April 12, 2004


Mark Morford -- one of this siteís favourite lunatics -- has been suspended after a San Francisco Chronicle exec finally noticed the crazed jabbering Morford was spilling all over the Chronís website:

SFGate.com, the Web site of The San Francisco Chronicle, suspended three staffers for a column that the site's boss said was "grotesquely outside the standards that we have."

Robert Cauthorn, vice president of digital media for The Chronicle, suspended writer Mark Morford, news editor Vlae Kershner and features editor Amy Moon for a week for their role in the incident.

The contentious column actually seems tamer than some previous Morford pieces. In any case, this now leaves Robert Bosler as the undisputed champion of International Political Wankwriting.

(Via Amos in comments.)

UPDATE. Gotta check those dates; this piece is years old. My mistake. Morford is, however, currently absent from the Chronís website.

Posted by Tim Blair at April 12, 2004 12:57 AM

Now there's a perfect Easter gift.

In the words of Nelson Muntz - "HAA-HA!"

Posted by: Percy Dovetonsils at April 12, 2004 at 01:17 AM

The article at the link sez:

"The column typically offers humorous and controversial takes on offbeat news stories "

"Humorous" ? Morford's writing has all the qualities needed for a Penthouse Forum letter, and humor is definitely not one of them.

Posted by: Carl in N.H. at April 12, 2004 at 01:19 AM

What took him so long? (A bit lax over at SFGate?)

I await Morford's column in the local free weekly about how the soulless oppressive slimy corporate imperialist octopus is squeezing the life out of his juicy sexy drooly Peter Pan lifestyle.

Posted by: Yehudit at April 12, 2004 at 01:32 AM

First the New York Times website dumps Ted Rall's comics and now this. Is there no place anymore in online mainstream media for talentless far left nutjobs?

Posted by: Randal Robinson at April 12, 2004 at 02:09 AM

Normally I wouldn't go to bat for a San Francisco Chronicle columnist, but wasn't there a movie a few years ago, "Summer of '42", involving the seduction of a teenage boy by an older woman? That film was critically acclaimed at the time. I think Mr. Cauthorn is the phony in this tempestous teapot.

Posted by: Jon Bass at April 12, 2004 at 02:24 AM

Interestingly Morford's suspention occures as ex SF gate director Bob Cauthorn leaves in "as-yet-unexplained circumstances" and a new director comes on deck. Perhaps this new guy hates Morford and has been aching for an excuse to fire this clown out of a cannon and into a welfare net? If Morford is even a tenth as obnoxious in person as he is in print that's a good bet.

No Notes today as the Fix is currently refreshing the batteries of his tormented yet blissfully happy soul and/or struggling with the vagaries of columnal digressions and recombinant ideologies. Translation: Vodka and sunshine and naps and foot massages and squinting into the void, ponderingly.

"Pondering". What a goddamn idiot. When Morford wrote this he had already been suspended so he was er, lying. I wonder what else he was not being entirely straight with us about? Am I to have ALL my illusions dashed?

Here's Morford in an 'interview' (funny I never heard a mutual stroke-session between two gay men called that befor):

I absolutely love Jon Carroll and have nothing but the utmost respect for his enormous talent and consistency and Jesus with a gallon of White-Out, 20+ years 5 days a week and he's still the most wonderfully readable columnist going. But he is "off the wall" in a "I think my cat is a Republican" sort of way. I'm off the wall in a "You should really try this gorgeous bejeweled butt plug" sort of way

Morford, if we can get to Wellstone we can get to you.

Good to see Morford managed to bring two stupid SFgate hippies down with him, his news editor and features editor, neither apparently aware that pedophilia is no longered considered hilaaaaariously outraaaageous since the Catholic Church dragged it into disrepute. Mr "I Fear No Man But Will Always Speak Truth To Power" is sounding decidedly sheepish:

Morford concedes that "maybe it was flawed." "It's an edgy column," he said. "It's going to go over the line. I expect to miss. I expect it to be yanked every now and then if it crosses the line."

