February 28, 2004

REDNECK SHRINK ALLEGED

The Chicago Tribuneís Uli Schmetzer locates an Australian psychiatrist with alarming views on Aborigines:

"These people always complain," said Graham Thorn, a psychiatrist. "They want it both ways: their way and our way. They want to live in our society and be respected, yet they won't work. They steal, they rob and they get drunk. And they don't respect the laws."

Thatís just about the perfect quote to illustrate Schmetzerís claim that ďthe outlook of white Australians seldom is sympatheticĒ. In fact, itís a perfect quote to cover just about every stereotyped notion believed held by racist Australians -- among whom one rarely finds psychiatrists. Especially psychiatrists prepared to go on record saying these things.

I donít buy it.

Googling has so far failed to turn up a person matching Thornís description; Iíll hit the phones on Monday to see if I can track him down. Other Schmetzer pieces on Australia tend only to increase doubt:

Two decades ago, the Australian pastime of kangaroo hunting was popular ... Then friends of the kangaroo forced through legislation that virtually banned the hunting. Off the menu went common dishes such as kangaroo steak, kangaroo kebab and kangaroo tail soup - even on overseas flights of the national airline, Qantas.

What the hell is he talking about? Anyway, Iíve sent Schmetzer a note. Letís see what happens.

UPDATE. Graham Thorn, Australian Psychiatrist, writes!

UPDATE II. In other local food news:

South Australia's parliament has passed a bill making it illegal to eat cats and dogs.

While the serving of cats and dogs in restaurants in the state was already illegal, state parliament's upper house passed a bill banning the consumption of the animals anywhere.

The bill was opposed in the lower house by Greens MP Kris Hanna, who said the legislation was founded on racism.

Posted by Tim Blair at February 28, 2004 02:18 PM
Comments

Thanks for the tinfoil-hat alert.

Posted by: dick tuck at February 28, 2004 at 02:28 PM

Forget kangaroo hunting, Shoddy Journalist Hunting is better sport. Looks like you bagged yourself another trophy hack there Tim. How do you do it? Obviously you've studied their habits. You can spot a bogus interview at 200 meters. You can find traces of invented quotes amid the most banal and formulaic foreign correspondent text. Truly you are a master, like an expert tracker in the bush.

Posted by: John in Tokyo at February 28, 2004 at 02:41 PM

I know I'm at great risk of turning into a Mark Latham policy analyst - Governing by Google - but if you do a Google on Uli Schmetzer, he seems to have filed from so many places that he'd fill one of those cute maps that Sasha Castel had on her site a few weeks back.

Remember a few years back when the Daily Telegraph was caught out putting foreign wire copy under a nom de plume - I wouldn't be surprised if the Chicago Tribune's done this - and embellished the copy a tad. Something about Uli's wide ranging travels rings the alarm bells - and what's a correspondent who's been the Middle East, Belarus, Japan in the past few years doing in a sinkhole like Melbourne filing copy.

Posted by: Uli Doubter at February 28, 2004 at 02:48 PM

I have been wondering why I couldn't find kangaroo tail soup anymore on the menus of the finer restaurants in Midland, Texas. Now the truth is out.

Posted by: Wallace at February 28, 2004 at 02:49 PM

I ate skippy last night; wouldn't mind trying koala, but I reckon it'd be like mutton marinated in dencorub.

Posted by: Habib at February 28, 2004 at 02:57 PM

I'm guessing he's one of the 7% of Americans who somehow have a unfavorable view of Australia.

Posted by: Jeremy at February 28, 2004 at 03:00 PM

I found a restaurant in Prague that serves kangaroo and I couldn't resist trying it. It's kind of tough, but hardy.

Here's the restaurant: http://www.louisarmstrong.cz/
Kangaroo is called 'KlokanŪ' in Czech.

So do Australians normally eat kangaroo, or is it a weird alternative food like ostrich or bison?

Posted by: Tim Shell at February 28, 2004 at 03:04 PM

G'day Tim Shell,

Kangaroo used to be something that turned up in dog food, not on the dinner table. Boy scouts might have gotten a chance to eat some as part of a "bush tucker" experience. You could always kill and eat one yourself or you could find some odd "touristy" restaurants which would serve it. But I never found a butcher that sold it (at least labelled as kangaroo) until the mid-nineties.

I ate my first kangaroo stew in Vienna - long before I had the chance to have it in Australia.

Posted by: Russell at February 28, 2004 at 03:26 PM

I prefer drop-bear casserole myself. Them's tasty!

Posted by: David Gillies at February 28, 2004 at 03:31 PM

A nice hoop-snake salad always goes well with drop-bear casserole, and battered skink.

