June 20, 2004

RIGHT AMONG WRONGS

Click on the Blogad link at this new Bush-hatin', Kerry-lovin' site and youíll find a completely accurate testimonial from me:

"Wrong about everything."
- Tim Blair

Trouble is, I havenít written that yet. So, to make things official: that site is wrong about everything. Except Dick Cheney. Meanwhile, New York reader Daniel Aronstein asks:

If Kerry couldn't even talk McCain into something good -- like having what looks like (according to all polls) a better than 50:50 chance at being the second-most powerful person in the world -- how does he expect us to believe he could talk Chirac, or Schroeder, or Zapatero (and whatever Third World tyrants happen to be on the UN Security Council at the time) into something even bigger ... like going to war?

UPDATE. Robert Corr notes in comments that the "I can't wait to vote" line, repeated in every post at the same-named site, is a blatant Google-luring ploy. So far, it ainít working; currently turning up at number one is this.

Posted by Tim Blair at June 20, 2004 02:24 AM
Comments

First, I have my doubts that the US vice-Presidency is the "second-most powerful" position in the world. As John Nance Garner (FDR's VP) said, "The vice-presidency isn't worth a bucket of warm spit." (well, the press reported it that way. I suggest a closer reading of his biography would indicate he most probably used a stronger expletive than "spit".) Mark Twain famously said of twin brothers, "One went to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard of again."

The VP's duties include: 1) presiding over the Senate and breaking ties (yawn); 2) attending foreign state funerals (double yawn); and 3) getting up every morning and asking, "How's the President?"

Does , even Kerry, believe that Kerry would actually listend to McCain, given their differences? McCain is a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them.

Posted by: JorgXMcKie at June 20, 2004 at 03:21 AM

You know what shits me about that site? Every post includes the words "I can't wait to vote" with a link to the site's URL. If that's not a blatant attempt to fuck with Google, I don't know what is. (Although I can't see why they'd bother with that -- who searches for "I can't wait to vote"?)

Posted by: Robert at June 20, 2004 at 04:30 AM

"how does he expect us to believe he could talk Chirac, or Schroeder, or Zapatero ... into something even bigger ... like going to war"

He wouldnt have to. He would call up Chirac ask what he thought of the idea. Chirac would say "non" and Kerry would then announce he has decided to let negotiations, warnings, and needless slaughter of innocent Americans continue unabated.

Posted by: TJ at June 20, 2004 at 04:39 AM

TO: Tim Blair
RE: In Psychology...

"...youíll find a completely accurate testimonial from me:

"Wrong about everything." - Tim Blair [Citing a comment on that site]

Trouble is, I havenít written that yet." -- Tim Blair

...it's called "projection".

Keep up the good work....

...we're all excited.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[When they accuse you of something that doesn't seem to make sense, pay close attention. They are describing themselves.]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at June 20, 2004 at 07:41 AM

...how does he expect us to believe he could talk Chirac, or Schroeder, or Zapatero (and whatever Third World tyrants happen to be on the UN Security Council at the time) into something even bigger ... like going to war?

Frankly, I don't see Kerry trying to talk anybody into going to war (think "law-enforcement approach"), but I guess he has some experience with the matter. I think I heard somewhere that he served in Vietnam...or something.

Posted by: Sean M. at June 20, 2004 at 08:30 AM

Per JorgXMcKie's point:

"2) attending foreign state funerals (double yawn)"

In addition, the VP often attends State dinners.

Calvin Coolidge (VP to Harding) said, "Guy's gotta eat."

Posted by: JDB at June 20, 2004 at 09:13 AM

Chuck, you are both pithy and interesting.*

*(that was projection)

Posted by: Sortelli at June 20, 2004 at 10:29 AM

Does the guy at icantwaittovote.org seriously belive anyone is going to go to google to search on "I can't wait to vote"?

Posted by: Tim Shell at June 20, 2004 at 11:52 AM

I was so eager to vote that I accidently filled out my ballot before the polls even opened.

I think doctors call it "premature election".

