March 25, 2004


Tim Dunlop is too busy to write this week’s Webdiary Blogjam, so I’m forced to stand in for him. Blogjam will therefore be presented in lowbrow tabloid gossip-column style:

Word on the street has it that the reason Gary Sauer-Thompson is always on the road and catching planes is because he’s a staffer for Senator Meg Lees. Why so secretive about this, Gary? Are those wedding bells I hear? ... Spotted explaining trade basics on commercial TV last week was economics blabbermouth Professor John Quiggin, who also won a major prize of some type ... Laughing at carrot-headed leftoids is illegal, right? Bernie Slattery hasn’t heard ... Blues god Christopher “Blind Lemon” Sheil could really use an updated road map the next time he’s in Mississippi ... What is it with Gianna and men? Recently knocked up by some litigious dude, it turns out she used to date a lowly junkie ... Western Australia’s Robert Corr is very angry with Germaine Greer. What else would you expect from a corrupt Howard supporter? ... Bob Brown isn’t really a big-deal Man of Principle, at least according to Gareth Parker ... Want to attract Professor Bunyip’s eye? Then just drape an empty wine cask over your head ... Niall is still an idiot ... Sam Ward drunkenly spills the beans on the latest Australian football scandal ... Hey! Could those rumours about Geoff Honnor being gay possibly be true? ... And the Wogblogger has a long-distance election prediction.

More next week, from Blogjam Central!

Posted by Tim Blair at March 25, 2004 01:53 AM

I like this tabloid format. I think it could have blog-legs...

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at March 25, 2004 at 02:58 AM

Even when Tim writes Margo's Blogjam for her he STILL misses out on getting a link.

Posted by: The Gnu Hunter at March 25, 2004 at 04:44 AM


Posted by: Miranda Divide at March 25, 2004 at 05:08 AM

Oh god, Miranda is back. And dumber than ever.

Posted by: Quentin George at March 25, 2004 at 05:55 AM

tim, i know you have certain kneejerk reactions to the concept of drug users, but in fact my junkie wasn't 'lowly' at all. he was actually a very, very special person, rest his soul. maybe i'll tell his story one day, but that would mean going even more tabloid, and She Sells Sanctuary always fancied itself as more of a broadsheet blog.

Posted by: Gianna at March 25, 2004 at 06:28 AM

What was so special about him, Giana? That romantic drip of snot on the tip of his runny nose? That he put the cap back on the cough medicine he drank when he couldn't score? Those attractive sores on his arms? What the jaundice from Hep C did for his complexion? His skill at breaking into neighbours' homes and ripping off their stuff?

You should give Harley some of his old syringes to play with, encourage him to be a "special person" too.

I hope Harley's dad is a genius. He'd need to be to make up for his mother's IQ shortfall. The only smart person in the family is your father, who avoids coming inside your home. If he did, he'd slap you in frustration for being so fucking stupid.

Posted by: superboot at March 25, 2004 at 07:36 AM

"Superboot" - if you're going to do a vitriolic beat up on Gianna, the 'righteousness' of your case would be assisted by dropping your anonymity. It looks kind of gutless.

Posted by: Geoff Honnor at March 25, 2004 at 08:03 AM

Gutlessness isn't a shortcoming. It makes me a special person too.

Posted by: superboot at March 25, 2004 at 08:08 AM

Yeah. "Special," springs to mind, along with some other descriptions.......

Posted by: Geoff Honnor at March 25, 2004 at 08:14 AM

What "Special" like Quentin?

Posted by: Todd at March 25, 2004 at 09:30 AM

Gianna, he was 'very, very special' but not special enough for you to tell his story because you fancy yourself as broadsheet.

Am I confused?

No. You are.

Posted by: ilibcc at March 25, 2004 at 10:24 AM

Life Copies a Really F-ed Up Version of Citizen Kane

A lonely woman who hadn't been out of her house for three months was found dead in her own home after neighbors complained about the smell.

A ghastly sight awaited the authorities upon entering the cramped little hovel, but the questions raised by the contents of the woman's computer were even more disturbing. A webcam had caught her final moments on tape.

"Apparently she spent a lot of time posting angry anonymous messages on a weblog. The expressions on her face as she did so still haunt my dreams," explained one shaken investigator, "She would bang the keyboard viciously with her stubby, claw-like fingers and foam would squeeze out of her lips. Sometimes she made long posts, but as her derangement progressed she ran out of things to say. By her last post, she had boiled everything down into one word."