Posted by: Jon at February 28, 2004 at 03:56 PM

Mmmmm! Koala stew!.... Yum, yum!

Posted by: Katherine at February 28, 2004 at 04:06 PM


Kangaroo is about as tasty as can be --- I also had Emu when I was down there, also very nice. I also had camel, when I was in Alice Springs and man is that stuff stringy. Yucko. I wish I could find Kangaroo here in California.

Posted by: Andrew at February 28, 2004 at 04:07 PM

I've sent his newspaper a note pointing out a few of the facts their correspondent seems to have missed and liberally using quotes from Andrew Bolts column on the "stolen generations".

I have generously offered to make up and submit poorly researched nonsense for half what they
pay him, I'll pass on any response I get.

Posted by: Harry Tuttle at February 28, 2004 at 04:24 PM

ahhh, you all messed up. it's 'Graham (hyphen) Thorn' on google....... jess kidding! the name rings a bell tho.. wasnt he a boy that was kidnapped in aust in the 60's?

Posted by: roscoe at February 28, 2004 at 05:03 PM

I thought he was eaten by a kangaroo?

Posted by: Habib at February 28, 2004 at 05:13 PM

Never been to Australia in my life, but for some reason I've always been under the impression that kangaroos appear there more on souvenirs than in everyday reality. Maybe it came from living in Russia for a while and never meeting a single Russian who owned a samovar which wasn't a 50+ year old family heirloom. The new ones for sale were for tourist consumption only.

Andrew - have you had ostrich? Quite nice, actually, but not so nice that I'll routinely pay through the nose for it :).

Posted by: Sonetka at February 28, 2004 at 05:36 PM

Roo mince burgers are the bees proverbial. The local Woolies in Mt Gambier, SA would sell roo, emu and camel all on the meat shelves in the early 90's. Ny mum did emu and camel one Chrissy, in hollowed out pumpkins, mixed with pumpkin flesh and ginger and garlic, then placed into ovens for 2-3 hours of slow cooking. Fan-freakin-tastic.
And roo steaks with a quality Cab Sav from Coonawarra (Jamiesons Run) or a Wolf Blass Yellow Label is divine. I've had meals like this in The Rocks and Jupiters Casino in 2000.
Nothing quite like lightly fried or sauteed native Australian fauna...

Posted by: Chief Bastard at February 28, 2004 at 05:42 PM

Dribbling moron. I had kangaroo last night in fact. At a Thai restaurant of all places. It makes it really hard to defend Americans against the "dumb Yank" stereotype when you get journalists like this.

Posted by: Quentin George at February 28, 2004 at 05:42 PM

As for the alleged "redneck" quote. Well fuck me if it ain't the truth. Every Aussie has a little bit of this in 'em. Well, any "true" Australian. We're sick of the whole "you can't call us boongs or coons, but we can use it" thought. Let's just shut the fuck up, and try to INTEGRATE our communities. Black, brown, or brindle, I couldn't give a rat's arse. Get a job, pay your taxes, pull your weight like the rest of us have to.
I didn't ask for my taxes to go to welfare. I would have preferred to pay for stuff that would benefit me. Like roads, and schools for kids, and hospitals. Someone to pick up my garbage. That sort of shit I accept. Funding ATSIC with my hard earned cash, and listening to the litany of crap that spews from black and white alike associated with this racist organisation makes my blood boil.
What's next, a Chinese or Greek governing council? After all, they helped build this country. We're all multi-cultural now, let's have multi-cultural government, with provisions for cultural differences in our laws. Horseshit. Enough is enough. Scrap ATSIC. Put the saved money into stuff worth buying. Like new tanks. Not to mention some of those really cool unmanned drones with missiles. That's a good use of a couple of billion right there. At least we know what we are getting here, as opposed to ATSIC, the racist money sponge.

Posted by: Chief Bastard at February 28, 2004 at 06:12 PM

The Chicago Tribune seems to have quite a few errors, many by Uli.

Check here.

Posted by: Jim Riley at February 28, 2004 at 06:20 PM

ONYA Chief Bastard! My thoughts exactly.

Posted by: MeToo at February 28, 2004 at 06:23 PM

Uli Schmetzer, isn't he the prick that bends spoons?

Posted by: neil lucas at February 28, 2004 at 06:25 PM

No, but he is a bender.

Posted by: Habib at February 28, 2004 at 06:36 PM

As Uli Doubter notes, Uli Schmetzer sounds a lot like Chris Aurora. Chris turned out to be a fictional by-line that was uncovered by Media Watch before it became the personal vehicle for rewarding David Marr's friends and punishing his enemies.

