that she too had wanted to do to me what the republicans had been doing to America.

She wanted to lower your taxes, give your child a better education and put you back to work? She a kinky babe.

Patrick seems to have spent way too much time at the rear end of the horse. Having injested all those horse farts, his brain has got a bit mushy.

Since Patrick has both Arabians and lightweight Dem instincts, perhaps he should do a sequel to his best movie ever and call it "Dirty Prancing".

Not only does Patrick raise Arabians, it would seem he also reads French Letters?

Patrick can converse with the beasts because he's a horse whisperer!