Tim Blair

Let's be realistic, this is John Kerry we're talking about: The world would be safer if I engaged in a legitimate effort to try to really transform the ability of the world to find a legitimate way to be safer.

"If the world's so safe, why are you so angry?"

The world would be safer if those stupid Americans would just believe Dan's memos were real.

Two evil regimes deposed in four years! Only one hundred and thirty seven to go, and they'll be just as easy.

John Kerry: The world would be safer if the French grew a backbone, I picked a position and stuck to it, and pigs flew.

"The world would be safer if it was a Nerf ball!"

Bad choice. Who can forget the Brady kids lamenting, "Mom always said, 'don't play ball in the house!'"

John Kerry: The world would be safer if I could wear my flip-flops to the office.

The world would be safer if people just stopped asking questions.

Bush's line is "extremely lame", and yet "somewhat effective". Probably because it's pretty obviously, er, true.

Silly Marshall.

At least Saddam was elected! So there!

The world would be safer if we deferred to the United Nations when making all foreign policy decisions.

The world would be safer if we all punched a pacifist?

I've posted this as my forgery, it contains all the CBS memos, plus all other possible short memos anyone could write or refuse to write.

http://www.rain.org/~mkummel/stumpers/23mar01a.html

This extract from the Uniiversal Library also contains all possible slogans Kerry could use, so Josh's problem is solved.

John Kerry: I voted for a safer world before I voted against it. Soon, I can get the French to vote against it also, then the world will be safe from the French.

The world would be safer if we all just put our fingers in our ears and go "la la la la la".

Hilarious post.

When you're looking for a new catch phrase for your number one issue 40 odd days from the election, it's kinda over.

The world would be safer with John Kerry as pres-- no, that's obviously not going to work.

The world would have more esprit de corps with John Kerry as president? More elan? More joie de vivre?

The wold will be safer because of my secret plan which, no, I'm not going to reveal until after I'm elected.

Trust me!

The world would be safer if we still had those two murderous dictatorships. O, George Bush! Why must you make the world less safe! Aiaiaiaiaiaiaia!

The world would be safer if all monkeys were dead!

The world would be safer if Congress authorizes the use of force, but we don't do anything about it.

"It Takes A Kerry To Raze A Village."

N. O'Brian wins, hands down.

Only a "Herbert" would vote for Bush, Brother!

Heading out to eden, Yeah brother.
Heading out to eden, Yeah brother.
No more trouble In my body or my mind.
Goin' to live like a king on whatever I find.
Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind.
Yeah brother.

Perhaps John Kerry needs to prop up his sagging poll numbers with botox.

Perhaps John Kerry needs to prop up his sagging poll numbers with botox.

Wait a minute. Run this by me again - I wasn't paying attention. Josh Marshall actually THINKS all Kerry needs to win the election is a good catch phrase about Iraq. He said THAT when so many of us bloggers are trying to figure out how to make money for our work. What a traitor!

Nuance means never having to say you're sorry.

The world would have been far safer if BusHitleRasputin hadn't presented that vile, Halliburton-manufactured, plastic turkey to soldiers in Iraq; in which the toxic fumes emitted from it will undoubtedly afflict them with the next generation of Gulf War Syndrome.

John Kerry: Together, we can still make the world accept our surrender.

The world would be safer if John Kerry hadn't successfully undermined the American people's confidence in its own military during the "Winter Soldier" hearings; and if the stigma Kerry helped create against those who sacrificed so much while asking so little in return hadn’t held sway for 30 years.

The world would be safer if all world leaders were French-looking.

(No-one would know who to invade, or who to surrender to).

"The world would be safer if the US just surrendered to the French."

I Will Keep Our Enemies Guessing, Too

Projecting American Strength Through Intricately Complex Nuance

The Thinking Man's Self-Confessed War Criminal

Vote For Me or My Running Mate Will Sue

Those Atrocity Stories? Dude, I Was Just Shitting You

I Will Do For You the Many Wonderous Things I Have Done For Massachusetts

Fear Not, America, I Have Deigned to Lead You

I Will Never Recuse My UN Ambassador from the Vote to Ask for a Permission Slip to Defend This Country

Together, we can leverage our synergies with horizontal strategy.

"George W. Bush. Wrong about Rutherford B. Hayes. Wrong for American."

Who amongst us does not see my Truth.com?

Vote for me you fucking unwashed commoners.

1) The world would be safer if it wasn't so dangerous.

2) As a matter of fact, I do have some Grey Poupon.

"Josh Marshall actually THINKS all Kerry needs to win the election is a good catch phrase about Iraq."

I'm already getting this from my lefty friends-- "Kerry is losing because he didn't dumb it down enough like Bush." I usually defy them to express Kerry's positions in dumbed-down terms, and they can't.

If being in advertising 20 years has taught me anything (besides stay out of advertising), it's that if you CAN'T express it clearly in a few short, sharp words, you haven't thought it through clearly enough yourself-- or you're trying to have it both ways. If John Kerry had strong positions, there'd already be a way to sum them up as short and clear as "Carthago est delenda" or "The Union forever."

Oops, make that "I usually defy them to express Kerry's positions in NON-dumbed-down ways..."

The world would be safer if we just bent over and tried to enjoy it.

Nice, Freddy.

The world will be safer when I give everyone a little puppy dog named Mr. Poopytime.

I have a lovely bunch of coconuts.

The world would be safer if that sonofabitch hadn't tripped me.

The world would be safer if...wait a minute, I have to check what my current position on this issue is.

Le monde serait plus sûr s'il y avait plus de nuance.

Le monde serait plus sûr s'il y avait moins de nuance.

I asked for more nuance before I asked for less nuance.

If you vote for me, free Purple Hearts for everyone!

John Kerry, 57 varieties of truth.

The world would be safer if we put it in a lockbox.

/Kerry-Gore mindmeld.

How about:

Je suis un Vietnam Vetaran Godd*mmit !

Oops ! wrong electorate.

The world would be safer if it wasn't for the voices in my head.

The world would be safer if we just kept Tuh-RAY-zuh locked in the attic.

Well, at least until November 5th.

(1) What do you mean I married the wrong Republican?

(2) I wonder what Sam Walton's widow is doing after the election?

---"Safer" is the wrong word, at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

---"Safer? Oh, I thought he said funner."

With apologies to Burt Bacharach:
"What the World needs now
Is nuance, nuance"

You have to slur the first 'nuance's two syllables into one.
You go now. Practice a few hours.
Soon we'll all be singing the same tune comma looney.

* the world would be safer if we restored the French veto
* the world would be safer under dhimmitude (riiiight...)

"Whatever your position is, I support it, or did before I voted against it."

WARNING, this is really bad. Allegedly a bumper sticker:

Vote Kerry!
The Sears Tower is an eyesore anyway!

"The world will be safer when they stop developing new flavors of Coca-Cola."

The world would be safer if we focused on al Qaeda.

Vote Kerry: He Cries When He Ejaculates

Vote for Me, or my Thugs will make your Daughter Cry.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040916/480/wvrs10309162250

Let's roll...over...

The world would be safer if...

...our government stopped training insurgents at SOA, stopped invading other countries to impose government by gunpoint, stopped allowing pretenders who don't win the vote from becoming president, stopped allowing men who care more about their oil interests or Halliburton stock than people to become leaders and if all Americans woke up and demanded the truth.