April 01, 2004


Mark Steyn will have to update his John Kerry Songbook. Turns out the man is a rapper:

'I'm fascinated by Rap and Hip-Hop' says Democratic presidential candidate, John Kerry during an MTV Choose or Loose forum. Offering up a heavy dose of street credibility, Kerry defended gangsta rap, freedom of speech and the realities of street life.

Calling rap a "reflection of life", Kerry empathized with the struggles reflected in the music.

I'm sure he does, although John Kerry might be the only old school rapper whose old school is in Switzerland.

Posted by Tim Blair at April 1, 2004 04:47 AM

I heard on the radio a clip of Kerry's interview where he said he was "offended" by a lot of lyrics in rap. He specifically mentioned the cop-killing lyrics. But according to the above, he defends Gangsta rap. How could this be? He sure doesn't seem like a candidate that changes his position on things. He usually waits until the next interview.

Posted by: JohnO at April 1, 2004 at 05:16 AM

What a fucking fraud.

Posted by: mateo_g at April 1, 2004 at 05:18 AM

Oh my, it is April first over yonder already.


/April fools

Posted by: mateo_g at April 1, 2004 at 05:20 AM

Well, he's got the whole "nightmare walking, psychopath talking" thing going for him, so who knows. Maybe he missed his calling.

Posted by: Lawrence at April 1, 2004 at 05:26 AM

It's true! Somebody actually watched Bullworth.

Posted by: Ken HPoJ at April 1, 2004 at 05:51 AM

"I think when you start talking about killing cops or something like that, it bothers me."

Does this guy have some big political balls or what? To come out and say killing cops bothers him? The controversy, the strength of his convictions, the bravado... I can see why he did so well for 4 months in Nam.

Geez what a tool.

Posted by: Dash at April 1, 2004 at 06:28 AM

Life imitates a Steyn column. Again. I seriously don't see Kerry getting voted by an anyone except irrational Bush-haters.

Posted by: Quentin George at April 1, 2004 at 06:47 AM

Is there anything more pathetic than a 60 year old, Swiss finishing school and Harvard educated, white Boston Brahmin who is trying to be “black” -- as in the “second black President?”

Posted by: Bruce Rheinstein at April 1, 2004 at 06:55 AM

Calling rap a "reflection of life", Kerry empathized with the struggles reflected in the music.

Trite. Nuance is apparently skin deep.

Posted by: Bob71 at April 1, 2004 at 07:55 AM

Good comment Bruce, but Kerry went to Yale.

Posted by: Perfectsense at April 1, 2004 at 08:07 AM

In the rap tradition, I wonder if Kerry calls his $500 million wife a "bitch" or a "ho." Most likely its "Yes dear, whatever you want dear."

Posted by: perfectsense at April 1, 2004 at 08:15 AM

"Good comment Bruce, but Kerry went to Yale."

Well, then. That's different.

Posted by: Bruce Rheinstein at April 1, 2004 at 08:23 AM

"Choose or loose" - What the hell does that mean? Should it be "choose or lose"?

Posted by: attila at April 1, 2004 at 08:37 AM

Rapper John and His Scruffy Crew sing:

My bro' John
He's really put upon
He sez he went to 'Nam
But no one really gives a damn

He's gonna be numbah 2 Black Prez
Gonna fix our foreign ahhh-ferzzz!
Gonna make jobs stay in the U - S - A!
Lotsa taxes people gotta paaaayyy!

John's gonna be a GANGSTA!!
Gonna be da MAN!
Gonna hip hop everywhere!
Gonna tell the street, HERE I AM!!

Gonna hang with the crowd up on top
Gotta new song, gonna call it rap!
Gonna see Kerry go FLIP FLOP!!
Gotta see John talk his crap!

[The End]

PS: Yes, this is lousy. That's OK -- I can't stand rap anyway, and have no idea how to write it. But, like John Kerry, who am I to let my ignorance get in the way of having a position?

Posted by: JeffS at April 1, 2004 at 09:07 AM

I'm sure he does, although John Kerry might be the only old school rapper whose old school is in Switzerland.

Hey man, don't diss the Swiss!

Posted by: TimT at April 1, 2004 at 09:16 AM

Gonna drink a 40
gonna bust a cap
gonna eat a rat
and fuck a hat

Talking of tools, what happened to Mark Morford the world champion tool of all time? Is he on holiday? Has he been fired?

I hope not, I want to read his column the day after Dubya gets his second term. Oh god, do I ever.

Posted by: Amos at April 1, 2004 at 09:50 AM

Life's pretty hard growin up in da 'boo. G.

Posted by: Jamie Kennedy at April 1, 2004 at 09:59 AM


"what happened to Mark Morford"

Heh. Sure you want to know ?

