Tim Blair

INSIDE NYC

Rosie O’Donnell and Hillary Clinton spoke last night at a Human Rights Campaign fundraiser in New York. This site’s undercover NYC operative attended, disguised as a wealthy liberal elitist. Her report follows:

Until we were subjected to O’Donnell’s obnoxious diatribe, the evening was quite wonderful. I attended with eleven (eleven -- count ‘em!) gorgeous men, all in tuxedos, all extremely accomplished (and not all gay). This was a heavyweight political event; Hillary and Charley Schumer were the main speakers, and it's important to note that Rosie's role was solely as a presenter. Paul Smith, who presented the winning argument in Lawrence v. Texas to the Supreme Court, was seated behind me, and my dinner partners included a China scholar, my favorite designer, and a lot of deep-pocket, influential NYC Democrats. Gravitas reigned.  

Now, you know I'm a liberal Democrat. I'm very liberal on social issues, less so in other areas. Rosie, however, occupies a category unto herself. I was able to observe her throughout the night, seated approximately three tables away.   

The first Rosie moment occurred during the auction. The centerpiece was a year's lease on a Volvo SUV. My escort Joe was on the planning committee, and he hoped that the bidding would reach $12,000. It had stalled at $11,000 when Rosie raised her hand and yelled “Twelve thousand!” Ah, the grateful minions fawned over our Rosie, and the prize was hers. My friend Dr. Milt leaned in and said, “Oh my God, don't let her do it.” Dr. Milt teaches at a small private school on the Upper East Side, and at their annual auction fundraiser last year, Rosie apparently bid thousands of dollars that the school has never collected. He was apoplectic, and Joe began to look concerned. Moving right along ...  

Say what you like about Hillary, she can be a gifted speaker when the audience and cause is right. Although I have reservations about her, she roused the crowd with her funny, touching and passionate speech, and received a well-deserved standing O.    

Now the real show began.  

Rosie came to the podium to present an award to an esteemed magazine editor. This appearance was most definitely NOT about Rosie, yet she managed to transform it into an embarrassing, invective-laden diatribe.  

Rosie: “How do I follow THAT? I know; I'll take out my right tit. Everyone take out their right tit.”   

What?? Some embarrassed laughter, some audience rustling.   

China Scholar said, “What is she doing?” This time, it was Joe who was apoplectic. ”I knew this would be a mistake,” he said, sotto voce. ”A huge mistake!” he repeated, less sotto this time. George said: “She's drunk.”  

Then Rosie thrust both arms overhead, fists clenched Rocky-style, and said, “My fuckin' lawsuit's over!” Scattered applause, some titters (so to speak).  

Joe said, “Someone stop her. This is such a mistake!”  

Next, she segued into the Martha Stewart trial thusly: “You know why they sued me? Because I'm gay and because I'm a WOMAN!”  

Really. I would have guessed it was because you were obnoxious, unpleasant, abusive and crude. But that's just me.  

Rosie: “You gay boys with the deep pockets should get down there and support Martha Stewart. Don't let another woman go down for $40,000!”  

What was she talking about? None of us had a clue. The gay boys with the deep pockets didn't know either. I thought I'd have to reach for the tranquilizer darts to calm Joe. As a diversionary tactic, I told him to count the number of times Rosie said “Fuck” during the remainder of her speech. (It was either five or six more.)  

Finally, she got down to the business of presenting the award, and mentioned the honoree almost in passing, along with multiple references to her own coming out. It was the most angry, painful public speech I've ever witnessed. No eye-battings and coy little comments about Tom Cruise tonight, hmm? Poor Joe; he drank two bottles of red wine by himself after that.

Our operative shadowed Ms. O’Donnell for several minutes following the speech, but gave up when she realised she might end up trapped in the ladies’ room with Ragin’ Rosie. She survives to file future Inside NYC reports.