February 01, 2004

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

The ABC is planning a $100 million theme park in Melbourne. Possibly it will have carnival-style rides, such as the Global Warmer of Ultimate Man-Created Death, in which patrons will be subject to imperceptible temperature increases over a 2000-year period. Brace yourself for the Cultural Imperialiser, where your wholesome Australian values will be slyly undermined by a dominant American paradigm. Enter a world of fantasy in the ABCís hypnotic Iraq War Zone, featuring vivid recreations of the Stalingrad-like seige of Baghdad and Saddamís brilliant triumph against the invaders!

What to call such a theme park? Reader Kev Metcalfe suggests Commie World or Gilliganís Island. I lean towards PilgerWorld, as originally conceived by Mark Steyn:

Thrill to the amazing 'Quagmiratron' as a high-tech digital state-of-the-art rollercoaster of blundering Marines comes rocketing down into a big pit of icky goo and gets stuck there for the entire afternoon while know-it-all Guardian columnists hector them on their lack of an 'Exit Strategy'!

Posted by Tim Blair at February 1, 2004 09:43 PM
Comments

Commie World. Heh. Not constructed so much as as unreconstructed.

Posted by: C.P Hall at February 1, 2004 at 10:44 PM

Ahhhh,

the mind boggles. I can imagine the planning report:

Bananas in pyjamas (tick)- Vegemorphs in a same sex relationship.

Thomas the tank engine (tick)- Hmmm, while clearly male, enjoys a good shunt from Gordon occasionally

Coca Cola (cross)- Too American, macrobiotic, plant based supplements preferred.

Street performers (tick)- Margo, Kerry O Brien, why they are better than clowns.Besides,Margo could give us points for having made allowances for 'community languages'

Show bags (provisional tick) some suggestions include:
1) The role of the WTO/World bank in ruining the world

2) The george Bush hate pack

3) How to encourage the liberation of illegals (kit)

No face painting (too agressive) No balloons(they kill sea life) No games involving guns (unless themed as part of an anti Howard/Bush/Blair protest)

Posted by: nic at February 1, 2004 at 11:06 PM

There's the Tilt-a-Whirl, but it only tilts to the left. Then there's Margo's House of Horrors. You walk in and the walls are covered with her columns.

Posted by: scott h. at February 2, 2004 at 03:52 AM

They're still working on the bumper cars. They were trying to go for a Palestinian/Israeli conflict theme, but there was no legal way for them to keep Jews from bumping back. They might go with Robert Fisk's Bump-o-Rama. When bumped, participants are urged to consider how they deserved it.

Posted by: Dorkafork at February 2, 2004 at 04:05 AM

Death Camp of Tolerance?

Posted by: Rob Read at February 2, 2004 at 06:09 AM

Tim,

Will you be able to buy any LUNCH there? Some sort of snack bar, with CHICKEN sandwiches and EXPENSIVE WINE?

Posted by: Jerry at February 2, 2004 at 06:27 AM

Will Kerry O'Brien be telling me I scrubbed up?

Posted by: Quentin George at February 2, 2004 at 06:57 AM

I think Robert Fisk would be a good theme for the coconut shy.
Enough said

Posted by: Johnny Wishbone at February 2, 2004 at 08:53 AM

The Land of Make Believe.

Posted by: ilibcc at February 2, 2004 at 10:36 AM

will there be a little nocturnal area where the punters can view bloggers obsessively blogging about how bad the ABC is?

"they're mostly seen blogging at night, but if we're very quiet, we might see one in the harsh newmarket sunshine....ssshhhhh"

Posted by: chico o'farrill at February 2, 2004 at 01:40 PM

will there be a little nocturnal area where the punters can view bloggers obsessively blogging about how bad the ABC is?

Will there be a area where people who think the ABC is their only reason to leave obsess about other people who think it may be a little biased?

Hopefully. It will mean I won't have to talk to them anymore.

Posted by: Quentin George at February 2, 2004 at 03:52 PM

A little nocturnal area?

The ABC is run by public servants, you fools.

It will shut at 4.36pm.

Posted by: ilibcc at February 2, 2004 at 04:15 PM

read through your post a few times quentin, and found if i exchanged the word "live" for "leave" there was a message. would that be the case?

and ilibcc, if they closed at 4.36 pm, the repeat of late night live might be curtailed - quel horror!

Posted by: chico o'farrill at February 2, 2004 at 08:01 PM

With apologies to the movie "National Lampoon's Summer Vacation," it'd have to be Wally World.

Posted by: Pete at February 3, 2004 at 10:40 AM