May 10, 2004
HEAD OF THE CLASS
The Observer/Guardian reports:
Encouraging schoolchildren to experiment with oral sex could prove the most effective way of curbing teenage pregnancy rates, a government study has found.
Pupils under 16 who were taught to consider other forms of 'intimacy' such as oral sex were significantly less likely to engage in full intercourse, it was revealed.
Definition of "mixed feelings": a parent whose child receives an A in "other forms of intimacy".
Posted by Tim Blair at May 10, 2004 03:45 AMI guess the Brits will stick anything in their mouths except a toothbrush....
Posted by: gaz at May 10, 2004 at 03:51 AMI guess you could say they are wanting to
head off unwanted pregnancies by teaching girls how to use their head.
"Alas, poor Yoric, I knew him Fellatio...er, HO-ratio. I meant Horatio Miss...it's that new human relations class. Honest."
Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 10, 2004 at 04:16 AMIn the ongoing struggle to prevent teen pregnancy Britain hails this blow for freedom.
Posted by: Carl H. at May 10, 2004 at 04:28 AMOffered as an 'O' level, 69'll get you a distinction.
Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 10, 2004 at 04:48 AMWell, I heard some Brits were mouthy, but this may be going a tad bit too far......
Posted by: The Real So-Called JeffS at May 10, 2004 at 04:48 AMMy favourite symbol of all that's Great in Britain gets a new lease of life. 'Happy.'
Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 10, 2004 at 05:00 AM
"Mr. Reginald-Smythe, it seems you've got plaque on your willy."
Posted by: Alan Kellogg at May 10, 2004 at 05:49 AMIn that case, I've got something Her Majesty’s Government can kiss...
Posted by: Richard McEnroe at May 10, 2004 at 06:17 AMI thought of some other ways to prevent teen pregnancy:
1) Install brothels in the cafeteria
2) Let all the boys screw that hot math teacher
3) Shoot the girls as soon as they test for pregnancy
I think mine aren't any stupider than this...
Posted by: Mike G at May 10, 2004 at 06:53 AMGee, I wonder who ran that "government study." Something tells me there's a lot of fresh graduates in civil service positions who want to be able to have sex with more high school (or whatever the equivalent is in the UK) girls without having to worry about procuring birth control devices, and so on.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at May 10, 2004 at 07:34 AMI actually went apeshit over this a year ago when they first piloted the program.
You can imagine the skyrocketing effect this will have on date rapes. "It's OK, the teacher says it's not *real* sex, just do it!" "No..." "Oh, yes, you are..."
Ah, to be a subject, not a citizen, where the governmnet pays for my health care and so takes a personal interest in my sex life and that of my children.
Posted by: Aaron at May 10, 2004 at 07:35 AMIn a related development, a government study has just discovered that senior high school girls are only sucking dick at an 8th grade level....
Posted by: Jeffersonian at May 10, 2004 at 08:01 AMBack in my day, I made a considerable effort in trying to persuade the girls to adopt this sensible oral sex policy but alas, they chose abstinence. Especially with me.
Posted by: JDB at May 10, 2004 at 08:05 AMGawd, I just had a horrid thought. You know how any government agency is, they have to produce brochures and pamphlets? Think about these possible titles.....
Fellatio for Beginners
Is oral sex on your first date a good idea?
"I don't give 'blow jobs' ": Politically correct terms for oral sex in the public school system
Posted by: The Real JeffS at May 10, 2004 at 08:11 AMI wonder if they bothered to tell them they can get STDs in their mouths. Oops.
There's one STD they think causes oral and throat cancer. It's the one that causes genital warts.
Posted by: lindenen at May 10, 2004 at 10:03 AMThe study also found promised that boys "would still respect the girls in the morning and promised to call them"
Posted by: Sortelli at May 10, 2004 at 10:44 AMGals and guys who shudder at the thought of swallowing another's virility: you can always indulge in a bit of Backdoor Banditry.
Posted by: TimT at May 10, 2004 at 10:51 AMWell, British schools do have head masters and head mistresses.
Posted by: ilibcc at May 10, 2004 at 11:48 AMI have a feeling the only thing that will get the teenage pregnancy rate down is the teaching of abstinence from sexual contact until marriage.
Posted by: Tristan Jones at May 10, 2004 at 01:20 PMDammmitt, whoever he was he was on the money, the bloke who said youth was wasted on the young.
Posted by: slatts at May 10, 2004 at 02:19 PMDarn schools, they're happy to teach theory, but where are the practicals?
Can this suggestion be considered another form of harm minimisation, like encouraging the use of condoms and that if people are going to use needles, they should use clean needles? (Though harm minimisation does have legitimate criticisms associated with it).
3) Shoot the girls as soon as they test for pregnancy
I think mine aren't any stupider than this...
Mike G, you do realise that some people actually would go for option 3, don't you?
Posted by: Andjam at May 10, 2004 at 02:25 PMIt's just a study people! As the old English proverb says: "One swallow doth not a hummer make."
Posted by: CurrencyLad at May 10, 2004 at 02:39 PMSimply hilarious, guys, just hilarious!
The Brits had better reconsider. In the wake of Clinton-Lewinsky not having sex, trains have blossomed amongst U.S. teens along with oral STDs.
If the girls are going to be the pied pipers, will the guys be the rats?
Posted by: Helen at May 10, 2004 at 02:48 PM