July 15, 2004
GO, DIDDLER!
Franklin Foer reveals John Kerry’s deep, dark secret:
He distinguished himself as a soccer star. At Yale, he made the varsity squad and even scored a hat trick against Harvard. So, why isn't Kerry juggling soccer balls or practicing penalty kicks for the cameras? Mr. Kerry, why are you running from your record?
One possible explanation is characterological. Four Four Two, a British soccer magazine, has investigated Kerry's soccer career. Unfortunately, it confirmed the worst stereotype about Kerry: He isn't very decisive.
According to classmates, Kerry preferred dribbling around defenders, rather than using passes to advance the ball. His school team's Scottish manager would urge him not to "diddle with the ball." Apparently, this exhortation stuck as a nickname, "the Diddler."
Others teammates, mostly Democrats, are more sympathetic. They describe Kerry as a good team player, but they still poke fun at his loping stride. His other soccer nickname is "the Camel."
George W. Bush played rugby.
UPDATE. The Diddler isn’t a team player:
All of John Kerry's primary rivals - and potential future contender Hillary Clinton - were snubbed yesterday when the Democrats announced their prime-time convention speakers.
Shut out were Howard Dean, who still commands legions of passionate followers, running-mate runnerup Dick Gephardt, Joseph Lieberman, Wesley Clark, Bob Graham, Al Sharpton, Dennis Kucinich and Carol Moseley Braun.
Apparently Hillary Clinton’s role will only involve standing on stage "for a first-night photo op with other female senators." Great. Guess I can miss the first night, then.
UPDATE. Grrrrrr! The sisterhood is steamed:
Posted by Tim Blair at July 15, 2004 02:54 AMThe former chairwoman of New York's state Democratic Party said Wednesday it was "a total outrage" that Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has not been offered a prominent speaking role at the Democratic National Convention.
"It's a slap in the face, not personally for Hillary Clinton, but for every woman in the Democratic Party and every woman in America," said Judith Hope, a major party fund-raiser.
"Hillary Clinton has been a team player for this ticket from Day One," Hope said.
Asked by The New York Times for its Wednesday editions why Sen. Clinton was not invited to speak at the convention, Kerry campaign spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter said: "She never asked."
Look at George's hands in that picture. WTF? He is deliberately holding out only two fingers on his right hand. Is this some secret Skull and Bones thing? Some arcane rugby sign like we're number one or Havard sucks the bone?
I personally believe it's an omen. Two terms, 'nuff said.
Posted by: Kerry Is Unelectable at July 15, 2004 at 03:05 AMI thought Bill Clinton was "The Diddler"?
(I do hope this term means the same in Aussie slang as it does in the U.S. - if not, I think you can figure it out.)
First night, second night, and every night thereafter.
Posted by: Rebecca at July 15, 2004 at 03:21 AMPercy:
Has the same meaning here. Very apt description of Clinton, btw.
Posted by: Chris Josephson at July 15, 2004 at 03:42 AMI'd also bet he's worried that soccer is still considered by too many Americans to be an effete, Euro-nonsport.
Posted by: Russell Wardlow at July 15, 2004 at 03:47 AMI'll watch the first night to see how the Hildebeast will react to being shuffled on and shuffled off with the other "ladies," and not hob-nobbing with the power brokers.
I'll especially watch to see if her head starts spinning or, in the alternative, for her to strike John/John with death.
Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper
It's in Hilary's best interest that Kerry lose. A Kerry win puts her eight years from the Presidency. That's the silver lining I'll cling to if horse-face wins.
Kerry was a soccer player?!
I'm shocked. I never would have guessed.
Posted by: Dave S. at July 15, 2004 at 04:52 AMSo, why isn't Kerry juggling soccer balls or practicing penalty kicks for the cameras? Mr. Kerry, why are you running from your record?
Hazarding a wild guess, maybe because 98% of Americans think soccer is for eurosissies, girls and 6-year olds.
Better he should tout his exploits on the Yale badminton squad, or the captaincy of the pastry decorating club.
Posted by: iowahawk at July 15, 2004 at 05:03 AMPercy--
If "Diddler" is taken, "Wanker" is still available. ;)
Posted by: Fresh Air at July 15, 2004 at 05:06 AMAsked by The New York Times for its Wednesday editions why Sen. Clinton was not invited to speak at the convention, Kerry campaign spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter said: "She never asked."
"Also, he doesn't want to end up on some park bench with a bullet hole in his head. That Clinton bitch is dangerous, and usually heavily armed..."
Posted by: mojo at July 15, 2004 at 05:35 AMOk, so it's the richest personal-fortune ticket in history (albeit that neither man ever, like, produced anything to earn his wealth).
Ok, so all the contenders for VP were white males, no exceptions.
Ok, so Kerry refuses even to allow the most prominent of all female Dems to so much as speak at his convention.