Maybe it's sinking in to this idiot that without his precious column he's just another stupid hippy ranter in a fright-wig, shouting abuse at a tired line of underpaid riot police. My bet is Morford will leave no editorial penis unfellated in an all-out effort to get back into the limelight.

Expect him back soon.

Posted by: Amos at April 12, 2004 at 02:27 AM

Perhaps this new guy hates Morford and has been aching for an excuse to fire this clown out of a cannon and into a welfare net?
You owe me a bottle of Windex, Amos. My screen is now a coffee covered mess!

Posted by: TC-LeatherPenguin at April 12, 2004 at 02:57 AM

The SF Chron has standards? Who knew?

Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 12, 2004 at 03:25 AM

Indeed, Andrea -- who knew? The really funny thing is this: Morford's in the Chron's calabozo for nothing much more shocking than saying that from the point of a 13 year old boy, getting some sexual attention from an adult woman might not be viewed as a traumatic event. Duh. This is "grotesquely" over the line? The addled Morford routinely portrays administration officials as corrupt, bloodthirsty necrobestialists and gets a pass from the Chron, not to mention free drugs and a nice warm floor to sleep on. So I guess if the Chron has standards, they're few in number and oddly deployed.

Posted by: Harry at April 12, 2004 at 04:58 AM

Well, bugger me in leather but this is a sad day for journalism. More crushing of dissent [into madness].

I blame Ashcroft.

Posted by: Larry at April 12, 2004 at 05:34 AM



/lefty tic passes

Posted by: Junkyard God at April 12, 2004 at 05:35 AM

NOOOOOOOO! No more "sticky, throbbing, slippery walls" references and the like ...

Posted by: Bill at April 12, 2004 at 07:27 AM

I'm sure he'll get back on his feet. (Or something. No. Must wash brain. Bad thoughts, bad thoughts.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 12, 2004 at 07:29 AM

I have to say, I love it when corporate America thinks they have to do something edgy and is then shocked to discover what edgy actually means these days.

Don't executives get out any more? Were they all raised in monasteries?

Posted by: Mike G at April 12, 2004 at 07:55 AM

"The really funny thing is this: Morford's in the Chron's calabozo for nothing much more shocking than saying that from the point of a 13 year old boy, getting some sexual attention from an adult woman might not be viewed as a traumatic event. Duh." You fools! This is San Francisco! You're supposed to say "from an adult man!" Do you want to alienate the readership?!

Isn't the Chronicle the paper run by Mr. Sharon "yes, dear I want to jump in a pit with a giant carnivorous lizard" Stone?

In any case, as a rightwing nutjob, I just want to celebrate this move towards economic parity between the right and left in the media...

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at April 12, 2004 at 10:36 AM

I agree that Morford has said immensly more obscene things. I'm not going looking for the exact quote amounst his garbage but he once said something about Saddam along the lines of: "He may have been scary but at least he kept the lights on'.

300,000 corpses in mass graves, some of children with dessicated toys still in their hands. Fuck you Morford, fuck you, you worthless little shitstain.

No wait, found it on google: Be grateful you did not go from brutal scowling despot who at least kept the damn lights on to brutish occupying army no one asked for that is right now laying waste to whatever remains of your once semi-proud oil-rich nation.

This is a man who thinks Bush is worse than Hitler, but Saddam? Hey, he kept the power on, so the Iraqis can whip up a delicious protein and bananna smoothy after a brisk workout down the gym. That's what's important.

God almighty he's revolting. He transends parody, you couldn't write a character like Morford as a means of brutally satirising the utterly dead-end idiocy of the flower power ethos, you'd be accused of heavy-handedness and lazy resort to cliche'. Morford is so fucking idiotic he can only be real.

Posted by: Amos at April 12, 2004 at 11:43 AM

Nver forget Frank Llyod Wright's maxin about California:

"The entire US sits on a slanted continental shelf. Anything that's loose rolls to California."