(from Feb 13, 2004)

An excerpt:

"For most of us, letting go and dissolving tight, harmful definitions of self and forsaking, say, an angry sneering homophobic God in favor of cultivating a messy raw juicy delicious wet incredibly difficult sense of personal responsibility and open-mouthed divinity is far too much to ask"

Excuse me, I have to go take a shower now.

Posted by: Carl in N.H. at April 1, 2004 at 10:29 AM

John Kerry's campaign force--number one in the hood, G!

[Apologies to the Aqua Teens.]

Posted by: Sean M. at April 1, 2004 at 10:57 AM

I just want to say that "Run DNC" is the best title post ever, dawg.

Posted by: Brian Jones at April 1, 2004 at 11:20 AM

"...messy raw juicy..." YEECCCCCHHHHH.

Well, I was going to make dinner now. Oh well, I can always do to lose a few more pounds. Excuse me, must go barf now.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 1, 2004 at 11:31 AM

JFK's the rapper with the silent C.
Constantly defining new Re-al-i-ty
Pretending to be Po' HUH!
Politicaly a Ho' HUH!
Flip Flopping like a Fish is his Mod-al-i-ty


Kerry He the Man who's diggin Real Hip Hop
Gangsta Rap's so cool while spinning like a Top
The TV cuts him slack HUH!
Fo pretendin to be Black HUH!
The Waffling that he's doing it will Ne-ver Stop


Posted by: Alan E Brain at April 1, 2004 at 01:10 PM

Of course, being a good Democrat, Kerry's posse is paid for by the US taxpayer...

So he admires gangsta rappers, eh? No chance it would ever happen in MTV, but I sorely wish the host had said, "Really? Name three..."

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at April 1, 2004 at 01:41 PM

He obviously stopped short of claiming he was a rapper himself, after - all , he's still recovering from the headache brought on when some pointed out he lied, that he was exactly the opposite of a Rambo of the Vietnam War. Perhaps he should have said he fantasised in his PT boat that he would like to be a Rambo if only he could stop his legs running in the opposite direction which anecdote would have been let unchallenged, let as truthful.


Kerry, siloqusising: shall I say I was a rapster or, find it very profound.

Adviser/child restrainer to Kerry: fuck, the little spastic is going to tell another fairy-story - can't I blow him and have a glove-puppet as his stand in.

Posted by: d at April 1, 2004 at 03:04 PM

That's an old morford column. His latest one is a lame, one-joke diatribe against the gay marrage ban that goes on for five tedious paragraphs past it's original point. They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but Morford found a basement below it.

Morford is no fun when he's verbally masturbating his repulsive ego dick or trying to sell his second-hand laptop though his online column (now THAT was a new low). Morford is only funny when he's hysterically, shrilly, impotently and irrationally angry, like when he was sqealing that 'Dubya' couldn't touch him, HE WAS IN HIS HAPPY PLACE!!!

But no moronford for 3 weeks, what's up? Fired?

Come on, someone must know! I can't be the only Morford watcher.

Posted by: Amos at April 1, 2004 at 04:38 PM

Hey Tim, mate. I've been calling out this very thing for about three weeks... Check the blog, I got all Kerry's gangsta hits dug out of the crate. Further, I may be a wanker, but how about putting me in your links section, huh? That way you won't be missin' a beat, y'know what I'm sayin?

Posted by: JR at April 1, 2004 at 06:38 PM

d: It would be difficult for Kerry to bring off that he fantasized about being Rambo while in Vietnam, considering that the movies featuring that character came out well after the Vietnam War ended.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 1, 2004 at 08:24 PM

Rambo didn't throw all his medals back over the whitehouse fence then later reveal that they weren't his medals.

He did build a bunch of booby traps out in the woods to kill government agents though. Just like Kerry. And Kerry shot down a russian Hind super-chopper in afghanistan after emerging in slow motion from his submerged hiding place with a bazooka, just like Rambo.

I forget what my point was.

Posted by: Amos at April 1, 2004 at 08:30 PM

"I think that there is a line you draw between government intervention and the right of speech and the right for people to express themselves, but do I think there are standards of decency in that? Yes, I do.

That's nice he's cleared that one up.

Posted by: Greyhawk at April 2, 2004 at 12:35 AM

With his comments on rap music, I have finally realized who Kerry reminds me of (in many ways):

Vanilla Ice

Posted by: snellenr at April 2, 2004 at 12:59 AM

It must be hard for John Kerry to rap, after all what rhymes with 'Vietnam'?

Posted by: Ross at April 2, 2004 at 02:43 AM


"You know I did my part for Uncle Sam,
I was there serving in Vietnam
But once I was back home and chillen'
I realized all soldiers are into baby killen'"

Yeah, this sucks, but I only wasted a few minutes on it.

Posted by: david at April 3, 2004 at 11:20 AM