Ok, so ... what's the problem? The girls can stand beside us for a few pics. Yeah, that'll give 'em a thrill. Then back to making sandwiches, gals.
They don't need females to talk at the Democratic convention. It's mostly pussies anyway.
Posted by: Ken Summers at July 15, 2004 at 05:49 AMOoooo! I once heard that Hillary's tag with various support elements in the White Hourse was "Queen Bitch of the Universe".
I'm betting she is living up to that name right now. How dare they deny Hillary her moment of glory at the DNC? Even if she would eclipse Kedwards because she has more standing than they do? (BTW, that's because she has largely kept her mouth shut, with some notable exceptions, a telling state of affairs for the Democrats.)
"She never asked", indeed! What a pitiful excuse. Kerry is probably shutting her out deliberately, given that (within the Democratic ranks, anyway), she probably is better known than Kedwards (can't say "popular", but it could be so).
OTOH, it's rather arrogant of Hillary and her supporters to assume that she would be invited to speak. This is Kerry's campaign, after all, not Hillary's.
Still, it's good to see the divisions within the Democratic party. Maybe they'll start fanging each other.
Posted by: The Real JeffS at July 15, 2004 at 06:20 AMSomehow I get the feeling that "she never asked" means "she refused to crawl on her hands and knees and smooch my served-in-Vietnam butt."
Posted by: Dr Alice at July 15, 2004 at 07:08 AM"Hillary Clinton has been a team player for this ticket from Day One,"
Right. She'll stab Kerry as soon as he turns his back.
Posted by: Roger Bournival at July 15, 2004 at 08:11 AMAh, but don't you find Hillary attractive, in a strange, Ann Robinson-beating-your-ass-with-a-ruler sort of way?
There must be some entertaining sites out there with the Hillion as dominatrix, but I've images enough in my addled head as it is...
Posted by: geezer at July 15, 2004 at 08:33 AMgeezer: Ewwwwwwww. You've made me want to put out my mind's eye.
And regarding the soccer thing, I agree with a couple of the comments above: us 'murcans think soccer is for little kids and euroweenies. To paraphrase Hank Hill:
"Soccer is a game invented by European ladies so they'd have something to do while their husbands cook dinner."
Posted by: Sean M. at July 15, 2004 at 09:48 AMGeorge didn't actually play rugby, he just turned up for the photo.
Posted by: LD at July 15, 2004 at 09:58 AMIOWAHAWK: Which international team did the USA team beat to win the Super Bowl (world championship Gridiron, where the players spend more time gossipping than playing "handball"), the World Series Basketball(and they have the cheek to say cricket is boring.)
Which teams played for the Soccer World cup, both male and female, the European, etc.
Posted by: LaVallette at July 15, 2004 at 10:28 AMgeezer, I view Hillary as an inflatable doll controlled remotely by Al Gore. It's the only possible explanation for everything she and he does.
Posted by: The Real JeffS at July 15, 2004 at 10:35 AMSay what you want, but name me one person outside of RR who's united us conservatives more than Hillary! Can't do it, can yuz!?
For the record, I hate her nearly as much as my first wife, and if you knew HER, well... my fucking condolences.
Posted by: geezer at July 15, 2004 at 11:03 AMI view Hillary as an inflatable doll controlled remotely by Al Gore.
Funny, I figured it must be exactly the other way around...
Posted by: PW at July 15, 2004 at 11:22 AMRugby - man's sport, get hurt, stay on the field unless you're bleeding, and then you're back on as soon as the wound is dressed
Soccer - Euroweeny sport, pretend to get hurt, fall down, cry like a girl, get a free kick, miraculous recovery
Bush played rugby - Kerry played soccer. Enough said.
A few years ago, I took my dad and father-in-law to see the Socceroos play France in an "friendly" at the MCG. The first cheese-eating surrender monkey to go down holding his knee was gobsmacked at the sound of 80,000 spectators chanting "Bullshit . . . . bullshit . . . ."
Posted by: steve at July 15, 2004 at 01:47 PMHmmmmm, PW......you have a point about Hillary controlling Algore. God knows he makes her look good. Eeeeewwwwwwwwww!
Posted by: The Real JeffS at July 15, 2004 at 04:03 PMBumper Sticker seen in Boston:
"DEMS FOR HILLARY '08--VOTE BUSH!"
Posted by: Jack Ward at July 16, 2004 at 05:39 AMGeorge Bush played rugby?? why weren't we told this before? It just the sort of information that the government here (NZ) needs to know.
Posted by: mike. A. at July 16, 2004 at 06:34 AMAh, rugby. Sort of fits in with one rugby's rules of the game: "If you see a head, kick it." I do like Steve's descriptions...
Posted by: Chrees at July 16, 2004 at 07:34 AM