The transcript can be found at http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/stories/080402_s2.htm

The amusing part of the name "Chris Aurora" is that the Tele journalists' pub of choice is the Aurora. As Media Watch noted.

Posted by: The Mongrel at February 28, 2004 at 08:25 PM

As Uli Doubter notes, Uli Schmetzer sounds a lot like Chris Aurora. Chris turned out to be a fictional by-line that was uncovered by Media Watch before it became the personal vehicle for rewarding David Marr's friends and punishing his enemies.

The transcript can be found at http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/stories/080402_s2.htm

The amusing part of the name "Chris Aurora" is that the Tele journalists' pub of choice is the Aurora. As Media Watch noted.

Posted by: The Mongrel at February 28, 2004 at 08:25 PM

I've been searching the net for koala recipes and have assembled the results here!
Wasn't there a story about Auberon Waugh dining on a Koala in one of his visits to Australia?

Posted by: TimT at February 28, 2004 at 08:34 PM

There's a restaurant near me in Lambertville, New Jersey, that just the other day offered a kangaroo stew as one of the daily specials.

Reminds me of an old story. A man driven to the brink of starvation while lost in the California wilderness trapped and ate an albatross. He was later rescued and charged with eating a protected, endangered animal. He admitted his guilt and begged for leniency on the grounds that he'd have died if he hadn't eaten the albatross. The judge said he'd let him off if he'd just answer one question: what did the albatross taste like? The man said, "Well, judge, I'd say it was about half-way between spotted owl and bald eagle."

(For non-USA readers: the spotted owl is a recent celebrated addition to the endangered species list, and the bald eagle is of course America's "national bird" and is, or was at least, also endangered.)

Posted by: Just Some Guy at February 28, 2004 at 10:09 PM

I've just been to a nice restaurant this evening here in Auckland, New Zealand, that offers kangaroo on the menu. I opted for the duck rather :)

Posted by: El-Diablo at February 28, 2004 at 10:30 PM

Being a Chicagoan, I see Uli S.'s byline more times than I care to. The guy's a moron. The Tribune's ombudsman (or ombudsperson - it's that kind of paper) is named Don Wycliff; his e-mail address is dwycliff@tribune.com. He's the usual hand-wringing liberal so don't expect much, but his job description includes responding to stuff like this.

Chief Bastard, I've never had kangaroo, but your recipe sounds great. I'll have to try it on the next 'possom I see wandering the neighborhood - the only available marsupial. And yes, the Wolf Blass is a terrific wine; I'm really looking forward to have a bottle next July with some lovely Australian lamb roast roasted on the Weber.
Life can be awfully good.

Posted by: Brown Line at February 28, 2004 at 11:07 PM

G'day, mates! This is Graham Thorn, Australian Psychiatrist, here to clear things up.

Oi! No wunda Tim Bleh couldn't find me - I was off to the Outback with the rest of me headshrinker mates, to drink giant cans of beer and dangle our joeys over hungry crocodiles! Oi!

Then there was the annual Aborigine and kangaroo hunting party in downtown Vienna, which, as you can see in the 2003 World Almanac, is the capital of Australia. Mmm, tender veal-like lazy aborigine meat of the really brings out the texture of our national dish, kangaroo stew.

Anyway, I was also out to attend the national vomit championships. It is our national sport, along with the skiing in the nearby Alps. The principle exports of Australia are machine tools, flugelhorns and Vienna sausage. Fair dinkum!

No worries, mate! If you need to get in touch with me, I'll be staying in the U.S. for the next 3 or 8 months, with my friend, Uli Schmetzer. Oi!

G'day,

The actual Australian psychiatrist doctor Graham Thorn, and not Uli Schmetzer

Posted by: iowahawk at February 28, 2004 at 11:11 PM

My name is Grahame, it makes you think,
I don't really sound like a shrink,
I've really got it in for the blacks,
Even if they wear Farrah slacks,

But I'm a psychiatrist, I known brains,
While all you racists laugh like drains,
It all comes from the base of the medulla,
That's why you'all hate the black fella,

We can't eat koala or even skippy,
Even if we're a starving hippy,
Because we're so politically correct,
We're all responsible for native neglect.

It's great we've been alerted by Uli Schmetzer,
Things we though could be pets, or,
I'll never eat a native critter,
Unless it's wearing a CIA transmitter.

