June 29, 2004

FINNY GIRL

Youíve all read about Barbra Streisandís innovative revision of People, performed at a John Kerry benefit last week. Highlights:

PEOPLE
I MEAN G - O - P - EOPLE -
WHO'D BELIEVE THERE'S SUCH PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD?
BUSH SEEZA
LOTTA CONDOLEEZA,
THEY'RE DIVIDING THE PLANET'S OIL
ACCORDING TO RICHARD "POIL"
AND THEY'RE ALL JUST TRAINEES
OF CHENEY'S.

Sensational, isnít it? And thereís more:

THEY'RE LYING -
WHILE THE GLOBE IS FRYING -
AND THE FISHES ARE DYING IN THE WORLD.

Misty water-coloured memoreeeeeees, of the way we ... fished. Your challenge: rewrite another Streisand tune to better reflect this global fish tragedy.

Send in the Clownfish? Nobody Makes a Bass at Me? Iím Always Chasing Rainbow Trout? The possibilities are terrifying.

Posted by Tim Blair at June 29, 2004 02:49 AM
Comments

She has a brain tumor. It's the only reasonable explanation.

Posted by: mojo at June 29, 2004 at 02:56 AM

mojo,

More likely being mocked on South Park cracked her fragile little ego.

Or it could be a brain tumor...

Posted by: Spiny Norman at June 29, 2004 at 03:05 AM

just fishing( trolling through ) in order to have a brain tumor, one has to have some semblance of a brain. nice blog though and i visit often

Posted by: retired GI at June 29, 2004 at 03:18 AM

People, people who kill people

are sometimes called terrorists

unless you're the French or a democrat

they'd say

people, people who kill people

are called activistsssss

Posted by: won't admit to it at June 29, 2004 at 03:25 AM

I hate left wing celebrities like Striesand and Michael Moore who give the public political lectures. Lets face it they got where they are with their dazzling good looks not their brains.

Posted by: Ross at June 29, 2004 at 03:33 AM

First try: Alfie
What choo all about, Bobwa?

Second: As Time Goes By
You must remember this
A bitch is stil a bitch
A slime is still a slime
Push fundamental facts aside
At election time

And when the battle brews
Twixt Bush and you know who
Bobwa's warblings will be snide
Only Democratic acts apply
At election time

It's still the same old story
For a soupah stah's own glory
She'll buy lots of TV time
Common folk like us just roll our eyes
And vote our minds

Three:Don't Rain on My Parade
DON'T tell me not to write
some stupid lyrics
DON'T tell me not to sing
THEY wanna hear it
Don't bring around the truth to rain on myyyyyy charade
DON'T tell me not to pose
you know i gotta
My ego or my nose
it's clear what's broadah
DON'T bother me with FACTS and BRAINS
in myyyyy charade

Posted by: tree hugging sister at June 29, 2004 at 03:35 AM

I had to beat Bingley to it. Somewhere in Manhattan is a scribbling madman...

Posted by: tree hugging sister at June 29, 2004 at 03:38 AM

treehuggingsister, you are a goddess!

Or a god, as the case may be.

Posted by: Rebecca at June 29, 2004 at 03:40 AM

You know Rebecca, I've always liked you. Goddess will do quite handsomely.
{;^)

Posted by: tree hugging sister at June 29, 2004 at 03:44 AM

TreeHugSis has won a free* drink when I'm in NYC for Republican Fest 2004.

(*Offer conditional upon Bingley paying.)

Posted by: tim at June 29, 2004 at 03:58 AM

The fact that Iraq has just been turned over to the
Iraqis might change her tune, but I doubt it, she's
a one note political song.

Posted by: Mike H. at June 29, 2004 at 04:01 AM

well, treehugging, you have me at a decided disadvantage, as i'm not old enough to have the bab's vinyl close at hand.

however

Cry Me A River

Now the jooos are puttin' lox in
Our guns, but it's dioxin
That will kill me a river
Yes, kill me a river
I'd kill me a river for you

Oh some say I'm complainy
'bout Abu Ghraib and Cheney
But my heart would a-shiver
If you'd kill me a river
Yes, kill me a river, oh do

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at June 29, 2004 at 04:02 AM

i can accept those conditions.

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at June 29, 2004 at 04:03 AM

Ross:

Michael Moore got where he is "with his dazzling good looks"?

Aieeee!