The meaning of this last word typed by this woman remains a mystery. Some suspect she just made it up. "All we do know is that the veins in her head started swelling dangerously as she hammered out the final letters, trying to cram all of her hate into one eight letter word. Just as she clicked the 'post' button, she suffered massive hemmoraging in the brain and died instantly," said the investigator.

"I've seen people killed by cars, guns, explosives, fire, but this was the first person I saw killed by their own hate. It was terrifying."

The last word of the angry troll still reverberates on the internet like a ghost.


Posted by: Sortelli at March 25, 2004 at 10:29 AM

I Sortelli. (But I'm not having your kid and naming him after a motorcycle brand, or any other vehicle for that matter, so don't get any ideas!)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at March 25, 2004 at 11:00 AM

Sortelli: Brilliant!

Posted by: superboot at March 25, 2004 at 11:37 AM

Shucks. Making trolls look dumber is my civic duty!

Posted by: Sortelli at March 25, 2004 at 01:52 PM

Stunning, Sortelli. Simply fantastic. You should write for Hollywood....ummmmm, no, they wouldn't be able to deal with your abilities. OK, the New York Times.......possibly not, a slight philosophical difference, I think.

Perhaps some media company would use you, but I expect you would be left in a corner, and all of your copy s**t canned. What a waste.

Well, we certainly appreciate you! Hang around for a while, would you?

Posted by: JeffS at March 25, 2004 at 03:47 PM

Hang around for a while, would you?

Or at least until Miranda reads that and her head really explodes.

(waiting with fingers crossed...)

Posted by: david at March 25, 2004 at 03:51 PM

yawn...pretty predictable responses, and once again proving your readers have no sense of humour nor an ounce of compassion between them.

geez, don't you ever get embarrassed by the kind of readers you attract, tim? is it worth it?

Posted by: Gianna at March 26, 2004 at 07:17 AM

Yeah, just fucking brill. You've got 'superboot' and 'jeffs' on board... with a bit more imagination, we may all hop on for the most magical ride of our lives.

But face it, you'll always be on the sidelines hoping someone will see you waving. No will bother writing long-winded posts about you, except maybe this one. Oh look, you've faded into nothing already!


Posted by: Miranda Divide at March 26, 2004 at 09:36 AM

Gianna, I went to your blog, and read a number of your posts. I have a sense of humor and compassion, but my compassion goes.....where I want it to go. And it won't go for the situation I saw described there. My humor is what it is, and I don't apologize for it. If you want to convert anyone to your cause and/or way of life, don't try and make them feel guilty. It's counterproductive.

Miranda, your sense of logic and grasp of rhetoric astonishes me. One would think you are perhaps an aspiring Nobel prize winner for literature. It's easy to see why you have so many friends here at Tim's blog. Your contributions to intelligent discourse are simply brilliant. But, if I may be so bold to point out, you are not the center of the universe, and probably never be. This is true for many people, including celebrities. We are born, we live, we die. During that process, we make a contribution to the improvement of humanity. If you would accept our part in life, perhaps your posts would be taken more seriously.


Posted by: JeffS at March 26, 2004 at 11:16 AM

Why do I get the feeling that Miranda was looking into a mirror when she typed that?

Posted by: david at March 26, 2004 at 11:51 AM

You mean Miranda can see herself in a mirror?

Posted by: JeffS at March 26, 2004 at 12:11 PM

Count Blogula.

Posted by: Sortelli at March 26, 2004 at 04:31 PM

Jeffs (are you multiple?) why the hell should i care less if the blogmire "takes me sweriously"?!

You call this a community? I call it a cabbal. For example, this is place where people who hate Muslims can feel welcome. I know this everytime the bloghead sets you up for another blast at Islam. And of course you respond, happily.

Plse point me to the bloghead's "contribution to the improvement of humanity". Blair is smug young fogey, an agitator, trying to sell some adds and further a flagging career by pushing hot-button issues. Could he care less for instance about the innocent refugee children still in detention in Australia? Half if them are Iraqis by the way. NO, instead he will proudly tell you they deserve to have their childhoods destroyed by incarceration.

You guys kill me. What possible contribution are you making here except to your own bloated sense of self-aggrandisement. Me? I'm just a dumb troll. Why should you NEED me to take you seriously?

Posted by: Miranda Divide at March 28, 2004 at 11:36 PM