Posted by: M.J. Truth at April 12, 2004 at 03:44 PM

Great rant Amos --

I believe they nailed him for this because Morford is such an idiot that he can't keep track of the left's shibboleths. Human nature being what it is, there will always be sexual moralizing regardless of how extreme political views become. The liberal left have left themselves very few things to moralize about - promiscuity, unwed motherhood, gay marriage, abortion, etc. are all out. One of the few things left is adult sex with an underage kid. That fits neatly into the liberal mindset because there is clearly a "victim" and a power relationship. The assumption is that the perpetrator will generally be a male (who have power mongering written in their genetic code don't you know). However, this is one case where there is no way to exempt women perpetrators. He got confused and stepped in the shit. He forgot that when it comes to the "liberal's" sacred cows they are even more self-rightous and holier-than-thou than the most extreme bible thumper.

Posted by: JohnPV at April 12, 2004 at 03:54 PM

Extra! Extra! SFGate Columnist extolls Paedophilia!

At least, that's how it could be played. JohnPV has nailed it.

Posted by: Alan E Brain at April 12, 2004 at 09:15 PM

Next: Harley Sorenson.

Posted by: theodopoulos Pherecydes at April 12, 2004 at 11:47 PM

I noticed that words like "Edgy" or "Edge" appear quite a few times in the SFGate article explaining the disciplinary action against Mr. Moford. There seems to be an automatic assumption by those using the term in that article that "Edge" = "Good".

Here's a kindly warning to the people at the Chronicle. An "edge" is something from which you can easily fall off...

Posted by: Patrick Phillips at April 13, 2004 at 01:39 AM

M.J. Truth,

I don't know what Frank Llyod Wright said, but I do remember an article from Sports Illustrated (from the late 80's - dates me) that said America was tilted and all the great collegiate wide receivers rolled into California. You got to take the nuts for the sake of the wide receivers. We made a decision in the 80's and we are forced to stick with it. It was a good idea at the time. Sadly, the wide receivers stopped rolling long before the nuts did.

Posted by: juliolopez at April 13, 2004 at 03:55 AM

Yes, we know Morford is edgy. Because he tells us so about 30 times. That's some classy edging and some world class wanking.

Posted by: Amos at April 13, 2004 at 03:59 AM

How many people have commented on this discussion without noticing that Tim Blair linked to a three-year-old news story? Take another look at the story, folks.

Posted by: Rogers Cadenhead at April 13, 2004 at 06:55 AM

Well, the story's three years old (assuming the Chronicle dated the story correctly; it's less than legendary for checking facts), but Morford hasn't posted on sfgate for more than a month.

Posted by: Jim at April 13, 2004 at 09:30 AM

Hey. I'm edgy too, damnit. Just in a kinda normal, middle-class way.

Mark Twain in the late 1800's explained that the entire country tilted slightly to the South and West and as a result "all the nuts eventually roll into California."

Posted by: JorgXMcKie at April 13, 2004 at 10:26 AM

Holy shit is that an old story? Okay, my bad, I am contrite.

The reason I assumed it was current is that Morford has been off the air for the last month and I was snooping about to see if he'd been fired or someone had set a baboon on him or dissolved him in a tub of draino maybe.

When I hit that story about his suspention I just assumed it was current, with morford being offline and all, and thought myself very detective-like, you know, if detectives did 3 minutes of googling to solve crimes instead of thinking about them and paying attention to things like dates.

I guess that's why I'm not a journalist or a detective or some kind of super journalist-detective like Tin Tin. But what this means is the mystery is still unsolved, what's happened to Morford?

Everything else I said about him still stands.

Posted by: Amos at April 13, 2004 at 12:26 PM

"...what's happened to Morford?"

Who cares? Just... don't say his name seven times in the bathroom mirror. You don't want to know what will happen then.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 13, 2004 at 01:29 PM

Morford suspension article is from year's ago. It would be best if you pulled that entry...

Posted by: Lothar Mattheus at April 13, 2004 at 11:39 PM

This guy seems to have pretty good (and current) info on the whereabouts of Morford.

Posted by: Matt Moore at April 14, 2004 at 03:52 AM


It's my mistake. I'll live with it.

Posted by: tim at April 14, 2004 at 04:17 AM