Posted by: Ryne McClaren at June 29, 2004 at 04:05 AM

sniff...you wouldn't even have your clever little 'lox and load' if it wasn't for me.

'On topic' indeed. The gauntlet has been thrown. En guarde!

Posted by: tree hugging sister at June 29, 2004 at 04:07 AM

Is Fishing the same as Fisking?

Posted by: Junkyard God at June 29, 2004 at 04:12 AM

I'm impressed that anyone can remember Barbra's 'hits'. When was the last one, thirty or forty years ago? Luckily, at the fundraiser she sang a duet with hip young Neil Diamond.

Posted by: lyle at June 29, 2004 at 04:30 AM

i'm not old enough to have the bab's vinyl close at hand

Duh, used the link Tim thoughtfully put up, you hateful puke. On which I also see Bobwa recorded 'Shall We Dance', so, without further ado (and on topic) ~

Shall We Fish

We just have now dedeuced
We did not know it well
But when we dumped the sewage
All the water went to hell.

So many bass and brim
Are lying on their sides
It made me think
We might be
Soon similairly occupied...

Shall we FISH? (dumdumdum)
On a bright cloud of toxins
Shall we fly? (dumdumdum)
Shall we cast? (dumdumdum)
Shall we then say good bye 'cause it's our last? (dumdumdum)
Or perchance? (dumdumdum)
When all the toxic wells have just run dry (dumdumdum)
Could we all live together
(I'll forget that you're my brother)
And all move to a Malibu ranch?
Where Bobwa'd be our neighbor
And we'd all vote for Ralph Nader
Shall we cast? Shall we cast??
Save the bass!! (dumdumdum)


Hah!

Posted by: tree hugging sister at June 29, 2004 at 04:44 AM

Well you know which crowd the Democrats are aiming for, and it's not the under-40s.

Posted by: PW at June 29, 2004 at 04:49 AM

When I was 12, in the middle of a godawful 13hr Melb.-Syd bus trip, I was forced to sit through "Yentl".
Years on- still recovering, one day at a time- I am learning to forgive. But I will never, ever forget.

Posted by: max power at June 29, 2004 at 05:10 AM

Our brains, soft as an easy chair;
Brains, empty as morning air.
In love with J-F-K-two,
We'll raise funds for you.

Crushed Dean under the Iowa snow,
Always certain your campaign would grow.
Us old Progressives and Greens,
Now we'll beat Bush Two.

You and I will raise five million bucks,
From other limousine liberals.
Neil Diamond and Babs, their show is unrehearsed.
We'll still buy the tickets
'Cause we all hate Geor-orge Bush,
Oh, Kerry, you're the one!
No oil drilling under midnight sun!
We'll retake the White House and Congress;
Give us power and we'll make a mess,
Aged Progressives a-a-a-a-nd Greens.

Posted by: Mike at June 29, 2004 at 05:33 AM

Well you know which crowd the Democrats are aiming for, and it's not the under-40s.

Don't you mean "under-50's"?

Posted by: Tongue Boy at June 29, 2004 at 05:57 AM

Don't you mean "under-50's"?

Could be. How old's Barb?

Posted by: PW at June 29, 2004 at 06:12 AM

Sibling rivalry is fun when it's not your own kids.

Posted by: Ken Summers at June 29, 2004 at 06:18 AM

Hatikvah Lyrics
Artist(Band):Barbra Streisand

So long as still within our breasts
The Jewish heart beats true,
So long as still towards the East,
To Zion, looks the Jew,
So long our hopes are not yet lost
Two thousand years we cherished them
To live in freedom in the land
Of Zion and Jerusalem.

(added)
So long as Bush is on the prowl
The US will be free
So long as Babra croons and wails
My earplugs will stay in
Get lost, you stupid Yentl cow
You cherish not your folk
They live in freedom in the land
Of Zion and Jerusalem

Posted by: mojo at June 29, 2004 at 07:59 AM

Over a year old...but somehow timeless...

Hell no, Barbra,......well, hell no, Barbra
There just ainít no way youíd possibly be wrong.
You're talkiní trash, Barbra....... purely bash, Barbra
You're still whinin'...but declininí...and itÖwonít be long.
I feel your boomís frayin'......weíre all sick of your brayin'
When you dis those folks who loved you way back when.
So..... sheís a bore, fellas.......show her an open door, fellas
Barbra, never come our way again.

Posted by: Stephen at June 29, 2004 at 08:04 AM

Michael Moore got where he is "with his dazzling good looks"?