Posted by: Grahame Thorne MBBS (Hons) at February 28, 2004 at 11:59 PM

A friend spent some time in South Korea and, during dinner meetings with fairly senior execs, partook of the local canine delicacies. He also spent a drunken night in Kuala Lampur and learned, after another America complained about the taste of the noodles, that there were no noodles in the worm casserole. He told me these things well before we found ourselves at an Aussie restaurant (they featured "Foster's" som make of that what you will). He ordered the kangaroo steak, and I tried a bite only with trepidation when he said it 'tasted like nothing he'd ever eaten before.'

Posted by: Bob71 at February 29, 2004 at 12:37 AM

Yeah, you "hit the phones" Monday ordering pizza, or getting your broker on the line. Meanwhile. don't you agree with the psychiatrist? Isn't that your view? Certainly your spiritual mentor Andrew Bolt would agree. Show me in the archives just one instance where you've defended Aboriginal people or recognised the two centuries of suffering they've endured and have survived. Oh, that's right it's all just fiction isn't, the highest infant moratlity rate, the highest level of social misery such as domestic violence, the shortest average lifespans, the list goes on...

You and your running dog mates make me sick with your protestations. You snidely support and inflame white hatred against Aboriginals at home and as soon as you are called on it overseas you run for cover. Or protest, oh no mate you got it all wrong!

Yeah, go ahead, censor this post like all the other ones that hit home.


Posted by: Miranda Divide at February 29, 2004 at 02:38 AM

"You and your running dog mates make me sick with your protestations."

Miranda suffers for our sins! ("running dog mates" -- ROFL)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 29, 2004 at 03:09 AM

You complained yesterday, Miranda, about a deleted comment that hadnít been deleted. Is all that turpentine harming your eyesight?

Here, for anyone who cares, is the collected Miranda. For the full effect, eat half a lemon and frantically jerk off to a Noam Chomsky video before reading.

Posted by: tim at February 29, 2004 at 03:10 AM

Hey, i live in Portugal and i've eaten kangaroo. Good, if a bit salty.

Posted by: madne0 at February 29, 2004 at 03:29 AM

I would be SHOCKED to learn some reporter here made up or embellished some quotes in order to support his/her own ideological views. Why, such a thing would be unheard of.

I imagine once all mistakes are brought to the attention of the paper's editors things will be rectified. The reporter will be fired and never work again as his/her craft.

There has never been one such scandal in the history of any US news organization. The owners are ruthless about reporting JUST THE FACTS. Anyone who dares allow ideology to color a story is shortly found without employment.

It goes without saying that nobody would DARE invent a story!! Nobody could be that low.

/delusional rant off

Posted by: Chris Josephson at February 29, 2004 at 06:43 AM

Yeah, you probably rudely interrupted the diners at the resturant where you were having a long lunch by calling out to check your non-sources for another unsubstatiated unsourced unedited untyped unread report from the dark side of the blogosphere! You complain about lefty bloggers like Niall spewing racial venom or Media Watch defending niggers in the woodpile but as soon as Andrew Bolt hatefully sneers stuff like "... I am passionate about helping Aborigines succeed in this society so rich in promise" you turn the other way and focus on the "alarming views" of the allegedly plastic Mr. Thorn! He's real because he's you!

You know I'm right because Nemesis said so!!!! BUSHLIED! Bloggy bloggeral blogorama bloglicking blogleg Count Blogula blahgblahgblahg!

Posted by: Sortelli Divide at February 29, 2004 at 09:27 AM

Count Blogula: "I never drink... expensive wine. At lunch. Bwahahahahahaha!"

Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 29, 2004 at 09:57 AM

Cut and paste Sortelli, cut and paste!

Posted by: Quentin Divide at February 29, 2004 at 11:26 AM

You have not lived till you have eaten Platypus. The bill is the best part..so crunchy!!

Posted by: Dog at February 29, 2004 at 01:15 PM

Lesson learned the hard way: wash your hands of the lemon juice before the frantic jerking off begins, especially if you have any open sores.

Posted by: Screamapiller at February 29, 2004 at 01:57 PM

South Australia's parliament has passed a bill making it illegal to eat cats and dogs.


While the serving of cats and dogs in restaurants in the state was already illegal, state parliament's upper house passed a bill banning the consumption of the animals anywhere.

Well, whaddaya know? I support the greens on this one (though for different reasons than the ones they give). I hate this sort of legislation. I hate the way governments want to restrict all sorts of food stuffs for no good reason. It's a basic freedom - to be able to eat what you want!

Posted by: TimT at March 1, 2004 at 09:19 AM

Cut and paste, too true, sortelli.

The phrase will haunt the blogmire till the "journalist" hangs up his keyboard to join special ops in the next instalment of "remove a dictator who's outlived his usefulness".

