April 23, 2004


The Weekly World News reports: EUROPE TO BECOME GIANT THEME PARK!

Member nations of the European Union have announced plans to discontinue their status as individual countries in order to merge into one giant theme park!

The new park will be called EuroWorld and will cover the entire continent of what is now known as Europe. The decision was made by the EU countries in response to their collective realization that no one in Europe has had an innovative idea in well over a century.

With nothing new to offer visitors, the European countries decided to stop pretending they were still relevant, and to start celebrating their colorful pasts.

"Our stagnant continent has been a virtual museum for decades," explains an unnamed EU representative. "Many could argue that we already were nothing more than an amusement park. The decision to legally become a large theme park is really only a formality."

There’s more. Read the whole thing, especially for news of planned prostitute races in Amsterdam.

(Via Combustible Boy)

Posted by Tim Blair at April 23, 2004 01:39 AM

Don't scoff at prostitute racing. It has a long history in European festivals (though a prostitute rigatta would probably bring in more money).

Posted by: Julia at April 23, 2004 at 02:02 AM

What would the equivalent of 'winning by a nose' be in such races?

Posted by: Parker at April 23, 2004 at 02:22 AM

"EuroWorld needs to establish its own identity and not be simply another cliched theme park with ferris wheels and people dressed like animals. And they cannot possibly allow mimes and expect anyone to want to go there."

Hmm, considering the vital nature of mimes for anti-war demonstrations, that's going to be quite a setback to EuroWorld's goal of presenting a truly complete depiction of life over here... At least nobody will have a problem with clowns, I trust.

Posted by: PW at April 23, 2004 at 02:26 AM

Will they ditch the Euro for Itchy and Scratchy money? It's you know, fun!

Posted by: Amos at April 23, 2004 at 02:49 AM

"Planned prostitute races"?
Sounds interesting, but I thought that Europeans were opposed to GM, ah, organisms. Maybe its just a matter of a "ni" here or there.

Posted by: DFE at April 23, 2004 at 04:03 AM

Europe is a nice place... to visit. Good dinners, decent service, scenery, museums, old architecture and art.

Posted by: aaron at April 23, 2004 at 06:56 AM


I still think WWN is a more accurate news source than The Sydney Morning Herald

Posted by: RainDog at April 23, 2004 at 07:50 AM

THAT'S HILLARIOUS!!!!!......but sad

Posted by: chansen at April 23, 2004 at 10:36 AM

Ah, yes, the WWN...home of the Batboy. It's a great humour tabloid, which has about 1% factual contact. Great reading on a gloomy day.


Posted by: cheshirecat at April 23, 2004 at 12:56 PM

You mean it wasn't?
I've visited Spain helping chaperone high school kids who wanted to see the sights.
Isn't that theme-parking?
What else were we supposed to do?
Shoot somebody to keep current?
I mean, what else is there for Americans to do in Europe?

Posted by: Richard Aubrey at April 23, 2004 at 02:44 PM

Actually, the Web was invented in Europe. DNA was discovered there, the theory of relativity etc.

Funny article, but I wouldn't get too smart about European innovation if I was American. A list of their achievements is likely to embarrass.

Posted by: PK at April 23, 2004 at 05:47 PM

It's absolutely a lie to say that Europe hasn't invented anything for a century. Why, back in the 1930s Laszlo Biro, of Hungary, invented the ball point pen, without which NASA's moon landing would have been impossible. (Or at least a lot more difficult.)


Posted by: Martin Adamson at April 23, 2004 at 07:38 PM

Funny - in the russian space program, they solved that problem by issuing pencils!

Posted by: Joe at April 23, 2004 at 11:34 PM

"...no one in Europe has had an innovative idea in well over a century."

"Actually, the Web was invented in Europe. DNA was discovered there, the theory of relativity etc."

The special theory of relativity just makes it under the wire at 1905. Of course Einstein later moved to the U.S. and is now deceased so technically he isn't actually in Europe.

Tim Berners-Lee is a professor at MIT and lives in Cambridge Mass., but he was working at CERN in 1989 when he invented the world wide web. Of course everyone knows that Al Gore invented the Internet while serving in the U.S. Senate... (Just kidding, no nasty messages please.)

Friederich Miescher discovered "nuclein" in 1869, but that's going kind of far back. Watson (born Chicago, Il) and Crick (born Northhampton England) published their influential Molecular structure of Nucleic Acids in 1953 while they were in Cambridge, England.

Posted by: Bruce Rheinstein at April 24, 2004 at 12:04 AM

Actually, didn't DARPA a part of the Pentagon invent the internet?

Re: Einstein, If you look at the list of Nobel prizes for the first half of the century most of the winners are Jews from Europe, then after about 1950 most of the winners are Jews from America. They should have been nicer to their religious minorities.

It's true though that we Americans need a boot in the ass about when it comes to creating more Picassos and Einsteins.

Posted by: linden at April 24, 2004 at 03:28 PM