Streisand got where she is "with her dazzling good looks?"

Have you seen her nose lately?

Posted by: Quentin George at June 29, 2004 at 08:31 AM

You'll have to factor in that it doesn't take much to dazzle the average Moore or Streisand fan these days.

Posted by: PW at June 29, 2004 at 09:03 AM

The Way We Were

Activism--turns on the bulb of my tiny mind.
No one's sure if Kerry really served in Vietnam--but he says "that's the way things were."

Scattered pictures of Kerry at the communion rail. Sees no contradiction being Catholic and pro-choice. Looking at a plan for abortions by mail.

Can it be that I'm such a simpleton?
Fundraising for John Kerry who supports men marrying men? If we have the chance to vote for Bush again, tell me, would we?, could we?

Horrific memories of beheadings on the internet.
911, torture, and terrorists.
We simply choose to forget.

So it's the laughter, the belief in God and Heaven. Whenever we remember our world before 911. I wish we could go back to being
"The Way We Were."

Posted by: Taebo9 at June 29, 2004 at 09:16 AM

Look, if you can't handle the fact that the beautiful people like Mikey and Babs use their sheer sex appeal to get what they want then you're incredibly naive.

Posted by: Ross at June 29, 2004 at 09:19 AM

Funny Bitch

Posted by: brian at June 29, 2004 at 09:33 AM

mojo -- That's not a tumor. That's a Hollywood ego. Hard to tell 'em apart,,,

Posted by: richard mcenroe at June 29, 2004 at 10:53 AM

What Kind Of Fool (or ode to the dumocrats)

There was a time when making a stand was out.
There was an intern we were workin'over.
We let Mikey grow,
We let the terrorists in

Who's sorry now?

Posted by: nic at June 29, 2004 at 11:15 AM

Tree Huggin Sis,
The lyrics are good - very good.
But no more now. We don't want to overload folks with 60's tunes. And be nice to the other lyricists.

Posted by: Robert Blair at June 29, 2004 at 11:42 AM

On a clear day, you can see my lobotomy scar

and I'm talking crystal clear- you can barely spot it past her snout.

Posted by: Habib at June 29, 2004 at 12:26 PM

A Second-rate Nose

My Party has a philosophy strictly second hand
Everything from welfare to care of the land
Stuff that's they believe came from before the Second World War
Even job creation plans are what FDR did before
Itís no wonder that I feel confused
I never think a thing that ainít been used

Iím saying second-hand cliches
Second hand prose
Thatís why they call me
A Second-rate Nose...

Posted by: pappy at June 29, 2004 at 01:03 PM

I don't get what's the big deal with killing fish. I mean, that fish on my plate had better be dead.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 29, 2004 at 01:09 PM

You don't bring me flounder
You don't fry me whitebait
You hardly talk to me anymore
When you come through the door
With a sad, frozen 'cray

I remember when
We would eat John Dory
Or even Orange Roughy
Now after pier fishing late at night
When it's good for you
And the weather's alright
Well you just reel in
Even if you don't get a bite.....

And you don't bring me schnapper anymore

It used to be so natural
To talk about fresh Yellowfin
But don't count anymore
They just lay on the floor
And flap flap flap away

And baby, I remember
All the things you taught me
I learned how to bait
With a hook through the eye
Well I learned how to cast
When the surf's running high
You'd think I could learn
How to tie a good fly...

'Cause you don't bring me brown trout anymore

Posted by: Pieman at June 29, 2004 at 01:27 PM

I'd happily bring Babs brown trout, blind mullet and Churchill cod- maybe arranged on a pu pu platter. Eat up, Bignose!

Posted by: Habib at June 29, 2004 at 01:59 PM

Pieman:

Absolutely side splittingly funny lyrics to you don't bring me flowers anymore. Or is it You Don't bring me flowers Michael Moore? Just kidding. Hey, check out my version of "The Way We Were". Keep the funny stuff coming.

Taebo9

Posted by: Taebo9 at June 29, 2004 at 02:56 PM

These lyrics are so beautiful! It makes me very emotional. I'm getting a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic: I voted for it before I voted against it.

I feel better. I feel better. What's this I hear about a Kerry/Streisand ticket? It's like butter...

Posted by: Timothy Lang at June 29, 2004 at 04:12 PM

forget the butter; pass the bearnaise!

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at June 30, 2004 at 12:27 AM