Posted by: Miranda Divide at March 1, 2004 at 09:21 AM

Miranda--> Funny
Funny * Repetative --> Sad
Miranda--> Sad

Does Miranda get her own joke? Why doesn't she try some new material? She's not even funny anymore. Miranda, wait until you have something to contribute before you post.

Posted by: aaron at March 1, 2004 at 10:21 AM

In other news, it was revealed that another dictator was single-handedly defeated by a lone internet troll. From the safety of anonimity, Miranda Divide's constant barrage of hateful dissembling has slowly but surely brought peace and justice to the weary people of a troubled world.

"I troll where I can do the most good" Miranda explained, elaborating on her heroic opposition to "cutting and pasting" quotes and links from relevant news items in favor of her patented "Negativity, No Matter What" strategy. Whether she is mocking the family of a fallen soldier or defending anti-semetism, Miranda will take the most abhorrent stand possible in order to "score points" against the true oppressors of the world; usually anyone who believes in fairness, the rule of law, or free markets.

One anonymous and totally not-made-up-by-Michael Moore soldier described how he once valued the support given to him by those he stood up to defend while he was taking a break from wrecking the fragile infrastructure of Iraq by rebuilding schools and hospitals:

"I used to get upset at the people who called me the tool of imperialist baby-killers, but seeing how Miranda's diatribes have touched the world and stirred peace in the heart of both brutal tyrants and their victims I have come to question my role in aggressively defending and promoting freedom in the world. Why should I expect people to appreciate my sacrifices when so much more can be done by stirring up the 'blogmire' with idiotic and easy to parrot rhetoric? She's helped me to realize that the people who support me are chickenhawks. Until every last civilian picks up a gun and joins me in the last great war to exterminate humanity, war should be abandoned in favor of anonymous potty-talk. But when the Great Chomsky calls for that war to begin I know Miranda will be on the front lines with a laptop, typing very nasty things at the capitalists who are armed with inferior automatic weapons and phallic missles."

Posted by: Sortelli at March 1, 2004 at 10:52 AM

Friggin' (sorry, I mean fuckin') hilarious, Sortelli.

Posted by: Screamapiller at March 1, 2004 at 04:03 PM

Happy to have hijacked your motley pea-brained blog once again. Will you ever learn? Don't feed the trolls. Meanwhile, look hard for that "sypathetic outlook" towards Aboriginals.

Posted by: Miranda Divide at March 2, 2004 at 07:07 AM

Going way way back up the blog to Chief Bastard, I wonder if you have tried Jamiesons's Run recently. I expect not. It is undrinkable bilge water.

Going even further back to "dick tuck". You were exceptionally prophetic with the tin-foil hat alert. The Moonbats are out in force.

Posted by: Fool to Himself and Burden to Others at March 3, 2004 at 03:59 PM

I don't think Auberon Waugh ever ate a koala bear. He just liked the idea, that's all.

Posted by: Peter Briffa at March 4, 2004 at 03:03 AM

Re someone's comment: "The Tribune's ombudsman (or ombudsperson - it's that kind of paper) is named Don Wycliff; his e-mail address is dwycliff@tribune.com. He's the usual hand-wringing liberal so don't expect much . . . "
I'm a Chicago Tribune reporter who happens to have a great deal of respect for Mr. Wycliff.
That aside, I can say with confidence that whatever Mr. Wycliff's politics:
1) This issue is not one of politics but one of journalistic integrity, which transcends policial persuasion. And...
2) Any description of Mr. Wycliff as a "liberal," hand-wringing or otherwise, would generate guffaws thoughout our building from resident liberals, conservatives, libertarians, presbyterians, septuagenarians and not a few ophalmologists.

Posted by: Alan Solomon at March 4, 2004 at 05:02 AM

Re someone's comment: "The Tribune's ombudsman (or ombudsperson - it's that kind of paper) is named Don Wycliff; his e-mail address is dwycliff@tribune.com. He's the usual hand-wringing liberal so don't expect much . . . "
I'm a Chicago Tribune reporter who happens to have a great deal of respect for Mr. Wycliff.
That aside, I can say with confidence that whatever Mr. Wycliff's politics:
1) This issue is not one of politics but one of journalistic integrity, which transcends political persuasion. And...
2) Any description of Mr. Wycliff as a "liberal," hand-wringing or otherwise, would generate guffaws throughout our building from resident liberals, conservatives, libertarians, presbyterians, septuagenarians and not a few ophalmologists.

Posted by: Alan Solomon at March 4, 2004 at 05:05 AM

Nice work with slamming Uli Schmetzer, I read about it on smh.com.au thats some really good investigating.

Posted by: James C at March 5, 2004 at 09:40 PM