Posted by: JDB at June 20, 2004 at 02:33 PM

Thanks for the link, Mr. Blair! While you are Wrong About Everything (except cars and drinking and some other things we can't remember), you are one of our favorite wrong people because you can write well, and you are funny.

Anyway, Robert Corr was also Wrong when he wrote, "Every post includes the words 'I can't wait to vote' with a link to the site's URL our site's slogan," which he claims is some attempt to mess with the Mighty Google.

First, how would a link to a site's URL change its search engine status? Every site -- every blog, news site, commerce site, cartoon site -- features links back to its home page. This is called "navigation," and allows the reader to click back to the "home" page. Example: On this very page you are reading, up top you will find a navigation link titled "Main." It leads back to Mr. Blair's home page -- or "index," as the special scientists call it. Page Rank -- one of the voodoo systems Google uses to, well, rank pages -- is based (in part; it's a secret system) on the number of *other* sites linking to the site in question, as well as the popularity of the other sites. Meaning, if Atrios or InstaPundit links to your site, it means something to Google. If little jimmy's sincere yet unknown hardcore rap / knitting homepage on Geocities links to a site, that link doesn't much matter. Enough of the Google talk.

Secondly, the site's slogan is used (in one form or another) in many (but certainly not all) posts as a mantra, punchline, what have you. And the evil link in question generally goes to ... the page selling 10 funny "I Can't Wait To Vote" buttons for $5. Or the home page. Or nowhere, in many cases, because it is tiresome to always be clicking with the HTML and getting busy with the code, etc. But the goal, at least, is to have the slogan be linked to the buttons page. It has nothing to do with Google. It has to do with people buying the galdamned buttons, so we can maintain our freedom-loving habits.

Also, we are sorry you people just found out Andrew Sullivan is a homo-sexual. It seems like they're everywhere!

Posted by: Johnny Friendly at June 20, 2004 at 05:20 PM

You were doing okay until the last sentence. How many times does Tim have to say he's okay with gay marriage until he quits getting slapped with the "Ew! Icky Homophobe!" label? Christ, Tim, guess you'll just have to give up and go gay; it's the only way you'll be admitted into the club of Good People.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 20, 2004 at 06:35 PM

Andrea, you could change the blog background to pink for Tim. That'd sort out his credentials.

Posted by: Quentin George at June 20, 2004 at 10:32 PM

How can you tell if a guy is gay?

His d**k tastes like s**t!!!

Posted by: JDB at June 21, 2004 at 02:50 AM

I'll bet that one gets 'em snickering on the playground.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 21, 2004 at 03:14 AM

TO: Andrea Harris
RE: Hitting Below the Belt

Let see.

Someone makes an observation about homosexuality and you declare them a 'homophobe'. End of 'discussion'? Is that the technique?

You can get a job working for the so-called 'major media'. Either with US or with AUS, with that approach. Forget logic. Forget everything else, for that matter.

Maybe Tim should consider getting another associate.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[Gay is a one-word oxymoron.]

Posted by: Chuck Pelto at June 21, 2004 at 11:56 AM

Andrea's correct. It is a rather juvenile joke.

A gay friend in college told it to me many years ago.

The reason I still like it is that it infers that the "teller" is in fact engaging in the very behavior that he is supposedly condemning. The humor derives from that (I think). Plus it has dirty words!

If you're old enough to remember the Mr. Whipple/Charmin tissue ads on TV...National Lampoon had a cartoon of a man pointing an accusing finger at the TV and angrily shouting, "He just told her not to squeeze the Charmin and yet he is squeezing it himself!!!!"

Funny stuff.

Posted by: JDB at June 21, 2004 at 12:20 PM

Oh no! Chuck spends so much time crafting his memo-speak jargon that he's forgotten how to read.

Posted by: Sortelli at June 21, 2004 at 01:43 PM

Congratulations, Chuck, on attaining Total Clueless Dickhead status.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 21, 2004 at 02:21 PM

Oh, and by the way, fuck you. I think I've had enough of your ostentatiously cutesy crap on this site. Once again you've blown it. Do you always make yourself this unwelcome wherever you go?

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 21, 2004 at 02:22 PM